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[MBTI General] ISTP/INFP Relationship

Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
In socionics, the relations between an ISTP and an INFP is of a Super-Ego relations. And it seemed that ISTP and INFP find each other an enigma (through typelogic's relationship pairs). I find it amusing, because the ISTP/INFP friendship I share, fits the descriptions, almost. I find him amusing and interesting, although he seemed distant. But it seemed that he looks out for me, subtlety, not the in your face kind, and vice versa. I respect and admire him as a person, too. Our friends thinks we don't talk to each other at all. Well, we don't really, but through our ENFP best friend, somehow we always managed to conference call together, and also we can effectively work together to piss our ENFP friend. And somehow when I have secrets or private thoughts I seldom tell to others, yet I don't mind letting him know these things. It feels like I can trust him. But then I tell him through our ENFP-ISTP-INFP conference.

So I was just wondering what's your impression of each other and vice versa? And do you mind sharing details about your relationship (friend or love)?
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I can be friendly with them, they're mostly very nice people, but I've never had a non-superficial relationship with one. The ones I've known in RL have been too out of touch with reality for me to really respect them (they've all made the most irrational choices in life). Of course no disrespect intended to anyone here, as most of the INFPs here seem quite sane. :D

ps my mom is one too, so I have in-depth experience with at least one.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I have an ISTP relative. He has a good heart. I can take him a lot better than many of the in-laws, BUT I don't understand him and how he makes decisions at all. He has really done some illogical, even self destructive things for the unfathomable reasons. The ISTJ relative is easier to understand their motivations for their actions but they are more prickly and sharp than the ISTP.
 

luminous beam

♪♫♪♫♪♫
Joined
Feb 12, 2008
Messages
744
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
i like ISTPs. they're their own person, like their space, are curious and eager to learn about things that interest them and hope to figure things out or fix them. if they're healthy individuals they usually keep busy and are very "hands on" and "in the moment" and can be quite literal. they definitely do have a good heart regardless if they appear like they're assholes. in reality they're harmless and good individuals.
 

lookoutbelow84093

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2008
Messages
70
MBTI Type
INFP
I had a friendship with an ISTP girl once. It sounded similiar tothis, we would get aong well in the company of others and it was somewhat cordial when we were alone. It basically ended when I was having a tough time one week and she was patronizing as hell to me (other friends agreed). So stopped talking to her (still got birhdaycards from her though). Id say just go with your gut, it tells you a lot.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I had a friendship with an ISTP girl once. It sounded similiar tothis, we would get aong well in the company of others and it was somewhat cordial when we were alone. It basically ended when I was having a tough time one week and she was patronizing as hell to me (other friends agreed). So stopped talking to her (still got birhdaycards from her though). Id say just go with your gut, it tells you a lot.

The ISTP I know does this to people too, calls it "tough love" yet when the chips are down for them it is a very different story. It seems to be a blind spot for them, this person cannot see the hypocrisy. There's no seeing the larger picture either and when conversation heads there, they just tune out with a smug look on their face. If I get abstract, this person just cracks a lot of low level jokes which I try to just tolerate with good humor. Other than that though they are easier to talk to than many of my other in-laws.

My INFJ husband has a harder time letting certain things roll off his back with this person and usually will face the ISTP down about being smug or stubborn. I don't see the point, isn't anything going to get through the filter, so I just appreciate the things I can share with the ISTP and try to avoid them when they are feeling down because it is hard for me not to point out their hypocrisy in seeking sympathy when they don't give it out themselves to other people in similar situations. Better to just avoid them at those times than start a pointless controversy that won't help anything. Of course doing so has limited my contact with this person because they pretty much only seem to have a use for me as sympathetic ear!
 

Guest

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFP
I posted what follows on a different thread, but I think it belongs here instead:

>>Another INFP in praise of ISTPs here. Their friendship is a lot like our love: hard to earn, lasts and lasts, unconditional. When it works both ways, this can be a very "tight" (as in lasting, not constricting) bond. And when we're all the patient, IxxP listeners we typically are, the communication isn't half-bad either. This combo can really enjoy life together & have a lot of fun. I know one INFP/ISTP couple who've been married for years and are among the most humorous, sensual, happy people I've seen.
 

