[ISFP] ISFPs do you ever feel like you are being treated like a doormat?

[liYA]

ISFP's do you find it hard to find people that treat you well?

Because you are soft natured do you find people treat you like a doormat?

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I use to have this issue when I was a young teenager because I didn't have any self respect. As I've gotten older I don't have any issues with people who think they can walk all over me because I present myself in a way that says the opposite.

 

[gromit]

Hm. I think I try to spend my time with people who treat me with respect and kindness (and I try to treat others that way too). That said, I've been in a handful of relationships which were not really that healthy at all, romantic and other types of relationships. It has taken me a lot of time to realize what ayoitsStepho has learned. I struggled with self-esteem for many years. I still sort of do, from time to time, but not nearly to the same extent. Even when I was at my worst though, there were a LOT of people who would and did stick up for me if somebody was being mean.

But really it does have to come from within. People can say really nice, well-intentioned things, but if you do not believe it, it won't stick.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

i'm sure i used to have this problem. however, with age i became more assertive. not to mention, same as with gromit, i try to surround myself with people who don't abuse others.

 

[wolfy]

In answer to your soft natured question, I feel that people trust me because I am receptive. Something about my nature helps others relax. I see more positives in my laid back nature.

I've had people that treat me well... and people who didn't. I don't know about the people who didn't, when I look back I had a part in all that, just like I do with people that treat me well. Like the others said I just try to surround myself with good people and I have found this quote endlessly useful in dealing with people who don't. Gromit's Buddha quote from me reminded me of it...

If a man brings you a present and you refuse that present who does that present belong to?

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

When I was in high school and some of college.... But after it happened so many times I got a bit thicker skin and a bit more assertive. I have zero problem telling someone no now... And I can be pretty adamant about how I want things done now... I don't just cave to what someone else wants quite as easily. There has to be some logic and compromise to it now.

 

[You]

I use to have this issue when I was a young teenager because I didn't have any self respect. As I've gotten older I don't have any issues with people who think they can walk all over me because I present myself in a way that says the opposite.

Haha, what's that mean? Did you rub the "Welcome" ink off ya forehead or something. If ya ask me, I have a hard time seeing you as anything other than a cute girl who likes to dance, especially in youtube videos...

Now, see, a lil shirade like that for some be a tad bit offensive, people get hurt. The thing is that as we get older, no matter what type from what I've experience, just learn there wits if they weren't born with them and handle their life according to how they like it.

For example, steph took up that job at victoria secret. What's that gota do with anything? Well, not much of a damn thing, but I thought I'd put the spotlight on the coolest ISFP on the boards real quick.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

In answer to your soft natured question, I feel that people trust me because I am receptive. Something about my nature helps others relax. I see more positives in my laid back nature.

I've had people that treat me well... and people who didn't. I don't know about the people who didn't, when I look back I had a part in all that, just like I do with people that treat me well. Like the others said I just try to surround myself with good people and I have found this quote endlessly useful in dealing with people who don't. Gromit's Buddha quote from me reminded me of it...

If a man brings you a present and you refuse that present who does that present belong to?

agreed, on the soft natured aspect. generally people will feel my soft nature as warmth, which makes most in my company feel comfortable. i find people gravitate towards me when they feel they need someone to talk to. in fact, there are some i feel only contact me when they need someone to talk to. and to some, this might be perceived at being taken advantage of. but for me, i love that people can sense that i am a trustworthy and warm and sincere person. i'm okay with just being a person to lean on every once in a while because i genuinely love helping people.

but i can be hard if i need to be. i have no problem earning people's respect, and it's because i know when to be hard or soft. i've even occasionally heard that i'm intimidating. :workout:

but of course we've all met someone who just lacks respect for anyone or everyone. but i know this has less to do with who i am, and more to do with who they are.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

agreed, on the soft natured aspect. generally people will feel my soft nature as warmth, which makes most in my company feel comfortable. i find people gravitate towards me when they feel they need someone to talk to. in fact, there are some i feel only contact me when they need someone to talk to. and to some, this might be perceived at being taken advantage of. but for me, i love that people can sense that i am a trustworthy and warm and sincere person. i'm okay with just being a person to lean on every once in a while because i genuinely love helping people. /QUOTE]

Maybe this is why people always talk to me.... I try and avoid talking to some people, and it seems like they gravitate towards me... I guess I just have a warm aura that draws people to me.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Maybe this is why people always talk to me.... I try and avoid talking to some people, and it seems like they gravitate towards me... I guess I just have a warm aura that draws people to me.

i'm sure you do. unhealthy Fi's... probably not. perhaps even the opposite. i've known some ISFP's people will want to run away from.

healthy Fi's... yes.

