[SP] ISxPs and Privacy

[StephMC]

ISxPs: How private are you? Do you feel like it's beneficial or detrimental? Have you ever had conflicts over it? Or even conflicts with yourself?

Just curious. For the most part I've never felt the need to explain my need for privacy. But every once in a while, I find myself questioning the reason why it's so crucial for me.

 

[wolfy]

I'm so private I refuse to tell you even how private I am. See how it jams things? I guess that is one downfall to it. On the other hand, keeping your mouth shut has tons of benefits. As anyone who has opened it at the wrong time will attest to.

 

[KDude]

Private in what way? As in physical space? Or psychological? Umm, or both?

I really don't know where I fall on this. I'm open on things that some people would consider private matters - I'm pretty blunt with politics or religion. I don't go out of my way to talk about them either, but if someone asked, they'd get an answer. OTOH, I'm quiet on expressing deep feelings about personal issues. Need a lot of trust for that.

Physical spaces.. if she's hot, then she can ignore the Do Not Disturb sign. Like I care.

 

[riel]

For me, it's quite beneficial..I just don't know with my loved ones...they see it in a negative way. But sometimes I do wonder if I should go out even more..be with people...but I feel much more comfortable doing what I like in the comfort of my own bedroom (such as reading) rather than chatting the time away with people who are just interested in talking about other people (it tends to bog me down). So my overall conclusion is, I find it beneficial but others see it as detrimental

 

[KDude]

^ are we talking about general all around introversion? because with that, it's not exactly beneficial for me. i just don't have a choice sometimes.

 

[Timeless]

My mother is an ISTP, and she is extremely private. While she can be social, meet people, and have a good time, she still has a psychological Great Wall of China between her and people.

 

[mcmartinez84]

I guess it depends on what we're talking about. If people ask me questions I don't usually have a problem divulging information.

As far as space goes? As long as my house is somewhat cleaned up, I don't have a problem with people coming over... Just don't mess up my crap. It's my crap.

 

[velocity]

But every once in a while, I find myself questioning the reason why it's so crucial for me.

and your conclusions? (i noticed how you ever so subtly occluded frpm sharing.)

 

[StephMC]

and your conclusions? (i noticed how you ever so subtly occluded frpm sharing.)

Hahah... I'm just often curious if I take my privacy thing too far. I agree with Riel... I often find it beneficial, but most people don't agree with me. Even my INTJ brother finds it to be too much, and he's introverted as well. For example, I don't prefer the general public to know where I am. I never make posts on Facebook like that. A lot of friends don't know I've moved back to Houston. I'm probably the most private with my love life, though. Some of my friends have to guess whether or not I'm dating a person I bring around a lot, as I just shrug when they ask. It can be pretty extreme. I guess I'm questioning it now because I've been dating a co-worker and you can only imagine how far I've been taking it.

 

[mcmartinez84]

I'm probably the most private with my love life, though. Some of my friends have to guess whether or not I'm dating a person I bring around a lot, as I just shrug when they ask.

That's definitely not info I just dole out, but if someone asks, I'll answer. If idk what's going on with dude at the time, I say something like "...eh, we've been hanging out a lot, not sure what's going on"....'cause that's the truth and hopefully answers the question enough that they won't pry anymore. Altho if they do keep asking, (depending on who it is and stuff) I'll find a way to stop answering questions.

 

[KDude]

It's smart to not talk too much about co-worker dating.. Umm, at least generally. Not sure why it's a secret from your friends though

 

[SillySapienne]

I started a similar-ish thread.



Perhaps you'll find more answers there as well.

Cheers

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/23074-istps-privacy.html

 

[lilikoi]

Very interesting because I have had the same thoughts before about myself. I've noticed that my default reaction to a personal question from someone I don't know reeeaally well is the famous ISTP one liner. I just naturally don't like to share. I have no idea why. I do not let people in. I always have to know more about the other person than the other person knows about me. I've been trying to resist this reaction because I don't really mind the idea of sharing a little, but it's tough trying to override a natural tendency. Most of the time I answer so fast I don't even realize what I'm doing until afterwards.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Hahah... I'm just often curious if I take my privacy thing too far. I agree with Riel... I often find it beneficial, but most people don't agree with me. Even my INTJ brother finds it to be too much, and he's introverted as well. For example, I don't prefer the general public to know where I am. I never make posts on Facebook like that. A lot of friends don't know I've moved back to Houston. I'm probably the most private with my love life, though. Some of my friends have to guess whether or not I'm dating a person I bring around a lot, as I just shrug when they ask. It can be pretty extreme. I guess I'm questioning it now because I've been dating a co-worker and you can only imagine how far I've been taking it.

