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Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
Why? Are you sure it's she that is appealing, or the challenge and game?

You like the game... it can't be hidden.


I, of course, like to play.

But i'd rather have her and stop the kind of game I'm playing with her.
It's fun playing,teasing when I don't really care, but with her, I want to go beyond that
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
I, of course, like to play.

But i'd rather have her and stop the kind of game I'm playing with her.
It's fun playing,teasing when I don't really care, but with her, I want to go beyond that

So why are you still playing games then? Healthy relationships don't involve manipulation tactics.
 

GirlSmartStreet

New member
Joined
May 20, 2018
Messages
50
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
8w7
ISTPs have a tendency to "let's see and let the future decide" and yet still want to bottle things up. She probably stuck at that moment when you crossed to each other. She tried so hard to just move on because she thought it should be easy for her. But in fact, sometimes it's still too hard for STPs.

I think I could probably say that it's that kind of a toothache you ignored. it comes and goes, but you still don't want to go to the dentist. when actually you need a dentist. it's fine if she wants to build this "flexible" attitude. but it seems she was too hard on herself. She carelessly created the evidence shows that part of her want the pain to be solved, not just gone temporarily.

I don't have much to advise, but whenever you cross with her again and you guys in a critical moment, just try to be as honest as possible. Tell her that you care and willing to help, but you don't want to do something she can't accept.
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
So why are you still playing games then? Healthy relationships don't involve manipulation tactics.

Because, any time, and believe me I've had the time to try, it always ends up by stucking in her her "bUt wE dOn'T hAvE tHaT rElAtIon", disappear and come back at a later time
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
ISTPs have a tendency to "let's see and let the future decide" and yet still want to bottle things up. She probably stuck at that moment when you crossed to each other. She tried so hard to just move on because she thought it should be easy for her. But in fact, sometimes it's still too hard for STPs.

I think I could probably say that it's that kind of a toothache you ignored. it comes and goes, but you still don't want to go to the dentist. when actually you need a dentist. it's fine if she wants to build this "flexible" attitude. but it seems she was too hard on herself. She carelessly created the evidence shows that part of her want the pain to be solved, not just gone temporarily.

I don't have much to advise, but whenever you cross with her again and you guys in a critical moment, just try to be as honest as possible. Tell her that you care and willing to help, but you don't want to do something she can't accept.

Like, let's say,if one way of solving it would be to wait till' the tooth is rotten, another is to go and fix is, she would be "It hurts but the dentist might hurt me more ?"
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Don't break shells. It's mean.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Stop psycho analyzing her for one. Not an ISTP thing...it just seems not to work for you, you seem to suck at it with her.

If you refuse to stop...psychoanalysis is all about listening and asking questions to understand...not trying to crack her.

Maybe she has a distance she likes and you keep trying to psychoanalyze and push further then she wants with you. If this is going on for 11 years consistent and you have just been you...maybe you should be someone else...j/k...kinda...i dont recomend trying to be someone else for a person...but shoot yourself in the foot if you wanna.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Like, let's say,if one way of solving it would be to wait till' the tooth is rotten, another is to go and fix is, she would be "It hurts but the dentist might hurt me more ?"

Sounds like you have been nursing a rotten tooth for 11 years :shrug: you sure its her that does that?
 

I Tonya

Rythym of the night
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
567
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
539
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Well, I have a "bad habit" of analyzing people behaviour, and telling them.
Basically when she is playing the "pushing you away because you hit a point" I bluntly tell her that.

I did that the other day and her reaction was "ahhh always extrapolating I want to hit you so badly blablabla then.
You should have study psychology, always analyzing me, you would have fixed me by then"
Telling me I'm wrong and admitting I'm on point at the same time lmao

I also told her something like, in its essence "Our relation is not one of friendship or love, It's "nothing" if you want, and I do love your mind more than your body, in that sense I'm the opposite of the man surrounding you, but never forget that if I ever decided to make you mine I'd come and get you"

I did that to "study" her reaction, see if she would get angry or back away, what she did was different for the first time, she told me "I do not agree with you but I'm trying to understand your point" then proceeded to elude the issue by being somehow "cute" and "playful"
Ah, interesting. (._. )

I can see how that xxTP could get a bit defensive around things about themselves. I wouldn't say stop being you, just remember that she probably already knows that about herself and is too sensitive about others talking about it.. So you get the point. Tho, I'm pretty sure that when you kiss ass/ play nice she'd listen, I don't recommend doing it, cuz thats just really asking too much (sometimes IxTP like ExFJ traits, not always).

