[ISFP] Is it True ISFPs don't wear their hearts on their sleeves?

[IZthe411]

Do you not show the world your deepest feelings, especially hurt?

I broke up with my girl this week. It was for the best because I realized that we weren't going to work. She first suggested a break (whatever that means), and a few days later after thinking it out I suggested we call it off.

A female friend suggested that she wasn't expecting me to react this way, that me suggesting to permanently break up with her was probably the last thing she wanted. It's funny because when we were at dinner (our break up dinner), she appeared to be very cool with my decision, even saying she felt the same way, and that her term break meant breaking it off for good. I don't get that feeling she meant that, but it's what she says.

Well that was Wed. We were in the same spot this past Sunday, at the same table at a dinner for a longtime friend of mines, and he is also her sister's husband. We ended the night at the couple's house. All we said the whole time was 'Hi' and "bye, each time met with a hug. I tried to show a 'no love lost' attitude while we were group conversation, and while we were playing a game, but she didn't look at me or acknowledge me at all. Again, when we were at our break up dinner she suggested that we would still be friends (we were friends before dating) and that it would return to normal.

My friend said he noticed that she didn't look at me either, and when I provided the winning answers to the questions she asked (we were playing a game) my friend said she didn't look happy- almost kind of disappointed that I answered them.

The same female friend thinks that she is hurt, but isn't showing it outwardly, and I think while she's not showing it to others, her not even being able to look at me or show any kind of reaction during an otherwise fun game is proof that she is hurt, even if she doesn't admit it to me.

Is it her Fi? I read that ISFPs are the strongest of those who are dominant Fi, and I did read that their deepest feelings aren't evident to those looking on, even others, unless they tell them.

I want to know primarily for 2 reasons: We have common friends, and the likelihood of us being in this situation again is significant enough for me to know how to deal with her in the future, also I want to confirm with other xFPs that my feelings are correct- while she says she's 'cool' with our decision, she is hurt but just not demonstrating it it externally.

Any help would be great.

Thanks!

 

[Jeffster]

I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, and I usually don't try to.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Ok, my ideal would be to always wear my heart on my sleeves, and I do normally. But I think when it comes to something like a break up, it may be a bit different.
For myself, when I went through my break up it was difficult because I put alot of myself into the relationship. When my bf and I broke up, it was really hard to try and cope with that feeling that he doesn't really want me. Even if you both kind of agree'd to it, she may be feeling the sting of not being wanted (but this is only a guess).

I know I tried to hid my feelings when my ex bf was around (we had the same friends too), because I didn't want him to think that I was so stuck on him or that I was clingy or anything. So I reverted to myself. It's possible that she's doing the same?

Break ups, I think, can kind of change one's personality for a short time. Like how they react to it maybe different than how they'd normally react to other things. Or this could happen for some people and not others. I'm not really sure. All I know is that, that was the issue for myself.

 

[IZthe411]

Ok, my ideal would be to always wear my heart on my sleeves, and I do normally. But I think when it comes to something like a break up, it may be a bit different.
For myself, when I went through my break up it was difficult because I put alot of myself into the relationship. When my bf and I broke up, it was really hard to try and cope with that feeling that he doesn't really want me. Even if you both kind of agree'd to it, she may be feeling the sting of not being wanted (but this is only a guess).

I know I tried to hid my feelings when my ex bf was around (we had the same friends too), because I didn't want him to think that I was so stuck on him or that I was clingy or anything. So I reverted to myself. It's possible that she's doing the same?

Break ups, I think, can kind of change one's personality for a short time. Like how they react to it maybe different than how they'd normally react to other things. Or this could happen for some people and not others. I'm not really sure. All I know is that, that was the issue for myself.

I think that has something to do with it, but you know what? I'd rather see that out of her than act like nothing is wrong. It seems fake to me. I mean we do have feelings for one another, and we expressed those. Not that I was hurt by her avoiding my eye contact, but it's a certain level of respect for one another. It's not a big deal, but it's interesting.

 

[Quinlan]

For me the personal is personal, I suppose I hide a lot (although I'm not sure how good I actually am at hiding it) but not really intentionally it just happens.

I suppose she might not even know herself how she feels, letting things sink in, internal processing of feelings. Maybe?

I consider myself pretty stoic.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

^ That's pretty possible as well.

I'm a 4w3 so I'm a diva when it comes to this stuff. So naturally I'm gonna shout it to the mountain about how I feel.

 

[Julie1962]

Awwwe.. I feel so bad! I remember talking to you a few months back. I was hoping things would work out for the two of you.

As far as wearing our heart on our sleeves: I do not. I think I may have said this before but I can appear to be an ice queen. My whole life can be crashing around me, as it is right now, but I do not show it to the world. I just can't. While I feel like I'm dying on the inside, I appear stoic to everyone. I am not being fake; I am just frozen. It takes a while to get over things, esp. lost love. I'm sure she is hurting and only cries in private or to one good friend. I don't know if she will hold a grudge; I know I usually don't. She is probably putting a shield around her and will slowly let the pain in. It's the only way to protect ourselves.

Hugs to both of you.

 

[wolfy]

I almost always hide my feelings. They do come out, through other things, things I do. In that way I am pretty typically ISFP I guess.

 

[Jeffster]

Is hiding feelings really typically ISFP? It doesn't seem to fit our overall description of openness.

 

[KDude]

If I don't feel like interacting with someone I once took seriously, I barely keep eye contact. And if I'm forced to, I start joking around and just try to have a good time.

