[MBTI General] ISTP IN TROUBLE WITH AN ENFJ FEMALE.

[Ulaes]

i think she's toying with you. she knows you like her, she's trying to manipulate that. It's an attention and ego thing.
it's not you she likes (at least not romantically), it's your attention.

 

[Domino]

Well, she may also like you, but she sounds pretty childish.

 

[A window to the soul]

More thoughts...

You know, if she's the right person for you she will recognise you're difficulty in expressing yourself and she will accept you for the emotionally unexpressive soul that you are.

So true.

Another thing is I try to be close or hangout but something always happens where I'm stuck at work or she has her daughter or she took an extra shift (I guess thats fate for ya). It never fails that she has time off when I don't and vice versa. I don't verbally express my self well so I just text her but if my texts becomes to long or wordy its like she always says shes busy at work and didn't have time to read them.

There's nothing that annoys my ENFJ sister more than me making tentative plans with her or worse cancelling. The fact that your friend didn't reply to your text, makes me wonder if she might be royally annoyed about something. Did you text her to cancel or change plans? That part of your post isn't clear.

 

[babbygirlk]

@perfectgirl the text was when I told her about why I hesitated to say I love you out loud. I explained that I'm an ISTP and I think she knows what I'm talking about because she didn't say huh when I gave her my personality traits? I got to wordy and I guess she didn't read all of it. She tells me all the time we are close friends but sometimes yes it does feel that way but other times not. I do think she likes the attention that I give her but sometimes if I'm busy on the phone or trying to listen to my music (ipod) while shooting she has to pull my earphones off so she has my full attention. Maybe I'm just a sucker and I'm letting her do this to me. I'm weak I have no defense.

 

[A window to the soul]

@perfectgirl the text was when I told her about why I hesitated to say I love you out loud. I explained that I'm an ISTP and I think she knows what I'm talking about because she didn't say huh when I gave her my personality traits? I got to wordy and I guess she didn't read all of it. She tells me all the time we are close friends but sometimes yes it does feel that way but other times not. I do think she likes the attention that I give her but sometimes if I'm busy on the phone or trying to listen to my music (ipod) while shooting she has to pull my earphones off so she has my full attention. Maybe I'm just a sucker and I'm letting her do this to me. I'm weak I have no defense.

Tis okay, no worries...

We all go through weird ackward moments like these at one time or another. It sucks to have a weak defenseless moment too, but surely that's not who you are. Come on now, that's all in your mind. Don't accept silly thoughts about yourself and for goodness sakes don't let BS situations get you down. You'll figure it all out as you go along.

And texting is cool for simple "hi", "how are ya's", but any more than that, it's subject to translation failure (without voice inflection and body language).

In relationships, communication is key. If she's doing something that's stressing you out, then consider pulling her aside and having a friendly talk with her (before it snowballs into an angry outburst).

 

[babbygirlk]

Thank you sometimes I feel like a cat then the lion I should be (LEO).

 

[jixmixfix]

@perfectgirl the text was when I told her about why I hesitated to say I love you out loud. I explained that I'm an ISTP and I think she knows what I'm talking about because she didn't say huh when I gave her my personality traits? I got to wordy and I guess she didn't read all of it. She tells me all the time we are close friends but sometimes yes it does feel that way but other times not. I do think she likes the attention that I give her but sometimes if I'm busy on the phone or trying to listen to my music (ipod) while shooting she has to pull my earphones off so she has my full attention. Maybe I'm just a sucker and I'm letting her do this to me. I'm weak I have no defense.

If you like like her all that much just kidnap her and lock her up in your basement.

 

[Tricksie]

Well, first let me say that a ENFJ-ISTP relationship isn't necessarily doomed? Or at least, I'm an ENFJ having a great relationship with an ISTP. We've been together for over 8 months, which is LONG for him (not for me). I respect his need for space and privacy, as well as his tendency to show (rather than say) how he feels. He respects and enjoys my energy, enthusiasm, and the fact that I'm emotionally facile. And the sex is great.

This particular ENFJ sounds like she's pretty immature. If she knows you're seriously interested and she's flirting/taunting you, then I find that manipulative. (If she was just being flirty and you were responding in kind, it wouldn't bother me!) She could be playing a game, but *that*'s not a good sign, either.

All that said, though, sometimes we are drawn to people who aren't good for us. And sometimes the only way out of that is by moving through it.

Good luck...and may you someday find a more mature and kinder ENFJ.

 

[tayto]

If you like like her all that much just kidnap her and lock her up in your basement.

Ha ha lesbian rape. I've considered that in the past myself. What's wrong with girls, why don't they fantasise about these things? There's many a hot girl I could have slapped in the face for teasing me only to say she wasn't interested cos she's not gay. Who cares if you're not gay, you must have thought about it at some point, you lying prissy little bitch. Fucking esfj's! I could rape a few of them I could. lol. I'm such a mysogenist.

 

[Domino]

If you like like her all that much just kidnap her and lock her up in your basement.

An excellent suggestion. lol I foresee a delightful kumite ensuing.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Yeaaaaah, don't let her jerk you around. Sounds like she's trying to get your attention when you won't give it to her, and then taking advantage of it when she *does* get it. I don't jerk people around like that - perhaps since she's listed both men and women, it means less that she's bi-sexual, and more than she doesn't want to limit the attention she can get. *shrugs* I wish I could give you better advice.

