[SP] How do SPs experience crushes?

[Usehername]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

 

["?"]

Good questions.

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

That's relative to what you are defing as short and long term. However, I would have to say my infatuation was usually based on sex as would it be for most average teenage males.

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

To a point, however the rose colored glasses, if any, would come off after a short time. I would not say it was either, since I usually tried to see the person as they really were. Since I am far from perfect, it's only understandable that others will have their faults. Interesting enough, I would usually find them beating up on themselves far more than I would. Where I usually had problems was the fact that, although I was tolerant of others behaviors, it was a turn-off when they belittled others for their less than perfect behaviors.

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

Unsure what you mean by decisions, but I will most likely find out in a few weeks, whether it's worth pursuing as a long-term relationship. And as a SP, "long-term" is relative also. I can usually pick up on subtle actions and verbal cues, that show the relationship is changing. Knowing that I have a hard time leaving when I should, I try to be honest with myself as to whether I want to pursue the relationship other than strictly platonic. I always expect to remain cordial once a relationship is over, however when it can't, I have to distance myself.

 

[sundowning]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Depends on the length and nature of contact. During grade school, I had a crush on one girl for easily six years because we were always in the same class and spent a fair bit of time together.

I've also 'crushed' over a single weekend, and when that weekend was up, promptly forgot about her.

'Out of sight, out of mind' is how I relate to most things (i.e. bills, food sitting in the freezer, etc.), not just crushes.

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

I think with anyone, if you have a crush, you recognize faults but don't really care about them because they are outweighed by the positives. There's also a huge difference between having a crush and thinking you could be in a relationship with that person. I can crush pretty easily, but I'm under no illusions about how things are likely to turn out.

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

What kind of decisions?

 

[Shimpei]

Depends on the length and nature of contact. During grade school, I had a crush on one girl for easily six years because we were always in the same class and spent a fair bit of time together.

I've also 'crushed' over a single weekend, and when that weekend was up, promptly forgot about her.

'Out of sight, out of mind' is how I relate to most things (i.e. bills, food sitting in the freezer, etc.), not just crushes.

Haha, interesting. Does that mean long-distance relationships are not meant for you?
I can have a crush on men who live only in my imagination. Ok, I'm SJ.

 

[sundowning]

Haha, interesting. Does that mean long-distance relationships are not meant for you?
I can have a crush on men who live only in my imagination. Ok, I'm SJ.

A long-distance relationship is not unfathomable, but pretty close to it.

(People, lately, seem to be engaging in these internet relationships, and that totally blows my mind. How does that even work?)

I suppose a long-distance relationship could be feasible in circumstances where a) I'm already in love, b) it's for a relatively short term (< 6 months), and c) plans are set in stone get back together for good after that length of time.

Thinking about it, a marriage would probably fall under a different context. A 6-month break might be welcomed from time to time, if, say, a work situation demanded it.

 

["?"]

A long-distance relationship is not unfathomable, but pretty close to it.

(People, lately, seem to be engaging in these internet relationships, and that totally blows my mind. How does that even work?)

I suppose a long-distance relationship could be feasible in circumstances where a) I'm already in love, b) it's for a relatively short term (< 6 months), and c) plans are set in stone get back together for good after that length of time.

Thinking about it, a marriage would probably fall under a different context. A 6-month break might be welcomed from time to time, if, say, a work situation demanded it.

Spoken like a true ISTP!

 

[Yomama99]

If my romantic crush would lead me into having a relationship with them then I would like to test the waters beforehand. However, I give up that crush once that person doesn't act the way I perceived her to be towards me. It's almost the same thing if I were in a relationship and over time I became annoyed at her habits/smells/way she does things/how she ignores me, I would start planning to dump her.

 

[Jeffster]

Usually I'm like "She's hot" and then when she talks "wow, and she's got a really cute voice too." Then I want to see and hear her more. So if I get to, then I'm happy, but I start thinking about her even when she's not around. Like a lot.

 

[Skyline]

I usually maximize their positive traits in my belief, and feel warmth towards them... I want to get closer to the person...

I guess that's the most basic thing I can tell you about my crushes.
they come and they go, but I never forget (most of) them.
Oh and I have the same as Jeffster: when I've just had a crushy on someone, I keep on thinking about them all the time when they're not around.

it's hard for me to tell the difference and measurement though in how much I like a person and stuff like that... uh..yea.. I guess that's why they are called crushes.

......when I really like someone at a particular moment and they make me laugh and they are weird and give me some kind of warmth I just wanna huuug them :d

usually after I think about a crush and they're not around I start to think about ways to keep on being around them , heck I'm so backgroundish..

 

[Halla74]

When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

My crushes are few and far between, but intense as all get out when they occur. I am not one of diminshed self esteem, so when I have a crush, it is a mutual thing, or else I wouldn't be bothered by it. I do what I must to be present with the object of my desires in order to feel them out and determine if they are compatible enough with me to enjoy further. Like many ESTPs, my affections are intense.

 

[Dali]

When I 'fall for' a person, it takes me a while to realise that this curious physical change that comes over me when they're around is due to a crush i.e. I crush 'subconciously' and it takes me a while to realise it.

