• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] ENFP dating an ESFP

PeaceRobin

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2009
Messages
51
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
327
I posted something similar in the NF private forum so I could get solely ENFP opinions but I'd like to get some ESFP opinions as well.

I'm fairly new to the site so forgive me if this has been posted before and I'm not following proper thread etiquette so to day.

So I'm an ENFP female dating an ESFP male. Have any of you ESFPs ever had a long term relationship with an ENFP? If so, what were the pros and cons? I have been with my ESFP for 5 or so months now. He was super quick to drop the L-bomb. Are you all so open or do you easily fall in love? I am really digging the openness though and the constant confirmations. Anyways, things are getting pretty serious but I'm not sure how our N and S will conflict as everyone says they will... What are your experiences?

Also we're both P's and I can't stand the ESFPs chaos around the house. I'm unorganized and work on it but he is straight up unaware of his dirty surroundings and doesn't seem to care. Also, as ESFPs grow up, do they calm down on the partying? He's 28 right now. I know he likes to spend time with his friends a lot now, but as an older working adult, how long can you really keep this up? Do friends maintain top priority or does family/kids take over after marriage? Sorry if this seems offensive in any manner. Really not intending it to be. Thanks!
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
I have a female ESFP friend. There was a spark the first time we met at a party and after that it was like going on a roller coaster- fast and intense. She even texted me after the party when we first met. I teased her, she'd tease me back. She couldn't leave me alone after that.

She's very wild and loves to party- and loves to TURN everything into a party. I noticed the openness and constant confirmations too. Also very moody, but she is a girl. Perhaps guy ESFP's are less moody? Great conversations too. We could talk for hours about everything and nothing.
 

DaPerformer

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2009
Messages
36
Are you all so open or do you easily fall in love? I am really digging the openness though and the constant confirmations. Anyways, things are getting pretty serious but I'm not sure how our N and S will conflict as everyone says they will... What are your experiences?

Also we're both P's and I can't stand the ESFPs chaos around the house. I'm unorganized and work on it but he is straight up unaware of his dirty surroundings and doesn't seem to care. Also, as ESFPs grow up, do they calm down on the partying? He's 28 right now. I know he likes to spend time with his friends a lot now, but as an older working adult, how long can you really keep this up? Do friends maintain top priority or does family/kids take over after marriage? Sorry if this seems offensive in any manner. Really not intending it to be. Thanks!

Speaking as an ESFP male, I would say it has been pretty easy for me to drop the L-Bomb. I pretty much love everyone. [envision tie-dyed clad hippy strumming a box guitar]. ESFP will see good in people when others may not, so if he is flattering you, more than likely it is because he is actually feeling that way, not just buttering you up. N vs. S conflict? Not sure... I'm still new and learning... I guess I could see it causing some friction. Being sensual, I sometimes do not pick up on things, and my wife ends up saying "I shouldn't have to tell you... you should just know!"... That is not me. I guess you have to hit me in the face with a board :)

I'm disorderly. I have kids and dogs... I know I reach a point of feeling like trying to keep the place clean is a futile effort. So, perhaps it is not that he is unaware... maybe he just feels like I do... "if I clean it, it's going to be a mess again in 20 minutes anyway". I've certainly calmed down on the partying, but the friends stay important until the end. My wife has had to deal with my buddies hanging out the whole time :) In my mind, my wife and kids have the priority over the friends. I know there have been times she felt otherwise.

I hope you are able to take something useful away from this!
 

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I don't know if I'd be much help because I'm ISFP (just the introverted version ;))
But I did date a male ENFP for 2 months.
The way you're explaining your male ESFP woul be the same way I'd explain my male ENFP.
(it could just be the male thing :newwink:)
I know I enjoyed our relationship, but just like clonester said, our relation happened hard and fast and pretty much ended the same. His friends came before me ALWAYS to the point where he wasn't spending any weekends with me, but just his girl and guy buddies. He was completely oblivious that it was insulting to not invite me to parties he'd go to or things of that sort. I suppose over all, I felt that he still needed to mature and see life out of just HIMSELF. Didn't help that he was an only child and I'm the oldest of 4. So there's differences there as well.

