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[MBTI General] How can I tell ESFJ from ESFP?

sciski

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+1 to shortnsweet. A smart SP knows how to take on other traits to get what they want out of life.

FWIW, the description sounds a helluva lot like my future MIL, who is an ESFP. She has learned a bunch of Fe/Si behaviours, though seems to do it to show off her knowledge and savvy at 'handling' people (Se) than out of genuine Fe. She's a relatively unhealthy example though.
 

stellar renegade

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You're right, it's because there is a lot of emotion tied to the subject, and she cares about you. I wouldn't know how to react in this situation either if I were her, except to just be quiet as to not make things worse. I've always sucked at knowing how to handle extroverts in the best way. I hope her worrying is not bringing you down too though.
The only thing that freaks me out is her silence. :horor: It makes me feel like everything has suddenly turned inside-out. I want her to communicate, angry or no, because I just want to know what's going on. :cry:

She said I scared her with something I said recently. She was nagging me a little about how I screwed up the washing machine, which made me feel like an idiot, and I was telling her how I felt. Well eventually after her denials I got a little worked up (this has been replayed a million times but thankfully less so as time has passed) and she said for a split second she felt like we wouldn't work. Well that was kind of a wake-up call to me. :doh: I always overestimate her ability to take my rants. Good thing is though, that I'm generally pretty upbeat and pleasant to be around. :happy:

Of course, I agree with you. :yes: SFJ+STP =:wubbie:
I have to say, even over the internets, you are quite the attractive young lady y'self! :D And it obviously couldn't be pheremones. :thinking: You snagged any lucky guys yet? ;)

Yeeeeeeeeeees. Like slow torture! :steam:
I love these smileys so much. That one just says everything. I'm trying to keep that fact in mind. It's obvious by this time how much she suffers at times like those. :blushing: :BangHead:

Thanks for all your help this whole time, Giggly! :hug: You are quite amazing.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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The only thing that freaks me out is her silence. :horor: It makes me feel like everything has suddenly turned inside-out. I want her to communicate, angry or no, because I just want to know what's going on. :cry:

Hmm, I was in silent mode last night. I didn't want to talk about things because I didn't want to start crying again. Everything going on right now has me stressed to the max and I'm just frustrated. So, to avoid crying, I just kept quiet and went to bed early. It was better than getting a sinus infection from crying. :boohoo:
 

stellar renegade

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Hmm, I was in silent mode last night. I didn't want to talk about things because I didn't want to start crying again. Everything going on right now has me stressed to the max and I'm just frustrated. So, to avoid crying, I just kept quiet and went to bed early. It was better than getting a sinus infection from crying. :boohoo:
Wow, you guys are like twins separated at birth! :horor: Who knew type could be so accurate!? :shock:
 

Chaotic Harmony

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Wow, you guys are like twins separated at birth! :horor: Who knew type could be so accurate!? :shock:

Scary isn't it? :newwink:

For me, part of why I bottle things up is because I don't want to burden anyone with my issues... I know it's not healthy, but I don't want to drag anyone down and make them mopey. :blush:
 

stellar renegade

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Scary isn't it? :newwink:

For me, part of why I bottle things up is because I don't want to burden anyone with my issues... I know it's not healthy, but I don't want to drag anyone down and make them mopey. :blush:
Yeah, and here I seriously used to think that when she expressed feelings like that, that she was guilt-tripping me... :rolli:

Yeah, I know, I suck. :blush:
 

tinker683

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Scary isn't it? :newwink:

For me, part of why I bottle things up is because I don't want to burden anyone with my issues... I know it's not healthy, but I don't want to drag anyone down and make them mopey. :blush:

I do the same thing, which is why I have a blog here or because I like driving alone: It let's me rant, rave, and vent to thin air which hurts or disturbs no one.

