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[ISFP] ISFP's and communication

liYA

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Sep 25, 2010
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146
'' Tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. ''

My way of communicating and getting to know people is by comparing myself to them by stating facts about myself or asking them questions about themselves to see if we have mutual interests and views on things
i'm pretty open and usually become friends with someone right away

i don't know if i feel comfortable anymore with sharing so much about myself so fast

so if ISFP's do not like to state their ideas and opinions then what sort of things do you talk about with people you like to spend time with?
 

Sunny Ghost

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May 28, 2010
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what's your type, liya?

i pretty much do the same... state facts about myself, joke around, try and connect or help using my own experiences as a frame of reference.

the things that are a bit more difficult to talk about with others are my ideals on society and the world, politic or religious views, etc. it really just depends on how comfortable a person makes me feel though. with some, i'm more apt to share and with others i'm completely closed lip.
 

liYA

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not sure either infp or isfp
i'm still stuck on the sensing vs intuition part
 

Sunny Ghost

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i had the same problem, but ultimately ISFP was more fitting a description for me.

though not all ISFP's are artist, and some INFP's are...
are you more likely to draw or focus on visual sensations/stimuli... or write prose, find the proper words and have more philosophical pursuits?

also, some people get stuck on... well, i can't be an ISFP, because i am concerned with the world outside myself, or like to read, or enjoy philosophy and am spiritual, etc. thing is, ISFP's do these things as well. but it's to a different degree than with INFP's.

and same vice versa... well, i can't be an INFP, because I enjoy drawing and can find inspiration in visual sensations/stimuli. but it's to a different degree than the ISFP.

ISFP's have a tendency to be more spontaneous, impulsive, live without considering the consequences (ex. take off middle of the night to drive hours away to the mountains to watch a sunrise, though they have to work in the morning. it might be an extreme example... but i did this and have other examples of similar behavior.) they are also often considered child-like, are very playful and silly at times. sometimes perceived as not taking life seriously. (though it's definitely not the case.) also, though we may feel very strongly about our ideals, ethics, or spiritual or philosophical pursuits, we often have a hard time defending our opinions to others, or explaining them out clearly. this often leads to us feeling inferior or dumb, making us insecure.

INFP's on the other hand, are typically more restrained and come off much more mature. they can be goofy and theatrical at times, but don't compare to the ISFP's level of playfulness. they are more likely to consider the consequences of their behavior. (i.e. tend to be less spontaneous. will be mindful of the fact they have to work in the morning, and therefore will not go out to a party and drink the night before.) they tend to be great with their words, and can write the most beautiful poetry, or will clearly explain out their ideals or philosophy's on life.


any of that help?
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
4,468
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
ISFP girlfriend fits this. Pretty cagey with most other people. Is a balancer or peacemaker in group conversation. Does better with one on one. Likes to talk alot when when are alone. On telephone does most of the talking with me and most of the listening for everybody else. Usually when they chose to talk alot then she is secure with the people she is talking to.

I don't know if this is similar to other ISFPs but she will often change the subject in mid conversation with little or no segue. Doesn't both me too much but some people get pissed off by this habit.
 

Sunny Ghost

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ISFP girlfriend fits this. Pretty cagey with most other people. Is a balancer or peacemaker in group conversation. Does better with one on one. Likes to talk alot when when are alone. On telephone does most of the talking with me and most of the listening for everybody else. Usually when they chose to talk alot then she is secure with the people she is talking to.

I don't know if this is similar to other ISFPs but she will often change the subject in mid conversation with little or no segue. Doesn't both me too much but some people get pissed off by this habit.

yeah... it's almost like a built in ADD. i'd like to chuck it to auxiliary Se... but often times i'll just go off into my own head and become unaware of where the conversation around me might have moved. (short attention span.) then i pop back into conversation with something completely random, breaking the entire flow of the original conversation. my ex used to get so angry with me, and never pointed it out until we had already been dating a couple of years. every time after that, he'd be sure to call me out when i did it.

ooh, a possible other way to tell is... my INFP ex used to get annoyed when i used words like "like" or "um..." he said it dumbed down my entire point and often would help me to work on this. i'm making assumptions about both ISFP and INFP here... but i feel as though it makes sense, with ISFP's having an inferior Te and INFP's being sort of perfectionist when it comes to wording.

and same here, i have a tendency to be more of a listener than a speaker. INFP's are introverts as well, but are a bit more comfortable around people and speaking than ISFP's. however, when we're comfortable with someone, we can be very very talkative.
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I'm probably more of a talker than listener, or at least am pretty even. I break conversations with random tangents a lot as well. Things remind me of things... and I tend to just say what feels right in the moment. Seems to go down alright.
 

gromit

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Mar 3, 2010
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'' Tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. ''

I would think both INFPs and ISFPs would be similar in this respect. Example: I think I'm a little bit more open to talking and joking in general than my INFP friend (she is more reserved), but neither of us really opens up right away to people in terms of our beliefs or things we hold dear.