This is weird. Not that I also have an INTJ brother but I was just discussing this with someone last week and came off looking like a conspiracy theorist. We were discussing GPS and OnStar. I said I would never put OnStar in my vehicle. When asked why I told them that anyone could track it and I don't like people knowing where I am. I said I also disable the tracking on my phone. I don't think someone's out to get me I just don't like the idea of it! Also relying on stuff like that dumbs down the entire human race. Why do I have to listen to a machine rather than my know-how? God forbid I get lost somewhere. That's half the fun.

I also think ISTP privacy in romantic relationships is due in part because we don't want to be asked numerous questions to which we don't know the answers to yet. It also opens us up to the peanut gallery for comments about the person we are involved with - everyone's got their two cents.

 

[StephMC]

I started a similar-ish thread.



Perhaps you'll find more answers there as well.

Cheers

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/23074-istps-privacy.html

Ah! Forgot about this one... thanks!

I also think ISTP privacy in romantic relationships is due in part because we don't want to be asked numerous questions to which we don't know the answers to yet. It also opens us up to the peanut gallery for comments about the person we are involved with - everyone's got their two cents.

Oh so very true... that's -exactly- it. I honestly don't feel like it's anyone's business. I would rather just keep quiet.

 

[Rachelinpa]

Hahah... I'm just often curious if I take my privacy thing too far. I agree with Riel... I often find it beneficial, but most people don't agree with me. Even my INTJ brother finds it to be too much, and he's introverted as well. For example, I don't prefer the general public to know where I am. I never make posts on Facebook like that. A lot of friends don't know I've moved back to Houston. I'm probably the most private with my love life, though. Some of my friends have to guess whether or not I'm dating a person I bring around a lot, as I just shrug when they ask. It can be pretty extreme. I guess I'm questioning it now because I've been dating a co-worker and you can only imagine how far I've been taking it.

my istp bff is sort of "dating" a coworker as well. she flips out when other coworkers see them outside of work and only recently has been admitting to the term "dating"... and still only with select people... and only when they ask directly.

interestingly, it's also not even clear to the dude she is seeing what they are exactly... or even to herself (i.e. she told him she was going speed dating, dates other people occasionally, but he is still clearly the favored dude -- at the same time, he invites her on trips to go away together, they makeout every weekend, but then he'll fail to invite her to his roommate's birthday party). seems like a lot of trouble to me at times because there is so much miscommunication and hurt feelings, but i don't think it'll ever resolve. she absolutely will not say anything and he already has and probably thinks she doesn't want anything now. crazy.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I don't think I'm that private. I mean, I don't run around telling people all about myself, but I do tell if asked. The only reason I wouldn't say anything is if I didn't trust someone, and that's pretty hard for me not to do.

 

[Dali]

In the same vein as a few posters above me, I won't go out of my way to divulge info about myself but I'd answer pretty much any question asked of me. My ISFJ close pal would routinely tell me to stop divulging too much info but I figured I was fine as long as I wasn't telling people that I enjoyed three-somes with flaxen-haired Siamese twins.

Within the past year, for reasons I wont go into, I've become a bit more selective about who I open up to and to what extent.

EDIT: I used to be, and to some extent still am, rather free with answering questions about myself and whatnot. I resent being asked to explain my actions though even when a person is simply being curious. It all depends on my frame of mind and the vibe I'm feeling at that moment.

When it comes to personal space, its a whole other ballgame. I'll give you the shirt off my back but if someone so much as took a scrap of my paper without asking, that would rile me up. I'm very protective over 'my stuff' and yet, very generous with the same. It's a funny combination.

 

[brainheart]

An INFP 4w3 friend of mine and I were talking about this. Her husband is an INTP 5w4 and we relate in a lot of ways... I kind of feel like the between step for the two of them. Anyway, she was telling me how protective of his time he is, and how if she starts talking to him when he's in the middle of something, how he has to pause and collect himself so that he will enter their community space, so to speak. Well, I totally do the same thing.

I point this out because this is what I think of when you speak of privacy. I have my private space, my private time, my private thoughts, things, and if it gets intruded upon, I can get really defensive and irrational. I need it... very much.

I worked with people for four months without them even knowing that I was married and had two kids. I was there to do my job, how was that info in any way pertinent?

 

[brainheart]

Very interesting because I have had the same thoughts before about myself. I've noticed that my default reaction to a personal question from someone I don't know reeeaally well is the famous ISTP one liner. I just naturally don't like to share. I have no idea why. I do not let people in. I always have to know more about the other person than the other person knows about me. I've been trying to resist this reaction because I don't really mind the idea of sharing a little, but it's tough trying to override a natural tendency. Most of the time I answer so fast I don't even realize what I'm doing until afterwards.

This is absolutely me. Even with my husband. He'll ask, "So what are you going to do when I'm gone?" I reflexively respond, "Why does it matter?" Then I have to back track, apologize, because he is sooo sensitive. (Then again, I did just start holding his hand in public and we've been together for 13 years... but I'll still only do it for like ten seconds... baby steps...)

But you get a few drinks in me and I can be very, "blah blah blah blah, please let me share all sorts of inappropriate info for the sake of being clever."