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[ESFP] Am I overreacting to an ESFP?

gracefully

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Sep 24, 2009
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17
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ISFJ
I am ISFJ (girl) and a friend of mine at work is an ESFP (guy). Lately this ESFP friend seem withdrawn and annoyed with me. I have been trying to understand why this is so. I might have said something to offend him, but when I try to recall and analyze our recent conversations, he was the one who was semi-snappish.

So this ESFP guys is very well liked at work, has tons of friends including females, very flirty etc. I really enjoy his company, but now I get the sense that he doesn't want to hang out anymore.

Anyway I am just wondering if an apology would make things better, or should I just try to avoid him (like my usual conflict resolution approach)?
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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just ask him why he's being such a little bitch? :huh:

it works well for me to ask that anyways :ninja:
 

wolfy

awsm
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Give it some time and see how he acts overall. You don't know he is upset with you, just pay attention and see what happens.
 

Amethyst

¡MI TORTA!
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From my experience from fighting with ESFP's, just get away. If they are truly upset with you, usually the main goal is to get to your feelings. Don't let them.
But that was only with females...I don't know if it's the same with guys.
 

mcmartinez84

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I'm with tawanda on this. Cranky chick ESFPs are bitches. From my experience with a female ESFP, let her cool down and if you give a shit, ask her wtf you did.

I'd just stay away. They're brats and drama whores. (Can you tell I just LOVE ESFPs? :rolli: )
 

Walking Tourist

it's tea time!
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It's a guy esfp whose being cranky and annoying. Maybe he ate something that didn't agree with him and he's taking it out on the world. Just ignore him for a while and don't let his attitude get to you. His behavior reflects on HIM, not on YOU. Don't let him make you believe that you are responsible for his feelings. The only one who is responsible for his feelings is him. He needs to get over himself and start acting human...

I'm with tawanda on this. Cranky chick ESFPs are bitches. From my experience with a female ESFP, let her cool down and if you give a shit, ask her wtf you did.

I'd just stay away. They're brats and drama whores. (Can you tell I just LOVE ESFPs? :rolli: )
 

ReadingRainbows

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I'm with tawanda on this. Cranky chick ESFPs are bitches. From my experience with a female ESFP, let her cool down and if you give a shit, ask her wtf you did.

I'd just stay away. They're brats and drama whores. (Can you tell I just LOVE ESFPs? :rolli: )

Rofl. I'm with you guys.
 

themightybob

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I had a similar situation with a casual esfp female freind. I just gave up on trying to reconcile with her after about three weeks of trying to figure out what I did wrong.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
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3,166
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It's a guy esfp whose being cranky and annoying. Maybe he ate something that didn't agree with him and he's taking it out on the world. Just ignore him for a while and don't let his attitude get to you.

Yeah. I agree with this. ESFPs I know are like mirrors. They just are how they feel. It's usually nothing more.
 

King sns

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Yea, get away, quick! He probably just needs space. When I have a problem with an ISFJ, it's usually because they said something that sounded really critical and nitpicky to me. Not sure if that's the case here, but just a thought. You may have said something that he took wrong and possibly blew out of proportion. After some space he'll probably forget about it. If not, maybe just ask him what's wrong and try to talk it through.
 

LotsOfHeart

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Man, the OP's post really is eerily familiar with me. I have had the EXACT experience with an ESFP I care(d) about very much.

Basically she came on like gangbusters, especially at first, and then other times was very cold actually. What I ended up learning, is basically that she lives in the moment, entirely. When she was into me, she was very interested and did it in a big way. She followed me and sought my attention, googled my name and kept an eye out for me whenever she thought I might be near.

However, when her head was elsewhere, the opposite became true. She would have little or no interest in talking or being with me during these times. I would want to communicate and she just wasn't capable of expressing herself that way. I was like, "What did I do?"

It bothered me that rather than communicate what was bothering her, she just acted out. That never solves anything. In the end, after exchanging some words, I patched things up but we were done. After much frustration, I was reminded of the lesson, "People treat you how they are." If you have to treat someone with kid gloves, something's wrong.

Part of me wishes she could change, but the fact is she probably won't anytime soon, so it's best to just accept that. At least she's not interested in any of the 100 guys per day who hit on her so I respect that.

So, in short, my response is don't sweat it. If he is a mature person, he will make effort to connect with you. If not, screw him, he's not worth your time. Don't make the same mistake I did. You'll save yourself heartache.

That said, I mean no disrespect to any ESFPs.
 

Sunny Ghost

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Wish I had some advice. I've known a few ESFP's... but I've never really been on the wrong side of one unless that was where I wanted to be. Haha.

I always feel like it never hurts to just ask. Next time you see him, just do the normal, "Hello!" And if he still comes off as though he's angry, then just follow up with, "things alright? You've seemed off, or angry, or whatever." Don't be afraid to express how you've been taking his actions/attitude.
 

Veira

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Jul 29, 2019
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The ESFP that you were talking about sounds like a narcissist or an extremely insecure. I'd say maybe a narcissist because it sounds like they love bombed you than devalued when they weren't getting anymore narcissist supply than they eventually discard the person. It totally sucks.
 

Veira

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Jul 29, 2019
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Im am ESFP I like encouraging people and dancing with intense music. I study some psychology because I can't stand bullies. I also like to live by my senses and being true to myself. Also I can't stand the stereotype that ESFP'S have to be the center of attention. I think this gets put on us because, from my perspective, and I believe that we feel so much passion inside that we just want to experience the taste of life. I love having fun but I don't do it at the expense of others. I like others to join in and then I just get lost in meditation of the music. Esfp's have a tennis hop brain. I hope this helps.
 

Veira

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Narcissist will love bomb their targets, and it can feel like a soulmate, but once they find a flaw in their present target they will flip their script and began to start devaluing. This happens because when a narcissist falls for someone they fall in love with an idea of that person, and not the person themselves. Thats the problem. So as soon as the adrenaline rush in the narcissist' s brain cools down, they start to get tired of that person. And once they see a flaw, then they start the process of devaluing and discarding. They can also gaslight, and use projection. It's not fair but unfortunately its how they work. This is because, Martha Stout in her book the sociopath next door say's that the narcissist lives with psychological pain. Unfortunately the only way a narcissist can feel good is sinking their teeth into someone they admire and destroying that person until their board and then moving on to their next target. It's sad I know, but its good to inform people about it so they don't get hurt. I've been there it sucks.
 

Veira

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Narcissist also don't have object constancy or whole object relations im much too sleepy too explain it right now, and I don't want to accidentally give misinformation about it, but anyone can look up the two terms and it explains that the narcissist is basically living off of their feelings and not reality. Also they can't see people in different lighting at the same time either they are hot or cold with the people in their lives.
 

Veira

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Most people are inbetween not, hot or cold. Healthy people are able to still remember the good even while something bad is happening with a person. But when a narcissist is angry they can't their brain will only see the thing that pissed them off, and when they do get upset it usually isn't anything to get upset about. They are usually just overreacting to a narcissist injury
 

chubber

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There is a difference between a narcissist and someone with borderline personality disorder (which is pervasive).
 
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