[ESFP] ESFPs and communicating

[Pseudo]

Is it normal for ESFPs to start conversations and then sort of tune out? I have and ESFP friend who was doing this all day today. We were in a group so I'm guessing maybe his Se was in overload? It was like he would start talking to me about something and then when I went to answer his question he'd sort of glaze over or look away. I was afraid I was boring him so I figured I'd just let him do his own thing but 15 minutes would go by and he'd do it again.
Almost like he would listen when I was talking to some one else and be real attentive then as soon as he had my attention he'd get distracted.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

Hehe, as an ISFP I'm guilty of this sometimes. I know for me it happens when someone is going into massive amounts of details. My husband has a habit of being very lengthy in explanations and sometimes I just glaze over. Once he realizes I've glazed over he just kind of drifts off with what he was saying. I'm not sure if that's the same thing that was going on though.

Do you pause for a moment before speaking? I can get pretty impatient waiting on my husband to respond sometimes. He'll pause for as long as a minute sometimes before he replies to my question... When he does it I almost always end up repeating my question thinking he didn't hear me or I glaze over and start doing something else.

I'll be the first to admit that I do have a hard time communicating with some NTs because it seems like they do take a lot longer to respond sometimes and I have a hard time patiently waiting.

 

[wolfy]

It happens sometimes. Actually, pretty often. Things need to move back and forth or I'll zone out quick.

 

[KDude]

I'm the same way. I'm not even a very talkative person, but I've pissed off some friends for interjecting, putting my input into a convo.. just mixing it up. One said it was overbearing. lol.. but I'm hardly overbearing. I know what that is. He just monologues. I dialogue.

 

[wolfy]

I'm the same way. I'm not even a very talkative person, but I've pissed off some friends for interjecting, putting my input into a convo.. just mixing it up. One said it was overbearing. lol.. but I'm hardly overbearing. I know what that is. He just monologues. I dialogue.

I can't believe how much some people can monologue. Can't they sense that people are bored? Or are they just ignoring it.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

I can't believe how much some people can monologue. Can't they sense that people are bored? Or are they just ignoring it.

My husband is totally oblivious to his monologues. It's usually a good 5-10 minutes before he realizes I've totally zoned out on him. He just gets so into what he's talking about the entire world around him disappears.

 

[wolfy]

My husband is totally oblivious to his monologues. It's usually a good 5-10 minutes before he realizes I've totally zoned out on him. He just gets so into what he's talking about the entire world around him disappears.

Yeah, I have trouble paying attention. You even need to grab my attention before you start.

 

[KDude]

I don't really have trouble paying attention. I guess some just get mad if I interject. I pay attention enough to say "Wait.." or challenge something or offer an anecdote. I guess they want to speak in turns. Which is weird to me.

 

[UniqueMixture]

Might have been checking somebody out?

 

[violet_crown]

I have this problem. I'm very attuned to the physical. When Im in a conversation with someone Im not necessarily listening to the words they say, but paying attention to how their body expresses itself. Their gestures, body language, inflection--all these sort of amalgamate into its own mesmerizing expression of what the person really means. It's only when Im talking to someone one on one that I get sorta sucked into the energy of the conversation in quite that way. If I were simply observing someone else interact it's not as intense. I dont know if any of this makes sense, but my point is that with Se conversations are not just intellectual, there's a sensual component as well. To a more sensitive person, all that input can become overwhelming and they might just check out.

I find that multitasking can short circuit this. I usually pace or stretch when Im on a long phone call. Feeding that sensory input with something (Anything, really.) can be enough to free my mind up to actually give a conversation my full attention.