Not the best way to deal with the problems, I realize, and I am working on it :blush:
 

Chaotic Harmony

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I do the same thing, which is why I have a blog here or because I like driving alone: It let's me rant, rave, and vent to thin air which hurts or disturbs no one.

Not the best way to deal with the problems, I realize, and I am working on it :blush:

Me too! I prefer to take a drive when I'm needing to vent. I'll usually just drive along some curvy road until I feel better. :)
 

stellar renegade

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I was going to ask you guys why you don't like being touched when you're upset, but I got my answer tonight after a long yet relatively quiet struggle. Basically after everything (me not being aggressive enough in the job search, another late night at work, something else that had happened to her), she didn't want to kiss me. ALL freakin' night! Finally I got one, but that whole time I felt like I was "unworthy" of her affection, though of course she denied that. I kept telling her though that if I did know the reason it'd make a whole lot more sense and I could live with it better.

Finally she said it was because it was too intense for her at the time (plus she was super tired). And she gave such a pleasant look as she said it that I knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with feelings of my unworthiness, that it was because she's so enraptured by me and enjoys those kisses so much that at times it's too much for her already intense, rattled emotions. (I'm not sure I'm explaining it right as I'm tired, but that one look spoke a thousand words to me.)

Whew. That made me feel like a million bucks, actually. I think I can do without kisses sometimes knowing that. :D
 

Giggly

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The only thing that freaks me out is her silence. :horor: It makes me feel like everything has suddenly turned inside-out. I want her to communicate, angry or no, because I just want to know what's going on. :cry:

Don't worry. In time she will communicate how she's feeling more. I suspect that she's still getting comfortable with you. It takes time. I know.


She said I scared her with something I said recently. She was nagging me a little about how I screwed up the washing machine, which made me feel like an idiot, and I was telling her how I felt. Well eventually after her denials I got a little worked up (this has been replayed a million times but thankfully less so as time has passed) and she said for a split second she felt like we wouldn't work. Well that was kind of a wake-up call to me. :doh: I always overestimate her ability to take my rants. Good thing is though, that I'm generally pretty upbeat and pleasant to be around. :happy:

I have a really hard time taking things like this too. I've gotten a bit better over time though. I've concluded that (and please don't take this the wrong way) the greatest indicator of the success of a relationship is how you, both of you, handle disagreements or arguments. Especially when things get heated. This is because it's really easy to be in agreement. Everything is all butterflies and rainbows and happy happy when you agree. But then when things get tough, negative words and expressions start flying that you don't mean and they can be jolting and scary. The repetition of it makes it harder and harder to shake and then I will end up scarred. But I suppose that two intense people would experience some of this inevitably. Just tread carefully please. :)


I have to say, even over the internets, you are quite the attractive young lady y'self! :D And it obviously couldn't be pheremones. :thinking: You snagged any lucky guys yet? ;)

Thank you. :blush: Your ISFJ is so lucky! :D

And, no, I have not snagged anyone yet but I want to. I've just been being too much of an "all-work-no-play" ISFJ. I'd like to bag one of those stellar STPs. :wubbie:

I love these smileys so much. That one just says everything. I'm trying to keep that fact in mind. It's obvious by this time how much she suffers at times like those. :blushing: :BangHead:

Thanks for all your help this whole time, Giggly! :hug: You are quite amazing.

My pleasure. I'm glad to help anytime. :D
 

SilkRoad

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If I were to be a bitch about it, I would say that one is a directionless flake, and the other nags constantly. I leave it to you to guess which is which.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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I was going to ask you guys why you don't like being touched when you're upset, but I got my answer tonight after a long yet relatively quiet struggle. Basically after everything (me not being aggressive enough in the job search, another late night at work, something else that had happened to her), she didn't want to kiss me. ALL freakin' night! Finally I got one, but that whole time I felt like I was "unworthy" of her affection, though of course she denied that. I kept telling her though that if I did know the reason it'd make a whole lot more sense and I could live with it better.

