[ISTP] istps and indecision.

[Rachelinpa]

it seems to be my only complaint about our relationship (well ok, not the ONLY one...). we are both so flexible and laidback that we never get any decisions made. he would rather me make the decision and i would rather him make the decision. it's not really that big of a deal, except that we starve on occasion because we can never decide on a place to eat.

is it really a sacrifice for my istp to make these (little) decisions in our relationship? or, is he just trying to be nice and making sure i get what i want? he dated an esfj right before me, so i'm thinking he may have been used to her calling the shots. maybe he liked it that way though...

 

[sLiPpY]

That's odd. I never have a problem figuring out what to eat. Indecisiveness with regard to food annoys the crap out of me. I want to eat dammit!

So I'll ask once for a place or category of food the other person might want to eat. Once.

Then I decide! If they don't like the choice? Too bad, I'm eating!

 

[Randomnity]

So..how come the title's istps and indecision rather than enfps and indecision, if you both have the same trait?

I think most (all) Ps, or even people, are indecisive in certain areas. It can be frustrating if you and your mate share the same area though, as I know all too well.

 

[Willfrey]

I am the decider. I understand it is the mans role in the relationship to make all the important decisions (kidding)

At any rate, I usually will make a suggestion, ask if she likes it, if not I'll make another or ask her. If she agrees then BAM. We are going, I don't play little games, I don't know what it is about the women I meet but the whole 'say one thing and mean the opposite' drives me up the frikkin wall.

 

[Rachelinpa]

true, my istp is good at tossing out options. but sometimes he looks SO overwhelmed and keeps saying "whatever you want" that finally i'm like... "do you need me to make this decision? i can if you want me to, but you have to understand that it's hard for me!"

 

[IZthe411]

So..how come the title's istps and indecision rather than enfps and indecision, if you both have the same trait?

LOL That's what I thought as I read this. I think he's not indecisive but is so willing and flexible to the decision, and you want him to decide and go with it. Sounds like you feel as the man he should be making that decision.

I disagree. If you say you want to go to dinner, decide on a place. If I say I'll take you out, then I'll make the suggestion. No fair if you say you want to go out, and then expect the guy to make all of the decisions. This is not a hard and fast rule, though. There are exceptions.

 

[seamaid]

true, my istp is good at tossing out options. but sometimes he looks SO overwhelmed and keeps saying "whatever you want" that finally i'm like... "do you need me to make this decision? i can if you want me to, but you have to understand that it's hard for me!"

I heard that enneagram 7s want to try everything before they can decide what it is they really want. And that they're terrified of being "deprived" so they'd even rather go for "anything" than nothing at all, making it even harder to decide "what". Are you and he both 7s? I don't know if that helps.

I do know that sometimes with my ISTP I think he just wants a sounding board to bounce off ideas. He knows what he wants (inside, Ni?) and uses me to help narrow it down. Depending on how adventurous I'm feeling, I give him my preferences, which range from enthusiastic on some days to downright apathetic on others (when a fried egg and an apple will do for dinner... I think that's the N in me). Either way, he gets his way and he's happy, because when I'm enthusiastic our tastebuds tend to align naturally, and when I'm apathetic I generally don't care what he decides as long as there's something in my belly.

Do you cook together? Usually what's available in the fridge determines the course. If it's always eating out though, sometimes I just say yes to the first suggestion that is somewhat appealing... doesn't have to be perfect. Usually you know when you feel like meat vs. pasta vs. sushi... My guy just reads off Yelp and I nod at the first decent suggestion and off we go.

That was a totally rambling answer but hope it helps.

 

[Bamboo]

I have general issues with indecision, especially when faced with multiple options that I don't really understand.

Silly example: buying shampoo.

I walk into the store and there is maybe 30 choices. I just sort of freeze...I don't know where to begin. I just stand there for a while and stare.

It's embarrassing, because I honestly shouldn't care that much. I buzz my hair every two weeks or so. But I've wasted a lifetime total of maybe 5 hours just staring at a bunch of bright plastic bottles.

