[ISFP] Is it True ISFPs don't wear their hearts on their sleeves?

[Giggly]

Yeah I didn't mean it in that way, though. Bad move on my part I know.

I think you put that girl through torture. Maybe she's tired. You're always so critical of her on here and focusing on the negative. You should be ashamed.

 

[IZthe411]

I think you put that girl through torture. Maybe she's tired. You're always so critical of her on here and focusing on the negative. You should be ashamed.

I really didn't. I didn't see it as critical, I was trying to figure things out.

I can't help if it comes off that way.

I'm a nice guy, and while I can be critical I want the best for me and mines!!!

 

[Giggly]

I really didn't. I didn't see it as critical, I was trying to figure things out.

I can't help if it comes off that way.

I'm a nice guy, and while I can be critical I want the best for me and mines!!!

Alright but you have to tone that down when you're in a relationship.

 

[IZthe411]

Alright but you have to tone that down.

 

[Julie1962]

Alright but you have to tone that down when you're in a relationship.

We can be pretty sensitive people. We don't like conflict either. If a relationship is alot of work, I tend to drift away. I feel the right relationships for me are those that flow smoothly. Too many demands just throws my CNS off balance and sends me running for a xanax. . I think that's why I get along with Ps of any type better than Js. Not that I don't like Js, but there tends to be more conflicts with E-Js.

 

[Dali]

Alright but you have to tone that down when you're in a relationship.

+1

 

[Dali]

For me the personal is personal, I suppose I hide a lot (although I'm not sure how good I actually am at hiding it) but not really intentionally it just happens.

I suppose she might not even know herself how she feels, letting things sink in, internal processing of feelings. Maybe?

I consider myself pretty stoic.

Sorry to hear about your situation. You have to let her work this out on her own. If I were the ISFP in question, the most 'effective' thing for me would be to have some space from my ex for a while in which to allow most of the processing to occur.

And don't act like nothing happened. I don't mean to speak for all ISFPs but I would be further hurt by that.

 

[phoenity]

Do you not show the world your deepest feelings, especially hurt?

I broke up with my girl this week. It was for the best because I realized that we weren't going to work. She first suggested a break (whatever that means), and a few days later after thinking it out I suggested we call it off.

A female friend suggested that she wasn't expecting me to react this way, that me suggesting to permanently break up with her was probably the last thing she wanted. It's funny because when we were at dinner (our break up dinner), she appeared to be very cool with my decision, even saying she felt the same way, and that her term break meant breaking it off for good. I don't get that feeling she meant that, but it's what she says.

Well that was Wed. We were in the same spot this past Sunday, at the same table at a dinner for a longtime friend of mines, and he is also her sister's husband. We ended the night at the couple's house. All we said the whole time was 'Hi' and "bye, each time met with a hug. I tried to show a 'no love lost' attitude while we were group conversation, and while we were playing a game, but she didn't look at me or acknowledge me at all. Again, when we were at our break up dinner she suggested that we would still be friends (we were friends before dating) and that it would return to normal.

My friend said he noticed that she didn't look at me either, and when I provided the winning answers to the questions she asked (we were playing a game) my friend said she didn't look happy- almost kind of disappointed that I answered them.

The same female friend thinks that she is hurt, but isn't showing it outwardly, and I think while she's not showing it to others, her not even being able to look at me or show any kind of reaction during an otherwise fun game is proof that she is hurt, even if she doesn't admit it to me.

Is it her Fi? I read that ISFPs are the strongest of those who are dominant Fi, and I did read that their deepest feelings aren't evident to those looking on, even others, unless they tell them.

I want to know primarily for 2 reasons: We have common friends, and the likelihood of us being in this situation again is significant enough for me to know how to deal with her in the future, also I want to confirm with other xFPs that my feelings are correct- while she says she's 'cool' with our decision, she is hurt but just not demonstrating it it externally.

Any help would be great.

Thanks!

She suggested a break so you guys could attempt to work out your differences.

But you had already made your decision.

So at that point she realized you weren't willing to work on things, and agreed that ending it was the best for each of you.

