[SP] SP's and Cheating

[sLiPpY]

I was curious how other SP's handle cheating. Like when you cheat on your partners? and if so do you tell them? or is it just a dirty little secret? j/k

I've always been honest in communicating with partners, when we're in a "committed or non-committed" relationship. I've also quickly ditched friends over the years who weren't successful in keeping their commitments.

It was ok with me that whatever happened, or happens. So long as they were willing to face it and fess up to the partner they'd committed to. If it appeared to be a habit vs. an accident, those friends would still get the boot.
Self-control, is just as important as integrity...in choosing friends.

At least for me.

What say you SPs? What's your own take and approach to the topic.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm always very upfront about things with my partners

I had an ex who I caught with some chick all over him at a party and he informed me that we were broken up for the next 24 hours, so I took someone else home, assuming that his evening had continued the way it looked like it was going... my evening went well, and when I saw him for lunch the next day I informed him of what happened... he was beyond pissed off at me :rolli:

he told me it would have been better if I'd lied, but I'd rather hear the truth, so I assumed that anyone else would rather hear the truth as well!

When I walked IN on him cheating on me, after he'd insisted that there was nothing going on between the two of them it was over... I'd rather be cheated on honestly than lied to

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I'm always very upfront about things with my partners

I had an ex who I caught with some chick all over him at a party and he informed me that we were broken up for the next 24 hours, so I took someone else home, assuming that his evening had continued the way it looked like it was going... my evening went well, and when I saw him for lunch the next day I informed him of what happened... he was beyond pissed off at me :rolli:

Served him right.

I cheated once. It was a mistake. What I should have done was just end the relationship. Lesson learned.

As far as being cheated on. It's happened. It's very easy for me to cut ties when that happens. I move on fast.

As far as confessions go intent has a lot to do with things like this - If the cheating was a moment of weakness type thing then I'd rather not know my partner cheated on me because telling me would destroy the relationship and in the long run if they regretted it and vowed to themselves never to make that error again then what do I care?

If it was a chronic cheating or more than one moment of weakness then yes. I'd like to know but those are the types that never confess anyway.

 

[KDude]

i'm not looking for casual to begin with. and when things haven't gone well, i was able to acknowledge it before moving on. going seperate ways is sad enough, let alone cheating.

 

[Poki]

I have cheated once, but its not the textbook definition of what cheating is and according to a marriage counselor I was playing with the line and more playing with fire. It was just something that according to my wife crossed the line. It caused more of a security issue with my wife which extended into broken trust.

I have had moments where I knew without a doubt that if I did cheat physically I could talk my way out of cheating and blame it on my SO, but I cant do that.

I dont understand the whole cheating on friends thing. Friendships are very important, but I have never had to worry about cheating on friends, dropping friends, etc. We just drift apart and then back together at different times.

 

[sLiPpY]

I dont understand the whole cheating on friends thing. Friendships are very important, but I have never had to worry about cheating on friends, dropping friends, etc. We just drift apart and then back together at different times.

hmm...you talking to me?

Guess to be clear, the concept was "Friends cheating on their SO"

I just prefer not to hang out with folks who do that.

 

[KDude]

me neither. i don't really have any clear examples of that though (that i know of), but still, i might still tell a friend to knock some shit off before it gets bad.

it goes without mentioning that i even feel sorry for strangers too. i might go out, and a lot of married women are crazy. i don't make a habit of sleeping with anyone i just meet, but i might befriend some of these girls..they know how to get attention at least. and then i find they're married. and i feel like shit, and bad for whoever's married to her. ugh. it's happened even if with closer people, and i'm not sure what to do about that.

i even know some sad dude who specifically asked me to sleep with his wife. haha. and i still won't. i dunno.. none of it sits well with me. talk about Fi ruling out Fe

 

[Randomnity]

have not cheated or (to my knowledge) been cheated on, and hopefully neither of those things will happen in the future.

sadly, my best friend tends to cheat to end relationships (typically with the next person) because he doesn't like being single. He usually doesn't tell me until long afterwards because he knows I disapprove, but it's his life, I guess.

 

[tinker683]

I'm always very upfront about things with my partners

I had an ex who I caught with some chick all over him at a party and he informed me that we were broken up for the next 24 hours, so I took someone else home, assuming that his evening had continued the way it looked like it was going... my evening went well, and when I saw him for lunch the next day I informed him of what happened... he was beyond pissed off at me :rolli:

he told me it would have been better if I'd lied, but I'd rather hear the truth, so I assumed that anyone else would rather hear the truth as well!

