[MBTI General] can you help me out?

[briochick]

Hey lovely SPs.
I was hoping that some advice could be offered on my ESFP sister. She is 19 and currently has a track record of bad decisions. Particularly she seems to choose people who will betray her as friends, and makes enemies easily.

As an xNFP her and I don't relate at all. I don't know why she does what she does or where she's coming from. She's also the youngest and I'm the oldest with 7 years between us. It doesn't make for a lot of relating.

However, being her big sister, I worry, and I want the best for her life.

I know that ESFPs can make good decisions because I've met ones that did.
I was just wondering is there something I can say, or perhaps a series of things, or maybe something that I can direct her to, that will let her see that making good decisions is better even if the bad ones are more fun in the moment?

I know that maybe making her own mistakes will eventually lead her to the right answer, but that's a really painful way to go about it and she's a slow life-learner, I'd like to try and spare her that if I can.

 

[KDude]

Yeah, sometimes SPs tend to learn the hard way, I think.. BUT... if you are going to give her advice, try to use examples maybe? Whether your own stories or someone else's (hell, even fiction preferably, with pictures... j/k). Like, don't veer off in idealistic/moralistic/intellectual speak.. and don't make her feel too judged either.

You may not even get through.. I don't get along much with my older bro (he's also 7 yrs older)...and I think he's an SP himself. Maybe it needs to be someone else to show her.

 

[wolfy]

I think SP tend to learn through experience. You can learn through others experience too. So, kdude's advice on using examples is good. Reading about people's lives is good. I enjoy reading about tactics too. That has helped me a lot.

 

[KDude]

Just want to clarify, I like idealistic (for lack of a better word) types of communication myself, but it took experience for me to come around first. I remember people would try to give me a talk back in the day, and i didn't appreciate it fully.

 

[miss fortune]

I've never really had a problem communicating with xNFPs

however, I AM good at making bad decisions... I occasionally learn from them!

don't know how to prevent people from making mistakes though

 

[Walking Tourist]

I too have made my share of bad decisions and mistakes. I learn (eventually) from my own mistakes. Experience is my best teacher. But I usually don't make the same mistake twice!!!
Your sister has to find her own way. It is great that you are so supportive but, if she is anything like me, she has to learn from her own experiences.
Best of luck!
Stay supportive! Even if she doesn't say so, she needs support!

 

[briochick]

thanks for your comments guys.

 

[Jeffster]

I'm faced with a similar situation in my ESTP son, even though he's only almost 11, he already thinks he's a teenager, and that time will come soon enough.

Really, in a non-parent role, the only thing you can do is try to be the best example you can be, and steer her in better directions whenever possible. If you present enough positive alternatives, then she has less time for more destructive choices. It's the same concept I've learned of filling with your body with enough good food that you don't have room for much junk food.

But just as i will occasionally eat greasy pizza and soda, SPs WILL make some not-so-wise decisions on other things, as was already said, it's just how we learn, and the excitement of the unknown and the risk of it all is what gets our blood going, even if it's not all the time.

Sorry I can't be more help, but I see these types of questions here in this section a lot, and I try to keep my answers from being generic, even though they're basically pretty much the same response every time.

 

[Amethyst]

Hey lovely SPs.
I was hoping that some advice could be offered on my ESFP sister. She is 19 and currently has a track record of bad decisions. Particularly she seems to choose people who will betray her as friends, and makes enemies easily.

Just out of curiosity, but is it something she's doing to cause this? Or is it actually her friends who just are...well, shitty friends?

But about her, I've seen that usually SP's learn from doing something, not so much listening to someone.

 

[sLiPpY]

uhh, yeah...just smile at her as she fries her hand on the hot stove. :hi:






seriously

 

[briochick]

uhh, yeah...just smile at her as she fries her hand on the hot stove. :hi:

Really?
that kind of sucks.

 

[sLiPpY]

Really?
that kind of sucks.

One cannot give advice that will be listened to unless it's asked for.

And it's usually not asked for; if it has already been given.

 

[woolgatherer]

I don't have any advice, but our sibling situations are really similar. I'm an INFP and my six years younger sister is 19 and an ESXP I think... I'm still trying to figure out if she's an ESFP or ESTP. I'm the oldest and she's the youngest with one in between. We haven't been close at all and now that we're starting to talk a little more it's becoming really apparent how different we are.

She makes some decisions that aren't great but I'm not in any position to be giving advice, and I'm not too worried about it. If she's still doing the same things in several years I might start to get concerned. Luckily she doesn't seem to be nearly as sensitive as I am, or at least not as delicate. I think she can handle it...