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[MBTI General] SFPs, how do you help people who are depressed?

KLessard

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I was curious to know how SFPs help people who are sad, going through depression or some kind of emotional turmoil.

My sister-in-law is an ISFP and her tactic seems to be trying to help the person to lighten up by inviting her to do something fun and entertaining. My niece is also ISFP and she escapes into fun or entertainment when she feels pressured or stressed out.
Can you relate?
What are your ways of helping?

My pastor's wife is ESFP and she has often told me she is not a compassionate person. I've seen her just getting annoyed at people who are down or whiny and gets mad or ignores them.
 

BlackCat

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If it's someone I care about, then I usually try to understand the ins and outs of why they are depressed. Then I try to help them by talking about it. If I can't help them by talking about it, I just leave it be. Then I try to distract them like your sister in law does whether I can help them by talking about it or not.
 

King sns

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Well when I was studying about depression and anxiety in psych, it seemed that the underlying theme for coping was that the person needs to be brought into the present moment. This comes natural to the SFP- I bet that we naturally can lift people out of depression just by being ourselves and doing fun things that bring people back to the moment.
 

KLessard

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Well when I was studying about depression and anxiety in psych, it seemed that the underlying theme for coping was that the person needs to be brought into the present moment. This comes natural to the SFP- I bet that we naturally can lift people out of depression just by being ourselves and doing fun things that bring people back to the moment.

Well, whenever a SP is trying to make me lighten up by entertaining me, I feel sort of insulted. I need to talk and be consoled, it's like I have an infected, bleeding wound and you're giving me a band aid...
I've had an ISFP saying to me: "it's not good to hold on to negative feelings, look, it's all in the past, stop feeling bad about it." But no effort was made to make things right or to mend the brokeness... Distracting people from the pain or telling them to put it in the past does not solve the problem in my opinion... Does it work for you?
 

StrappingYoungLad

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I usually stay away from troubled people. But if I get a chance to talk to them, I try to comfort them by convincing them that their problems are not that crippling.
 

Jeffster

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I was curious to know how SFPs help people who are sad, going through depression or some kind of emotional turmoil.

My sister-in-law is an ISFP and her tactic seems to be trying to help the person to lighten up by inviting her to do something fun and entertaining.

Yeah, that. :)
 

wolfy

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Moving to the present moment feels like the right course of action. It feels mending in itself. By contrast, any sort of analysis feels self indulgent and seems only to exacerbate the problem.

Typically an ISFP depression is from over analysis of some situation. At least that is my experience. Caught in a mental loop.

If I am depressed myself, it is infinitely better to not try and analyse or work through problems. The best course of action is to give me time, it isn't really a distraction to get others to do things because your mind works through things in the background. A simple understanding of things and a seeking to make you feel better.

So, I tend to do what I know with others too.
 

KDude

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Yeah... I try to help shift to the present moment as well. I've experienced depression myself enough though, and emphasize.. and will let anyone talk it out as long as they want. A friend's mother passed away about a year ago, and he still can't help from talking about it. I'm fine with listening. It doesn't bring me down or anything. I think some other friends are a little... I don't want to say annoyed, but don't like the gloominess and think of other ways to help him. It all adds up together, I suppose. Having a few friends with different (positive) approaches is best.
 

Kingfisher

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i usually get a good group of people together, and we all go out (with the depressed person) and hit the town. have a good time, raise hell. adventure and excitement.
then when we are all winding down in the morning we can sit around together and talk.

i also like wolfy's answer a lot.
 

Chunes

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Well, whenever a SP is trying to make me lighten up by entertaining me, I feel sort of insulted. I need to talk and be consoled, it's like I have an infected, bleeding wound and you're giving me a band aid...
I've had an ISFP saying to me: "it's not good to hold on to negative feelings, look, it's all in the past, stop feeling bad about it." But no effort was made to make things right or to mend the brokeness... Distracting people from the pain or telling them to put it in the past does not solve the problem in my opinion...

I relate to this.

Yes, analysis can seem self-indulgent, but I always feel insulted when people think my problems can go away just from doing something 'fun.' I want someone to understand and empathize with, not to sweep my problems under a rug. I want help rewiring my mental processes so I can overcome the problem permanently, not a temporary distraction.
 

wolfy

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A lot of it depends on how you take terms and that depends on your life experience. I haven't had a lot of experience with serious depression, clinical depression. I had a friend that was suicidal and tried a few times but that was a long time ago and I was pretty young. My response was basically to do a quick patch job and keep on going. He is still alive and credits me for some of that so I guess that works, at least some of the time.