Is she hurt and just hiding it? Most likely. But what would be the point of showing emotion to you? You aren't going to be any consolation to her.

She'll get over it in time on her own, and it's probably easiest for her to not be around you.

 

[IZthe411]

And don't act like nothing happened. I don't mean to speak for all ISFPs but I would be further hurt by that.

So if we agree that we will go back to how it was before we were together, how can we do that if we don't act like nothing happened? What am I supposed to do if I see her? Say nothing? Not my style. It's hard for me to purposefully ignore someone.

 

[IZthe411]

She suggested a break so you guys could attempt to work out your differences.

But you had already made your decision.

So at that point she realized you weren't willing to work on things, and agreed that ending it was the best for each of you.

Is she hurt and just hiding it? Most likely. But what would be the point of showing emotion to you? You aren't going to be any consolation to her.

She'll get over it in time on her own, and it's probably easiest for her to not be around you.

Thanks for your answer. It makes sense.

The funny thing was I wanted to work on things. I didn't want to break up. But if she thought our situation was that hopeless that we needed to break, why should I wait around while she works something out. If it's not going to work out now, how will it later? Makes no sense to me.

 

[phoenity]

Thanks for your answer. It makes sense.

The funny thing was I wanted to work on things. I didn't want to break up. But if she thought our situation was that hopeless that we needed to break, why should I wait around while she works something out. If it's not going to work out now, how will it later? Makes no sense to me.

Hmm, I didn't get that impression from your story. Sounded like you suggested to break up, she suggested a temporary break to take some time to think, but you didn't see the point in that, because you had already made up your mind about where things were going or not going.

You seem to want to make a decision and stick with it. Or, at least you seem to want to be confident that you know where things are headed.

She's a go-with-the-flow type who likes to see where things go day by day. She may not have been as seriously into the relationship, at that moment in time, as she sensed you were, or wanted to be. Eventually she knew she couldn't or wasn't willing to give you what you needed to be comfortable, so she agreed it would be best to part ways.


I can't get emotionally involved with someone, decide it's not going to work, and then go back to the way things used to be. Because at that point, things are already not the way they used to be. Or maybe you could between two thinking types. But it's never worked out for me.

Personally, I'd prefer to have a relationship with someone I was close friends with first. But I'd have to be pretty certain we were compatible before moving on, because I'd hate to spoil a good friendship.

My relationships are constantly evolving, but I usually have no idea where they're going to end up. Once I develop an emotional closeness to someone, I can't take that back, only hide it to protect myself.

 

[IZthe411]

Hmm, I didn't get that impression from your story. Sounded like you suggested to break up, she suggested a temporary break to take some time to think, but you didn't see the point in that, because you had already made up your mind about where things were going or not going.

You seem to want to make a decision and stick with it. Or, at least you seem to want to be confident that you know where things are headed.

She's a go-with-the-flow type who likes to see where things go day by day. She may not have been as seriously into the relationship, at that moment in time, as she sensed you were, or wanted to be.


You can't get emotionally involved with someone, decide it's not going to work, and then go back to the way things used to be. Because at that point, things are already not the way they used to be. Or maybe you could between two thinking types.

Personally, I'd prefer to have a relationship with someone I was close friends with first. But I'd have to be pretty certain we were compatible before moving on, because I'd hate to spoil a good friendship.

I didn't suggest the breakup. She actually suggested a break a few weeks earlier, and I told her that's not going to help us if we are supposed to be building something together. Then later on when she declared a break, I knew by my reaction to her suggestion that it's best we just call the whole thing off.

I gues I'm a "mean what I say" person because I'd never suggest we'd go back to being friends if I didn't mean it. Again, this is something she said to me, suggesting that we can go back to a friend zone. I was happy to hear her say that, because I didn't want the breakup to cause her to hate me. I know I don't hate her; in fact I want nothing but the best for her.

Concerning your last statement; I asked her first to take it to something serious, and she told me no. Months later, she wanted to date me. Since I liked her, I was willing to give it a shot. It didn't work. I think we are great as friends, not as lovers.