[MBTI General] Ideas for engaging Se (specifically in an ISFP)

[wolfy]

why don't you tell us what you actually did to make her "doom and gloom", and then we can give you suggestions for how to fix it.

if you had a "falling out", rollerblading or something isn't magically going to solve that.

Rollerblading might work. If he knew how to rollerblade and taught her. Guiding her gently, teaching her, could be wonderful.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

why don't you tell us what you actually did to make her "doom and gloom", and then we can give you suggestions for how to fix it.

if you had a "falling out", rollerblading or something isn't magically going to solve that.

LOL. Yes.

Side note: I don't get this "loop" stuff. Personality is fluid. It doesn't make sense people would, like "power down" into these loops everytime something disrupts their lives. These loop people are probably another type in denial.

 

[KDude]

LOL. Yes.

Side note: I don't get this "loop" stuff. Personality is fluid. It doesn't make sense people would, like "power down" into these loops everytime something disrupts their lives. These loop people are probably another type in denial.

I think it's very rare at least. I don't even want to entertain "tertiary Ni" much. My own intuitive leaps can spook me out in a way.. an alarm sets off to get grounded again. Preferring Se means I self-correct with it. However, the bigger your ego, the easier it is to believe your own bullshit. You could get to a point where you latch on to any suspicion or jump, and that would be a sort of "shadow". I think I experienced this often with drugs.. some drugs have a habit of making you very self absorbed, egotisical, believing your own bullshit. Maybe a similar thing could happen in times of stress too.

But I digress

 

[Thalassa]

I think it's very rare at least. I don't even want to entertain "tertiary Ni" much. My own intuitive leaps can spook me out in a way.. an alarm sets off to get grounded again. Preferring Se means I self-correct with it. However, the bigger your ego, the easier it is to believe your own bullshit. You could get to a point where you latch on to any suspicion or jump, and that would be a sort of "shadow". I think I experienced this often with drugs.. some drugs have a habit of making you very self absorbed, egotisical, believing your own bullshit. Maybe a similar thing could happen in times of stress too.

But I digress

The idea of the dom/tert loop is that you would either be neurotic in that moment, or unhealthy in general if it were a long term thing.

It's definitely not a healthy thing, like "oh yeah I'm an INTJ in an Ni/Fi loop, it's all cool."

No, no it's not cool.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

I think it's very rare at least. I don't even want to entertain "tertiary Ni" much. My own intuitive leaps can spook me out in a way.. an alarm sets off to get grounded again. Preferring Se means I self-correct with it. However, the bigger your ego, the easier it is to believe your own bullshit. You could get to a point where you latch on to any suspicion or jump, and that would be a sort of "shadow". I think I experienced this often with drugs.. some drugs have a habit of making you very self absorbed, egotisical, believing your own bullshit. Maybe a similar thing could happen in times of stress too.

But I digress

Yeah, drugs and stress do that for me too.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

The idea of the dom/tert loop is that you would either be neurotic in that moment, or unhealthy in general if it were a long term thing.

It's definitely not a healthy thing, like "oh yeah I'm an INTJ in an Ni/Fi loop, it's all cool."

No, no it's not cool.

You stole my type/enneagram/sx/sp/so stacking

 

[Thalassa]

You stole my type/enneagram/sx/sp/so stacking

Yup. I actually had it first. Don't front.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

Yup. I actually had it first. Don't front.

Lies. Shameless lies.

 

[Thalassa]

Lies. Shameless lies.

Nope, I lie about much more lucrative things. Otherwise I'm stupidly honest.

 

[StephMC]

I think anything spontaneous and out of the ordinary can be thrilling for Se-users. It would be a mistake to understimate how happy this makes us. If you're an ENTP, you may have a tendency to over-think this. No need. It doesn't need to be complex. All you have to do is deviate from the plans you made, or throw something random in there if there were no plans at all. To drive the point home, for an especially Se-starved ISxP, I think something as simple as going to the grocery store randomly when you're at home watching TV could be exciting

To be a little more involved then a grocery store trip... some other ideas are:
- Going out to eat randomly. Try parking near a street with a lot of restaurants and strolling around to pick one out.
- If you're going on a road trip, reasearch a few fun places to stop at on the way and surprise her
- Take a random art class with her. Those painting classes that are BYOB are becoming popular in Houston.. I'm sure there in a lot of other cities too. Or just google art classes in the area. I'm taking a pottery class now that's a lot of fun
- Nothing beats a day trip to somewhere fun.
- ... except weekend trips. Or week trips.
- Just get active with her. Volleyball, biking, whatever. (If she's the active type)

But really... like I said... ANYTHING out of the ordinary or spontaneous will do pretty much.

