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[ISTP] ISTP Relationships, Love and Romance

jixmixfix

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
4,278
I have to agree that ISTP's are completely irresistible. I have a major crush on one who I recently started talking to again... we had a thing a long time ago... and it's been about 5 years. The second I set eyes on him again that was about it for me and I became your typical ENFP "Captain Wildchild".... giddy, schoolgirl crush and all. He acted like the typical ISTP: Showing interest for a fleeting moment but once I tried to reciprocate he pulled back again. It's very frustrating. I feel so drawn to him that I keep bugging him and I know it annoyed him. I know I need to back off but I'm just PRAYING that I haven't run him off completely. I'm beginning to think I might actually love him, or that he and I are meant to be. Is that typical or am I just completely nuts? He's the only ISTP I know, and in my field of work it's nearly impossible for me to run into any other ISTP's. I typically work with ENFP's, ENFJ's and INTJ's.

Where do you work?
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Showing interest for a fleeting moment but once I tried to reciprocate he pulled back again. It's very frustrating. I feel so drawn to him that I keep bugging him and I know it annoyed him. I know I need to back off but I'm just PRAYING that I haven't run him off completely. I'm beginning to think I might actually love him, or that he and I are meant to be. Is that typical or am I just completely nuts? He's the only ISTP I know, and in my field of work it's nearly impossible for me to run into any other ISTP's. I typically work with ENFP's, ENFJ's and INTJ's.


None of this sounds good to me.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
It would sound better if it came from you.:D

This new awkward metaphor is the most effective borg strategy yet. You (borg) should bottle it and sell it as INTP repellent.:run:

I could make no sense of this. Please explain.
 

Windigo

New member
Joined
Dec 27, 2009
Messages
446
To lauranna

So i think if an ISTP tells you what they want from you, it may sound basic or way too uncomplicated but it probably is exactly what they want.
I think all i really want from a relationship is space, independence, someone fun to spend time with and do things with.

My husband is very direct and always has been . . . I appreciate that now, but it took some getting used to.

:huh:

Sex is a purely physical thing to me. And to be honest it is often a game. I like the challenge of getting someone into bed. The more unobtainable the better.(Although it does seem like i am the only ISTP to be saying this!) And then, once i get what i want, i get bored and move on. I would say i can be very predatory and flirty but in a quiet way.

My husband used to say, "When the sex gets boring . . . and it will. . . ." now he says, "I can't believe it's been 8 years and it's still not boring." Maybe you haven't found the right girl yet.

On the other hand if someone pursues me and it is something i haven't decided, i feel very uncomfortable with it.
I've noticed everything has to be his idea! LOL


I realised that she needed sex to be an emotional thing so i tried to pretend that i was emotionally attached at the right moments. I mean i was emotionally attached in my own way but to me, sex wasnt an expression of that.

I think he tried to pretend it was emotional in the beginning, but now he is very emotionally attached during (if not before). Thankfully I'm a lot less emotionally needy than an ENFJ. But it has matured and become something almost spiritual for both of us as corny as that sounds. He's also become very (dare I say) romantic?


So I wouldn't say the ISTP/ENFJ relationship can't work cos it did for me, for 4 years and there were a lot of good things about it. But i guess if you are asking what an ISTP wants from a relationship to keep it going, the answer is- not a lot.
I would say:
Independence
time alone
No pressures and insistant planning for the future

BINGO!!!


I would be really interested in how any of you ISTP's that are married cope with it?
It is just something i don't think i could ever do. I don't think i could ever say forever and mean it.

I give my husband a LOT of space . . . but as an INTJ I need a lot myself. He saw that in me before we were married. He likes the fact we can either talk about science, technology, etc. or sit and read together. I don't stress out if he needs time away from the family and neither does he. We always know that we're a good team and neither one of us is interested in going through the bs of dating again.

He tells me he's tempted with other girls but that he honestly feels like our sex is the best he ever had because our relationship is the best he ever had so it becomes easier each year to say no. And he always tells the truth. He can't help it he just doesn't care if it hurts. It is what it is. I think he likes the fact I just accept him for who he is. Also as an INTJ I am constantly evolving my interests and pursuits so he finds it interesting.

Of course we were in our late 30s when we met and got married. We both had been through MANY relationships . . . when you're ready and you find the right girl . . . you'll settle down into a low pressure . . . day by day relationship and LOVE it!
:)
 

undique

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2013
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INTP
My boyfriend of 3 years is ISTP. Most of my ex's and guys I'm generally attracted to have been ENTJ or INTJs. However, what was refreshing about my boyfriend when I met him was that instead of trying to impress me with how smart and mysterious he was, he was just very thoughtful and genuine. Instead of wanting to argue over a bunch of philosophical b.s., he would come over and fix my car and cook me dinner. lol. He's very smart, but very different from me, and I think as an IN type, it can be really refreshing. I'm done with NTJs. Relationships with my ISTP has been difficult at times because we have such a difficult time understanding each other and our interests are not always similar... I write poetry, he watches UFC, etc. But he is very open minded and supportive and we learn a lot from each other. ISTPs can be the most loyal, genuine people in relationships. It's nice to be with someone you can trust and take at face value. The absence of manipulation makes everything else gravy.
 