We were pretty open with each other about things... probably TOO open about things I really didn't need to know about (like all his ex gfs and blah blah blah) but I too shared too much as well. We bonded together like glue but at the end had to be ripped apart quickly and not get to look back and talk about it. So its kind of extreme.

I don't really know if that helps at all, but I've definitely been there and done that. (just in reverse of course).
 

Damir

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
19
MBTI Type
esfp
Enneagram
7
esfp and enfp can only have wild adventures, really strong sexual attraction, but not emotional, they are emotionaly the same, and if they hang out too much their self estem is going down... they get each other, they are both hot, but nothing more in the long therm it never worked for me

p.s. i couldnt read what you posted,because im lazy
 

tastes_like_purple

New member
Joined
May 9, 2009
Messages
200
MBTI Type
XXXX
Enneagram
4
I dated an ESFP dude for a while. We got along really well but we were more like friends than anything else. We had no connection emotionally or intellectually but he was still a great guy. I just got bored of him.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Ohhh..... I have plenty to say on this subject. Let me start with the conclusion. ENFP/ESFP starts out very passionately. But is usually destined for failure.

I loved my ESFP sooooo much. He was kind and warm and outgoing. I loved all these things about him. When I was around him I was able to shut off my head and live in my body. We didn't site around and talk about things. We did them. I learned to hike and sail and play the drums. (And, the sex was fantabulous.)

But after a while, I noticed that we were speaking different languages. I spoke in abstract. He spoke in concrete. For example, once we were walking around an historic neighborhood when he pointed to a house and said, "That's a pretty house." I responded by telling him it was a Queen Anne style house and discussion historic preservation. Later he said to me, "When I say to you 'that's a pretty house' I want you to respond by saying 'Yeah, I think it's pretty, too.' " My analysis bugged him. And his lack of analysis bugged me.

So it was intense... and my strong N preference was very balanced when I was with him. This was a wonderful experience for me. But, I don't think there was any hope of it ever working.
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
I wonder if any ENFP-ESFP relationships have ever NOT been like fireworks going off then fizzling out?
 

MafiaAngel180

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2010
Messages
133
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am an Enfp who is currently dating an Esfp. I googled this subject a lot and haven't found much information on the two types together. So I am totally willing to share my experience. I want to add that he has ADHD (which might be common for his personality type.)

I think the Enfp's sweetheart side is what draws in the Esfp; the affection, the kindness, the touching. He really liked those things. We started things off faster than what I would like. But it was kinda nice in a way. However, I was slow to...ahem...put out. I think this was a huge shock -- and challenge -- for an Esfp male. But when we did have sex, it was seriously the best sex I have ever had...like ever. I know when some people think of male Esfps, they think of high sex drives. Strangely, his was lower than mine. Haha. Once you get a taste of an Esfp, lol you are addicted. ;)

We have lots of arguments which stem from different N-S communication style. One example: I can tell something's wrong. But with many S types, they like to say: "I didn't SAY something was wrong now did I?." Even though S's don't have to say anything, sometimes we N's just know. A big problem was: he thinks I jump to conclusions!! Then he would get frustrated and have to go calm down. But from trial and error, I learned that if I talk about the steps in which I arrived at a conclusion FIRST, THEN after that tell him my actual conclusion...it is better for us. It's a frustrating process, but beneficial for both in the long run. So instead of asking him him "What's wrong?" I would say, "I notice that your frowning, your arms are folded, and you appear quiet. That makes me wonder if something is wrong?" At any rate, I have learned patience by dealing with my Esfp.

Things aren't always a pain the butt. We have so much fun together. We laugh all of the time. We both have a twisted sense of humor. He appreciates my spontaneity. Esfps seem to give their hearts freely, which is nice because it is a breath of fresh air from the stuffy intjs and intps I dated. There is passion!!

Many Esfps suck with money, and no doubt, you will have to be the one managing things. And they do seem to always need friends around, which can be super annoying. My Esfp has ADHD, and he always has to be stimulated. It can be exhausting. He also sucks with managing time and he does things according to his feelings. Such as, he won't hang out as promised because he felt stressed from work. Annoying. But I love him and he loves me so we make it work.