betterthandead

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
35
MBTI Type
ENFP
A pattern i noticed with INFPs is that they want to make themselves into a damsel in distress. Very sexual beings who want to be taken advantage of. I like how some of them look sad just to attract attention, it makes me want to victimize them and do sexual things with them.
 

luminous beam

♪♫♪♫♪♫
Joined
Feb 12, 2008
Messages
744
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
A pattern i noticed with INFPs is that they want to make themselves into a damsel in distress. Very sexual beings who want to be taken advantage of. I like how some of them look sad just to attract attention, it makes me want to victimize them and do sexual things with them.


lol dude, where do i sign up?:laugh:
 

Colors

The Destroyer
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
1,276
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I've interacted with a couple of INFPs and I wouldn't describe our interactions like that way... More like we're both equally wordy about what we're interested in once we get to know each other somewhat. I'll listen to an elaborate fantasy (and then comment/joke on the feasibility). Then I'll go on about some elaborate explanation/summary of something (and they'll comment on its accuracy/ moral implications).

As a whole, I'm really drawn to IxFP imaginations and strong viewpoints of the world, but INFPs seem to be less likely to be offended by my jokes (and more tolerant of my social gaffes). I don't think they are as amused by my antics as I am by theirs, but I suppose what I contribute is listening skills without bringing lots of my own emotional baggage?

Definitely a type with which there is more to talk about if we agree on subjects because we can hash out the details of how we reached this decision (as oppossed to say... most ESTJs I'm been acquainted with because they won't really elaborate or explore something already in mutual agreement- so it is acutally much more enlightening to oppose them). Very hard to communicate with when disagree in final judgements.
 

luminous beam

♪♫♪♫♪♫
Joined
Feb 12, 2008
Messages
744
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I've interacted with a couple of INFPs and I wouldn't describe our interactions like that way... More like we're both equally wordy about what we're interested in once we get to know each other somewhat. I'll listen to an elaborate fantasy (and then comment/joke on the feasibility). Then I'll go on about some elaborate explanation/summary of something (and they'll comment on its accuracy/ moral implications).
i usually find conversations like these intriguing since our viewpoints differ greatly, even if they may have similar outcomes

As a whole, I'm really drawn to IxFP imaginations and strong viewpoints of the world, but INFPs seem to be less likely to be offended by my jokes (and more tolerant of my social gaffes). I don't think they are as amused by my antics as I am by theirs, but I suppose what I contribute is listening skills without bringing lots of my own emotional baggage?
you ISTPs can be a bit harsh/crass for my taste but, you're right, we're tolerant...and regardless of taste/preference i know that i respect and appreciate honesty and someone being upfront with me, even if they're blunt or crass and i take it personal (i remind myself that your viewpoint is more objective and concrete, based on reality). i rather have that type of honesty than none at all.

Definitely a type with which there is more to talk about if we agree on subjects because we can hash out the details of how we reached this decision (as oppossed to say... most ESTJs I'm been acquainted with because they won't really elaborate or explore something already in mutual agreement- so it is acutally much more enlightening to oppose them). Very hard to communicate with when disagree in final judgements.
i guess we may disagree because INFPs may take something personally and take some offense to something you've said and we my try to get you to understand something more abstract only to have you guys "shut us down" and dismiss what we're trying to explain.
 

Petgnome

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2008
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INFP
I've been married to an ISTP for almost 4 years now. I'd say it's a pretty good relationship, I think we understand each other pretty well. He reads in me like an open book, sometimes I can be facing the other way and he'll know that I'm not feeling good, or he'll know what I'm going to ask before I do. Same goes for me, I think I know him pretty well too :) . We don't need words to talk to each other.

Though, maybe sometimes he's not able to understand how I feel deeply. He makes it sounds a lot more trivial and easy than it is. But then again, I think anyone who has not dealt with depression and the such cannot grasp completely how it feels.

He says he loves me because I'm kind and sweet and I make him see the world in a different way and that I'm like a kid in my mind.
And I love him because he's the first person I felt I could be completely like myself without being shy or ashamed. Also he's really direct and frank and comforting.

I don't think you have to have something in common to really build a relationship (although it might help prevent awkward silences!), you'd just need an open mind. I don't mind listening to him babble about stuff I don't care about, or even hate. And he listens to me when I tell him stuff that's way beyond him.