In terms of INFP vs ISFP though, I'm not sure holding back your ideas until you trust someone is specific to either.

My way of communicating and getting to know people is by comparing myself to them by stating facts about myself or asking them questions about themselves to see if we have mutual interests and views on things
i'm pretty open and usually become friends with someone right away

i don't know if i feel comfortable anymore with sharing so much about myself so fast

so if ISFP's do not like to state their ideas and opinions then what sort of things do you talk about with people you like to spend time with?

I like to hear about things the person knows about. Like my roommate, the antiques dealer, I love it when he shows me a rug or something that he just got and tells me about how it is made, and different types of dyes and the names of different parts of the rug and things like that. Or if the person is from another part of the country or world, I like to hear about what is different and the same from here, food, weather, transportation, people, phrases. I like when we tell stories about funny things that happened, like before we knew one another or about our families. I am always interested in people's families.

I also have certain friends, whom I'm closer with, where we talk about things like God or spirituality, about things that we're afraid of, or things that make us sad. You can't talk about that kind of stuff too much though, or it gets depressing.
 

liYA

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Sep 25, 2010
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'll just go off into my own head and become unaware of where the conversation around me might have moved. (short attention span.) then i pop back into conversation with something completely random, breaking the entire flow of the original conversation.

I break conversations with random tangents a lot as well. Things remind me of things... and I tend to just say what feels right in the moment.

Sounds like me^^
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
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Jun 7, 2008
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ESFP
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7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I'm not good at starting conversations or introducing myself to people. But if placed in a situation where a conversation is taking place, I am usually friendly and open to talk about whatever. Especially if I get to tell funny stories or talk about how awesome I am. ;)
 

Sunny Ghost

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I'm not good at starting conversations or introducing myself to people. But if placed in a situation where a conversation is taking place, I am usually friendly and open to talk about whatever. Especially if I get to tell funny stories or talk about how awesome I am. ;)

it's weird. i'm opposite of this.

i used to be incredibly shy, but over the years i've learned to be very friendly upon meeting others. so, at first i come off quite social and friendly, making it a point to introduce myself to others and make light jokes. people find me quite charming right off the bat.

however, the next time i meet you, i might be a bit more aloof. much more quiet. or keep it on the same friendly level as the first time.

but if it comes down to actually sitting down and chit chatting, i'm a bit more closed lip. i'll tense up in these situations if i'm not very familiar with you.

and for me, familiarity takes running into you about 50 times first, slowly getting to know you. haha.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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I tend to let someone else speak first so I can get an idea of what they are like before jumping in. Once I feel comfortable I have a habit of being a chatterbox. Actually, my husband thinks something is wrong when I'm not talking. On New Year's Eve we went to one of his friend's party.... I knew two people there... By the end of the night I had talked to the majority of the people there, and even ended up getting a hug from one of the girls before we left... I think that was some weird pregnancy bond thing since we are both pregnant. :shrug:
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
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May 8, 2007
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getting my isfp to talk about anything non-mundane (or especially, emotional) is like getting blood from a stone. Occasionally it happens, though. Even with mundane things, he's not exactly a chatterbox. He's not an exceptionally good listener, either. He's usually either doing something, looking at something, or thinking of something rather than being interested in conversation. :shrug:

I'm like this with people I don't know well too (he's like that with everyone/most people, I think) but he comes off as silently friendly (I think) and I often come off as aloof. Perhaps the T/F.

note: I'm not saying this is "typical" but it's a data point, anyway.
 

Rail Tracer

Freaking Ratchet
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getting my isfp to talk about anything non-mundane (or especially, emotional) is like getting blood from a stone. Occasionally it happens, though. Even with mundane things, he's not exactly a chatterbox. He's not an exceptionally good listener, either. He's usually either doing something, looking at something, or thinking of something rather than being interested in conversation. :shrug:

I'm like this with people I don't know well too (he's like that with everyone/most people, I think) but he comes off as silently friendly (I think) and I often come off as aloof. Perhaps the T/F.

note: I'm not saying this is "typical" but it's a data point, anyway.

Not exactly a chatterbox is true in my case. It really depends on the person whether I'm talkative or not. Even with some of my siblings, I'm not that talkative. It's like you really do have to draw blood from a stone. With people I do end up talking a lot to, it all draws down to how willing the person is to continue forced interaction with me.

But really, the general idea is I'm just not that talkative, especially in real life.

I usually do listen when someone is speaking to me. But if I find you boring, going on and on about something, or the topic isn't so interesting to begin with, I'll most likely be thinking about something or looking out "into space."
 

