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[MBTI General] INFJ Female & ESFP Male

JFNI

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
None. And I'm an NF myself (ENFP). I hate the idea that I'm positively discriminating and negatively discriminating people with no real reason. A friend of mine is only a friend of mine because he has moral merit. I only not like people when they prove they are assholes.

Not being a thinker doesn't mean one can't be congruent and coherent. And explaining things doesn't make it lose it's beautiful. It's not even explaining, it's self-awareness.

Otherwise, you can't ever like someone who is lovely if you are conscious that person is lovely and that is why you like him/her. Nor can you ever hate someone genuinely "simply" because they do bad things.

Oh, in friendships it's a totally different subject.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.
 

JFNI

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Thrill of the chase?

Haha, there's not much of that at this point. I'm just afraid I'll have to chase. Because once I realize it had reached that point I'll leave it all and walk away. I hate chasing or being chased. Too old for this stuff.
 

JFNI

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.

Certainly. Also, have you heard of the mere exposure effect?
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Oh, in friendships it's a totally different subject.

For me there is no difference. I have to love someone for all the right reasons just as much as I have to like a friend for all the right reasons. But, again, that's me. Just explaining my logic.

I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.

I draw the line in physical attraction. That's a battle that no longer interests me. I will never be sexually attracted to someone who I don't find physically beautiful. Or if I am, I'm weary of how that would pan out long term.

But physical attraction aside, when it comes to other aspects of personality, I will deny my instinctual side if need be, in favor of fairness. Yes, I'm a moral masochist...and proud of it too.
 

JFNI

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
For me there is no difference. I have to love someone for all the right reasons just as much as I have to like a friend for all the right reasons. But, again, that's me. Just explaining my logic.

Then you're stuck defining the forever controversial right and wrong, and you got one battle after another just to like a person. It's a lot simpler than that.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Then you're stuck defining the forever controversial right and wrong,

Yes, and I learn things along the way.

and you got one battle after another just to like a person. It's a lot simpler than that.

No no no. It makes it simpler to like a person for all the right reasons, because I've already done my homework. And I'm ENFP, I have some intuition when it comes to people.

I can tell relatively quickly whether it's someone I will enjoy talking about everything with or not and vice versa (closely related to N more often than not) I can tell what that person's views in terms of empathy towards others is. etc

Knowing what one likes and what one can live with makes things a lot easier.
 

JFNI

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
56
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Yes, and I learn things along the way.



No no no. It makes it simpler to like a person for all the right reasons, because I've already done my homework. And I'm ENFP, I have some intuition when it comes to people.

I can tell relatively quickly whether it's someone I will enjoy talking about everything with or not and vice versa (closely related to N more often than not) I can tell what that person's views in terms of empathy towards others is. etc

Knowing what one likes and what one can live with makes things a lot easier.

You sound like you have a story to tell. : )
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I draw the line in physical attraction. That's a battle that no longer interests me. I will never be sexually attracted to someone who I don't find physically beautiful. Or if I am, I'm weary of how that would pan out long term.

But physical attraction aside, when it comes to other aspects of personality, I will deny my instinctual side if need be, in favor of fairness. Yes, I'm a moral masochist...and proud of it too.
I wouldn't date someone I didn't find at least somewhat physically attractive in the first place. I can't imagine why someone would. OTOH, however you look when you begin a relationship, you aren't going to look like that twenty years down the road.

Fair only matters to me in a situation like that if it means that infatuation is overruling my sense and those traits which annoy me in others, but don't annoy me in the object of my affection will begin to annoy me in the object of my affection once we've put some miles on the relationship. Character flaws or glaring incompatibilities would be the things that I'd find worrisome, because those are the things that will bite you in the but when you start having responsibilities and headaches.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Certainly. Also, have you heard of the mere exposure effect?
Like after you are exposed to a particular stimuli enough you begin to unconsciously tune it out?
 

Blown Ghost

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Messages
279
MBTI Type
ESFP
What do I do? What keeps these crazy people in love?

I love to keep things fresh in a relationship, keep my mate entertained and happy. Just to be totally upfront, I am a master of social dynamics and can employ a level of manipulation that would make your head spin if you understood it, but I always know why I'm doing it and I protect the innocence of my deepest intentions and keep them pure even if nobody ever knows that judging from their perspective of my behavior. I don't know why this is and I certainly don't say this for my ego's sake (I was just born this way, don't ask me why!) but I have people I barely know falling in love with me. It becomes a completely different dynamic than what most people are used to and so it causes some hard to understand situations down the road. I've been through these in different ways so many times that the way I end up acting is very difficult for people to read or understand, and then it becomes difficult for them to trust me. This makes me a little sad, because if I had it my way, I'd have enough time for everyone. When I have a moment, I never hesitate to help even a complete stranger just because it makes me happy. People never know it, but I might just be their most supportive ally. I want the best for everyone. Why not? I don't have room in my heart for anything but love. :)

I have seen relationships go down in flames in a million different ways (exaggeration of course) and I have had a fair share of women tell me I was "addicting", often times I won't give someone as much as they want because I know the dynamic will suffer and it's better to keep things flowing slow and steady than to let someone hit rock bottom and suffer from withdrawal symptoms when I eventually need time apart from them. Don't think it's because he's bored with you!

Ultimately, it's all about the cost/benefit analysis of complex social dynamics. We're all born equal in my book, so I always aim for the greatest total outcome for everyone. Why not? I have far more than my fair share of affection. If anything, I wish other people would realize the value of the people they already have in their lives and ignore me. They'd be a lot happier. My point here is... I don't have any reason for malicious intentions towards you, and if your ESFP is similar, he doesn't either. I don't want to generalize about the ESFP type, but my guess is that we face the most harmful misconceptions of any type of person. You should talk with him, and if it's meant to happen, he'll listen and make changes.
 
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