Also just because she wants to hit you doesn't mean hate. Personal experience, maybe relevant to her or not, I too would like to hit my bf when he right and that comes out of ny female frustration.... But never actually touch him, its just playful and how I treat ppl close to me.i

The whole "not understanding your point" probably means she not understanding you confessing your feelings to her and ur difficulty being directly vulnerable with them to her. (._. ) You ofc have reason, I can't understand that rejection you've experienced from her, damn... Like wtf. Also ISTP may feel uncomfortable with too easily getting close to someone like that. Jeez. Being cute and playing is a good af sign for sure dude.

But i'd rather have her and stop the kind of game I'm playing with her.
It's fun playing,teasing when I don't really care, but with her, I want to go beyond that
Damn, that's cute asf.

I guess the most efficient way would be the more logical, play her game of "attraction" while teasing her, do not care when she cancels, not keeping the conversation alive when she doesn't, that kind of calculated behaviour
Ugh, slap her for me, ISTP to ISTPISTP. Jk (._. )

Yeah, I would rlly like to see how much she tries to contact you while you play her game of "we aren't friends." like "Pls, lady don't contact me we aren't friends." lmao don't listen to me.
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
Ah, interesting. (._. )

I can see how that xxTP could get a bit defensive around things about themselves. I wouldn't say stop being you, just remember that she probably already knows that about herself and is too sensitive about others talking about it.. So you get the point. Tho, I'm pretty sure that when you kiss ass/ play nice she'd listen, I don't recommend doing it, cuz thats just really asking too much (sometimes IxTP like ExFJ traits, not always).

Also just because she wants to hit you doesn't mean hate. Personal experience, maybe relevant to her or not, I too would like to hit my bf when he right and that comes out of ny female frustration.... But never actually touch him, its just playful and how I treat ppl close to me.i

The whole "not understanding your point" probably means she not understanding you confessing your feelings to her and ur difficulty being directly vulnerable with them to her. (._. ) You ofc have reason, I can't understand that rejection you've experienced from her, damn... Like wtf. Also ISTP may feel uncomfortable with too easily getting close to someone like that. Jeez. Being cute and playing is a good af sign for sure dude.


Damn, that's cute asf.


Ugh, slap her for me, ISTP to ISTPISTP. Jk (._. )

Yeah, I would rlly like to see how much she tries to contact you while you play her game of "we aren't friends." like "Pls, lady don't contact me we aren't friends." lmao don't listen to me.

ayy thanks alot mate

I'll just act without questioning myself to much and "live day by day" with her interaction, I guess it's the best way of doings things with her
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well, I didn't have enough patience to read this thread but ENTP'S to me are....special but they don't always "work".

Crazy chemistry. My best friend of 20 years is one. It's really about timing. Like it could be great but if timing is off then it just won't work....well, you'll never break thru an ISTP guard as a thinker. Straight up. If timing works? Great.

I dated an ENTP and he was all about polyamory. Like nah. To me he was fooling himself. I considered him smart and fun but confused. Fooled around but was he trustworthy? F no. Absolutely not.

He had potential but it's like he held onto this idea (polyamory) like it meant something. It was bs. Deep down ppl want commitment with someone who they want commitment with and that's end all be all. I never gave him more even though he asked for it. Because I knew he was confused. I think we see each other's flaws (Entp-istp) very well. Not always a good thing but if anything honest.
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well, I have a "bad habit" of analyzing people behaviour, and telling them.
Basically when she is playing the "pushing you away because you hit a point" I bluntly tell her that.

I did that the other day and her reaction was "ahhh always extrapolating I want to hit you so badly blablabla then.
You should have study psychology, always analyzing me, you would have fixed me by then"
Telling me I'm wrong and admitting I'm on point at the same time lmao

I also told her something like, in its essence "Our relation is not one of friendship or love, It's "nothing" if you want, and I do love your mind more than your body, in that sense I'm the opposite of the man surrounding you, but never forget that if I ever decided to make you mine I'd come and get you"

I did that to "study" her reaction, see if she would get angry or back away, what she did was different for the first time, she told me "I do not agree with you but I'm trying to understand your point" then proceeded to elude the issue by being somehow "cute" and "playful"

Lol. Dude....