 

[man]

i have hard time making decisions when it involves other people but for decisions that only affect me it easy =)

 

[Rachelinpa]

I have general issues with indecision, especially when faced with multiple options that I don't really understand.

Silly example: buying shampoo.

I walk into the store and there is maybe 30 choices. I just sort of freeze...I don't know where to begin. I just stand there for a while and stare.

It's embarrassing, because I honestly shouldn't care that much. I buzz my hair every two weeks or so. But I've wasted a lifetime total of maybe 5 hours just staring at a bunch of bright plastic bottles.

oh, tell me about it!! we both know it's ridiculous. seriously, we starve half the time we are together cause we can't decide. sometimes my istp texts me to find out what he should eat because he can't decide... and i'm not even with him!

 

[seamaid]

oh, tell me about it!! we both know it's ridiculous. seriously, we starve half the time we are together cause we can't decide. sometimes my istp texts me to find out what he should eat because he can't decide... and i'm not even with him!

ISTPs are famously efficient, but sometimes so not.

 

[sLiPpY]

I have general issues with indecision, especially when faced with multiple options that I don't really understand.

Silly example: buying shampoo.

I walk into the store and there is maybe 30 choices. I just sort of freeze...I don't know where to begin. I just stand there for a while and stare.

It's embarrassing, because I honestly shouldn't care that much. I buzz my hair every two weeks or so. But I've wasted a lifetime total of maybe 5 hours just staring at a bunch of bright plastic bottles.

uh,

 

[JocktheMotie]

I don't even use shampoo.

 

[Rachelinpa]

I don't even use shampoo. I win.

jockthemotie (4:42:15 PM): I don't really remember anything of our past conversations

who are you even.

 

[StrappingYoungLad]

^ ^

He's a bald INTP

 

[JocktheMotie]

jockthemotie (4:42:15 PM): I don't really remember anything of our past conversations

who are you even.

Yeah sorry about that.

^ ^

He's a bald INTP

Actually I'm growing my hair out!

 

[StephMC]

I heard that enneagram 7s want to try everything before they can decide what it is they really want. And that they're terrified of being "deprived" so they'd even rather go for "anything" than nothing at all, making it even harder to decide "what".

Man... I must be a 7.

ISTPs are famously efficient, but sometimes so not.

Hahaha... I've done things like that. In my head, I'm expending less energy texting someone mindlessly for advice on what to eat than actually using the brain energy to try to decide what to eat for myself. I frequently choose not eating at all if I can't think of something appealing immediately. So having an SO that chooses for me has definitely been a perk in the past.... Or even better... one that cooks for me!

I don't even use shampoo.

Eh, they say that since men get frequent hair cuts anyways, they probably don't even -really- need to wash their hair. ... Not fair.

 

[toast]

My ISTP does this ALL THE TIME. He always wants to go somewhere or do something & so often he just will ask me what I want to do like I'm the one wanting to get out of the house. I am extremely decisive about things like that, but its usually what causes conflict so I just don't like to do it with him. He usually has a 'problem' with my decisions.

 

[sLiPpY]

hmm... I dated an NF for about six months that eventually turned into a complete and total couch potatoe. She wanted for me to lay on a sofa and watch a "women in peril" movie with her. I was so fidgity with complete and utter boredom I couldn't sit still.

That was the point where she suddenly didn't want to go and do activities, I might have mistakenly assumed she'd enjoyed before? Who knows? But all of my relationships in life seem to meet with a quick death, in absense of a mutually enjoyable activity to share.

 

[countrygirl]

My ISTP does this ALL THE TIME. He always wants to go somewhere or do something & so often he just will ask me what I want to do like I'm the one wanting to get out of the house. I am extremely decisive about things like that, but its usually what causes conflict so I just don't like to do it with him. He usually has a 'problem' with my decisions.

That sounds passive-aggressive which is not related to type.