Flat out....it's a rollercoaster of passion. The highs are high. The lows are low. Love hard. Fight hard. You just have to determine if it's for you.

Edit: I would like to add that though we do talk, I don't require deep conversations with him, that's what my intj/intp friends are for. I can't expect my partner to fullfill every single need I have. That's unrealistic. I think this is something that everyone should think about regardless of personality type.
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2008
Messages
5,552
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
esfp and enfp can only have wild adventures, really strong sexual attraction, but not emotional, they are emotionaly the same, and if they hang out too much their self estem is going down... they get each other, they are both hot, but nothing more in the long therm it never worked for me

p.s. i couldnt read what you posted,because im lazy

tl;dr
 

sLiPpY

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2009
Messages
2,003
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
:yay: More threads like these please.
 

ilovereeses

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2009
Messages
116
MBTI Type
eNFP
Enneagram
9w8
Thank you so much, MafiaAngel. I've found myself smitten by an ESFP and I was worried that it'd be one of those relationships that start out passionate, then die out. I don't want that at all! From what you wrote though, it seems to always be exciting! (Which is good in a way, cuz I don't like being bored). Only difference is that my ESFP has bi-polar disorder...:huh:
 

PeaceRobin

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2009
Messages
51
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
327
Thanks for the feedback on your relationship! So it has been 5 months since I posted that and I have to say that I don't think things are going to work out.. It has been about 9 months now.

He is the sweetest most open and friendly guy ever but we just don't have similar life dreams. I really wish we did because he is so loving. He is all about the here and now though and fun with friends as a top priority leave no room for real long term goals except have a family and be with friends. I have more N dreams about traveling internationally and helping the world.. I don't think my viewpoint on life is any better, just too different from his. Yes, I want a great family and friends, but I need adventure at the same time and a sense of contribution to the world.

I think maybe it could have worked if we had met later in life.. I am 26 and he is 28. I think I just need to explore the world more and find my place. I am still willing to wait for someone a little deeper and analytic about life. I just hope I don't have to compromise the loving and kindhearted nature that comes from an ESFP.

There are some really annoying problems though.. He has to be the center of attention.. He will do ridiculous belly flips into the water. Actually he is known for them. INstead of kissing me on new years at 12am he did one into the freezing pool to impress his friends. Did it later that month too into the ocean at 32 degrees and got really sick. I told him it was dumb and he was embarassing me but he did it anyways. There were clients of his there and it was just so dumb to do in the winter. He doesn't know how to be professional.. it's all about fun.

He also stretches the truth for stories all the time. I always says whatever story he is telling, divide the numeric part of it by 3. This is almost always a correct ratio.

Also, he is so sensitive! If he's been drinking, he will not slow with the PDA. The other night I was like look, I know you love me but we don't have to kiss every minute in public. I don't mind some but he just does it too much. He was so offended.. This is just one of many many examples.

There are a few other things that are hard to articulate but I just don't think we are compatible long term. Although he is not right for me, I think any other girl would be lucky to have him if they can put up with his need for attention in public from everyone..

PS you are right about the sex.. esfps make you feel so comfortable and it is the best :)
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
Ohhh..... I have plenty to say on this subject. Let me start with the conclusion. ENFP/ESFP starts out very passionately. But is usually destined for failure.

I loved my ESFP sooooo much. He was kind and warm and outgoing. I loved all these things about him. When I was around him I was able to shut off my head and live in my body. We didn't site around and talk about things. We did them. I learned to hike and sail and play the drums. (And, the sex was fantabulous.)

But after a while, I noticed that we were speaking different languages. I spoke in abstract. He spoke in concrete. For example, once we were walking around an historic neighborhood when he pointed to a house and said, "That's a pretty house." I responded by telling him it was a Queen Anne style house and discussion historic preservation. Later he said to me, "When I say to you 'that's a pretty house' I want you to respond by saying 'Yeah, I think it's pretty, too.' " My analysis bugged him. And his lack of analysis bugged me.

So it was intense... and my strong N preference was very balanced when I was with him. This was a wonderful experience for me. But, I don't think there was any hope of it ever working.

"why don't you just say it's pretty?" what a buzzkill.