Stop testing for reactions and start being sincere. If I was in her shoes in this conversation? I would think you’re trying to play games. It would not endear me to you (although it would entertain me) and it certainly might backfire on you if boredom set in and istp decided to throw some wrenches in your gears - for kicks.

I’m thinking: “what purpose is he telling me how he would go for me?” If he was really interested he would go for me - not tell me about it. This dude isn’t serious. May want an ego boost. Who knows. (See? Very simple logic! Lol)


We like figuring people out too but it’s usually responsive, not initiating. Which is why you won’t get anywhere doing what you’re doing. We always have the high ground that way. All you are doing is building up her walls. The opposite of what you want, right?

If you come at her without all the fancy talk and bravado, she will give you a sincere answer. We are massively simple in our wants/needs but people always make us more complicated. We meet people in kind and generally treat them the way they treat us. So you “testing” her she will have fun toying with you. You just gotta be sincere (and vulnerable) and straight up. She will tell you where she is at.

If she doesn’t give you an answer or avoids it - take it as a “not interested”
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
Lol. Dude....

Stop testing for reactions and start being sincere. If I was in her shoes in this conversation? I would think you’re trying to play games. It would not endear me to you (although it would entertain me) and it certainly might backfire on you if boredom set in and istp decided to throw some wrenches in your gears - for kicks.

I’m thinking: “what purpose is he telling me how he would go for me?” If he was really interested he would go for me - not tell me about it. This dude isn’t serious. May want an ego boost. Who knows. (See? Very simple logic! Lol)


We like figuring people out too but it’s usually responsive, not initiating. Which is why you won’t get anywhere doing what you’re doing. We always have the high ground that way. All you are doing is building up her walls. The opposite of what you want, right?

If you come at her without all the fancy talk and bravado, she will give you a sincere answer. We are massively simple in our wants/needs but people always make us more complicated. We meet people in kind and generally treat them the way they treat us. So you “testing” her she will have fun toying with you. You just gotta be sincere (and vulnerable) and straight up. She will tell you where she is at.

If she doesn’t give you an answer or avoids it - take it as a “not interested”

Hmm so basically, I can tell her I need to tell her something, like face to face (because doing that by message is kinda shitty (to me) ) and basically tell her something like " I really like the person that I'm discovering this time. And because of that I wanted to tell you, because sincerity prevails, that I'm attracted to you, I'm not asking you to commit, I'm just telling that to you because I'd like to try and figure out what we could do without bullshitting around.


And possibly add something like : I can't just casually talk with you once every 6 months, I could for anyone else but, you're you.


Or is that shitty ?
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
Considering that she doesn't like that kind of talk and that she "lives by the day" wouldn't that block her ? Or could it block her at first but end up by having a real reflexion on it
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
[MENTION=34279]Fornatsu[/MENTION]

" I really like the person that I'm discovering this time and because of that I wanted to tell you that I'm attracted to you. I would love to get a chance to take you out and get to know you better. How does that sound?”


Is enough. The key isn’t to leave it open-ended. Give her a chance to respond (don’t start talking to fill the air) listen to what she says and if she says she’s ok with it follow up and make plans. If she blows you off or cancels then she isn’t interested and you should move on to someone else.

The whole live by the day stuff in mbti is misconstrued for SP’s. Makes us seem bipolar or something lol. Like yes, but we still know what we want as much as any other type. We know our interests, it’s really just we prioritize them differently depending upon how many other options are given to us at any one time so it seems....shifty. It’s really not. Those options may vary day to day so the priorities shift but if something or someone is important to us they keep their value although their priority “spot” may ebb and flow until a certain amount of trust is built.
 

I Tonya

Rythym of the night
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
567
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
539
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
And possibly add something like : I can't just casually talk with you once every 6 months, I could for anyone else but, you're you.


Or is that shitty ?

