[ISFP] Is this normal for an ISFP?

[Mal12345]

This.

Really? I quoted my own post to my ISFP wife, and she smiled when she heard me say "use it against someone."

The only thing about this that angers her is when she thinks I'm using her type against her. For example, if I told her my answer to ISFP chatter is to "change the channel" so that it sounds like a Charlie Brown teacher's voice, "wah wah wahhhhh wah wah."

 

[Thalassa]

Really? I quoted my own post to my ISFP wife, and she smiled when she heard me say "use it against someone."

If I was really angry I would have gone on and on verbally. The angry face is supposed to be mildly amusing. Derp.

The only thing about this that angers her is when she thinks I'm using her type against her. For example, if I told her my answer to ISFP chatter is to "change the channel" so that it sounds like a Charlie Brown teacher's voice, "wah wah wahhhhh wah wah."

Everybody is going to have a different complaint. Like the ISTJs complaint that I would express myself in too much detail. Ironically, you'd think an ISTJ would be just fine with that, but he went on to explain later that my sensory detail messed with his own Si conceptualizations or something. It was pretty strange because he would ASK me to talk or initiate conversations, or ask me questions that he wanted me to answer, but if I went into too much sensory detail about certain things he would just be like "whyyyyyy"...his impression of me would be like "today I went to the store and on my way I saw a cat, and it was gray and had little white paws, and then I had lunch, where I ate a barbeque chicken pizza with lots of cilantro, and it was on a blue plate, and there were these black and white photographs on the wall..." when in reality I probably wouldn't have mentioned that the plate was blue, geez.

This is part of where my habitual "cool story bro" comes from, because after my anecdotes sometimes he would just say "cool story bro." But it didn't upset me, I actually would just banter back and forth with him in bro-speak.

It only hurt my feelings when he said the details of my day were driving him nuts. It didn't make any sense to me that he expected me to entertain him ("dance monkey dance!") but then he'd get all weird about his own Occam's razor succinct statements, like it was superior to express himself in one or two sentences. Not entirely unlike an INTJ in that regard. Except more Si subject matter than Ni.

 

[Mal12345]

If I was really angry I would have gone on and on verbally. The angry face is supposed to be mildly amusing. Derp.

Not derp, because an angry emote is just that, not a mildly amusing angry emote. I don't really know you and I don't know how to interpret singular emotes used out of context. How is that my failing? The next person who uses it might not intend it in a mildly amusing way.

Are you still taking out your real-life problems on the forums?

Everybody is going to have a different complaint. Like the ISTJs complaint that I would express myself in too much detail. Ironically, you'd think an ISTJ would be just fine with that, but he went on to explain later that my sensory detail messed with his own Si conceptualizations or something. It was pretty strange because he would ASK me to talk or initiate conversations, or ask me questions that he wanted me to answer, but if I went into too much sensory detail about certain things he would just be like "whyyyyyy"...his impression of me would be like "today I went to the store and on my way I saw a cat, and it was gray and had little white paws, and then I had lunch, where I ate a barbeque chicken pizza with lots of cilantro, and it was on a blue plate, and there were these black and white photographs on the wall..." when in reality I probably wouldn't have mentioned that the plate was blue, geez.

This is part of where my habitual "cool story bro" comes from, because after my anecdotes sometimes he would just say "cool story bro." But it didn't upset me, I actually would just banter back and forth with him in bro-speak.

It only hurt my feelings when he said the details of my day were driving him nuts. It didn't make any sense to me that he expected me to entertain him ("dance monkey dance!") but then he'd get all weird about his own Occam's razor succinct statements, like it was superior to express himself in one or two sentences. Not entirely unlike an INTJ in that regard. Except more Si subject matter than Ni.

An ISTJ even told me, ME, that I "talk a lot."

 

[Thalassa]

Not derp, because an angry emote is just that, not a mildly amusing angry emote. I don't really know you and I don't know how to interpret singular emotes used out of context. How is that my failing? The next person who uses it might not intend it in a mildly amusing way.

Are you still taking out your real-life problems on the forums?

Are you nuts? Seriously, Mal, you need to calm down, bro. If anyone is taking out "real life problems" here it's you right now. You're way too invested in this conversation about ...emotes.

Why u get so butthurt over teh word derp?

An ISTJ even told me, ME, that I "talk a lot."

Well it wasn't that I talk too much, but that I used too much sensory detail in certain stories, specifically, which he later explained to me exactly why that messed with him. Like he would say "you go on and on about this road you were just on, but I've already been on that road." It's like the vaguer the story the better, in some cases, so he could fill in the details with his own past sensory imagination. Which I don't understand, because I would want him to tell me MOAR details, not less, about singular life events.

If he thought I talked too much I doubt he'd ask me to continue saying things, or tell me that when I met in him in person I'd better have my game face on because he's a very introverted man, or that he'd spend sometimes up to 8-10-12 hours a day available to me. SJs can be some of the best companions, truly.