 

[KDude]

To drive the point home, for an especially Se-starved ISxP, I think something as simple as going to the grocery store randomly when you're at home watching TV could be exciting

haha. sad but true

If I'm with others, I definitely get like that (can occupy myself alone though for a long time). I'm usually fine with doing a beer run or some (gasp) chore, when others get too situated to even want to move. It's an excuse to move or change the scenery for a little bit. Just not quite like an ESP, who are way more amped up.

 

[Frenetic Tranquility]

why don't you tell us what you actually did to make her "doom and gloom", and then we can give you suggestions for how to fix it.

if you had a "falling out", rollerblading or something isn't magically going to solve that.

I didn't do anything. Really.

She got really depressed and started attributing past behaviors of men to me, that were completely fabricated and no basis in reality. So I am trying to rekindle things (once she seems less depressed).

I am definitely not boring. That's how we started dating in the first place. Depression does crazy things.

 

[StephMC]

I didn't do anything. Really.

She got really depressed and started attributing past behaviors of men to me, that were completely fabricated and no basis in reality. So I am trying to rekindle things (once she seems less depressed).

Yikes... ISxP Critical Si. It can be brutal.

 

[Frenetic Tranquility]

Get her to play with words, specifically the kind of play known as Spoonerism.

I read this somewhere else too. I wish I was better at spoonerisms! I will practice. I am really good at other word play. She got upset and quit words with friends with me.

 

[Mal12345]

I read this somewhere else too. I wish I was better at spoonerisms! I will practice. I am really good at other word play. She got upset and quit words with friends with me.

I haven't played that game, but it sounds too difficult to keep her playful interests up, or she's a sore loser. Word play is word PLAY.

Keep your ears open for her own Spoonerisms. My wife is good at them. Maybe the ISFP in your life doesn't play with words like my wife does.

 

[Frenetic Tranquility]

I think anything spontaneous and out of the ordinary can be thrilling for Se-users. It would be a mistake to understimate how happy this makes us. If you're an ENTP, you may have a tendency to over-think this. No need. It doesn't need to be complex. All you have to do is deviate from the plans you made, or throw something random in there if there were no plans at all. To drive the point home, for an especially Se-starved ISxP, I think something as simple as going to the grocery store randomly when you're at home watching TV could be exciting

To be a little more involved then a grocery store trip... some other ideas are:
- Going out to eat randomly. Try parking near a street with a lot of restaurants and strolling around to pick one out.
- If you're going on a road trip, reasearch a few fun places to stop at on the way and surprise her
- Take a random art class with her. Those painting classes that are BYOB are becoming popular in Houston.. I'm sure there in a lot of other cities too. Or just google art classes in the area. I'm taking a pottery class now that's a lot of fun
- Nothing beats a day trip to somewhere fun.
- ... except weekend trips. Or week trips.
- Just get active with her. Volleyball, biking, whatever. (If she's the active type)

But really... like I said... ANYTHING out of the ordinary or spontaneous will do pretty much.

I did the art class with her. Later that night is when she suggested a break! I didn't realize how depressive she was at the time, but now two months later she is still having "funks", and finding ways to attribute them to the people around her rather than getting to the core problem (internal).

I couldn't do active things in the last month we were dating, because she had an ovarian cyst that hurt like hell whenever she did something physical. Prior to that month, we were doing great.

I did make the mistake, thinking she was INTJ, of trying to conceptualize the whole situation in an email. Now that I realize she's ISFP it does seem really stupid to even bring anything like that up, but I can't delete that it happened, so it's best to forget about it and focus on now.

 

[Istbkleta]

Do you think that perhaps you are taking too much responsibility for something that ultimately is only up to her?

 

[professor goodstain]

go mountain climbing, dammit

 

[Frenetic Tranquility]

Do you think that perhaps you are taking too much responsibility for something that ultimately is only up to her?

Most likely. But as an ENTP, I like a good challenge, and enjoy finding a way. I wouldn't do this with just anyone, I really genuinely see a profound potential between us (and I'm pretty good at seeing potential). I have to do what I can, it's just in my blood. If it falls flat still, so be it!

 

[Istbkleta]

Most likely. But as an ENTP, I like a good challenge, and enjoy finding a way. I wouldn't do this with just anyone, I really genuinely see a profound potential between us (and I'm pretty good at seeing potential). I have to do what I can, it's just in my blood. If it falls flat still, so be it!

Drink your vitamins and keep a couple of Fe friends at hand, ENFJ if you have them. This whole thing can go very bad very fast. It probably will. Prepare for basic survival mode for yourself if you know what I mean.