Dudesowin

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
58
MBTI Type
INTP
Typical male ISTPs enjoy their partners' participation in their own favorite activities; assert the right to space and time alone (sequestering a private shed or attic when cohabiting); show love and affection through nonverbal, matter-of-fact gestures; and have little patience for the psychological, sociological and theoretical discussions which NFs and NTs are wont to broach.

Oh I have plenty of patience especially for such things. Its just that I don't enjoy the usual one sided introvert disciplines and assertive mind games circle jerking hanky panky fanatics like its some sort of soap opera drama show. "Oh my lordy the ISTP stood up why are we arguing!?" "For f's sake we best be arguing or else what the heck have we been doing all this time except kissing ass and stroking egos!" All that BIRGing and CORFing of factual data just pisses me off for damn sure.

And as for the nonverbal part last time I tried verbally flirting with a woman she called me a ditsy cheerleader and nearly orgasmed out of sheer laughter.
 

Dudesowin

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
58
MBTI Type
INTP
Well... for me, the ISTP impassiveness and silence, combined with their ability to take charge when necessary through physical means, gives the ISTP an aura of confidence and being in control - very attractive traits. The impassiveness and silence means that we (particularly Fs) can project any amount of deep and meaningful thoughts upon you - the Mr Darcy effect!

If you really want to burst that bubble, then do what my ISTP friend did - he told me what he was actually thinking about:
i) his motorbike
ii) why vampires didn't get fat
iii) car accidents
:cry:

i) his motorbike http://s3.amazonaws.com/giles/weird_06308/RoundBike.jpg
ii) why vampires didn't get fat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAR1fp1tbds
iii) car accidents http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/cherry/images/32634615/title/more-shit-lol-photo

Oh ye of little imagination *hugs* lol
 

Dudesowin

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Messages
58
MBTI Type
INTP
This is my favorite thread on the web and over the past several months I've
returned often to try and "figure out" my ISTP love interest. Yes...much to my dismay that in and of itself is a non sequitur...

My LDR relationship with him is the strangest relationship I've ever had with
ANYONE :rofl1: and yet I am drawn to it despite his seeming reticence.

- The sex is uninhibited and very generous on his part.
- The compliments, though rare, are genuine.
- The witty banter is a lot of fun.
- He's VERY "un-complicated" and doesn't ask for much, doesn't ask for anything of me really.
- I observe that he can be very flirtatious with other women, but it's
emotionally shallow, "means" nothing, and he takes it very lightly.
- "What you see is what you get, take it or leave it" seems to be his attitude.
- Definitely not perceptive to subtle hints; it's better, I have found through
trial and error, for me to just come right out & say things, ask questions, seek clarification plain and simple.

He is "stuck in a rut" right now and, from my perspective, severly depressed. He seems to have built a wall around himself but only won't let "me" in (that's my perception at least). His shallow online flirtations with female (and male)
friends continue despite the depression :laugh:, and he describes this as stress relief.
:party2:

Ugh you are definitely manifesting this you are practically going up to him every day like "So tell me what bad happened today" and he is all like well today it was okay... um bad though? Like how what does she mean oh what we were talking about before?

I've been in this rut before with women relationship wise. Why are you so sadistic nibbling at "bits of his inner struggles" as you say, that's creepy as hell why are you being so emo. Everything you just said he most likely thinks about you and is trying to express sympathy for your disposition in relation to himself. If you were in anyway a good friend you would kick him while he is down and laugh about it. Or better yet just random acts of indirect violence. Show him you care with anger. Tell him you aren't taking this rubbish and will shit on his dead mama's grave if he keeps it up! He could use the Adrenaline and perhaps a few other hormones try sardines, chocolate, apples good pick me ups. Pull a few one liners from Tyler Perry's Madea. I would recommend some orchestra and symphonic metal music to get things going.
 

RaptorWizard

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2012
Messages
5,895
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I noticed in the thread where you say what type you see the above person ending up with, the most popular answer seemed to be ISTP, so maybe there is something to this theory!
 

SarahBS

New member
Joined
Apr 21, 2015
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFJ
Hey all,
So ISTPs don't like any commitments right?
Well he used to be my friend and suddenly in 2 hours he was my bf.


I'M STRUGGLING. A LOT

I know they don't like to make any commitment. they live at the moment.He's always worried about me asking him for marriage.

As an INFJ I like to make commitment. I want to be sure of the future (which I know it could not b certain but I love the sound of it) but he keeps being worried. actually we're both more worried than happy now!

And then suddenly I just revealed my personality card and told him : I love you but I cannot say I love you unconditionally! it is a chance that i wake up one morning and decide it's over.(He's seen me in my previous relationships as my best friend! ) if only I think that the feelings are not mutual I may leave - He said he was ready for everything! as it's not that much important for him if I leave. But I just wanted to leave him -we have an argument which it leaded to our relationship - and I didn't answer him for two days and he was so nervous and sad and disappointed!

