• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[SP] Friendship Questions for SP's

liYA

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
146
So I found questions by Serenes on the NF section that I was hoping SP's could answer



Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?
What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead? I just act friendly but wait for them to ask first most of the time.

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

No

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you? Yes, I often confront people who annoy me, or at least make it clear that I'm annoyed. If someone keeps trying to talk to me and I want to get away from them I usually physically just walk away.

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

I share personal thoughts if I feel comfortable around the person. I do tend to feel threatened by blatant personal questions unless the conversation comes on very casually.

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

I trust my friends after the friendship stands the test of time and circumstance.

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?

Depends on the friend. Average about a year for me to be telling them everything.

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

Laid back people, people who like me, very quiet, sensitive thoughtful types, people who have already proven to be trustworthy.

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

If they spend a lot of quality time with me and have shown that they care about my well being, (and have given me reasons to care about their well-being as well) Laughing, sense of humor, fun.

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
Overly dramatic and intense people scare me away. People with a lot of baggage. Mean words/ verbal abuse is always a deal breaker. If they don't hold up their side of the friendship that's usually a deal breaker.

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

When I'm having a good time I laugh and talk a lot and joke around. When I'm having a bad time I sit quietly with a bored/ blank face.

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

No, everyone has their own beliefs. If they push their beliefs on me and everyone around them it makes me think of them differently.

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to? Because I want to.

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

Not really, unless they meet the "don't like" criteria above. I'm pretty laissez-faire with my friendships.

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

I make friends through work (and school when I was in school) or through other friends and groups.

I have a few "best" friends

2 were family friends that I grew up with- neighbors
1 I went to elementary school with.
1 I went to middle school with, played field hockey, and had classes.
3 I met at work places

It takes a year or two for me to call them my "best" friend or count amongst my closest friends.

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

They know me really well and what to say in certain situations. They know traits about me that not everyone knows. (Random stuff, aka- I doodle a lot, I need to be left alone when I'm angry, I don't wear socks to bed. ) They can read my thoughts and emotions and know exactly what to say. They go out of their way to spend time with me. We can talk for hours. They can make me laugh.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
Enneagram
827
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

I talk indiscriminantly to almost everyone... if they're interesting I keep talking to them... I wait for them to make the friendship move though :ninja:

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

I'll intentionally NOT say things that are hurtful, though I won't give praise for something that everyone knows sucks :thumbdown:

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

I tend to make an excuse and leave... if they are an adamant non-smoker I light a cigarette and stand upwind of them :whistling:

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

I'll share my thoughts, but rarely what I feel... I resent people prying into my personal life- if I want them to know I'll tell them dammit! :steam:

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

If they are there for me good times and bad, and I've never seen them backstab any other friends I'll start to trust them...

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?

no set timeframe... see above :yes:

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

people who I feel some common connection with- and no, I can't explain that :thelook:

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

my friends have been there for me through good times and some really bad times- I like their loyalty... that's the most important quality in a friend :cheese:

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

DISloyalty :thumbdown:

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

if I'm having a good time I laugh and talk a lot... if I'm not I leave

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

no, but I would make fun of them for it :tongue: (like I do my republican friends!)

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

my friends have been there to help me out when things get tough- I owe them the same

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

ditto above... and if they don't they're not my friend :)

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

I make friends by accident- I'm friendly towards them and they claim me as a friend- I go with it :laugh:

my best friend lived down the hall from me freshman year of college- we didn't like one another at first because of a personality clash (she's a good ESTJ!) but we kept hanging out because we had friends in common and went to the same parties and ended up becoming best friends after 3 years :yes:

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

they trust me... and don't judge me for some things I've done in the past that I'm not necissarily proud of :blush:
 

Amethyst

¡MI TORTA!
Joined
May 9, 2010
Messages
2,191
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Oh wow...lots of questions!

Okay!

Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

I like to talk to a lot of people (if they are welcome to it), but befriending people is more of a mutual agreement of 'oh hey, I enjoyed the conversations we had. We should do this more often'. I do put in effort to hanging out with someone if needed, but I just let things flow and whoever I run into is whoever I run into. I used to put way too much effort into making friends, and I made the wrong friends that way. I usually wait, at least around here. I just get this sense from people that they're sort of anti-social, and I sort of wish I was neurotic about that, but I've sort of tested what I've witnessed and a lot of people just really like to keep to themselves.


Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

When talking to someone I just met or don't know very well, yes...People tend to think I'm a very lovely person to be around with, but the people who really know me don't see that at all.


If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

Nah, not much really annoys me, and if it does annoy me, then it's probably annoying someone else, in which they will say something about it. I'd just make up an excuse to leave them like 'I need to do homework alone', and if they still didn't leave, I'd tell them off.

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

Not really, no, but I'm working on finding a balance of that. I would feel awkward if someone was asking me about my personal life...I would just wonder why they would even care, and just make up answers.

