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[ISTP] me: "i love you" istp: <<silence>>

countrygirl

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I wholly agree with this. :yes:

I mean, didn't people always say those perfect couples can understand each other without exchanging words? Why get hung up on four letters when there are so many other ways to express love.

Of course there are many ways to express love. Some people need a verbal expression rather than one of action.

To the OP: There is a book, I believe, called 'Love Languages' that might be worth looking into.
 

Thalassa

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It really depends: if his actions are saying that he cares, and you feel content in the relationship outside of "saying those words" and can live without it, then I say stay in the relationship.

However if you feel like your emotional needs aren't being met and you constantly have to stifle who you are or feel "crazy" around your ISTP, then yeah I would say this relationship is unhealthy.
 

Thalassa

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Non-sense. If you don't feel crazy, then you obviously don't care enough.

I mean "crazy" in a negative sense. Not "crazy in love" as you seem to be implying, but crazy like he's making her feel as though he's saner or more sensible than she is, causing her to feel bad about herself in an unecessary way.
 

Heinel

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I mean "crazy" in a negative sense. Not "crazy in love" as you seem to be implying, but crazy like he's making her feel as though he's saner or more sensible than she is, causing her to feel bad about herself in an unecessary way.

I don't think craziness can inherently be positive or negative. All it shows is a conflict. The way you approach this conflict is what gives it a "good" tag or a "bad" tag.
 

Thalassa

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I don't think craziness can inherently be positive or negative. All it shows is a conflict. The way you approach this conflict is what gives it a "good" tag or a "bad" tag.

If he's making her feel bad about herself, that's not healthy. That's my point.
 

Heinel

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If he's making her feel bad about herself, that's not healthy. That's my point.

It's only bad when you continue to dwell on it and let it consume you. And that does not necessarily have to be the case.
 

Poki

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yeah, it's a shame he's so gosh darn amazing or i'd cut him loose.

i think i'm just going to sit on it and not do anything. maybe it'll go away on its own cause i can trick myself into thinking it's unrequited.

How did you trick yourself? What makes you think its unrequited other then he wont say.
 

Thalassa

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It's only bad when you continue to dwell on it and let it consume you. And that does not necessarily have to be the case.

oh what ever. if someone makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis, that isn't a good partner or significant other.
 

Heinel

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oh what ever. if someone makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis, that isn't a good partner or significant other.

I don't think that is the case for Rachelinpa, however. In fact it is quite the contrary, based on what is revealed.
 

teslashock

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i love what you wrote here. very insightful. thank you.

How do you know that you love it? What does that word even mean? :newwink:

i guess i am wondering that since he has been in love once before... why he wouldn't just reference those previous feelings and know if he did or not?

Well, I don't actually know why he can't "reference" those feelings. Perhaps he had no way of really systematizing them, so there's nothing really for him to reference. I'm not sure if most Ts are particularly capable of referencing their past emotions and determining if something in their present makes them feel the same way as something in their past. Personally, it's pretty hard for me to operate in a system if I don't have a way to logically define that system, and emotions are something I've not really been able to make sense of. Maybe that's why he can't adequately reference his past love? I don't really know though; we are encroaching upon a topic with which I'm not all too familiar. I find this whole love thing quite silly to be honest ;)

i feel like he is really bent up on the time frame thing and knowing when it is appropriate to say certain things. i don't really understand that since the connection is so intense.

Him being "bent up on a time frame" wouldn't be too hard to believe. Time is an easy thing to quantify, and perhaps it's one of the factors that he uses to logically and concretely quantify love. Ti users want things to make sense, so it's definitely possible that he is attempting to apply arbitrary, measurable factors to a thing that is as nonsensical to him as love is.
 

Thalassa

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I don't think that is the case for Rachelinpa, however. In fact it is quite the contrary, based on what is revealed.

I gave a hypothetical suggestion of two possible situations. I cannot determine what is the true nature of the relationship based soley on the information given.

Stop trying to pick apart and rationalize my answer in some petty little way. It wasn't directed toward you, but for her contemplation based upon how she feels, which is something we cannot ultimately determine.
 

Poki

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I understand the unrequited side. That his actions could possibly be because he likes the way you love him, but he may not feel the same thing. Which makes me wonder that it may not have been love for his ex, but him missing the way she loved him.
 

Heinel

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Stop trying to pick apart and rationalize my answer in some petty little way.

I thought when people ask for advices they want to narrow down choices, not add to them. I guess that just isn't the case for some.

Also, it is only petty when the intend is petty, you are so superficial.
 

Poki

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CAT FIGHT!!!!!! :girlfight:

Who is in the pink leotard and who is in the purple? I will give Heinel the choice, marmalade would look good in either;)
 

Heinel

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I'm pink.

<-- Look.


CAT FIGHT!!!!!! :girlfight:

Who is in the pink leotard and who is in the purple? I will give Heinel the choice, marmalade would look good in either;)
 

Thalassa

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I thought when people ask for advices they want to narrow down choices, not add to them. I guess that just isn't the case for some.

Also, it is only petty when the intend is petty, you are so superficial.

:huh:

I said to stay in the relationship if she felt her needs were being met, and to leave if they weren't. If she's content without him saying "I love you" - great. If ultimately she feels like she isn't getting what she needs - leave.

How is that adding choices? To me that is plain common sense. Pretty straight forward, black and white. You were the one adding all of the embellishment.
 

Thalassa

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CAT FIGHT!!!!!! :girlfight:

Who is in the pink leotard and who is in the purple? I will give Heinel the choice, marmalade would look good in either;)

:laugh:
 
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