Finally she said it was because it was too intense for her at the time (plus she was super tired). And she gave such a pleasant look as she said it that I knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with feelings of my unworthiness, that it was because she's so enraptured by me and enjoys those kisses so much that at times it's too much for her already intense, rattled emotions. (I'm not sure I'm explaining it right as I'm tired, but that one look spoke a thousand words to me.)

Whew. That made me feel like a million bucks, actually. I think I can do without kisses sometimes knowing that. :D

Yeah... if I'm in a foul mood I can't even think about any kind of affections. :cry: (This is probably going to sound retarded, but...) If I'm really angry or upset I'm afraid that it will be really noticeable to my fiance and I would rather not kiss him than deliver a crappy kiss. :blush:
 

stellar renegade

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Don't worry. In time she will communicate how she's feeling more. I suspect that she's still getting comfortable with you. It takes time. I know.
Well, yeah. She already has... she's told me that no one used to care how she was feeling or stay around very long, so she's had to get used to it. :D

She never had anyone around to see her cry, so she had to get used to the fact that I wanted to be. I prefer it. I want to experience those deep emotions with her. :)

I have a really hard time taking things like this too. I've gotten a bit better over time though. I've concluded that (and please don't take this the wrong way) the greatest indicator of the success of a relationship is how you, both of you, handle disagreements or arguments. Especially when things get heated. This is because it's really easy to be in agreement. Everything is all butterflies and rainbows and happy happy when you agree. But then when things get tough, negative words and expressions start flying that you don't mean and they can be jolting and scary. The repetition of it makes it harder and harder to shake and then I will end up scarred. But I suppose that two intense people would experience some of this inevitably. Just tread carefully please. :)
Oh I don't take it wrong at all. Our fights really aren't that bad in comparison to other couples. She had fun comparing them to my best friend and his girlfriend's fights which caused them to break up and get back together every ten seconds. Almost literally.

If either of us feels like we need to stop, we'll just say, "let's stop" (usually her) and we will, just like that. Then we immediately get to lovin' again. :wubbie:

Thank you. :blush: Your ISFJ is so lucky! :D
Aw, man. heart. is. about. to burst. :heart: Same to whichever guy scoops you up. For serious, girl... :happy:

And, no, I have not snagged anyone yet but I want to. I've just been being too much of an "all-work-no-play" ISFJ. I'd like to bag one of those stellar STPs. :wubbie:
Awwwww, mannnn. :hug: Warm fuzzies! Warm fuzzy alert! :eek:

My pleasure. I'm glad to help anytime. :D
:hug: Much appreciated. I owe you a few. :hug:

If you ever get into trouble with a big bad ol' ESTP, you just let Stellar know, y'hear? :newwink:
 

stellar renegade

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Yeah... if I'm in a foul mood I can't even think about any kind of affections. :cry: (This is probably going to sound retarded, but...) If I'm really angry or upset I'm afraid that it will be really noticeable to my fiance and I would rather not kiss him than deliver a crappy kiss. :blush:
That kinda makes sense. I think it may be that you're too upset to deliver a genuine, heartfelt kiss? But then my personal view is that if she kissed me while upset and I'm fine but just love her, it would just lead to more positive emotions... I don't know what that's like, though.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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That kinda makes sense. I think it may be that you're too upset to deliver a genuine, heartfelt kiss? But then my personal view is that if she kissed me while upset and I'm fine but just love her, it would just lead to more positive emotions... I don't know what that's like, though.

Yeah, it is. When I'm in a crabby mood I'm rather closed off.... And that includes my affections. I suppose your right. Next time I'll have to give the fella a chance to cheer me up with a kiss. :wubbie:
 

Giggly

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Well, yeah. She already has... she's told me that no one used to care how she was feeling or stay around very long, so she's had to get used to it. :D

She never had anyone around to see her cry, so she had to get used to the fact that I wanted to be. I prefer it. I want to experience those deep emotions with her. :)

:wubbie: I'm sure she's really attached to you. And the fact that you're always there makes it even better.

