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[ISTP] ISTP guy please explain?

sLiPpY

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lol..well he does seem to stare.. are you suggesting he's a psychopath?

No not at all... I do however think in context with your descriptions, there's a reasonable probability for NPD.

Now that I've asked, does the thought of how he "stares" seem different from other peoples? Would it have come
to your attention if I hadn't asked?
 

sLiPpY

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All ISTPs are psychopaths:yim_rolling_on_the_ Sorry, just laughing at what you just said and how it applies in a blanket form.

edit: Why is it that I can feel a beaming glare coming on from twisting your words around?:shock:

yeah, I'm "crazy" as charged. :D
 

yupyupyup

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No not at all... I do however think in context with your descriptions, there's a reasonable probability for NPD.

Now that I've asked, does the thought of how he "stares" seem different from other peoples? Would it have come
to your attention if I hadn't asked?

Yeah I guess he does do that.

Well, i dunno if i would characterize him with NPD because i can tell he's a little bit insecure, but doesn't show it, and well..i just can't figure him out.

But yeah he would actually make a point to turn around in class and give me the stare, but it was in a joking manner. But it's weird because he's the first person, that the first time we made eye contact, I couldn't look away and couldn't think of anything to say. He seemed so familiar..maybe he just reminds me of myself. But i know it's a spiritual connection I feel and not lust at all..
 

sLiPpY

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Yeah I guess he does do that.

Well, i dunno if i would characterize him with NPD because i can tell he's a little bit insecure, but doesn't show it, and well..i just can't figure him out.

But yeah he would actually make a point to turn around in class and give me the stare, but it was in a joking manner. But it's weird because he's the first person, that the first time we made eye contact, I couldn't look away and couldn't think of anything to say. He seemed so familiar..maybe he just reminds me of myself. But i know it's a spiritual connection I feel and not lust at all..

NPD's root is insecurity. They're like five year old little boys trapped in adults body. Confidence is a fascade and shatters quickly if one knows exactly which button to push. They'll cheat at the drop of a hat, and stab their closest friends in the back with a smile on their face. They usually leave a clump of human refuse in their wake.

A lot of women are drawn to them thinking, that they can change them...or save them from their insecurity. Heal them somehow.

NPD's are addictive in that they typically customize their image, to be whatever the seeker most desires. They typically choose their prey, and give the chosen an onslaught of attention that makes them feel really good.

NPD's cannot help that they lie, cheat, etc. Their brains simply don't function like a "near-normals." Their displays of emotion are oddly exaggerated.

The ISTP gaze and eye contact is very distinctive from other types. The difference between an ISTP gaze and an NDP one...is that one gets the feeling as if they're peering into a soul that has no foot prints. Many women initially mistake it for a flattering seduction.

Aside from all of that, this isn't an attempt to make a diagnosis. Just be aware, even so...everyone that has posted automatically sensed BIG RED FLAGS. Just suggest to proceed with caution on that basis alone. People with NPD are only a danger to those who make the mistake of getting close enough, to see the little wizard brat behind the curtain.
 

yupyupyup

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lol OH NOO so what exactly could happen to me if this is true?
haha and wouldn't a person with this kind of disorder have difficulty keeping up the almost three year relationship he's had.
 

sLiPpY

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lol OH NOO so what exactly could happen to me if this is true?
haha and wouldn't a person with this kind of disorder have difficulty keeping up the almost three year relationship he's had.

Well, it depends upon whether a person is emotionally invested. There's always the build up, and then the devaluation. Cycle begins again. It's like being "hooked" and starved for the build up phase to begin again.

A highly functioning Narse can maintain a relationship for quite some time. As with your situation, if there's contact with you...and it's a narse. There's always more...somewhere else...you just don't know about it.

People read the news all the time about politicians and their affairs. Several examples of married politicians who've had affairs with both women and men. That's not uncommon, in that the need for them to feel desirable, and powerfully attractive has little to do with gender preference. Many of those examples upon close examination turn out to be men with NPD.

Lower functioning narcissist have difficulty with simple things like maintaining a job. Relationships also don't last very long...that's a ton easier to spot.
 

yupyupyup

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Well it's not like he hasn't shared things. One thing he said once is how he's scared his gf might cheat on him. Just because he brags is nothing...a lot of guys do that.
 

sLiPpY

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Bragging most definately isn't an ISTP trait. Being proud of one's toys...yes. Being willing to share one's toys...yes. Communicating pride and appreciation in something an SO does well, yes. Bragging about a relationship. No. Silence.

Other ISTP's might be different, I doubt it...but I've never had a fear of a girlfriend cheating on me...much less communicated that notion to anyone.

I'm pretty simple. She cheats, it's like doing me a favor and she gets the boot! ;)

Next! :yes:
 

yupyupyup

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have you ever considered that all istps arent exactly the same? maybe he thinks talking about his gf is too private.
 

yupyupyup

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Look maybe you're right but I would definitely characterize him as a humble person, like very much so. I guess I'm just really intuitive and I can tell when he's bragging even if it's between the lines. But most people would think of him as humble.
 

sLiPpY

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have you ever considered that all istps arent exactly the same? maybe he thinks talking about his gf is too private.

We're definately not all the same, as with any other type. Social economic opportunities, etc. among other elements make us all unique, yet similar enough to recognize each other.

So the guy's got a girlfriend, and text you and etc. Tells you he's afraid she'll cheat on him. Tell's you he's having dreams about you in the shower.