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Oh wow, that just blows my mind. It amazes me how some people can be like, "Uh hey...baby...I just found this really hot piece of tail that's in to me, so I'm going to have to treat you like some kind of anti-virus program and tell you that we're broken up for the next 24 hours and then after that our relationship is back on. Mmkay?"

Unbe-freaking-lievable. I just can't wrap my head around the thought of how someone can be so up their own ass to even think of saying something like that.

What's worse is that HE got upset when you did the EXACT SAME THING back to him! I swear, people can just be so stupid!!!

 

[Poki]

hmm...you talking to me?

Guess to be clear, the concept was "Friends cheating on their SO"

I just prefer not to hang out with folks who do that.

I fought this internally with my brother forever when he cheated on his wife with his current wife. Not a big fan of cheating and its something I would have to work past as well. Would need to understand the whole context for that situation though before I could say if I could get past it or not.

 

[sLiPpY]

I fought this internally with my brother forever when he cheated on his wife with his current wife. Not a big fan of cheating and its something I would have to work past as well. Would need to understand the whole context for that situation though before I could say if I could get past it or not.

Had a good friend for eight years, that told me he'd cheated with one of his direct reports. At least once a month, there was an activity I'd bring a girlfriend along where we'd visit him, his wife and kids. Or it'd be just me and him, taking his sons out for a sporting activity.

I asked if he were going to talk about it with his wife. He said, "Hell, no are you crazy?"

That was pretty much the end of the friendship. I couldn't make myself go do the next planned activity, and be around his wife and kids knowing. I didn't want to bring my girlfriend around anymore to visit with the family.

Thinking if your wife can't trust you...I can't trust you either.

If he'd chose to talk with her, or felt bad about it. I'd still had some low level feeling to work through. But I think the friendship would/could have survived.

 

[KDude]

c'mon! i talk deep issues. i give you guys my resistance to cuckolding story.. pat on the back or slap on the face?

 

[sLiPpY]

c'mon! i talk deep issues. i give you guys my resistance to cuckolding story.. pat on the back or slap on the face?

Well, I just now flipped back a page... Asked myself what's he talking about, I wrote a frickn' reply because I thought Kdude's post/element to the topic was awesome!

Then I opened a seperate browser and noticed...it'd probably helped a whole freakn' lot if I'd hit submit before I stepped away.

 

[KDude]

lol..it's cool. i was just curious if some of you istps would be ok with that, even though you may not like cheating? where does your sense of integrity spring from, etc? i don't even think that's an integrity issue per se.

 

[sLiPpY]

lol..it's cool. i was just curious if some of you istps would be ok with that, even though you may not like cheating? where does your sense of integrity spring from, etc?

If a single man's been decieved by a married woman, or any other possible scenario. It's the intention that counts with me. Some things in life simply aren't our fault or responsibility.

Sense of integrity? Not exactly sure..excepting I suspect it has to do with a core ISTP theme of "trust." And for some un-known reason the concept of honor and duty, was important briefly for a pre-schooler. The words just popped in my head one day, and it's a concept I felt strongly.

What about you? any idea where it comes from? I tend to think for myself it's innate.

 

[KDude]

.. i dunno where i'm going with this really. i just saw it as a bizarre scenario where i might be the selfish bastard, in a certain light i don't think he could get it up (at the time, he'd been od'ing and shit), his wife probably needed to get laid.

 

[sLiPpY]

.. i dunno where i'm going with this really. i just saw it as a bizarre scenario where i might be the selfish bastard, in a certain light i don't think he could get it up (at the time, he'd been od'ing and shit), his wife probably needed to get laid.

 

[millerm277]

I haven't cheated, or (to my knowledge) been cheated on. I have pretty much no respect for it, and it's immediate grounds for breaking up, in my opinion.

I have a strong sense of integrity and loyalty.....and really, learning to control your damn impulses and act responsibly, is a part of being an adult. If you're doing it in a planned out manner, just break the relationship off rather than lying.

My thoughts can be summarized in: I have a major issue with someone intentionally breaking the trust placed in them by another person close to them, to the point of it being nearly inexcusable.

Note: If you're in an open relationship or something similar, then do whatever you want, I'm not judging your lifestyle.

 

[rhinosaur]

I cheated once. I was immature, it was a mistake, and I hurt my SO. I should have just ended the relationship before I cheated.

Now, if I'm in a closed relationship, where you trust me not to cheat, then I trust you not to cheat as well. Violating that trust is pretty detrimental, and I'd probably end the relationship. Hasn't happened yet though.

 

[man]

no i would never cheat on someone
and i expect them to not cheat on me

it is simple as that