 

[Betty Blue]

I don't think it is type related in itself, i have noticed plenty NT's zone out ...just in different ways and for different reasons.
For myself if i zone out during a conversation it can be due to many things... most likely i have heard the info befor and am stepping ahead to guess what comes next or how to change the direction. Also i may just have a lot on my mind and be focussing on more than one thing and it so happens i lost the trail of the conversation whilst investigating something else mentally. Also possible is that i'm just not that interested in the subject matter, though that is rare as most things do interest me. Sometimes though if a topic becomes too technical and specific in an area that i am unfamiliar with i may wonder off into dreamland unintentionally. Oh and another thing is when people just waffle on and on and go round in circles without progressing... and have a monotonus tone... gah zzzzzzz

 

[Pseudo]

I have this problem. I'm very attuned to the physical. When Im in a conversation with someone Im not necessarily listening to the words they say, but paying attention to how their body expresses itself. Their gestures, body language, inflection--all these sort of amalgamate into its own mesmerizing expression of what the person really means. It's only when Im talking to someone one on one that I get sorta sucked into the energy of the conversation in quite that way. If I were simply observing someone else interact it's not as intense. I dont know if any of this makes sense, but my point is that with Se conversations are not just intellectual, there's a sensual component as well. To a more sensitive person, all that input can become overwhelming and they might just check out.

I find that multitasking can short circuit this. I usually pace or stretch when Im on a long phone call. Feeding that sensory input with something (Anything, really.) can be enough to free my mind up to actually give a conversation my full attention.

I swear I wasn't monolouging, I don't really do that most of the time. But Wind-Up Rex I think this sounds like a possiblity. We'd just finished a really exhausting athletic event so I was probably being less animated than usually.

 

[acronach]

Do you pause for a moment before speaking? I can get pretty impatient waiting on my husband to respond sometimes. He'll pause for as long as a minute sometimes before he replies to my question... When he does it I almost always end up repeating my question thinking he didn't hear me or I glaze over and start doing something else.

I'll be the first to admit that I do have a hard time communicating with some NTs because it seems like they do take a lot longer to respond sometimes and I have a hard time patiently waiting.

It all makes sense now 0.0

 

[IZthe411]

This is true. I'm thinking about my ESFP boy- he does it all the time.

 

[KDude]

To be fair, ESFPs don't have much to say anyways. I mean, they say a lot, but a lot just makes me scratch my head.

"Sharon Stone in Casino is.. like.. my role model."

"What? You want to be a mafia cokehead whore?"

I can never figure out if any are bisexual either. The romances they rant about seem to change genders a lot. I don't think they know either... unless you point it out.

 

[King sns]

If they are in some extreme Se state, I can't get a sentence in without them drifting off into the rest of the world. I absolutely hate it when it's sports games... That drives me nuts, I always feel that I'm saying something much more interesting even if it's not THAT interesting. Geez. Gotta sneak in your words on the commercials. Though, I used to have an ESFP friend who was obsessed with basketball. Rondo or whatever his name was. And the whole Celtics team basically. And I would be talking and she'd manage to keep one ear on me and one ear on the game, but when it got really climactic in the game, I'd be talking or something and she would punch me in the leg, like a frustration thing. Not with me, but with the game. I had so many bruises and we both thought that was actually really funny. Her abusive knee jerk reaction. I have to be in the mood for the choppy conversation if they are being like that.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

It all makes sense now 0.0

Oh, guessing you are one to really think before you speak, too!

 

[Giggly]

I can't believe how much some people can monologue. Can't they sense that people are bored? Or are they just ignoring it.

They're in their own head.

I find the opposite can be true too, that someone can be completely oblivious to the fact that they aren't talking enough.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

They're in their own head.

I find the opposite can be true too, that someone can be completely oblivious to the fact that they aren't talking enough.

Ha! In addition to his monologues... my husbadn's guilty of this, too. I've just come to accept that my husband is socially awkward when he's out of his element. If it isn't military related or economy related my husband is a complete goober.

 

[Betty Blue]

To be fair, ESFPs don't have much to say anyways. I mean, they say a lot, but a lot just makes me scratch my head.

"Sharon Stone in Casino is.. like.. my role model."

"What? You want to be a mafia cokehead whore?"

I can never figure out if any are bisexual either. The romances they rant about seem to change genders a lot. I don't think they know either... unless you point it out.

Ha, i'd imagine that would be fi loaded identity rather than drug addict envy. Though i have to say what an awful image you are painting.