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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2018

    Default How to win ESFP girl back if I messed it up by pushing her too much?

    So, here is the whole story (I'm really sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes or misspellings and really sorry for really long text):

    I was seeing some girl, I’d love to call it dating, but she’d always say “we’re not dating yet”. So, it all started at the bar, I was going out a lot back then, I was trying to get over my previous relationship and honestly, as soon as I met this girl I completely forgot about my ex. This girl was sitting on the couch at the patio with her sister. I approached them and asked them if they’re Mediterranean they said no, they’re Mexican, We started talking about various things, everything went well and even my friend came to wingman me talking to her sister. I remember I even told the girl that I’d love to take her out and that I’m not playing, I really liked her and later when me and my friend went outside we saw from the far some dude kinda bothering them I went to them with my friend and took the guy off. Specific interesting moment from that moment was that I just came and stood next to her and when the guy asked ''how do you know her?'' she said “we’re dating” and I repeated after her “yeah, we’re dating” and that was such a good feeling for me, because I didn’t expect her to say that, I was even afraid that she will reject my help to handle that guy. But everything went well, we started walking all (me, her, her sister, my friend) together to the parking lot holding hands. And it turned out they live at the same apartment complex that I live in and their building is right by mine. But she actually doesn’t live in the same town that I live, she lives 3.5 hrs away but she comes very often on weekends to visit her sister. So anyway, we reached that apartment complex, her sister and my friend walked away with her sister, kinda leaving us alone. And this girl came to me after getting off from the car and started making out with me, I didn’t even initiate that, she started kissing me. That was also very happy moment for me, because I had very low expectations, I didn’t think that she really likes me, because she is above average in my opinion and I thought she probably gets a lot of guys like me hitting on her and I’m no different (later, I found out that she actually participated in some beauty contest during her undergrad and she took the 2nd place, I never imagined that kind of girl would be into me lol). And then we walked and sat in front of their building and she came to sit on my knees, that was so sweet. Honestly, at that moment, I felt like I sealed the deal, that she’s mine, that we’re gonna date and stuff. And then I got her number and snapchat before I left.

    And then after that night, the next day we went to coffee place (I invited her). I tried to kiss her there, but she covered her face with her hands and laughed and said “you’re making me shy”. But then after coffee, before leaving I told her something like that I’d want to date her, but then after seeing her kinda confused facial expression, I tried to fix my mistake, briefly I just messed it up, but she asked “you mean you’d want to see me again?” and I said “yes, exactly”.

    Anyway, after all this, we were talking for some time through Snapchat. And the first thing she told me was that she was engaged for some time and she was supposed to get married last summer but then she called it off (she didn’t tell me what the reason was) and she told me “she was deeply in love” and “imagine frustration coming after that” and she offered to be friends. And first I rejected that saying something like I would not play games with her, it’d either be relationship or nothing. Then the next day I agreed to be friends. I know, I know, I messed it up a lot, I’m embarrassed.

    Then we’ve been talking for some time, and I need to be honest, although she was randomly snapchatting me but we were never really talking about something and at the beginning she wouldn’t even accept my invitation to go for a lunch or smth even with her sister. Again, I have to be fair, at the beginning I was feeling pretty unhappy about how much we were communicating. But surprisingly, over the time, it got better, but to be honest I felt like it’s all because I was kinda pushing it. I started trying to keep her interested, sending her snaps/text that would make her laugh or make her interested or make her just to reply me with something, then we went for a dinner (me, her and her sister); then we hanged out few times, and then I even invited her to Coldplay concert (I payed for her). We went to that concert, that was probably the peak of my happiness. All the time we were together, we were making out during the concert, then we were making out all night after the concert at the parking lot by the building I live in. I don’t know if all this is very usual thing for her, but it was new experience for me and I felt really happy.

    Then, after that, things get messed up, once when we were talking on SC, somehow we ended up talking about commitment and stuff, and basically, she was saying that she has no commitment with me and she can’t promise me that now, and I was being very frustrated by that and almost kinda judging her that it’s wrong that after all this to think that “it’s okay to see other people”. Anyway, there were few other small fights again because of the same commitment thing. And then I did something that now, I think, was very immature and stupid: like 2 or 3 times I posted snaps with girls (like each time with one different girl). I did that trying to make her jealous. I don’t know what she thinks about it. But, anyway, the main reason she’s been mad at me because of trying to control her or make her not to talk to some guys. After that, I asked her to block me on SC (she didn’t want to do that btw) and I deleted her number and I didn’t talk to her for 4 months.

    Now, after 4 months, although I deleted her from all social networks, somehow I still had her on my Whatsapp, so I texted her first asking how is everything and stuff and she replied. Then like a week later I saw her at the bar but didn’t even approach her and didn’t even talk to her, but looked at her few times, to be honest I felt like she was deliberately standing nearby just to be able to see me, but we never had an eyecontact. Anyway, few weeks later I texted her saying that it was pretty sad that I saw her but couldn’t even say hi, and she replied ''yeah it was a little weird'' and I replied that I just didn’t want to disturb her. Then few weeks later, I texted her again asking if she’s coming to the university X (university I’m studying at), and she replied (this time she replied fast, right after I texted ‘hey’ she said ‘hi’) and she said that yes she already is living in town Y (the same town I’m living in) and then sent 3 more lines about how she’s looking for a part-time job and stuff and I replied saying that I'm glad that she got admitted. So, probably you guys will criticize me on how much I messed it up and how pathetic I sound and that I should move on. I realize that myself too, but it’s easy to say than actually to do that, I tried to move on for 4 months, but somehow I ended up remembering her again.

    And one more thing to add just for the record: once when we were talking through text, she said "of course, you're not just a friend, I don't make out with friends" and when we had first big fight at the end and had some discussion after, she said "I think you're a little bit more than a friend"

    So, anyway, dear ESFPs, I need advice from you, is it possible for me to win her back? I believe the only way I can run into her is some bar in my town that we both like going.

    tl; dr: If I made ESFP girl mad at me because of controlling her freedom, is there any way to win her back?

  2. #2
    🌒🌕🌘 The Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    479 sx/so


    Just enjoy what you have with her while you have it. There are no guarantees for the future, so you might as well have fun in the present. Don't try to control it. Not everyone has the same needs/desires in any relationships. Regardless how serious or casual.
    Weep not poor children
    For life is this way
    Murdering beauty and passions

    ESFP 4w3 7w8 9w8 sx/so

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