[ISTP] Female ISTP's (or ISTP's in general)

[INTPness]

So I think I've met an ISTP female for the first time (co-worker). She's a trip. Reminds me a lot of myself actually. Just like the male ISTP's I've known, she gives off this vibe of "leave me the heck alone". It seriously seems like she doesn't want anyone to talk to her. That's cool with me cuz I can be the same way, but sometimes I have to go ask her for things. And she acts all bothered and gives short answers. I understand that, but yeah, we still have to work together. Sometimes I will need to talk to you.

What's really going on in your heads when you're busy working on something and someone interrupts you because they need to talk to you? Does it just "seem" like you're mad or are you really agitated? What's the best way to deal with you in these situations - where I will continually need to ask you for things - like, a few times a week?

 

[Stanton Moore]

I was married to one for 7 years.

 

[INTPness]

OK, continue. Need. More. Info.

 

[Stanton Moore]

She was not easy to get along with. Very insecure and quiet, rejected all of my friends over time, along with my family. She had no friends of her own. We're still friends, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her again.

Sorry to be a downer. People are all different.

 

[INTPness]

She was not easy to get along with. Very insecure and quiet, rejected all of my friends over time, along with my family. She had no friends of her own. We're still friends, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her again.

Sorry to be a downer. People are all different.

No, it's cool. I want honest feedback, so thanks.

 

[Randomnity]

Have you tried coming up to her at times when she's not "busy", like cleaning up or doing computer work or something? Or asking her in advance to tell you when would be a good time?

I don't like people interrupting me in the middle of something because then I have to stop and possibly get confused when I resume, or if I have to keep going it'll be distracting. Greater chance of errors.

The "short answers" is probably because she's too busy for chitchat so she's being efficient with her time, rather than a mark of hatred or something.

 

[INTPness]

Have you tried coming up to her at times when she's not "busy", like cleaning up or doing computer work or something? Or asking her in advance to tell you when would be a good time?

I don't like people interrupting me in the middle of something because then I have to stop and possibly get confused when I resume, or if I have to keep going it'll be distracting. Greater chance of errors.

I totally relate to all of this. Something INTP's and ISTP's have in common. What trips me up is that I know we could get along fine cuz I've had great ISTP friends in the past. But, it's like she won't even give a chance for any kind of discussion. Always busy. "Sorry, I'm busy today. It'll have to be tomorrow." "Yeah, I'll let you know." "I'll get back to you on that."

There's NEVER a "good time". And I can honestly relate to that as well, because my mind is almost always engaged in something. I just feel like saying, "Look, I'm not trying to bother you, but sometimes I'm going to have to. That's just the way it's going to have to be. But, we can be cool with each other too - it doesn't have to be all 'oh no, here he comes to bother me again.'"

The "short answers" is probably because she's too busy for chitchat so she's being efficient with her time, rather than a mark of hatred or something.

Well, that's good. I'm trying to be cordial and to ease the tension as best I know how. It's hard to cut through that tension though.

 

[Randomnity]

Yeah, that sounds frustrating. All I can say is try to arrange things in advance, like "when this week are you free to explain X" or maybe catch her at lunch or at the start/end of the day.

She might be avoiding you or she might just be really busy, hard to say. If you agree on a time and she backs out, that's pretty rude though..

 

[Orangey]

I totally relate to all of this. Something INTP's and ISTP's have in common. What trips me up is that I know we could get along fine cuz I've had great ISTP friends in the past. But, it's like she won't even give a chance for any kind of discussion. Always busy. "Sorry, I'm busy today. It'll have to be tomorrow." "Yeah, I'll let you know." "I'll get back to you on that."

There's NEVER a "good time". And I can honestly relate to that as well, because my mind is almost always engaged in something. I just feel like saying, "Look, I'm not trying to bother you, but sometimes I'm going to have to. That's just the way it's going to have to be. But, we can be cool with each other too - it doesn't have to be all 'oh no, here he comes to bother me again.'

I don't know if it's the case in your situation, but when I do the bolded is when I'm not prepared to talk to someone about something. It's a form of procrastination.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

It sounds like she is anyone of these:
1) burnt out.
2) hates her job.
3) doesn't connect with anyone at her workplace.
4) doesn't feel valued or listened too there.

In fact, re-reading your posts makes me almost positive she hates her job. In that case, it's not personal but work would not be the place to strike up "get to know you" talk. She's in work-mode. The faster she can get crap done the closer she is to going home. Socializing is not a priority. I once had a co-worker who used to ask me "How are you today?" (super perky) every time I walked in the door. Never failed. I hadn't even clocked in yet. Give me a minute with the cheery small talk, ok?

Even though I knew he was being very nice it annoyed the crap out of me. So one day, after he asked me this, I stopped and looked up at him and said, "Instead of asking how I am, can you just come up to me and tell me to fuck off?"

The next day I come in.
he says, "Rita?"
I look up at him...
"Fuck off"
Me: *big grin*

He's one of my favorite co-workers now. (INFP). If you want to break the ice use a little humor. A little snark or sarcasm goes a long way. Then take it from there.

 

[fragrance]

OK, continue. Need. More. Info.

Is that NT sarcasm there? Very amusing.

 

[Dragonfly]

So I think I've met an ISTP female for the first time (co-worker). She's a trip. Reminds me a lot of myself actually. Just like the male ISTP's I've known, she gives off this vibe of "leave me the heck alone". It seriously seems like she doesn't want anyone to talk to her. That's cool with me cuz I can be the same way, but sometimes I have to go ask her for things. And she acts all bothered and gives short answers. I understand that, but yeah, we still have to work together. Sometimes I will need to talk to you.

What's really going on in your heads when you're busy working on something and someone interrupts you because they need to talk to you? Does it just "seem" like you're mad or are you really agitated? What's the best way to deal with you in these situations - where I will continually need to ask you for things - like, a few times a week?

Well, we are world-renowned as the worst communicators, since our Fe is inferior and our T and I functions are both introverted. I believe that the cause of the sudden anger, which i get, is caused by snapping me out of a Ti/Ni loop when i am working, particularly if i am alone at the moment. It's normal, and trust me, the worst thing you can do is point it out, we hate that.

Also, it may help to approach, then wait for a few seconds until she asks what you want, instead of just directly "ambushing" her with the question.

 

[Randomnity]

It's been 3 years, I'm gonna guess he's figured her out by now