[MBTI General] SFPs, how do you help people who are depressed?

[Sunny Ghost]

I've known ISFP's and ESFP's that are also not very compassionate. But I think this typically stems from being overly sensitive to their own emotions. It makes it hard for them to be there for others.

My tactic changes from person to person. I think xSFP's are pretty empathetic and can easily adjust or adapt to the person they are trying to connect to and comfort. For some, I'll try and make them laugh. Other times, I just try to hold the person and lend a good ear. Sometimes, it's inviting a person over for some wine and backporch chit chatting, one on one. (This is great for girl talk and ranting.) But I've gotten many people to open up about their problems this way. (Of course, this might be a little weird with strangers.) I just try to assure people that I'm nonjudgmental, and that I'm a trustworthy and compassionate person, that way they'll feel free to open up about whatever is on their mind.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Oh, sometimes I offer gifts to people who are depressed. I do this to help remind the person that they are thought about and cared about. Sometimes it's drawings, origami, bracelets... Sometimes it's food. Sometimes it's weird little knick knacks I come across that'll remind me of the person.

 

[gromit]

Yes I think if it is something that can be solved, try to help figure out how to solve it (although I'm often not so great at that), if not, help the person get away from it for awhile. Also, make a little card with a goofy drawing on the front or something like that. Or just little things to show that I care for them as a person. (Edit: just saw IndyAnnaJoan's post... how did I miss it before??? but yes, little doo-dads and doodles and stuff. p.s. HELLO THERE amiga!)

Moving to the present moment feels like the right course of action. It feels mending in itself. By contrast, any sort of analysis feels self indulgent and seems only to exacerbate the problem.

Typically an ISFP depression is from over analysis of some situation. At least that is my experience. Caught in a mental loop.

If I am depressed myself, it is infinitely better to not try and analyse or work through problems. The best course of action is to give me time, it isn't really a distraction to get others to do things because your mind works through things in the background. A simple understanding of things and a seeking to make you feel better.

So, I tend to do what I know with others too.

Yeah I think this, and what shortnsweet and stepho said all seem to be true in what I've observed. When I'm in a funk I want friends to help me snap out of it or at least get away from the situation for a time... do fun things, laugh a little, etc. Usually the only time I want to talk things over is if I want perspective or advice on the solution to a particular tangible problem or something (preferably given with kindness, of course).

the honest to god best temporary relief for depression is to do a headstand. im serious, there is some study thing i read a while back that talks about bloodflow, blah, blah (how typical is it that i only gleaned 'headstands are fun' from that article ).and besides, who can be sad when you look that silly? or you can punch them in the arm- it will momentarily distract them from their problems at least...

I think I want to try that some time.

 

[craigensa]

When I spent 2-3 months or so in a deep depression early this year, I think most people just didn't believe me and thought I was being stupid. I had my reasons to be upset, but one person even made it clear to me that she 'couldn't deal with me right now', even though she had no parental problems or anything herself. A couple of people were really nice to me and bought me coffee and chatted to me for long periods in the pub and stuff. But on the whole either people didn't notice or they thought I was being over-dramatic. Which I wasn't...and am never.

 

[awwsha]

Depression is something I understand pretty well, not because I have experienced it very much myself, but because my father has struggled with it for years, depressions is such a complex and difficult thing. Because people that suffer from it don't even KNOW why they feel that way.

As mentioned before..I tend to adjust to the person.

With my dad I just always did things that I thought would cheer him up. Or I would try to be goofy and distracting. But there is a lot of people that I go out to coffee with and chit chat or let them tell me whats on their mind. When it is someone that is really angry I let them rant and agree when appropriate.

Overall I guess I just love people, no matter what kind of mood they are in. I just like the social interaction.

 

[Kasper]

tactic seems to be trying to help the person to lighten up by inviting her to do something fun and entertaining.

Dang, that's one of the things that I adore about ISFPs, fun and entertaining always peps me up! Bugger to hear it can cause you to feel insulted =/

 

[Lia_kat]

It depends. I try to be there for them and listen, try to see how I can help them. Sometimes I try to make them laugh or send them funny stuff through text or social media. If they're up for it, I invite them to go do something fun with me. If not, then I tell them to reach out if they need anything.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I do a lot of listening because I know what works for me might not work for them. If I'm offering something, I tend to share jokes and funny stuff when the timing is right. I have sometimes given presents as well. I don't like to give advice very often, so it is more about listening and then sharing a lighter feeling if it seems they can join into it.

I'm not very good at asking questions to help people figure stuff out. That is one flaw I have. I'm too worried I will be prying, but I sometimes deliberately try to ask questions. I know that sometimes seems like I'm not interested and I worry I can seem self-centered in communication, but that is hard for me. I see communication as parallel play. I hope people know they are welcome to share anything, and I am either quiet listening or I'll share something about my life. I know socially asking questions is important, so I always feel a little guilty about it. I try to make communication available and have a sense that people will share whatever they feel comfortable sharing.

I also don't feel like everyone has to be cheered up all the time. It's okay to be sad. Sometimes we need to feel sad because it is the honest response to reality. It is hard for me when people give advice, tell me to change my emotion, give me books to read about it, etc. It feels like a lot of pressure, and it's not a new revelation to "just be happy". Acceptance helps me, so I try to offer that to others.

 

[Pessimistic Hippie]

I can't really say if I do; I know I try. I try my hardest to say and do what I would want someone else to if they were helping me.

For me that manifests as empathizing and being able to relate to their struggle so they know I understand, and then simply trying to tell them what helped me. Usually unless I KNOW if someone's been where I have, their solutions don't mean very much to me. Sometimes I don't know the solution. But there were times when I was suicidal and instead of knowing how to not be anymore, I just decided it didn't matter and that I'd try to live anyway. Sooner or later the reasons for living showed up on their own. So sometimes I just try to tell people that.