[edit] But then, I may not be a true ISFP. I shouldn't butt in

 

[Fecal McAngry]

Is hiding feelings really typically ISFP? It doesn't seem to fit our overall description of openness.

Fi doms can be *extremely* opaque and controlled when they wish to be. Much of this is situational, of course. In his prime, Björn Borg was dubbed the "Ice Borg;" fellow ISFP Roger Federer is much the same today. If you read Joyce Carol Oates' wonderful pieces on the young INFP Mike Tyson, they reveal the same contrast between the "game face" and the manchild beneath:

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As with the young, pre-champion Dempsey, there is an unsettling air about Tyson, with his impassive death's-head face, his unwavering stare, and his refusal to glamorize himself in the ring—no robe, no socks, only the signature black trunks and shoes—that the violence he unleashes against his opponents is somehow just; that some hurt, some wound, some insult in his past, personal or ancestral, will be redressed in the ring; some mysterious imbalance righted. The single-mindedness of his ring style works to suggest that his grievance has the force of a natural catastrophe. That old trope, "the wrath of God," comes to mind.

 

[wolfy]

Is hiding feelings really typically ISFP? It doesn't seem to fit our overall description of openness.

I think it is. I think the openness of an ISFP is more the live and let live variety. Most descriptions talk about ISFP keeping their feelings under wraps. And that seems right to me.

 

[Jeffster]

I think it is. I think the openness of an ISFP is more the live and let live variety. Most descriptions talk about ISFP keeping their feelings under wraps. And that seems right to me.

Hmmm..see, to me, it just seems part of the same thing. I don't make an effort to hide stuff. I think the only people that don't know my feelings are those who just never bothered to know them. I mean, I don't go around advertising my feelings to people except those that are close to me, but I don't hide them either.

Maybe some people view "heart on your sleeve" as being loud and in-your-face with feelings. If that's the definition, then I don't fit it. But all you have to do is look at my face, it's very expressive, and betrays what I'm feeling fairly obviously if you look at it I think.

 

[countrygirl]

I think it is. I think the openness of an ISFP is more the live and let live variety. Most descriptions talk about ISFP keeping their feelings under wraps. And that seems right to me.

Sometimes being accepting and open of things especially from other people means to keep our feelings and opinions under wraps.

 

[Giggly]

Is hiding feelings really typically ISFP? It doesn't seem to fit our overall description of openness.

I agree. Maybe this just depends on the individual ISFP.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, IZthe411. I was hoping you two could work things out eventually. Perhaps she reacted that way because she had sensed things weren't working out and had been mentally preparing herself for a break up for a while now. I've heard many people say they do that.

 

[IZthe411]

Awwwe.. I feel so bad! I remember talking to you a few months back. I was hoping things would work out for the two of you.

As far as wearing our heart on our sleeves: I do not. I think I may have said this before but I can appear to be an ice queen. My whole life can be crashing around me, as it is right now, but I do not show it to the world. I just can't. While I feel like I'm dying on the inside, I appear stoic to everyone. I am not being fake; I am just frozen. It takes a while to get over things, esp. lost love. I'm sure she is hurting and only cries in private or to one good friend. I don't know if she will hold a grudge; I know I usually don't. She is probably putting a shield around her and will slowly let the pain in. It's the only way to protect ourselves.

Hugs to both of you.

Thanks....It was what I thought was an amicable break. Maybe she is hurting inside- She hides it well.

I'm sure time will heal it all.

 

[IZthe411]

I agree. Maybe this just depends on the individual ISFP.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, IZthe411. I was hoping you two could work things out eventually. Perhaps she reacted that way because she had sensed things weren't working out and had been mentally preparing herself for a break up for a while now. I've heard many people say they do that.

Well we talked about not going on if things continued to be at a standstill- kind of like "if 2 months from now we haven't made any progress- let's split up". She agreed, but she actually shed tears when I suggested that. After thinking about it overnight she suggested that we take a break. I told her we don't need a break. I don't get that. If we are trying to make a life together, how is taking a break from that going to help us? Maybe that conversation helped her suggest a break the next time, that ended up us being done for good.

 

[Poki]

I think that has something to do with it, but you know what? I'd rather see that out of her than act like nothing is wrong. It seems fake to me. I mean we do have feelings for one another, and we expressed those. Not that I was hurt by her avoiding my eye contact, but it's a certain level of respect for one another. It's not a big deal, but it's interesting.

Maybe she was hiding eye contact so you didnt see any feelings.

 

[Giggly]

Well we talked about not going on if things continued to be at a standstill- kind of like "if 2 months from now we haven't made any progress- let's split up". She agreed, but she actually shed tears when I suggested that. After thinking about it overnight she suggested that we take a break. I told her we don't need a break. I don't get that. If we are trying to make a life together, how is taking a break from that going to help us? Maybe that conversation helped her suggest a break the next time, that ended up us being done for good.

Oh my. A "if 2 months from now we haven't made any progress - let's split up" conversation sounds horrible! You basically set a date to break up with her then. No wonder she broke up the next day. She probably was thinking, "Why wait?" That's torture dragging it out like that.

When you're trying to work things out, you're not supposed to talk about breaking up in the future. That's just doomsday talk.

 

[IZthe411]

Oh my. A "if 2 months from now we haven't made any progress - let's split up" conversation sounds horrible! You basically set a date to break up with her then. No wonder she broke up the next day. She probably was thinking, "Why wait?" That's torture dragging it out like that.

When you're trying to work things out, you're not supposed to talk about breaking up in the future. That's just doomsday talk.

Yeah I didn't mean it in that way, though. Bad move on my part I know.