I'd tell her to F**k off
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Lol. Dude.... Stop testing for reactions and start being sincere. If I was in her shoes in this conversation? I would think you're trying to play games. It would not endear me to you (although it would entertain me) and it certainly might backfire on you if boredom set in and istp decided to throw some wrenches in your gears - for kicks. I'm thinking: "what purpose is he telling me how he would go for me?" If he was really interested he would go for me - not tell me about it. This dude isn't serious. May want an ego boost. Who knows. (See? Very simple logic! Lol) We like figuring people out too but it's usually responsive, not initiating. Which is why you won't get anywhere doing what you're doing. We always have the high ground that way. All you are doing is building up her walls. The opposite of what you want, right? If you come at her without all the fancy talk and bravado, she will give you a sincere answer. We are massively simple in our wants/needs but people always make us more complicated. We meet people in kind and generally treat them the way they treat us. So you "testing" her she will have fun toying with you. You just gotta be sincere (and vulnerable) and straight up. She will tell you where she is at. If she doesn't give you an answer or avoids it - take it as a "not interested"
And he should be careful if he pisses her off. More then likely she has him cracked years ago. If we want to push you away we are awesome at that.

We can live both sides
 

Ratem06

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2017
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
[MENTION=34279]Fornatsu[/MENTION]

" I really like the person that I'm discovering this time and because of that I wanted to tell you that I'm attracted to you. I would love to get a chance to take you out and get to know you better. How does that sound?”


Is enough. The key isn’t to leave it open-ended. Give her a chance to respond (don’t start talking to fill the air) listen to what she says and if she says she’s ok with it follow up and make plans. If she blows you off or cancels then she isn’t interested and you should move on to someone else.

The whole live by the day stuff in mbti is misconstrued for SP’s. Makes us seem bipolar or something lol. Like yes, but we still know what we want as much as any other type. We know our interests, it’s really just we prioritize them differently depending upon how many other options are given to us at any one time so it seems....shifty. It’s really not. Those options may vary day to day so the priorities shift but if something or someone is important to us they keep their value although their priority “spot” may ebb and flow until a certain amount of trust is built.

Mmmh okay will do

Two days ago I sensed she was off, asked her, it appears she got an argument with, from what I understand, "her longtime ex that share a deep bound with them due to the time they spent together but she doesn't want him anymore as they grew apart blablabla"

I absolutely tried to get away from the subject since 1) I don't like the guy 2) I'm not her gay friend

I told her on sunday that we would see each other when she ask for it ( because she previously said that if someone cares for another without the other asking for it it doesn't count), because I was tired of excuses and stuff

We end up seeing each other for a bit that evening even if she was nervous about that argument, told me we could see each other longer monday evening ==> she told me yesterday afternoon that she wasn't quite up to it and that she was feeling better after resolving her argument.

Which I obviously don't know what it means, what's in her head and I don't want to look like I'm chasing her after that, maybe she ended up realising she had still feeling for him, or not.

Anyway I'm not contacting her anymore until she does and next time we see each other I'm gonna tell her exactly that
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Mmmh okay will do

Two days ago I sensed she was off, asked her, it appears she got an argument with, from what I understand, "her longtime ex that share a deep bound with them due to the time they spent together but she doesn't want him anymore as they grew apart blablabla"

I absolutely tried to get away from the subject since 1) I don't like the guy 2) I'm not her gay friend

I told her on sunday that we would see each other when she ask for it ( because she previously said that if someone cares for another without the other asking for it it doesn't count), because I was tired of excuses and stuff

We end up seeing each other for a bit that evening even if she was nervous about that argument, told me we could see each other longer monday evening ==> she told me yesterday afternoon that she wasn't quite up to it and that she was feeling better after resolving her argument.

Which I obviously don't know what it means, what's in her head and I don't want to look like I'm chasing her after that, maybe she ended up realising she had still feeling for him, or not.

Anyway I'm not contacting her anymore until she does and next time we see each other I'm gonna tell her exactly that

I think it’s good for you to sh*t or get off the pot with her, so to speak. So I agree with you telling her the above.

If it works out, going forward be real careful of reading into her behavior so stringently and filling in the blanks with what you think she must mean because she said XYZ in a previous conversation.

Usually what we say applies to specifics of what is being addressed - extrapolating that to other situations and conversations will guarantee miscommunication.
 
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