Ditto.

 

[jixmixfix]

An excellent suggestion. lol I foresee a delightful kumite ensuing.

uh huh...I foresee hardcore pillow fighting.

 

[jixmixfix]

Ha ha lesbian rape. I've considered that in the past myself. What's wrong with girls, why don't they fantasise about these things? There's many a hot girl I could have slapped in the face for teasing me only to say she wasn't interested cos she's not gay. Who cares if you're not gay, you must have thought about it at some point, you lying prissy little bitch. Fucking esfj's! I could rape a few of them I could. lol. I'm such a mysogenist.

you go girl.

 

[babbygirlk]

@jixmixfix ur funny!!

 

[babbygirlk]

So I go to the pool hall and I'm there but I had just finished a 12hr shift so I was kinda not in the mood. She asks me what's wrong and I say I'm fine just tired. So I'm shooting a couple of games and not really paying attention "to her". Then its that time for me to leave and there she goes again with the I love you and trying to make me say it. I don't then she gives a cheek kiss goodbye then all of a sudden she gives me many kisses on the cheek and then some on the neck.She was standing and I was sitting down at a table so she had to bend down to do that. I judt smiled and chuckled a little (smdh). I don't want to ask her what's she doing that just might put the last nail in the coffin. And I'm terrified of confronting her anyways.

 

[Poki]

So I go to the pool hall and I'm there but I had just finished a 12hr shift so I was kinda not in the mood. She asks me what's wrong and I say I'm fine just tired. So I'm shooting a couple of games and not really paying attention "to her". Then its that time for me to leave and there she goes again with the I love you and trying to make me say it. I don't then she gives a cheek kiss goodbye then all of a sudden she gives me many kisses on the cheek and then some on the neck.She was standing and I was sitting down at a table so she had to bend down to do that. I judt smiled and chuckled a little (smdh). I don't want to ask her what's she doing that just might put the last nail in the coffin. And I'm terrified of confronting her anyways.

Just enjoy it.

 

[KDude]

It doesn't usually end well when an istp and enfj get together so my advice would be to let it go.

Those two types are apparently made for each other. The reason why it implodes sometimes, I think, is that somebody was actually ISTJ or ENFP. ISTP and ENFJ are duals in Socionics. But besides that, they're kind of a matchup in the Keirsey world as well. Keirsey would say the more ideal friendship is INTP and ENFJ, but that's because he was hung up on the idea of intuitives being best for each other.. he does that with other matchups as well. Besides that, he was biased and enamored with his own wife, who was ENFJ (while he was INTP himself). Not to say that all ENFJs and ISTPs get along, but "just saying".

 

[sleuthiness]

Those two types are apparently made for each other. The reason why it implodes sometimes, I think, is that somebody was actually ISTJ or ENFP. ISTP and ENFJ are duals in Socionics. But besides that, they're kind of a matchup in the Keirsey world as well. Keirsey would say the more ideal friendship is INTP and ENFJ, but that's because he was hung up on the idea of intuitives being best for each other.. he does that with other matchups as well. Besides that, he was biased and enamored with his own wife, who was ENFJ (while he was INTP himself). Not to say that all ENFJs and ISTPs get along, but "just saying".

Wouldn't an istp/enfj pair be Socionics conflicting? istj/enfj = dual?

Seems to be the most common conflicting pair, though can't put my finger exactly on why.

Maybe because both share all functions, without any presumptuous Fi involved (flopping back over to Keirsey - Fe in Socionics, I guess).

 

[A window to the soul]

Just enjoy it.

Yeah, I kind of agree with this. Relax, go with the flow.

So I go to the pool hall and I'm there but I had just finished a 12hr shift so I was kinda not in the mood. She asks me what's wrong and I say I'm fine just tired. So I'm shooting a couple of games and not really paying attention "to her". Then its that time for me to leave and there she goes again with the I love you and trying to make me say it. I don't then she gives a cheek kiss goodbye then all of a sudden she gives me many kisses on the cheek and then some on the neck.She was standing and I was sitting down at a table so she had to bend down to do that. I judt smiled and chuckled a little (smdh). I don't want to ask her what's she doing that just might put the last nail in the coffin. And I'm terrified of confronting her anyways.

I don't agree with those in this thread that assume the worst in people and hastily door slam. It's obvious you're crazy about her, so I think it's wise to keep any bad 'possible realities' in the back of your mind. In the forefront, considering the probable reality, she may genuinely like you. I believe most people have good intentions.

I'm just generalizing here...

If you go into relationships with a paranoid-bad attitude, then you're not really open to 'reality'. (Reality is what 'is', regardless of what one perceives.) You're also liable to subconsciously treat people unfairly; consequently, pushing them away.

If she's lashing out at you because you're not reciprocating fast enough, then that's your queue to respect yourself enough to walk away (no matter how crazy about her you are). If she genuinely likes you, she won't let you walk too far. She'll figure out a mature respectful approach.

 

[Domino]

May I ask why you're so afraid to confront her? I think I would be so outraged by being jerked around that it would take 20 grown men to hold me back from saying curtly "You tell me what game you're playing so I can return it to the Toys R Us."