If either of us feels like we need to stop, we'll just say, "let's stop" (usually her) and we will, just like that. Then we immediately get to lovin' again. :wubbie:

I'm not surprised it's her that says "let's stop" more. ISFJs hate conflict. :horor:

Aw, man. heart. is. about. to burst. :heart: Same to whichever guy scoops you up. For serious, girl... :happy:


Awwwww, mannnn. :hug: Warm fuzzies! Warm fuzzy alert! :eek:

Hahaha :hug:

:hug: Much appreciated. I owe you a few. :hug:

If you ever get into trouble with a big bad ol' ESTP, you just let Stellar know, y'hear? :newwink:

I think I'll take you up on that and PM you sometime.


I was going to ask you guys why you don't like being touched when you're upset, but I got my answer tonight after a long yet relatively quiet struggle. Basically after everything (me not being aggressive enough in the job search, another late night at work, something else that had happened to her), she didn't want to kiss me. ALL freakin' night! Finally I got one, but that whole time I felt like I was "unworthy" of her affection, though of course she denied that. I kept telling her though that if I did know the reason it'd make a whole lot more sense and I could live with it better.

Finally she said it was because it was too intense for her at the time (plus she was super tired). And she gave such a pleasant look as she said it that I knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with feelings of my unworthiness, that it was because she's so enraptured by me and enjoys those kisses so much that at times it's too much for her already intense, rattled emotions. (I'm not sure I'm explaining it right as I'm tired, but that one look spoke a thousand words to me.)

Whew. That made me feel like a million bucks, actually. I think I can do without kisses sometimes knowing that. :D

I can totally see this. She probably is very aware of how very easily you make her weak (because she loves you so much) and is really wanting to stay strong in those moments so she resists. I think whatever she's thinking must be important to her though.

If I were to be a bitch about it, I would say that one is a directionless flake, and the other nags constantly. I leave it to you to guess which is which.

Oh I know! The ESFP is the nag and the ESFJ is the directionless flake? What did I win?
 

SilkRoad

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Oh I know! The ESFP is the nag and the ESFJ is the directionless flake? What did I win?

haha. I apologise to anyone I may have insulted. Awesome individuals of both types certainly exist. It's just that I have a certain amount of personal experience with those stereotypes, some of it recent.
 

stellar renegade

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:wubbie: I'm sure she's really attached to you. And the fact that you're always there makes it even better.
It's like you've been reading our texts or something. :newwink:

I'm not surprised it's her that says "let's stop" more. ISFJs hate conflict. :horor:
Yeah, and I'm like a steamroller sometimes. :horor: oops, sorry, babe... :whistling:

I think I'll take you up on that and PM you sometime.
Or, even better! We could exchange Facebooks in case I'm not around again. ;) :D

I can totally see this. She probably is very aware of how very easily you make her weak (because she loves you so much) and is really wanting to stay strong in those moments so she resists. I think whatever she's thinking must be important to her though.
Yeah. A woman is a complex mechanism. I'm sticking with the "it's too intense" bit.

Oh I know! The ESFP is the nag and the ESFJ is the directionless flake? What did I win?
hah, nice ;)
 

stellar renegade

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Yeah, it is. When I'm in a crabby mood I'm rather closed off.... And that includes my affections. I suppose your right. Next time I'll have to give the fella a chance to cheer me up with a kiss. :wubbie:

Score another one for the male gender! :happy:
 

Giggly

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Yeah, and I'm like a steamroller sometimes. :horor: oops, sorry, babe... :whistling:

A little lovin' makes it all better.

Or, even better! We could exchange Facebooks in case I'm not around again. ;) :D

I don't have Facebook. I'll send you my email or IM.


Yeah. A woman is a complex mechanism. I'm sticking with the "it's too intense" bit.

I basically meant the same thing. :)
 
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