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  1. #11
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    Man, the OP's post really is eerily familiar with me. I have had the EXACT experience with an ESFP I care(d) about very much.

    Basically she came on like gangbusters, especially at first, and then other times was very cold actually. What I ended up learning, is basically that she lives in the moment, entirely. When she was into me, she was very interested and did it in a big way. She followed me and sought my attention, googled my name and kept an eye out for me whenever she thought I might be near.

    However, when her head was elsewhere, the opposite became true. She would have little or no interest in talking or being with me during these times. I would want to communicate and she just wasn't capable of expressing herself that way. I was like, "What did I do?"

    It bothered me that rather than communicate what was bothering her, she just acted out. That never solves anything. In the end, after exchanging some words, I patched things up but we were done. After much frustration, I was reminded of the lesson, "People treat you how they are." If you have to treat someone with kid gloves, something's wrong.

    Part of me wishes she could change, but the fact is she probably won't anytime soon, so it's best to just accept that. At least she's not interested in any of the 100 guys per day who hit on her so I respect that.

    So, in short, my response is don't sweat it. If he is a mature person, he will make effort to connect with you. If not, screw him, he's not worth your time. Don't make the same mistake I did. You'll save yourself heartache.

    That said, I mean no disrespect to any ESFPs.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  2. #12
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    Wish I had some advice. I've known a few ESFP's... but I've never really been on the wrong side of one unless that was where I wanted to be. Haha.

    I always feel like it never hurts to just ask. Next time you see him, just do the normal, "Hello!" And if he still comes off as though he's angry, then just follow up with, "things alright? You've seemed off, or angry, or whatever." Don't be afraid to express how you've been taking his actions/attitude.

  3. #13
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    The ESFP that you were talking about sounds like a narcissist or an extremely insecure. I'd say maybe a narcissist because it sounds like they love bombed you than devalued when they weren't getting anymore narcissist supply than they eventually discard the person. It totally sucks.

  4. #14
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    Im am ESFP I like encouraging people and dancing with intense music. I study some psychology because I can't stand bullies. I also like to live by my senses and being true to myself. Also I can't stand the stereotype that ESFP'S have to be the center of attention. I think this gets put on us because, from my perspective, and I believe that we feel so much passion inside that we just want to experience the taste of life. I love having fun but I don't do it at the expense of others. I like others to join in and then I just get lost in meditation of the music. Esfp's have a tennis hop brain. I hope this helps.

  5. #15
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    Narcissist will love bomb their targets, and it can feel like a soulmate, but once they find a flaw in their present target they will flip their script and began to start devaluing. This happens because when a narcissist falls for someone they fall in love with an idea of that person, and not the person themselves. Thats the problem. So as soon as the adrenaline rush in the narcissist' s brain cools down, they start to get tired of that person. And once they see a flaw, then they start the process of devaluing and discarding. They can also gaslight, and use projection. It's not fair but unfortunately its how they work. This is because, Martha Stout in her book the sociopath next door say's that the narcissist lives with psychological pain. Unfortunately the only way a narcissist can feel good is sinking their teeth into someone they admire and destroying that person until their board and then moving on to their next target. It's sad I know, but its good to inform people about it so they don't get hurt. I've been there it sucks.

  6. #16
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    Narcissist also don't have object constancy or whole object relations im much too sleepy too explain it right now, and I don't want to accidentally give misinformation about it, but anyone can look up the two terms and it explains that the narcissist is basically living off of their feelings and not reality. Also they can't see people in different lighting at the same time either they are hot or cold with the people in their lives.

  7. #17
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    Most people are inbetween not, hot or cold. Healthy people are able to still remember the good even while something bad is happening with a person. But when a narcissist is angry they can't their brain will only see the thing that pissed them off, and when they do get upset it usually isn't anything to get upset about. They are usually just overreacting to a narcissist injury

  8. #18
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    There is a difference between a narcissist and someone with borderline personality disorder (which is pervasive).
    Fyodor Dostoyevsky “A society should be judged not by how it treats its outstanding citizens but by how it treats its criminals.”

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