When I use the phrase 'in the moment' I don't think of 'no thought for the future'. To me it simply means being present as opposed to being in your head.

With the more casual use of the word depressed, I think that SP can tend to be solution oriented. Maybe overly so, but that depends on your view. It can be frustrating to be presented with a unsolvable problem. And I think that maybe that is at the root of some people who get annoyed. They feel hamstrung.

I suppose that like most things, people are good for some things and not for others. So you really need to clarify what you want and if the person can't give you that find someone who can.
 

KLessard

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I relate to this.

Yes, analysis can seem self-indulgent, but I always feel insulted when people think my problems can go away just from doing something 'fun.' I want someone to understand and empathize with, not to sweep my problems under a rug. I want help rewiring my mental processes so I can overcome the problem permanently, not a temporary distraction.

Yes. :cry:
 

wolfy

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i usually get a good group of people together, and we all go out (with the depressed person) and hit the town. have a good time, raise hell. adventure and excitement.
then when we are all winding down in the morning we can sit around together and talk.

I think this, stripped down to the principle behind it, is the best approach. Breaking the pattern and initiating dialogue. And it can be expansive like this example or something small like a joke and a talk.
 

King sns

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Well, whenever a SP is trying to make me lighten up by entertaining me, I feel sort of insulted. I need to talk and be consoled, it's like I have an infected, bleeding wound and you're giving me a band aid...
I've had an ISFP saying to me: "it's not good to hold on to negative feelings, look, it's all in the past, stop feeling bad about it." But no effort was made to make things right or to mend the brokeness... Distracting people from the pain or telling them to put it in the past does not solve the problem in my opinion... Does it work for you?

Yes- with emotional problems like a death or a break up. You can't fix that kind of pain by doing anything else, and you definitely can't fix that kind of pain by wallowing in it. I actually find the key to relieving acute emotional distress by just getting away from it until I'm in a better frame of mind to actually "solve" it or think about it. I wonder if other SP's feel this way as well.

Come to think of it, when I'm hurting the most, I tend to gravitate towards (surprise!) other SP's. I wonder if that's why we try to drag everyone out of their house when they are sad- because that is what we want for ourselves.

If it's a different problem to do with bills, money, job, needing food, or school, or anything else, than it only helps to try to fix the problem myself. But I don't consider those emotional problems.
 
Last edited:

angelhair45

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When I'm really depressed I feel like there is nothing I can do to bring myself out. I don't want to wallow, it just seems the ONLY option.

I agree, being brought into the present moment is probably the best thing. It might not "fix" it right away, but it's healthier than dwelling in depression. It is much easier for my ESTP husband than for myself though.
 

Kingfisher

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Yes- with emotional problems like a death or a break up. You can't fix that kind of pain by doing anything else, and you definitely can't fix that kind of pain by wallowing in it. I actually find the key to relieving acute emotional distress by just getting away from it until I'm in a better frame of mind to actually "solve" it or think about it. I wonder if other SP's feel this way as well. (For me.)

Come to think of it, when I'm hurting the most, I tend to gravitate towards (surprise!) other SP's. I wonder if that's why we try to drag everyone out of their house when they are sad- because that is what we want for ourselves.

If it's a different problem to do with bills, money, job, needing food, or school, or anything else, than it only helps to try to fix the problem myself. But I don't consider those emotional problems.

i think you have it exactly right!
it is good for a person to get some time and distance from emotional problems. i think when you try to deal with them immediately it is too soon - they are still too raw and too fresh in you. so giving yourself some time away cools your head and gives you a whole new and clearer perspective.
 

ayoitsStepho

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I agree with all the SFP's.

I know, for myself, when I just sit and think and let myself get engulfed in the emotional problem at hand, I'm left more and more depressed and overwhelmed. I need to get away from what's causing that problem or to set those problems aside long enough for me to have a better mind set to deal with it. Pretty much exactly what shortnsweet said.
 

You

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They have sex with them.
 

Walking Tourist

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Depressed people sometimes respond well to an offer of delicious chocolate! oh, and tea. Also a hug. A little attention goes a long way to lift the mood of a sad person.
 

ubee0173

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the honest to god best temporary relief for depression is to do a headstand. im serious, there is some study thing i read a while back that talks about bloodflow, blah, blah (how typical is it that i only gleaned 'headstands are fun' from that article :doh:).and besides, who can be sad when you look that silly? or you can punch them in the arm- it will momentarily distract them from their problems at least...
 
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