[SP] SP's and commitment

[Kingfisher]

yeah, i think Quinlan and wolfy have it right on.


as far as job commitment, i was the poster child for anti-commitment and radical and rapid job changes. but when i found firefighting it just clicked, and i saw myself as a firefighter for life. although even as a firefighter you work 48 hours straight and then have 5 days off - so even when i "settled" on a career as a firefighter i still worked as a paramedic, an electrician, a machinist, a crane operator, and a dozen other things on the side. hahaha!

but i think sometimes that is how it is for committing to something - you don't know what you're looking for until you find it.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I commit when I think something is good enough of my commitment. Other than that, I don't commit well I suppose.

 

[gromit]

I commit when I think something is good enough of my commitment. Other than that, I don't commit well I suppose.

Yeah, that is exactly how I am too. Once I am committed, I'm fiercely loyal.

 

[miss fortune]

^ same here... if I've made up my mind and gotten hooked (which happens by accident! )

 

[Jeffster]

Completely overrated.
The idea of sitting in an office for eight hours a day, five days a week, for years and years of tedious paperwork is so horrifying.

That's pretty much my job. I love it!

 

[Willfrey]

I'm something until I'm not something, but I'm only not something if something isn't worth being. I may go back to something if something changes, or my perception of something changes.

 

[KDude]

I'm gonna say.. that despite hating work.. i have no problem committing to relationships. I don't really have much to say on it though in practice (not enough relationships). My relationships implode or sputter out, personalities become more incompatible than what they seemed at first, and I feel pretty upset about them for awhile. I don't walk away easily or anything like that.

 

[brainheart]

i commit in relationships other stuff im flaky tho!!!!

+1.

otherwise... forget it. But it's also highly likely that I have ADHD. Going to a psychiatrist and trying to figure it out, although I'm kind of already over the concept of ADHD, now that I've read everything about it and all-

It's like.... next!

 

[gromit]

I'm something until I'm not something, but I'm only not something if something isn't worth being. I may go back to something if something changes, or my perception of something changes.

 

[FeatheredFrenzy]

I don't have a major commitment issue, but sometimes I feel as though I'm not as committed as everyone else. Showing up to things late, not showing up to class, my wandering eye when it comes to relationships, getting sick of jobs quickly, and moving annually. I always think I am justified in everything I do. But over time, it appears that I am not committed to anything. Any SP's overcome these issues?

Edit:I have even signed onto vent only to walk away.

From an SJ point of view, I value things that are lasting because that's the way my heart works. It's like the way you love your first car or cat that you've had for 16 years. Things that are old and lasting become a source of comfort and pride. You can turn to someone and say, "look how much we've been through together." That's the idea, though the reality of lasting relationships and situations might fall short of that. I'm not sure.

 

[wolfy]

From an SJ point of view, I value things that are lasting because that's the way my heart works. It's like the way you love your first car or cat that you've had for 16 years. Things that are old and lasting become a source of comfort and pride. You can turn to someone and say, "look how much we've been through together." That's the idea, though the reality of lasting relationships and situations might fall short of that. I'm not sure.

I can really appreciate that way of thinking. Like how I still wore my black chucks to the gym even when they were full of holes. The were my friend, we'd been through a lot. And even when I finally retired them I couldn't throw them away. When it finally came time, I said goodbye. I miss those shoes.

 

[FeatheredFrenzy]

I can really appreciate that way of thinking. Like how I still wore my black chucks to the gym even when they were full of holes. The were my friend, we'd been through a lot. And even when I finally retired them I couldn't throw them away. When it finally came time, I said goodbye. I miss those shoes.

Oh yeah, clothing! Favorite t-shirt, favorite backpack, on and on... Yes. I make sure to buy things that really last because I know I might just get very attached to them. Befriending inanimate objects is kinda nice sometimes. Doesn't require much conversation.

 

[KLessard]

I don't have a major commitment issue, but sometimes I feel as though I'm not as committed as everyone else. Showing up to things late, not showing up to class, my wandering eye when it comes to relationships, getting sick of jobs quickly, and moving annually. I always think I am justified in everything I do. But over time, it appears that I am not committed to anything. Any SP's overcome these issues?

Edit:I have even signed onto vent only to walk away.