 

[Thalassa]

^

Also my ISTJ grandfather was good for listening to my prattling as a child/adolescent. He was actually better at it than his ESTJ wife, who he'd get mad at if she told me I was "talking about stupid shit". It's like I had a captive audience with my grandfather (though sometimes undoubtedly he wasn't paying attention to what I was saying at all, by his "ooohkay" and head pats) ...and he liked my presence, even if my presence was silent, he'd want me in the same room with him while we were both reading.

Of course he told me to shut up sometimes, but I'm not as talkative as an ESFP or ESFJ who probably would have driven him batty. I think he liked that I'd just sit there in the same room with him and read a book. And I'd think he wouldn't care if I was there, and I'd get up to leave and he'd be like "hey where are you going" even though he hadn't said two words to me in an hour.

 

[Mal12345]

Are you nuts?

Yeah, I'm a little nuts, same as you.

Seriously, Mal, you need to calm down, bro. If anyone is taking out "real life problems" here it's you right now. You're way too invested in this conversation about ...emotes.

Why u get so butthurt over teh word derp?

Ummm, because it means "stupid"? Am I a derp because I can't read your mind in order to know that was supposed to be mildly amusing? I'm a typologist, not a psychic, Jim!

Well it wasn't that I talk too much, but that I used too much sensory detail in certain stories, specifically, which he later explained to me exactly why that messed with him. Like he would say "you go on and on about this road you were just on, but I've already been on that road." It's like the vaguer the story the better, in some cases, so he could fill in the details with his own past sensory imagination. Which I don't understand, because I would want him to tell me MOAR details, not less, about singular life events.

If he thought I talked too much I doubt he'd ask me to continue saying things, or tell me that when I met in him in person I'd better have my game face on because he's a very introverted man, or that he'd spend sometimes up to 8-10-12 hours a day available to me. SJs can be some of the best companions, truly.

I don't see it as being about vaguer details, but only the highlights, perhaps only the interesting or funny ones. Things that are good for your audience to hear, so they don't get out the crooked cane and haul you off the stage. Quality, not quantity.

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah, I'm a little nuts, same as you.



Ummm, because it means "stupid"? Am I a derp because I can't read your mind in order to know that was supposed to be mildly amusing? I'm a typologist, not a psychic, Jim!

All I said was derp. You read way too much into that. I can see smart-ass banter isn't your strong point. You get way too excited over emotes and slang.

I don't see it as being about vaguer details, but only the highlights, perhaps only the interesting or funny ones. Things that are good for your audience to hear, so they don't get out the crooked cane and haul you off the stage. Quality, not quantity.

But you're not him, and he explained to me what the issue was, for him.

 

[Mal12345]

My experience with ISTJs is that they have no patience with hearing about things of no personal interest to them. For example, I can't talk about science fiction and expect any real response or any sign of interest (maybe a really dumb question like "Why do spaceships need captains anyway?"), but turning the topic to Family Guy brings about an almost instantaneous positive response. It's like turning on a light switch.

 

[Mal12345]

All I said was derp. You read way too much into that. I can see smart-ass banter isn't your strong point. You get way too excited over emotes and slang.

So?

But you're not him, and he explained to me what the issue was, for him.

I have ISTJ experience, so let's see if what I just posted above matches your own experience.

 

[Thalassa]

My experience with ISTJs is that they have no patience with hearing about things of no personal interest to them. For example, I can't talk about science fiction and expect any real response or any sign of interest (maybe a really dumb question like "Why do spaceships need captains anyway?"), but turning the topic to Family Guy brings about an almost instantaneous positive response. It's like turning on a light switch.

I'm actually the same way. I hate talking science fiction, typically, unless it's something very specific. I would much rather talk about Family Guy than science fiction, too.

I'd also rather talk about early 20th century literature than football.

I can't stand being held hostage by this old man who I love to death (really, I do love him to death, I even call him grandpa) because he'll go on and on about things like spaceships and the illuminati and Hyperborea.

The problem there, for me, are topics that make me roll my eyes. Like seriously, I want the fuck away. But I can talk on and on about people's personal life experiences, for example...I think everyone's like that to some degree.

My ESFJ ex even used to say "why do girls always want to tell you about their cousin and their uncle and their childhood?" I wonder how many of his exes were SFP females.

 

[Mal12345]

I'm actually the same way. I hate talking science fiction, typically, unless it's something very specific. I would much rather talk about Family Guy than science fiction, too.

I only know one person who has a way of working into a conversation about anything. He'll be all interested and - well - chameleonlike, I guess. But most of us would rather not. I don't like football chatter. Football's okay but I'm just not into it right now. I might ask a really dumb question such as "what's a dimeback?"

But what I'm talking about is just the opposite of chameleonlike, it's more of a brick-wall-of-silence approach to an uninteresting convo. This may be followed by an attempt to divert attention back toward a more interesting topic.

I'd also rather talk about early 20th century literature than football.