... i might have made the same surface-level observation as him at first, not sure..i think i'm grounded (or maybe just balanced), but there's always a well of unstated ideas/directions i do see under the surface. i definitely don't get corrective if someone speaks like you did...i would have wanted more. then you would have cracked me like an egg, and my Ne would kick in. and then, Se again, because women like that are HOT. ;)

anyways, i'm kind of a conversation stopper with hardcore Ti oriented analysis. not much else.
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
I have more N dreams about traveling internationally and helping the world.. I don't think my viewpoint on life is any better, just too different from his. Yes, I want a great family and friends, but I need adventure at the same time and a sense of contribution to the world.

Classic NF-SP conflict. :yes: I know, I felt exactly the same way with the istp. Future couples, be aware.
 

TheZEDMan

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
12
p.s. i couldnt read what you posted,because im lazy

Hehehe, you sounds like me, I never have too much patience to read long posts (although I write epic novels when I comment on forums with multiple chapters that make "Paradise Lost" look like just a couple of sentences). Is this a P thing?

P.S. I'm a male ENFP, and I love to listen (especially emotions and gossip), just can't work with reading (without a biiiiiiiggggg cup of coffeee :pornstar:).
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I posted something similar in the NF private forum so I could get solely ENFP opinions but I'd like to get some ESFP opinions as well.

I'm fairly new to the site so forgive me if this has been posted before and I'm not following proper thread etiquette so to day.

So I'm an ENFP female dating an ESFP male. Have any of you ESFPs ever had a long term relationship with an ENFP? If so, what were the pros and cons? I have been with my ESFP for 5 or so months now. He was super quick to drop the L-bomb. Are you all so open or do you easily fall in love? I am really digging the openness though and the constant confirmations. Anyways, things are getting pretty serious but I'm not sure how our N and S will conflict as everyone says they will... What are your experiences?

Also we're both P's and I can't stand the ESFPs chaos around the house. I'm unorganized and work on it but he is straight up unaware of his dirty surroundings and doesn't seem to care. Also, as ESFPs grow up, do they calm down on the partying? He's 28 right now. I know he likes to spend time with his friends a lot now, but as an older working adult, how long can you really keep this up? Do friends maintain top priority or does family/kids take over after marriage? Sorry if this seems offensive in any manner. Really not intending it to be. Thanks!

I've never dated an ENFP, but can speak for living with myself, haha. And also speak to N-S relationships. I'm quick to fall for people, but not to drop the L-bomb. (I've always waited for the other person, but that could just be a female thing.) I've always found myself easy to live with, in part because I have very little schedule or routine. I just do what seems right next. This doesn't usually seem to get in the way- BECAUSE I am conscious of what other's think of me and want a happy home. SO, I do try to follow people's idosyncrosies and habits and avoid doing things that are going to cause conflict. This has only been a problem when I found the other person extremely nitpicky or impossible to follow all of their rules and demands. NFP's have never been nitpicky in my experience. Lived with a lot of people, including an INFP aunt, INFP roommate, and ENFP friend. All seemed really easy to get along with for me.

You may be able to just tell him in a non-conflicting way things you expect to be done around the house, and as long as it's not a big long list, he'll probably follow it. On the other hand, i'm naturally pretty clean, not a total mess. In my own experience, mature ESFP's will calm down after marriage and kids, but still maintain that level of fun- just in a different way. Drinking and boozing and partying to all hours of the night will turn to impromtu days off from school to go ice skating. Still there should never be a dull moment. If I'm alone, I'm okay, but if I'm around someone, or someones, I tend to try to keep the fun and happy going.

The only thing that sounds like a red flag with this guy is that house thing. I've never met an S to openly say, "Just say that the house is pretty", If an N goes off on one of their strange topics. If he does that all the time, it could be a problem. I've never had an issue in N relationships because while I default on Se, I never mind a good conversation. If I have nothing to add to the conversation, I just act interested and let them talk. I don't know if he's the same way.

Otherwise, sounds good so far!
 

Amethyst

¡MI TORTA!
Joined
May 9, 2010
Messages
2,191
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
They're fun, until they hate you. Then they're fucking hell.
 

You

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2010
Messages
2,124
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
7w8
What is with ESFPs and disorders?
 
Top