• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ISTP] ISTP Relationship User Guide

JAVO

.
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
9,178
MBTI Type
eNTP
I'm starting this one up, with false hopes it will answer at least some of the questions all the ISTP threads are asking (even though I'm female :) ).

So here are a few tips off the top of my head that I think (read: "hope") most ISTPs might agree with:

- We really don't mean to say hurtful things. When we're using Ti, we may say something we think is simply objective, but comes out the wrong way. Sometimes we forget to translate our thoughts to something a little more diplomatic.

- We're most likely to stick around if you don't try to control us. Just say "no" to putting leashes on ISTPs.

- Spending time with you or doing things for you is a tell-tale sign you're important to us. Seriously.

- Wanna do something special or to cheer us up? My advice is food or something new and exciting. A cheap trip somewhere (even nearby) would be pretty sweet. From what I can tell, almost all of us enjoys traveling.

- Be straightforward with us. If something is bothering you, just tell us. Just don't nag. And let it slide the first or second time if it's not a big deal. This way, if it happens again, you'll be able to give us examples of what we're doing so we can fix it. Calm tone of voice helps too.

- Cut loose with us! If we seem a little bored or are working too much, we need to cut loose every once in a while. If you're the person that reminds us of this, we'll love you for it.


I'll think of more later, but I really just wanted to get people started :tongue:

I just realized that I'm an ISTP! :doh:

;)
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Since this is all handy and stuff, I will ask for some advice -- it is about an ISTP man, but not one I'm dating or want to date -- it's about my dad.

Dad and I didn't meet until I was 27 years old (he and my mom had a very short, but fruitful relationship, lol). In the 13 years since then, we've not lived near one another and have kept in touch via infrequent phone calls and birthday/holiday cards. Anyway, after being recently quasi-widowed, he has moved to his home town -- about thirty miles from me.

I am okay talking on the phone, but I have a weird thing about calling people -- it's almost a phobia, so it's hard to work myself up to calling unless I have a specific reason. When dad and I do talk, we get along like gang busters -- we talk about politics and stupid people, etc and it's fun.

So a few days after he moved, he calls me on the phone, says he's in town because he had to go to the VA office and asks if I'm going to be home. I'm virtually always home. However my place was a mess as usual, so he got to see my house for the first time in a messy state because I didn't have any notice.

I'd like to spend more time with my dad and I'd like for he and my kids to get to know each other better. He's a great guy with a lot of humor and wisdom. We both like to camp and fish (as do two of my four kids) and I think maybe that's something we could do together. Do I just mention that I'd like to do that sometime and let him take the lead on when and if?

Do I invite him to specific events like schedule a cook-out or something? What about things like my daughter being presented with a citizenship award at city hall, etc?
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Very true. I never understood women who brag about being able to control their men. If I even get the notion that somebody is pulling this on me I'll show them how little control they have.

J men like external structure more than P men. :D Different strokes and all that.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Do I just mention that I'd like to do that sometime and let him take the lead on when and if?

Do I invite him to specific events like schedule a cook-out or something? What about things like my daughter being presented with a citizenship award at city hall, etc?
I think mentioning any of these would be a great idea, as long as you don't try to pressure/guilt him into going (not that I think you would).
 

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
you istps all share one brain. my istp bf said that he will be starting a colony for all other istps to join. all other types are banned, he said... especially enfps. rude.
 

countrygirl

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
722
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Since this is all handy and stuff, I will ask for some advice -- it is about an ISTP man, but not one I'm dating or want to date -- it's about my dad.

Dad and I didn't meet until I was 27 years old (he and my mom had a very short, but fruitful relationship, lol). In the 13 years since then, we've not lived near one another and have kept in touch via infrequent phone calls and birthday/holiday cards. Anyway, after being recently quasi-widowed, he has moved to his home town -- about thirty miles from me.

I am okay talking on the phone, but I have a weird thing about calling people -- it's almost a phobia, so it's hard to work myself up to calling unless I have a specific reason. When dad and I do talk, we get along like gang busters -- we talk about politics and stupid people, etc and it's fun.

So a few days after he moved, he calls me on the phone, says he's in town because he had to go to the VA office and asks if I'm going to be home. I'm virtually always home. However my place was a mess as usual, so he got to see my house for the first time in a messy state because I didn't have any notice.

I'd like to spend more time with my dad and I'd like for he and my kids to get to know each other better. He's a great guy with a lot of humor and wisdom. We both like to camp and fish (as do two of my four kids) and I think maybe that's something we could do together. Do I just mention that I'd like to do that sometime and let him take the lead on when and if?

Do I invite him to specific events like schedule a cook-out or something? What about things like my daughter being presented with a citizenship award at city hall, etc?

In general, if your dad wants to be a part of your life, he would loved to be invited. However, allow him the option to say no and remember, if he does say no, it probably is not personal.

Also I would suggest to go slow. All of this could be new for him and a bit overwhelming. :)
 

Speed Gavroche

Whisky Old & Women Young
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
5,152
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm starting this one up, with false hopes it will answer at least some of the questions all the ISTP threads are asking (even though I'm female :) ).

So here are a few tips off the top of my head that I think (read: "hope") most ISTPs might agree with:

- We really don't mean to say hurtful things. When we're using Ti, we may say something we think is simply objective, but comes out the wrong way. Sometimes we forget to translate our thoughts to something a little more diplomatic.

- We're most likely to stick around if you don't try to control us. Just say "no" to putting leashes on ISTPs.

- Spending time with you or doing things for you is a tell-tale sign you're important to us. Seriously.

- Wanna do something special or to cheer us up? My advice is food or something new and exciting. A cheap trip somewhere (even nearby) would be pretty sweet. From what I can tell, almost all of us enjoys traveling.