Sounds like an obvious opportunity to me, if you're interested. I'd say go for it!
 

yupyupyup

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haha im guessing you're just telling me what i wanna hear now. ill get back to you in a couple years and fill u in :p especially if he turned out to be a psychopath.
 

sLiPpY

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:cheers:

Successfully guessing what a woman wants to hear!?! You got to be kidding me!!! j/k ;)

Interesting scenario you'd forwarded. Playing with fire can be fun, especially when one is young. I doubt the guys a psychopath. Perhaps its' just a growth stage? Who knows?
 

ChocolateMoose123

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have you ever considered that all istps arent exactly the same? maybe he thinks talking about his gf is too private.

We're definitely similar but not all the same. ;)

Here's my thing. If he thinks that talking about his gf is too private then flirting with you isn't too forward?

When I have issues that I need to confide in I go to a trusted source who knows me well. He may not be this way. Who knows. But common sense tells me he is riding the lines of appropriate communications with you (I say "appropriate" while cringing) and I sense that he is completely happy with where things are and will only divulge enough to keep you playing along.

The dream in the shower comment? That contains sexual connotations.

The fear of the gf cheating? Have you asked why he thinks so? Does he avoid this question? If he does then I call bullshit on him. He's using it as a line to either get you to feel sorry for him or get you to give him some entitlement in your mind for him to continue his flirtation.

Question for you: Does he ever say anything nice about his gf? Or is it only negative or neutral?
 

yupyupyup

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I know his concern about his gf was genuine, because that's the only time he's every mentioned her and the reason he brought it up is he kept having dreams about it and i usually interpret his dreams. i told him he had nothing to worry about.

otherwise he's never mentioned his gf and like i said avoids the topic of her entirely where he'll end the conversation if i mention her at all.
 

sLiPpY

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^
Granted the following isn't much of an improvement over silence.

But...That's just puke!
 

mcmartinez84

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I know his concern about his gf was genuine, because that's the only time he's every mentioned her and the reason he brought it up is he kept having dreams about it and i usually interpret his dreams. i told him he had nothing to worry about.

otherwise he's never mentioned his gf and like i said avoids the topic of her entirely where he'll end the conversation if i mention her at all.

From Wikipedia...

Denial of fact
In this form of denial, someone avoids a fact by lying. This lying can take the form of an outright falsehood (commission), leaving out certain details to tailor a story (omission), or by falsely agreeing to something (assent, also referred to as "yessing" behavior).

He's completely avoiding the topic. He's leaving out details.

Can it be anymore clear?
 

ChocolateMoose123

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You know your situation better than anyone. Trust your gut. We are all just guessing. I wish you the best of luck. You're an INTP? You know shit. You know your own truth. Let him prove it. (the only true test of an ISTP...look for actions!) Otherwise and politely...F him.

I can only speak for me but when I want something or someone I go for it. Most of the time I don't care what I want. Get it? When an ISTP wants something they go for it wholeheartedly. But it takes time and experience before he/she knows such a thing. That's not an insult. Just a fact. I don't think ISTP's can function in relationships without vast experience (in their 30's, 40's etc). It sucks but I don't see young ISTP's doing well with interpersonal relationships. I would say they are inept at it.
 

yupyupyup

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Yeah I know he's obviously avoiding talking about his girlfriend.. i was just responding MDP2525's question.

But yeah I know in my gut if he wanted it bad this really woudn't have been prolonged over 2 years lol. I'm just hoping he'll have an epiphany or something later in life. Thank you ALL for your input. :D
 

toast

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The way he's treating you appears to be Narcissism. He most likely has a few to several girls who he texts and has a vague hot & cold relationship with. They are used, as are you, as acquaintances he gets attention or distraction from. Doesn't indicate NPD directly, as that is full on sociopath. From what you described it sounds more like he is not looking for Narcissistic supply as much as fighting boredom & having a kind of freedom from his gf through talking to girls like you. There is a thin border there, as far as how it can effect you though.

I am going to disagree with everybody here though. I'm probably going to get shit for this, but I think a young ISTP shows similarities with Narcissistic behavior & can definitely be confused with it. It is not about Narcissistic supply, however, as in attention for identity... so I am not saying young ISTPs are Narcissistic, by any means. I sincerely thought the ISTP I am close to had NPD. So did his family. He was extremely insecure though, and had been abused, so there were other factors with him, but I have seen much milder forms of the type of behavior yupyupyup is finding so confusing in the other ISTPs I know (when they were younger). They have similarities to NPD behavior in that they kept several acquaintances who give them freedom from close interpersonal relationships & options when it comes to activity & fighting boredom. This, plus a lack of innate empathy, can appear to be narcissistic. (Not to mention the detachment from emotions with the exception of aggressive outbursts when provoked to anger. You guys can bite like hell when you're pissed, and it often appears to be the only emotion expressed vividly.)

I'm not saying either that this guy isn't narcissistic, but they usually rush intimacy for attention over relationships with distance (such as texting), so it seems unlikely. My ISTP did something very similar to what yupyupyup is describing (though I won't go into detail because I know he'd be very unhappy with that). It wasn't narcissistic. He truly thought the girls he was texting didn't give any more care about him than he did about them.

I'd tell him you like him & put him on the spot. But don't let him mess you around if he even implies anything along the lines of liking you but not being able to leave his gf.
 
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