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

I give 100% of my trust in very few friends, but we're friends for life. Making new friends, or friends I just made in the past year or so I'm much more reluctant to open up to. They gain my trust by mutual trust. If they're able to trust me, then I can trust them, or I give them some sort of subconscious trust test to see their true colors.

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?

Depends on the friend. I'd say only a few months, but if the trust was broken any time in between, then it can take years, or probably just never. If they don't criticize me for what I do (or they do so in a joking matter) then I'm usually much more comfortable. There are friends where you can feel comfortable with, and there are friends where you're mostly beneficial to each other, but neither are you are comfortable.

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

Introverts, 90% of the time. I guess I just have a thing with extroverts? :huh: Even though I am one. :laugh:

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

How different they all are from each other. I think the best quality of friendship is when everyone can be able to express their true selves comfortably in front of anyone without any fear of judgement or criticism of others where you would think such criticisms would negatively affect the friendship.

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

Flakiness (as in you're one personality around me, but with anyone else you act entirely different...it just sounds shady), back-stabbing, trying to control me in any way, shape or form.

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

Super-fun, loud, happy, excitable, persuasive of other people joining in on the good time. Otherwise, I'm extremely reserved, quiet, meek, basically hiding from everyone...I don't like people seeing that I'm having a bad time anywhere.


If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

It depends on what it is. If I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion of anything, but they seem to disagree entirely, then I would just think of them as a hypocrite. As for mostly anything else, I don't care, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I remember one time where I did argue with someone (not a friend, but at the time I may have thought so) about their viewpoint on sex...I couldn't even listen to her, what she said was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I hear some pretty dumb shit.

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

I usually don't feel obligated with my friends, except to be there if they need my advice or a shoulder to cry on (which I'm certainly not the best shoulder). I do what I do. I'm naturally a very giving person to people I care about.

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

The same expectations they have of me: to just be themselves.

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

I'm just nice to people, I act like myself, I give out no fronts, and people who are naturally drawn to that as well as people I like to be with in return become friends.

Doing a lot of stuff together through good times and the bad and still sticking through makes them best friends.

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

Crazy things. :devil:
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?
Ummm, well not really strongly, but certainly there are people I see that I want to know better, so I might invite them somewhere if I felt brave, or more likely just talk to them. It's not seeing them from afar and deciding to be friends, it's more pushing people along a gradient towards friendship (and stopping if you see you don't want to be closer).

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
Yes, I try not to be rude, although I rarely say compliments I don't mean. I'm more likely to say nothing, or say "it looks nice/fine" if asked. Or tell the truth, if that seems wiser.

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?
Sometimes, usually not. Usually it's pointless. For the second, I would give subtle and increasingly less-subtle hints that I wasn't enjoying the conversation. Failing that, I suppose I'd make up an emergency if I was really uncomfortable, but usually I'll suck it up for a while to be polite.

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?
You'd have to define "personal thought".The level of intimacy will depend on our closeness, of course. I would be annoyed if the questions passed my threshold for what I share with strangers, but honestly I don't think that's happened. Most people are too polite to pass that level. I don't feel "personal" about a lot of things that other people might, I suspect. The only things that are truly personal to me are my emotions about things, and a few events in my past that would attract a lot of unwanted attention/concern if people knew them. And how would anyone stumble on to asking about that? I would shrug it off if they did.

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
It really just depends on my vibe about them, how close we are, and their past history. I tend to assume most people will act "normally" until shown otherwise. i.e. fairly trustworthy.

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?
For some, it could be one evening, others will never get there. It's a function of our relationship, not time.

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
Define "kinds". There is no trend for me, other than it's people I like and respect obviously.

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?
Entertainment, sounding board, new perspective. I don't have a list of qualities. It's usually just if we have good conversation.

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
Just if I don't like or respect you, if you're a shitty person or boring(i.e. we have nothing in common). If hanging out isn't fun.

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?
Uhh...like most people? If I'm with you voluntarily, I'm probably happy. I would be at home if I were depressed or tired.

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

Of course! Would I like them less....depends on the situation.

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?
Not really, but my friends don't ask for much.

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
No expectations other than being consistent and not being a douche.

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?
Through friends. My best friend is my ex. We actually met for an assignment in a university class, and semi-instantly clicked. I wouldn't have called him a best friend until we started dating, though we were good friends by then (about 3 months) and I didn't have any closer friends. I didn't really have "real" friends until then, actually. We stayed best friends after breaking up.

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
Usually just if we connect through conversation/shared experience. Nothing specific, no formula.
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

Looking back at the friendships in my life they have just happened. We worked together or met through a mutual friend and hit it off. I have at times been curious about someone and felt a compulsion to be nearer to them. This usually means I'm attracted to them and haven't realized it yet.

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

If I know you are a sensitive person then I say things out of politeness instead of what I really think. You don't want to hear what I'm thinking. Hell, I've hurt people's feelings when I'm intentionally trying to be nice.

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

I just ignore the person. If I don't like someone who is trying to talk to me. I walk away. If they follow then I keep walking away.