I have suffered from SPs letting me down, and yes, in my experience, their sense of commitment is very low. If you end up getting mad at them about it (it has happened to me recently), you get the "I didn't feel like I had promised anything" reply. I suppose it has to do with living in the moment. One minute you care, the next you don't. But it sure hurts people to be let down like this (when it involves someone else).

Just a question: How would you feel if someone said to you "I don't feel like I can trust you." ?

 

[Jeffster]

Just a question: How would you feel if someone said to you "I don't feel like I can trust you." ?

Puzzled. I would ask why.

 

[KLessard]

Puzzled. I would ask why.

If you can't commit, people won't want to trust you. Or they will a number of times, and after many disappointments, will feel like you have no consideration or respect for them and feel insulted.

 

[Jeffster]

If you can't commit, people won't want to trust you. Or they will a number of times, and after many disappointments, will feel like you have no consideration or respect for them and feel insulted.

1) What do you mean by commit, specifically?

2) There are many types of people. I don't think you speak for all of them.

 

[Halla74]

If you can't commit, people won't want to trust you. Or they will a number of times, and after many disappointments, will feel like you have no consideration or respect for them and feel insulted.

People will live up to your lowest expectation of them.

If you treat someone like they can't be trusted, without having sufficient premise to do so, then you are judging someone without understanding them, and in my opinion, the fault is yours as much as theirs for anything related to that debaucle, and maybe a little bit moreso on your shoulders.

Just because someone is not like you does not mean you can't trust them. Does that make sense?

I have had to deal with INFJ trust issues, and it was a nightmare, and it was unwarranted. It was a very hard issue to resolve. I implore you to spare others the same stress if you can help it.

Not hatin', just sayin'.

 

[KLessard]

I wrote this based on experience, not just plain judgment. I know it is wrong to judge without evidence. I try hard not to. I have trusted hopefully, even after being hurt and disappointed. I have idealized, and I suppose my expectations were too high, not too low. I have believed in the unique ISFP kindness. I have believed so and had great hopes about it.

I think SPs sometimes choose not to care anymore or they move on. They leave you there and expect you to move on too. They had offered kindness or friendship, had kept it going for a time (even a long time), but once they choose to focus on something else...

Whichever type you are, I think it is always hurtful and insulting to be let down.

Textbook SPs are described as rolling stones. That's theory. I'm not saying all SPs are like this.

 

[Halla74]

I wrote this based on experience, not just plain judgment. I know it is wrong to judge without evidence. I try hard not to. I have trusted hopefully, even after being hurt and disappointed. I have idealized, and I suppose my expectations were too high, not too low. I have believed in the unique ISFP kindness. I have believed so and had great hopes about it.

I understand, and hope you realize I am not "hatin." In my book, expectaions are bad, especially because they hagve a way of interjecting themselves before enough exposure between two parties has ensueds to warrant real understanding.

I think SPs sometimes choose not to care anymore or they move on. They leave you there and expect you to move on too.

Have you ever considered that maybe after cycle after cycle of those feelings not being requitted, they make an assessment of how to expend their energy and change gears for the sake of self preservation? Maybe you hurt their feelings> Seriously. Our (SPs) feelingas are deep, and when hurt, it is not easy for us to make sense of it and to move forward...

They had offered kindness or friendship, had kept it going for a time (even a long time), but once they choose to focus on something else...

Or maybe once they felt that their feelings were groomed to have no faith in them being returned, they made the choice to move on?

Whichever type you are, I think it is always hurtful and insulting to be let down.

Yes, it is. It is also hurtful and insulting for another person to make judgements on you based on non-relevant experience.

Textbook SPs are described as rolling stones. That's theory. I'm not saying all SPs are like this.

Don't fool yourself. We can be rolling stones with regard to our pursuit of careers, academia, or hobbies/interests, yet have a strong and devout sense of love and commitment provided we have selected the right person in life.

Just out of curiousity, what are textbook INFJs described as? Do you agree with that definitiion? Why or why not?

 

[KLessard]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that SPs' difficulty with commitment hurts other people, and that they should be careful about it.

I understand SPs' need of freedom and self-preservation and respect it.

I am not pretending I have had nothing to do with my disappointments. But some of the situations that have really hurt me and are difficult for me to understand came out of the blue and out of the SP's decision to move on to something attractive, making me feel worthless and boring. It can make people feel like they are being pushed aside and replaced.

As far as I am concerned, I relate well to textbook INFJs in general.