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  1. #1
    Member bronson's Avatar
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    Nov 2009

    Default ESFP's and Emotions.

    I caught up with two good friends of mine last night. One an ex-girlfriend, the other just a good mutual friend. Both undoubtedly ESFP's, ex-g typed, the other one I just know is, and the two recognise themselves to be strikingly similiar in temperment.

    So our friend was telling us all about the boy she's currently angling for.
    She's an extreeeeemely funny girl, really confident and always the life of the party. I can't stop laughing when she's around.

    She was really really frustrated because she knows she's really confident with guys normally, flirting and whatever else.
    Anyway, with this guy she really likes she is finding it impossible to open up to him about her feelings.

    And she's confused because she recognises she's the confident, funny, outgoing type and yet she can't talk about her feelings.

    Do other ESFP's have trouble talking about their feelings openly?

    I was thinking of the socionics SEE, with Se Fi. So when it comes to feelings they're less open?


  2. #2
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    My ex ESFP certainly had that problem yeah.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2009


    My ESFP boyfriend doesn't have a problem talking about his feelings at all.. Actually, you can read him like a book once you know him a little bit. When he was first pursuing me he wasn't shy about it, just like he isn't shy about many things. He didn't say his feelings at the very beginning, but I could definitely tell he was into me and soon after I reciprocated and we began dating, he was now really open not only about showing his feelings but saying them as well.
    What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.

  4. #4
    Senior Member une_autre's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    I think that friend is an ESFP and he has lots of difficulty in opening up to me - or to somebody else, it was like trying to pry the words from him and coaxing him into speaking to me.
    I don't think that this necessarily represents the type, as with his upbringing and with overprotective and never-content type of parents, he is not a really healthy ESFP.

    Or maybe I am too scary.

  5. #5
    just a vessel EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    173 so/sx


    The ESFPs that I know definitely have trouble opening up. One of them, although she considers me to be her best friend, has never opened up to me, except for talking at me whenever she needs to vent.

    I can relate, though. You can be funny and outgoing and tell emotional stories to entertain and whatnot, but opening up is a whole different ball game.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w8/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
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  6. #6
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    6w7 sp/sx


    I have extreme trouble talking about my feelings with boyfriends, though I try and am getting better.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008


    Upon meeting, I mistook my ESFP's best friends complaints as just complaints. I then realized that these were feelings. I don't know if that makes sense or not. But her complaints weren't just "bitch fests" they were things she took personally and me responding to them seriously really helped her open up.

  8. #8
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    2wX so/sx


    One of my best friends is an ESFP. Although I don't find her to have trouble sharing her feelings with me (may have something to do with the fact that I can sense when she's having issues), I find that she's reluctant to take advice. I'm not sure if this is an ESFP characteristic or not, but I find myself giving her advice (that she asks for), but then getting a general "I have to make mistakes and figure them out on my own" type of response. If this is simply because of our INFJ-ESFP interaction and my want to be helpful and figure out the problem, I couldn't tell you.

    I find that my friend often is confident with guys as well, outwardly, but she definitely isn't REALLY feeling confident with herself internally... She usually has serious issues sharing things with men she is ACTUALLY most interested in. Maybe this could have some play on the problems that your friend is having?

  9. #9
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    4w5 sx/sp


    With the two ESFP's that I'm familiar with... yes! Openly discussing feelings is a problem area. I think it just requires a lot of trust in order to feel comfortable doing so. They are easily read like a book, often times... but like to pretend as though things are in order. I think this is the case with any Fi type though. We just need to find a level of comfort in order to open up.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #10
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009


    My ESFP boyfriend does not have a problem talking about his feelings at all (he claims this is due to his Italian genetics, haha), but it does seem he is selective in terms of the stuff that matters to him. Meaning, he's very open if something irks him, if something makes him happy, if someone has offended him, etc. When it comes to his past, things that are really getting to him, his dreams and hopes - he seems to only share these with a select group. His select group is hella bigger than mine but it's still a select group.

    The difference between the ones he's open with and the ones he's not? I'm not sure. If I think about it, knowing a lot of the people he opens up to myself, there's a common thread of warmth and honesty, a lot of people who can laugh at themselves.

    I couldn't really guess why your friend would be really open with others but not with this particular guy. Not enough information to go on and I wouldn't want to venture any false guesses. Hope something I said might be helpful though!
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

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