 

[man]

no im tuff

 

[Goosebump]

I'm nice to people but I'm not a doormat.
I usually know when people are taking advantage to me. And interestingly, those people know when I know too so they usually stop. When I was younger, if someone is mistreating or being rude to me, I usually show attitude or act passive-aggressive. But now, I know better how to deal with them and try to act with more tact.

 

[knight]

i'm sure i used to have this problem. however, with age i became more assertive. not to mention, same as with gromit, i try to surround myself with people who don't abuse others.

I always tell people "if you screw with me I`ll Cut you!"
just like that everything is sunshine and rainbows

 

[JoSunshine]

Hm. I think I try to spend my time with people who treat me with respect and kindness (and I try to treat others that way too).

Obviously, I am not an ISFP. However I just ended a relationship with an IxFP because he didn't do that^ and ended up being a doormat to certain people. The meaner and more aggressive a person was, the harder he would work to appease them. Meanwhile, the people who did genuinely care about him, got shuffled to the bottom of his priority list because he was too busy catering to the person who made the most noise. He felt very tread upon by people, the thing that he didn't see is that he was rewarding bad behavior and that he was actually treading upon the people who treated him well.

It's sad because I know he is a nice person who could be a great friend and boyfriend, but not until he chooses to clear the crap out of his life to make room and time for kindness.

 

[Jeffster]

Well, I used to let my son walk on my back when he was smaller. Now he usually just tackles me or punches me in the stomach or legs.

 

[knight]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5paKczJn4IU"]The ISFP Tree[/YOUTUBE]

 

[discoverhiddenjules]

Yes, I can definitely relate, and it comforting to know that there are others out there who understand what it feels like I feel like I go unnoticed and overlooked all the time! I'm constantly ignored even though I try to participate in class and say hi to people in the hallways! I'm not invited to many places, and I think that this is because no one really knows who I am. They think I'm just the sweet, shy girl who is happy doing her own thing, but no that's not true! Just because act like everything's okay doesn't mean it is. I cover up my feelings of lonliness and vent about them on here lol. And yes, to answer your question better, I am quite often taken advantage of, and I have a hard time saying no. It's because I'm soft-spoken and gentle, so people aren't afraid to make me do what they want. However I have become more wiser and now I can definitely be assertive and stand my ground if I need to!

 

[Bamboo]

Sometimes. Few people have really ever used me - which really sucked. Most the time people are just oblivious and ask for things that are unfair or unequal. I wish they didn't do that, but wishful thinking isn't a substitute for saying "I can't do that." It's worth it to set clear boundaries. I'll admit it makes me uncomfortable though, especially if someone repeatedly demands treatment which I've told them I don't want to or cannot provide.

agreed, on the soft natured aspect. generally people will feel my soft nature as warmth, which makes most in my company feel comfortable. i find people gravitate towards me when they feel they need someone to talk to. in fact, there are some i feel only contact me when they need someone to talk to. and to some, this might be perceived at being taken advantage of. but for me, i love that people can sense that i am a trustworthy and warm and sincere person. i'm okay with just being a person to lean on every once in a while because i genuinely love helping people.

I can relate a lot to this. I've been in the position of being the honest guy who will listen and give advice many times. Sometimes I feel like I'm taken advantage of though. This is a positive way to look at the situation.

 

[Quinlan]

I never FEEL like I'm a doormat but who knows, maybe I act like one sometimes but I'm not sure. I have no problem saying no but often don't have to because I enjoy helping people out. I can't remember being treated poorly, I tend to rise above drama and passive aggressiveness and no one out right attacks me, so yeah I don't feel poorly treated.

 

[RedwoodElf]

I agree with what most everyone has been saying, I spend time with people I like and they tend to be people who like and respect me so they don't treat me like a doormat.

I have had some experiences in the past though where I let myself be taken advantage of by someone that I had a crush on. I would do everything I could in my non-verbal way to let them know that I liked them by doing them favors, bringing them gifts, and being willing to drop everything to spend time with them, and just in general making them feel like they were special. I failed to see the hole in that plan because I was giving them everything they wanted without requiring or getting anything in return. It wasn't their fault, I was just letting them have everything for free, and devaluing myself in their eyes in the process. I'd like to say that I learned from it and never made that mistake again, but I just caught myself getting into a situation like that again and am actively trying to pull myself out of it. Any other ISFPs find themselves getting into situations like that?