I can't stand being held hostage by this old man who I love to death (really, I do love him to death, I even call him grandpa) because he'll go on and on about things like spaceships and the illuminati and Hyperborea.

The problem there, for me, are topics that make me roll my eyes. Like seriously, I want the fuck away. But I can talk on and on about people's personal life experiences, for example...I think everyone's like that to some degree.

I think we all know someone who believes the government is building UFOs, or something.

My ESFJ ex even used to say "why do girls always want to tell you about their cousin and their uncle and their childhood?" I wonder how many of his exes were SFP females.

I don't know that it's strictly a girl thing. But I call it "gossip." My dad was certainly into it.

 

[Thalassa]

No its not gossip to speak of my own life experience and family, which is what my ex meant. Dude is an ESFJ. He liked to gossip about celebrities and talk shit about his frenemies. He just didn't understand rambling on with personal introspection about my own life in the casual way I can tend to go on about such things. But apparently other gf's of his also did the same.

 

[Elfboy]

No its not gossip to speak of my own life experience and family, which is what my ex meant. Dude is an ESFJ. He liked to gossip about celebrities and talk shit about his frenemies. He just didn't understand rambling on with personal introspection about my own life in the casual way I can tend to go on about such things. But apparently other gf's of his also did the same.

in my experience, men are worse about this sort of thing than women

 

[Thalassa]

in my experience, men are worse about this sort of thing than women

I don't know that it has anything to do with sex or gender. Maybe more like personality. Maybe its how dom Fe sees Fi: talking of the self and one's own life in too introspective of a manner. My ESFJ ex and JTG sometimes remind me of one another, except JTG is saner, more conservative, more introverted, and less emo. Their SJ-ness was so apparent bc of their need for routine, familiarity, loyalty, fear of change, sense of duty to their mommies, consistent "availability;" love of making others feel uncomfortable for being whatever they deem abnormal, and even their sense of highly developed aesthetics and snobbery about their own "taste." another thing was being very nostalgically attached to media from their childhoods, yet being puzzled by the way I story-tell my life in a relatively casual manner. What @mal said about his ISFP wife made sense to me "what goes in must come out."

 

[prplchknz]

I have the bad habit of doing the monologue thing. and i can see the other person getting annoyed yet i can't stop myself.

 

[Elfboy]

I don't know that it has anything to do with sex or gender. Maybe more like personality. Maybe its how dom Fe sees Fi: talking of the self and one's own life in too introspective of a manner. My ESFJ ex and JTG sometimes remind me of one another, except JTG is saner, more conservative, more introverted, and less emo. Their SJ-ness was so apparent bc of their need for routine, familiarity, loyalty, fear of change, sense of duty to their mommies, consistent "availability;" love of making others feel uncomfortable for being whatever they deem abnormal, and even their sense of highly developed aesthetics and snobbery about their own "taste." another thing was being very nostalgically attached to media from their childhoods, yet being puzzled by the way I story-tell my life in a relatively casual manner. What @mal said about his ISFP wife made sense to me "what goes in must come out."

I think it does have to do with gender some of the time. for men, gossip is a passive aggressive means of gaining social dominance by tearing down others in the group while they aren't around. it's not something all men do, but it's disturbingly common (and pathetic)

 

[Thalassa]

I think it does have to do with gender some of the time. for men, gossip is a passive aggressive means of gaining social dominance by tearing down others in the group while they aren't around. it's not something all men do, but it's disturbingly common (and pathetic)

oh you mean hating via gossip... I thought you meant talking about one's own life

 

[Elfboy]

oh you mean hating via gossip... I thought you meant talking about one's own life

female hate gossip is primarily venting; male hate gossip is much more deliberate and malicious

 

[King sns]

I was looking for your blog, (aka stalking you) and found this thread... This sounds like some small minded Fi/Si.. possibly infp in a loop. I think of isfp Se being a bit more socially aware... That or she just never has much going on.

 

[RaptorWizard]

1- 90% of her talking is a monologue... there is no back and forth discussion/conversation/etc. It's just her talking about basically nothing. Most of what she talks about is her recanting conversations she has with other people... 99% of them people I have never met and will never meet.

2- There is no point to what she is talking about... It's like she talks just to say something. She has ADHD so that could be part of it. I try to follow what she is saying and figure out what the point of it all is, and I realize that there is no point. Which leaves me, if you can imagine it, with nothing to say in response. I just look at her blankly.

3- We went out with a small group of my girlfriends this weekend for dinner and karaoke. One of the girls was chatting with her to get to know her and instead of answering her questions, the ISFP was just telling her things like: my dad bought a new 8 foot Tv, my sister bought a $65000 car, my coworker said this to me, etc.

4- She constantly wants to talk about highschool and people we knew in highschool and "oh remember when this happened?" And I just don't care about highschool. I am ok with the fact that our lives don't have much in common with each other's right now. I am happy to learn from what she is doing and vice versa.

I agree with [MENTION=5489]shortnsweet[/MENTION] that these traits seem more Si than Se since they are more about repetition than awareness.