Though at times the bluntness can make it hard, especially on a subject that INFPs care about a lot. I remember a certain conversation we had about war at some point. I almost turned msn off, blocked him and never talked to him again. That was before I learned that he exaggerates a lot. :rolli:
 

Snowey1210

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
141
MBTI Type
ENTP
It's an interesting dynamic and I'm quite suprised that it's worked in a lot of cases. In my mind, I'd imagine that the INFP's inherent theatricality would prove somewhat overwhelming to the ISTP and cause them to quickly move on. Or alternatively the ISTPs emotional aloofness would prove perplexing to the INFP. Then again this could result in some level of escapism that is attractive to both "I" types.
 

mcgooglian

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
139
MBTI Type
ISTP
I do give tough love too but only if the person gets themselves in the mess they're in. I make fun of people a lot (but only if I know that they can take the joke) since, the way I see it, one thing that's important in living a happy life is being able to laugh at yourself.
 

lecky

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Have had a huge crush on an ISTP for a while now, even though I know I would never be truly happy with him and it would never work...but I still carry the torch! The things I like about him are the way he looks at me...he stares but it's not a creepy stare (love it). It's hard to explain but he can be innocent and childlike with me during our one on one time but at the same time so sexy! I really admire him and respect him a great deal but I am so hesitant to show my true feelings because they would surely overwhelm him, I overwhelm myself sometimes.

In the short time I've known him we've had numerous misunderstandings which was me thinking he wasn't interested when he would later tell me that he did like me. It just doesn't make sense to me that a guy could like someone but not pursue them romantically. I would go in between thinking he was a "player" to just plain clueless. Now I don't think he had any mean intentions he was just being himself (clueless). I see how he acts toward other women and he clearly treated me different than them.

He is always open to talking to me and seems to enjoy my company but his "guy time" and "self time" will always come first I can see, and I'm too high maintenance to ever be happy with that. I need constant reassurance that someone likes me and I can't have sex without strings attached. I'm an introvert but he needs way more space than I do...I think it would just take him a long time to open up to me completely and we don't have enough common interests to keep us going for that long sadly. Also, to keep things going I would have to actively pursue him...or at least initiate text messaging, making plans to meet, and that just rubs me the wrong way. I need to be the one who is being pursued; even though when we are out he follows me like a puppy dog...I need for him to make the initiative.

We think differently, I think long term...when he's just thinking for the night. He has a spell over me that he's not even aware of, he has no idea how awesome he can make me feel then in the next moment make me feel completely horrible and awkward.

It's an interesting dynamic on my end at least...God knows what he's thinking/feeling or if he even feels anything lol.
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
just plain clueless.

That's it. That's me too!

I think your situation describes the INFP/ISTP dynamic pretty well. You have strong feelings about what you want. But since you keep those private, he has no idea and continues being himself.


This is why I'd prefer my relationships to be casual, at least for awhile until we both open up to each other.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Also, to keep things going I would have to actively pursue him...or at least initiate text messaging, making plans to meet, and that just rubs me the wrong way. I need to be the one who is being pursued; even though when we are out he follows me like a puppy dog...I need for him to make the initiative.

I kinda feel the same thing. For me thats what I need to feel wanted, but its in a different way than making plans or text messaging. I dont know how to explain how I feel wanted. I have really focused on my appearance recently and I notice I get looks like crazy, but when just someone off the street looks at me and gives me that smile it doesnt make me feel wanted. It makes me feel good but its not the wanted feeling. I really am trying to figure this out for myself and it really is confusing me to no end.
 

lecky

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
That's it. That's me too!

I think your situation describes the INFP/ISTP dynamic pretty well. You have strong feelings about what you want. But since you keep those private, he has no idea and continues being himself.


This is why I'd prefer my relationships to be casual, at least for awhile until we both open up to each other.

It's extremely hard for me to tell if he is clueless or just brushing me off in a friendly way. The only way I can tell how he feels is when I see him in person, his eyes reveal all. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen as often as I would like. I'm pretty much going to like this guy until I find a replacement crush. I feel like a fool for caring so much about someone who probably thinks about me never.
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
I think you are just as clueless about him as he likely is about you, just like you both have the same innocent intentions.

You have an idea how he feels, especially when he's with you in person. That stare you described that he does, he's not staring at you, he's peering into you, connecting with you in a way only the eyes can do, expressing feeling for which there are no words.

Neither of you know where you stand with each other or where you may end up. Just go with it, confusing is OK as long as it makes you happy :)
 
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