Any suggestions guys?
Should I leave him right now just because he doesn't like any kinda of commitment? OR should we give each other some times?


P.S: We've been best friend for a year and a half.and by best friend I could say he's my soulmate
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
From a detached perspective of myself:
ISTPs function by themself as a unit, and want to function as a complete unit when someone else is involved. If there is too much discord the ISTP is better of by themself.

I hate to use the tool analogy, but there is a time, place and method for sex. It is a tool to be used as the ISTP sees fit. There may be something better to use, and there probably is. It seems unfitting when the other person wants to use the sledge, when a chisel is called for - and would be more fun.

Yup!!

+100
 

k9a4b

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
50
MBTI Type
istp
I like to fuck a woman's mind before I fuck her body. I like when she plays hard to get (but I also don't like it)
 

GirlSmartStreet

New member
Joined
May 20, 2018
Messages
50
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
8w7
ooo... let's see. if I were a man--and also if i see my istp guy friends...
an intelligent and smart woman will be very attractive. The fierce and bold that pretty assured with what they are into will be great too. i will like any woman who can excite me whenever she can. but i can consider any woman as long as they respect my interests, hobbies, and personal space.

For sex, it depends. I will sometimes consider sex as casual sex. But of course, istp can feel something special if the woman he is having sex with is really his type. It can be emotional if istp doing it with the right woman.
 

RoRoRabbit

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2018
Messages
25
So little out there on this--yes, ISTPs are painfully irresistible;) but what makes them tick romantically--what are they really looking for in a woman and is sex really so purely physical, not so emotional for them? I'm an ENFJ (though almost an ENFP).

I'm an INFJ but my SO is an ISTP..

Speaking of purely my SO but wondering if it applies to all ISTPs:

I think he is capable of deep and profound emotions but he buries them deep away, most of the time writing off emotion as "useless" and hardly ever expresses his emotions unless we reach a crisis point (i.e. someone dies or our relationship is in turmoil). He likes tangible things, logic.. things he can see, touch, feel (with his hands).. He doesn't want to make a decision based on emotion alone, he wants to know the facts.

I don't think sex is unemotional for him, there are many times he is selfless in the bedroom or emotionally involved. But I do think he does what feels good physically for him. I think he likes to give back in the bedroom too, nothing is sexier (for most of us anyway) than the other person being into it. But I think he is capable of having "emotionless" sex or hookups, etc. whereas I am not. I have very little to no desire to have a one night stand, but I know from his history that he's capable of it/enjoys it (but he does prefer longterm relationships). In a relationship/our relationship though, I think sex is probably the one place where he does allow himself to feel a little more emotion than he would on a day to day level, at least that's what I feel from him at times. He can be very loving and tender in that respect when most other times he is not or not as much. In the beginning he even tried tantra with me and that was amazing. There have been many times where I initiated more of a "sex for the sake of sex" type of rendezvous (try kinkier stuff?? lol) and he seemed almost offended and told me he wanted to make love to me.

As far as romance- he is not very romantic in the stereotypical way. I think he gets flowers and chocolate and cards for valentines day because he knows he will be in trouble if he doesn't and he just wants to make me happy.. He told me once that Valentine's Day was stupid, lol. He's definitely not sappy or emotional or romantic in that sense. His way of being romantic/showing he cares is by doing things for me. He holds my hand a lot. He cuddles me at night. I got mad at him once in a fight (he was in the doghouse so to speak, screwed up), and yelled at him "do something, anything to show me you care and that you're sorry" so he put shelves in my closet for me. (I had been asking for months) That's just his way, and I appreciate him for that, actually.

As far as what they are looking for in a woman, I think they need physical attraction. I'm sure some type of emotional/mental connection needs to be there too.. but I think it starts on a physical plane for him. I think some things he wished were different about me is that I was less sensitive, less in my head/overthinking, less intuitive/believing in things that cant be seen (he doesn't mind that as much when it comes to spiritual stuff, but more so when I know he's not being totally forthcoming with me or when I have a "hunch" about something but I can't necessarily give him the facts to back it up..)...
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Commitments have never scared me. Being trapped is a different story. Commitment is not trapped, its a choice. :shrug:

I was asked if i was a romantic by someone and i dont even think i know what romantic is. I thougt about it and said...no, i am better at seduction side of things. Which she could see, and i asked GF and she agreed.

Love is easy for me as i just dont surround myself by people i dont love. I dont see a point to :shrug:

I have never been friedzoned outside of situation...basically either i am taken or they are taken at the time. I build up slowly on people, the longer a person knows ne the more they usually like me. Im an easy person to get along with and leave people wanting more because i just want different then that person offers in my life.
 

Gustavo

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
7
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I have no problem in showing affection, although I prefer to do it physically.

I like intensity :D
 
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