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[MBTI General] Ideas for engaging Se (specifically in an ISFP)

Joined
Aug 23, 2011
Messages
17
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9
What sorts of ideas would you recommend for engaging Se, to rekindle a romantic interest? I made a mistake of thinking a smart and quiet ISFP was an INTJ, and tried to engage her Ni....which just made her doom and gloom Fi/Ni loop forever, and totally crumbled an amazing relationship.

I am just looking for good Se engaging ideas, anything that really pulls you into the moment intensely (and might overcome a falling out of sorts, but not a total falling out).
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
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784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
That's bizarro why don't you relate to her as an actual person rather than a particular function user.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
What sorts of ideas would you recommend for engaging Se, to rekindle a romantic interest? I made a mistake of thinking a smart and quiet ISFP was an INTJ, and tried to engage her Ni....which just made her doom and gloom Fi/Ni loop forever, and totally crumbled an amazing relationship.

I am just looking for good Se engaging ideas, anything that really pulls you into the moment intensely (and might overcome a falling out of sorts, but not a total falling out).

Talk about food. Watch cooking shows together.
 
Joined
Aug 23, 2011
Messages
17
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9
I did (relate to her as a person), specifically to her values. However, that will only build friendship at this point, in my opinion. But she's a type 6 enneagram, and as soon as the focus went off her Se, she started doom and glooming (was also sick with cysts so that didn't help). So I am trying to think of good Se activities to go with my natural Ne charm.
 

UniqueMixture

New member
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Mar 5, 2012
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
estj
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378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Help her focus on physical activity that she enjoys. Often isfps enjoy a specific more low key sport or a hike into nature
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
why don't you tell us what you actually did to make her "doom and gloom", and then we can give you suggestions for how to fix it.

if you had a "falling out", rollerblading or something isn't magically going to solve that.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
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Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Take her out to a restaurant with great food and atmosphere. Go to the beach or for a bike ride in nature. Go play skee ball together and ride the rides at an amusement park. Do something sexually spontaneous. Go to a history or art museum and talk about tangible things, like works of art or historic events (or culture or costume or etc.)

Depends on her interests, but any of those are more Se than Ni.
 

Thalassa

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Messages
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ISFP
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6w7
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sx
Talk about food. Watch cooking shows together.

I actually like to do this. And then spontaneously go to the grocery store and buy ingredients for a dinner that night based on something I saw on the show.
 

KDude

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If she's an ISFP, she'll engage her own Se... and if she likes you, she'll drag you along. Not the other way around.
 

Thalassa

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If she's an ISFP, she'll engage her own Se... and if she likes you, she'll drag you along. Not the other way around.

Not necessarily if she's in an Fi/Ni loop and/or he insists on being boring and sitting in a room and talking about physics whenever he's with her.
 

KDude

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Not necessarily if she's in an Fi/Ni loop and/or he insists on being boring and sitting in a room and talking about physics whenever he's with her.

I don't think physics would necessarily spark anything negative. It's Te that put IFPs in stress. Dry, heirarchal, business like atmospheres. Places where Fi gets a blank stare for how they even address anything. ENTP isn't hung up on the same things that hit their weak points. Generally they'd give even boring subjects a fun, experimental spin.

Anyways, he hasn't explained what happened. Maybe it isn't type related. My only point is that you don't get someone to do something they're already good at. If they're already that way, then they bring it out in you instead.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
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Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
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6w7
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sx
I don't think physics would necessarily spark anything negative. It's Te that put IFPs in stress. Dry, heirarchal, business like atmospheres. Places where Fi gets a blank stares for how they even address anything. ENTP isn't hung up on the same things that hit their weak points. Generally they'd give even boring subjects a fun, experimental spin.

Anyways, he hasn't explain what happened. My only point is that you don't get someone to do something they're already good at. If they're already that way, then they bring it out in you instead. Maybe in MBTI the extroverts think they're the catalyst, but they probably should get over themselves.

Yeah well I don't do well in any structured, corporatesque environment, so I think that's typical to FP, but anyway the way I interpreted his post, he wants the ISFP to actually enjoy his company, and that was why I was making those suggestions; otherwise she might perceive him as boring, and maybe that's why he sees her as being in distress in some way. Maybe she can engage in Ni activities as a relief-function kind of thing, but if he pushes it on her all the time, she may find him dull and yeah she could get grumpier in his company.
 

KDude

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Yeah well I don't do well in any structured, corporatesque environment, so I think that's typical to FP, but anyway the way I interpreted his post, he wants the ISFP to actually enjoy his company, and that was why I was making those suggestions; otherwise she might perceive him as boring, and maybe that's why he sees her as being in distress in some way. Maybe she can engage in Ni activities as a relief-function kind of thing, but if he pushes it on her all the time, she may find him dull and yeah she could get grumpier in his company.

Personally, I don't see how an ENTP could be boring. I could see how they'd be annoying or disrespectful, and invasive enough to spark a fight, but never boring. Even Stephen Hawking is pretty funny, and he doesn't even talk or move.
 

Thalassa

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Personally, I don't see how an ENTP could be boring. I could see how they'd be annoying or disrespectful, and invasive enough to spark a fight, but never boring. Even Stephen Hawking is pretty funny, and he doesn't even talk or move.

Yeah well maybe they're fighting because he ALWAYS wants to debate ideas (thus the gloom and falling out) and instead of being bored, she's just sick of him because all he wants to do is debate, and maybe if they did some fun activities together instead, and just enjoyed doing things, maybe they'd get along better.
 

Mal12345

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I actually like to do this. And then spontaneously go to the grocery store and buy ingredients for a dinner that night based on something I saw on the show.

You often sound like my wife, except for your posting style which is highly intellectual while hers is highly sociable and jokey.
 

Thalassa

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You often sound like my wife, except for your posting style which is highly intellectual while hers is highly sociable and jokey.

Because my posting style is never, ever sociable or jokey.
 

Giggly

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Keep things light, playful and fun.
 

Mal12345

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Get her to play with words, specifically the kind of play known as Spoonerism.
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
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Instinctual Variant
sx
What sorts of ideas would you recommend for engaging Se, to rekindle a romantic interest? I made a mistake of thinking a smart and quiet ISFP was an INTJ, and tried to engage her Ni....which just made her doom and gloom Fi/Ni loop forever, and totally crumbled an amazing relationship.

Whatever you do, never say this kind of gobbledegook around her.
 
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