The duration varies; may be anywhere from two weeks to half an year. As for their faults, I'm not particularly blind to them but at the same time I do give them more leeway than I would with other people.

The feeling is as much, if not more, physical than emotional and I get a surge of fire rushing through my body when I'm around them.

In a 'nutshell', Mozart sums it up best (no wonder they say he may have been ISFP):

I'll tell you what I'm feeling,
It's new for me, and I understand nothing.
I have a feeling, full of desire,
Which is by turns delightful and miserable.
I freeze and then feel my soul go up in flames,
Then in a moment I turn to ice.
...
I don't know how to hold it, nor even what it is!
...
I twitter and tremble without knowing why,
...
But still I rather enjoy languishing this way.

 

[Skyline]

When I 'fall for' a person, it takes me a while to realise that this curious physical change that comes over me when they're around is due to a crush i.e. I crush 'subconciously' and it takes me a while to realise it.

The duration varies; may be anywhere from two weeks to half an year. As for their faults, I'm not particularly blind to them but at the same time I do give them more leeway than I would with other people.

The feeling is as much, if not more, physical than emotional and I get a surge of fire rushing through my body when I'm around them.

In a 'nutshell', Mozart sums it up best (no wonder they say he may have been ISFP):

I'll tell you what I'm feeling,
It's new for me, and I understand nothing.
I have a feeling, full of desire,
Which is by turns delightful and miserable.
I freeze and then feel my soul go up in flames,
Then in a moment I turn to ice.
...
I don't know how to hold it, nor even what it is!
...
I twitter and tremble without knowing why,
...
But still I rather enjoy languishing this way.

I also feel burning fire (which often makes me smile) and a lot of times also nerves rushing through my body (tinglings..;d) when I am around someone... and I also used to wonder "what is this, might this be a crush?" Lol... interesting to think back of this phenomenon...
I still feel this change in my body around someone I really like but now I think it's more conscious b/c I realize that it's because of a possible crush.
The burning is just awesomely ... (can't describe it further than awesome but this is lacking !).
I sometimes imagine the other person feels it too.
Yes, I am sure that when I actually feel this kind of thing, it means a crush is growing. This doesn't just happen with 'anyone'.
ISFP's should write a book about these kind of things. -Love & people & .. is such a mystery.- We're great with our Fi + Se...

 

[Quinlan]

I don't know if I really get crushes. Sometimes I see really beautiful women and I just want to stare at them (but I know it's rude), there is nothing sexual about it, I just want to admire their beauty (in the same way I would admire a really beautiful sunset) and could do so for ages. It's probably wrong of me to look at them as beautiful objects, ah well I'm weird.

 

[Domino]

That's not weird, Q. Staring, yes, is culturally rude, but if you're not gawking, it's hardly a crime. Sometimes I stare at things that intrigue me without fulling knowing at first why I'm staring. Man, there's just something so RIGHT/CORRECT about XYZ... what IS it??....

I do that with old cars. LOL

Frankly, though I'm not SP, I'll get a good stare-on if he's all that. My kind of all-that of course.

 

[Quinlan]

That's not weird, Q.

Cool, so I can cross that off the list?

 

[Dali]

ISFP's should write a book about these kind of things. -Love & people & .. is such a mystery.- We're great with our Fi + Se...

I'll do the editing if you'll do the writing.

 

[rhinosaur]

Spoken like a true ISTP!

Haha, indeed.

Crushes for me are confusing. I can feel my emotions coming out, but I have a hard time controlling them. Since this has manifested itself in negative ways in the past, now I tend to suppress the feeling of crush until I can get my head back on straight. This delay usually means I won't develop a relationship with the person I'm crushing on, but I think that's better than hurting someone over some fleeting emotions. It's valuable to take a step back and analyze why I'm feeling so attracted to them, and whether or not I really want a relationship.

Sounds like inferior Fe to me. When I was young I had no control over it. Then I think I tried to ignore it. As I've gotten older (I'm 24 now) I've gained some ability to simply feel it, know it's there, but not be overwhelmed by it. It's difficult sometimes, having feelings.

 

[phoenity]

I don't know if I really get crushes. Sometimes I see really beautiful women and I just want to stare at them (but I know it's rude), there is nothing sexual about it, I just want to admire their beauty (in the same way I would admire a really beautiful sunset) and could do so for ages. It's probably wrong of me to look at them as beautiful objects, ah well I'm weird.

I know exactly what you mean Quinlan. I've always felt different than my fellow males in that I can stare at a woman with no animalistic desire involved. I'm simply admiring the beauty I see. I can do the same with men without feeling homosexual.

 

[Domino]

So very straight and I like looking at pretty chicks. There's just a very pleasant aesthetic.

 

[b4b]

I know exactly what you mean Quinlan. I've always felt different than my fellow males in that I can stare at a woman with no animalistic desire involved. I'm simply admiring the beauty I see. I can do the same with men without feeling homosexual.

ha, funny...same here...I'm 100% straight female...but like to look at pretty women...always do, just admiring the beauty!