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

What's a personal thought? Aren't all thoughts personal? Don't know how to answer that question. As far as your second question it would all depend upon what intent I read in the person asking me about my life. I don't really have any secrets and I'm open about my life but at the same time I don't necessarily think just because someone asks they are entitled to an answer. It really is a subjective, case by case basis. I always say if you want to know anything about me ask my friends. They'll give you the wrong answer but at least they'll make it sound good.

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
I'm not sure I trust or don't trust anyone. If I know someone I usually know their strengths and weaknesses and trust according to those lines.


How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?


No time limit. I can be instant or take a while due to how similar or different we are.

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

I like anyone who can take a joke and not be offended easily. I strongly dislike anyone who feeds into a "politically correct" mentality and expects me to do the same. I like people who stand up for themselves and others. I like a great sense of humor and I like strong personalities in people. I gravitate towards people who know how serious life is but they don't take it that way.


What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

I like that all my friends are so varied. I learn something new from each one of them. I have different groups of friends. Ones that I discuss topics and viewpoints with. Ones that I party with, ones that I talk about my life with, ones that I go places with. Some are all those combined.

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

If they're my friend they've gotten past all that.

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

Good time: varies from chill, hyper, drunk, smiling, laughing. Bad time: varies from quiet, bored, bitchy, impatient, simmering, explosive

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

No.

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?
I don't have obligations to anyone but myself. If I'm doing something for someone else it's because I want to.

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
I don't want them to steal from me or sleep with a boyfriend. The usual common sense stuff. Otherwise I don't have any expectations.

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?
Work together or meet through a friend. I don't have any one best friend but I guess the difference between those friends I do have that meet that standard and other friends is I've gone through some kind of hardship with them and they've ridden it out with me.

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

Sharing a laugh.

EDIT: I purposely didn't read any of the posts before me until I posted this and I LOL'd at Randoms "you'll have to define 'personal thought' " answer.
 

Chaotic Harmony

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,436
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?
Considering I'm a homebody, most of the time the other person does the asking when it comes to hanging out... Also, I don't have the greatest self confidence, so a lot of times I don't invite people because I feel they'll reject my offer anyway. That's why it took me three weeks to ask for my husband's phone number. :doh:

Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
Usually.... If I'm in a rotten mood I have a habit of spouting off harsh things, which I later end up regretting. Also, in the past when I used to drink alcohol I'd have a bad habit of running my mouth.... Amazing I've never been in a fight before...

If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?
If I'm very close to them. I always let my husband know when he's on my nerves.... And my best friend always knows... Others I tend to just smile and nod...

Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?
Rarely, if ever. Most people learn real quick that I'm not open to sharing things.... I tend to give one word responses a lot when I'm not in the mood to discuss my life.

Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
Not really. I'm a very cautious person because of how gullible I can be... So because of that I keep my guard up for quite some time. I think it took my best friend a full year before I trusted him....and even then I waiver on some things because I'm afraid I'm being gullible.

How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend?
Some friends have never seen me open up. Right now there are only three people that have seen me open up. My husband, my best friend, and a former coworker that I really connected with are the only ones that I've felt comfortable enough around to open up.

What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
People that don't sugar coat things and I can relate to.

What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?
I have the most loyal friends in the world. My best friends girlfriend has seen two incidents now where she's seen just how loyal we are to each other. Thankfully, she didn't get jealous about it, she respected me more and realized that we were more like brother and sister than anyone she'd have to worry about trying to come between them.

What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
I'm really not a fan of people that make fun of others for things beyond their control.... If a friend of mine makes fun of someone for a disability they get the boot really quick.

How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?
Probably smile and laugh a lot when I'm having a good time... If I'm having a bad time I'll be straight faced and silent.

If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?
Nah, me and my best friend have very different political views and it has never once come between us.

Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?
I always try to make sure to wish them a happy birthday. That's about the only obligation I feel the need to fill.... Any other obligations are if they have asked me specifically for help.

In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
The only thing I expect is loyalty! If I have given you my loyalty, don't make me regret it by stabbing me in the back.

How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?
Pretty much anywhere... At work, in class, through friends. My best friend and I actually have an interesting story... A former friend of mine (and his actually) were all hanging out one day and me and him had a lot in common. Over time we started chatting, which made our mutual friend mad... So in turn, she turned everyone else we hung out with against me. Her only problem was, everyone she turned against me was considered just an acquaintance, so I moved on pretty easily. She didn't move on quite as easily, because her actions ticked off her friend (which she considered her best friend at the time), and he sided with me. We've had an unshakable friendship ever since....And believe me, people have tried to wreck our friendship. I know he's got my back, and I've shown him that I've got his back.

What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
That I'm a good person. Most recently, I wasn't sure how my husband's second to youngest brother felt about me, because he's a hard read. So I commented that I wasn't sure if he liked me or not at the wedding when we were dancing... And he told me, "You would know if I didn't like you, but I can tell you are a good person." That was all he needed to say, ever since I've been comfortable around him and don't question whether he likes me or not.
 
Top