- Be straightforward with us. If something is bothering you, just tell us. Just don't nag. And let it slide the first or second time if it's not a big deal. This way, if it happens again, you'll be able to give us examples of what we're doing so we can fix it. Calm tone of voice helps too.

- Cut loose with us! If we seem a little bored or are working too much, we need to cut loose every once in a while. If you're the person that reminds us of this, we'll love you for it.


I'll think of more later, but I really just wanted to get people started :tongue:

Every F peoples need to read and assimilate that to be cured of their over-sensitivity!:yes:
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Not to rain on your parade [sorry, INTP], but these seem like things that would work on anybody.
 

StephMC

Controlled Mischief
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
1,044
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Seriously, we need more input! ... Even though we all seem to share the same brain :tongue:

- We suck at that whole "giving praise" thing, so you're probably really special if you receive a compliment from us. Seriously, it's like pulling teeth. We don't like to feed egos. So in a way, it's a double compliment... we consider you a down-to-earth, well-rounded person that wouldn't let it get to your head :D

- If we're not in a talkative mood (i.e., our only responses are grunts, mumbles, murmers and other animal-like noises), it doesn't necessarily mean we don't want you around. My advice would be (if we seem fairly sedate and not very grumpy) just sit with us while we're doing whatever it is we're doing. I've always liked it when someone can recognize I'm not very talkative and can read a book next to me when I'm reading, or something similar. It's nice to enjoy someone's company without all that talking nonsense. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy!

- We may not always know what we want, but we do our damndest not to step on anyone's toes during the process. We really, really don't want to hurt you if we love you (and you didn't do something so drastic as to ignite ISTP anger :shock:), so tell us if we do something to hurt your feelings! Even if we can't understand it at the moment, we try to piece it together with other information anyways to prevent it from happening again in the future.

-Beware of an ISTP being vague with their answers. I mentioned this way back when on another thread... but we're probably trying to hide something. We don't like to lie, and a few of us may have ourselves convinced that being vague isn't lying. :newwink:

-If we appear we're giving the silent treatment, don't let up. ... But I don't mean harass us. We don't give the silent treatment as a punishment, it's more of a quiet analysis and a prevention to saying something we don't really mean. We may not even know what we want to say. If we didn't piss you off too bad, try to open us up with input and detailed questions. It will help us translate our thoughts to speech.


Kitchen counter works better then dinner tabel(its more sturdy), power tools(I have no qualms about using anything powered, prefer batteries as plugin type is to restricting), and from certain points of views yes mountain ranges are pretty accurate description.

... but who am I kidding? This is all you really need to know. :D
 

mcmartinez84

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
650
MBTI Type
ISTP
Do I just mention that I'd like to do that sometime and let him take the lead on when and if?

Do I invite him to specific events like schedule a cook-out or something? What about things like my daughter being presented with a citizenship award at city hall, etc?

Yep. Say it'd be nice for you guys to do X activity sometime and then ask him to do it when the time comes around. Show him you mean it. :) If you mention it now, it'll let him warm up to the idea of actually doing it and get used to the thought.

Aw, a cookout would be great! Food is one way to my heart, that's for sure! :cheese: It's a casual environment too with an easy exit. It's not like a show or special event where you have to stay the whole time. There's much less chance he'll feel trapped into it.



And StephMC - :banana2: :rock: :static: :banana: :bananallama: :worthy:
 

Little Laura

New member
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
66
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Enneagram
Two
Thanks for posting those Bamboo, I find that really helpful.
I do have a question. If the ISTP that you have been having an on and off again relationship with until you finally broke things off starts sending you links to random, ridiculous youtube videos, should I take that as a sign that he might actually miss me? BAHAHA. Because I honestly don't know what to think. I just think I am over-analyzing things, until I started creeping old threads....LOL.
 

sLiPpY

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2009
Messages
2,003
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
ISTP

This one's my favorite general description.
 

mcmartinez84

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
650
MBTI Type
ISTP
Thanks for posting those Bamboo, I find that really helpful.
I do have a question. If the ISTP that you have been having an on and off again relationship with until you finally broke things off starts sending you links to random, ridiculous youtube videos, should I take that as a sign that he might actually miss me? BAHAHA. Because I honestly don't know what to think. I just think I am over-analyzing things, until I started creeping old threads....LOL.

I'd say he's just being friends with you.

I've had a relationship end...and I'd talk to dude here and there to maintain a friendship that he didn't really reciprocate. Turns out he didn't want to be friends, so I just stopped. I'm pretty sure he thought I still had feelings for him. If he knew you might be taking his attention the wrong way, he'd probably stop or tell you that he just wants to be friends and has no other motive.

My 2 cents...
 

VagrantFarce

Active member
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
1,558
StrappingYoungLad said:
Am I the only one who thinks most ISTP descriptions are based on male stereotypes of ISTP ?

How to seduce an ISTP

Step One: Keep absolutely still. His vision is based on movement.

alien_3_three_iii_ripley_c.jpg
 

sLiPpY

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2009
Messages
2,003
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Am I the only one who thinks most ISTP descriptions are based on male stereotypes of ISTP ? :thinking:

hmm, most of the one's I'd read...well

I especially hate the third paragraph of this one:

http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=4&c=crafter

Crafters are hard to get to know. Perhaps this is because they tend to communicate through action, and show little interest in developing language skills. Their lack of expressiveness can isolate them at school and on the job, and even though they hang around with their own kind in play, they let their actions speak for them, and their actual conversation is sparse and brief.

That might be true to an extent. But actual conversation can go on for hours and hours...if there's someone interesting around to talk with.
 
Top