Chaotic Harmony

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sx
I usually do listen when someone is speaking to me. But if I find you boring, going on and on about something, or the topic isn't so interesting to begin with, I'll most likely be thinking about something or looking out "into space."

Unfortunately I'm this way too.... I have a really hard time staying attentive if I find the subject matter to be boring.... Can make some classes really difficult to pay attention in. At least my husband is learning when to stop talking about gas prices and why they are ridiculous. :smile:
 

Sunny Ghost

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getting my isfp to talk about anything non-mundane (or especially, emotional) is like getting blood from a stone. Occasionally it happens, though. Even with mundane things, he's not exactly a chatterbox. He's not an exceptionally good listener, either. He's usually either doing something, looking at something, or thinking of something rather than being interested in conversation. :shrug:

I'm like this with people I don't know well too (he's like that with everyone/most people, I think) but he comes off as silently friendly (I think) and I often come off as aloof. Perhaps the T/F.

note: I'm not saying this is "typical" but it's a data point, anyway.
nah, not the T/F thing. i've had many people tell me during my life that they thought i was a bitch upon first meeting me... and it was because i was either shy or aloof. and i'm a feeler! this is why i suppose i compensate now a days and make it a point to be friendly and outgoing upon first meeting someone new. it's when i progress past that point with someone that i may become aloof again, until i get to know you really really well. and there are very few that will make it to that point with me. I can vary anywhere from extremely chatty to extremely untalkative. I suppose it depends on my level of comfort as well as how much I'll feel the need to talk (guilt, insecurity). I'd say I used to be much quieter, but I think I've developed a bit of Fe and do alright most of the time.

Not exactly a chatterbox is true in my case. It really depends on the person whether I'm talkative or not. Even with some of my siblings, I'm not that talkative. It's like you really do have to draw blood from a stone. With people I do end up talking a lot to, it all draws down to how willing the person is to continue forced interaction with me.

But really, the general idea is I'm just not that talkative, especially in real life.

I usually do listen when someone is speaking to me. But if I find you boring, going on and on about something, or the topic isn't so interesting to begin with, I'll most likely be thinking about something or looking out "into space."
Guilty. I'm bad about tuning people out if they go on for too long. Each person is allotted only so much time to speak before an interjection of some sort is required... and some people really push it. It's not my fault they don't follow social etiquette. Psssh. Psychic vampires. But yeah, if someone talks for too long, my mind will retreat elsewhere. I might try to fight it at first... but other times it won't even occur to me that I'm drifting far away. When I come back to, I'll either feel a need to run away from the person or feel guilted into paying close attention.
 

Sunshine

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Apr 25, 2008
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sx/so
getting my isfp to talk about anything non-mundane (or especially, emotional) is like getting blood from a stone. Occasionally it happens, though. Even with mundane things, he's not exactly a chatterbox. He's not an exceptionally good listener, either. He's usually either doing something, looking at something, or thinking of something rather than being interested in conversation. :shrug:

I'm like this with people I don't know well too (he's like that with everyone/most people, I think) but he comes off as silently friendly (I think) and I often come off as aloof. Perhaps the T/F.

note: I'm not saying this is "typical" but it's a data point, anyway.

lol maybe he just doens't want to talk about emotional things with you :p

It is kind of surprising though that my ISTP brother actually seems to operate with more ease when there's one of those intense emotional bonding moments between us. I sort of just freeze up out of being overwhelmed by emotion. It's kind of weird. There's seems to be a flip sometimes in our relationship where he acts more like the feeler and I act more like the thinker.

Btw mundane is disgusting. Revolting. Horrible. I hope I never go on about mundane things.

ETA: I love your avatar
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
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54
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so/sp
Guilty. I'm bad about tuning people out if they go on for too long. Each person is allotted only so much time to speak before an interjection of some sort is required... and some people really push it. It's not my fault they don't follow social etiquette. Psssh. Psychic vampires. But yeah, if someone talks for too long, my mind will retreat elsewhere. I might try to fight it at first... but other times it won't even occur to me that I'm drifting far away. When I come back to, I'll either feel a need to run away from the person or feel guilted into paying close attention.

Case in point?
 

Sunny Ghost

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lol maybe he just doens't want to talk about emotional things with you :p

It is kind of surprising though that my ISTP brother actually seems to operate with more ease when there's one of those intense emotional bonding moments between us. I sort of just freeze up out of being overwhelmed by emotion. It's kind of weird. There's seems to be a flip sometimes in our relationship where he acts more like the feeler and I act more like the thinker.
i think one of the problems with Fi is the need for authenticity and being genuine. sometimes speaking our emotions aloud will cheapen the actual emotion... like they'll come out sounding faking and not genuine. so even though someones an Fi, doesn't mean talking about emotions will be an easy task.
 
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