[SP] SP's and Change

[brainheart]

I too get bored with everything. It's like my whole life requires rearranging, regularly, on every level. What makes that difficult is that I have been married for the last eleven years and I have two kids. A few years back I had a bit of a nervous breakdown, I think due to my desperate desire for change. (It had been so long!) So I moved out, separated from my husband. Then, and only then, did I realize how much it sucked not to have him around and how much I relied on him.

But I definitely still get my Gauguin fantasies of just splitting, but now that I've had the life experience of it, I know that isn't the proper solution.

I think we SPs need our external surroundings to change in some way in order to feel stimulated/ inspired/ excited. It's kind of like how I haven't really exercised much in the last few years (although I used to religiously) because I feel like I've exhausted all of the possibilities in my surrounding area. It can be painful to walk or run the same route more than a couple of times. It's like I can sit in my house and visualize the whole route before I even step outside so what's the point?

There is little that makes me happier than wandering around and exploring a new city, provided that it's an interesting one.

 

[Willfrey]

Since 02' I've lived in eight different places, about to move to my ninth. I'm very good at throwing out useless crap I don't use so its very easy to move, I can fit everything I own in the back of a longbed pickup and inside my car. I'm like a nomad.

I've worked three (four if you count my brief part-timing) jobs since I graudated high school. Ever job I've had I left because I was offered something better, never fired.

As for relationships, I've been in a couple but most ended rather quickly. I am in one now going on a month, we'll see what happens

 

[Poki]

what is it about a place that bores you? Is that the only thing you enjoy doing? What are you looking for, because you are doing alot of searching externally.

I can say the same thing about myself. Doing alot of searching internally.

There I go with the digging

 

[brainheart]

what is it about a place that bores you? Is that the only thing you enjoy doing? What are you looking for, because you are doing alot of searching externally.

I can say the same thing about myself. Doing alot of searching internally.

There I go with the digging

No, I do tons of searching internally as well. If anything, I think new external stimuli distracts me from the internal, so I feel better and more energized. It brings me out to the physical world, which is nice. But if the physical world no longer offers something new, I return to the internal, my guess is the Fi/Ni place.

 

[brainheart]

I should add that new external stimuli can be something as simple as learning how to play a new song on the guitar or reading a new book or seeing a new band or checking out a new exhibit at a museum, as well. It doesn't require a major life change, necessarily.

 

[Poki]

No, I do tons of searching internally as well. If anything, I think new external stimuli distracts me from the internal, so I feel better and more energized. It brings me out to the physical world, which is nice. But if the physical world no longer offers something new, I return to the internal, my guess is the Fi/Ni place.

From my perspective a new external environment would give you something new internally to adjust to avoiding other internal issues.

In my caes it would be changing who I am internally to avoid facing external issues.

Basically you need to change your internal environment in order to slow down and I need to change my external environment.

Digging really sucks. You are trying to find perfection but reverting to changing what you are good at changing.

 

[brainheart]

Digging really sucks. You are trying to find perfection but reverting to changing what you are good at changing.

Way too true.

 

[StephMC]

I match this pretty good. I agree with what is said about suddenly realizing people are closer to me then I wanted. Can you elaborate on this? With me its something I can see and with me I act dumb to avoid leading them on anymore. I have seen smiles that to me scream "I love you"(not infatuation, but love) and I play dumb. Other times someone will say something to me and I start to think about what they say and realize how much I feel about them that I missed because I do live in the moment.

So I have this tendency to live day-to-day, going with whatever anybody/anything throws at me, and not really thinking about what I do or don't want from them. It's a very subconscious thing, it seems like. But every once in a while, there will be a trigger that sets it off... Like if someone happens to overstep a boundary of mine that I forgot about. Then all of a sudden I'm fully conscious of what I do/don't want and ... well... do something about. Which usually entails me changing a relationship and my day-to-day boundaries with that person. It's a very strange thing. Because while I -am- aware of how close a person is getting to me and/or if their feelings are developing for me, it really isn't until some forgotten (but really important) boundary is compromised that I do anything about it. Until then, I just go with it... and "play dumb," similarly to what you do.

 

[Poki]

So I have this tendency to live day-to-day, going with whatever anybody/anything throws at me, and not really thinking about what I do or don't want from them. It's a very subconscious thing, it seems like. But every once in a while, there will be a trigger that sets it off... Like if someone happens to overstep a boundary of mine that I forgot about. Then all of a sudden I'm fully conscious of what I do/don't want and ... well... do something about. Which usually entails me changing a relationship and my day-to-day boundaries with that person. It's a very strange thing. Because while I -am- aware of how close a person is getting to me and/or if their feelings are developing for me, it really isn't until some forgotten (but really important) boundary is compromised that I do anything about it. Until then, I just go with it... and "play dumb," similarly to what you do.

 

[countrygirl]

I like internal consistancy for that gives me security unless it some personal imperfection, ever striving for perfection. In a way, I detest my perfectionist ideals because I tend to focus on the negative and beat myself up for being human.

Externally, I enjoy new things but I do need a base to work from such as my house so that when I am over stimulated from my enivornment, I can get some down time, recharge and process my experiences.

 

[stellar renegade]

Hm, the same thing happens to me in regards to people being closer than I realized they were getting which is really frustrating because they start expecting commitments out of you that you weren't ready for and get upset if you don't wanna go down that road.

It's crazy cuz my ENTP friend and I became best friends years and years ago but it just kinda happened as a matter of course. We would hang out and he'd call me alot but I'd never call him because, well, I don't know, I don't really think about people if they're not right in front of me usually and he usually called me anyway. I think I remember him saying that he wondered why he was the one always doing the calling. I didn't know what to say because I usually just go with the flow.

Well we became really close friends but I still never really initiated conversation. He eventually joined the Navy and it seemed difficult to get in contact with him sometimes, like I had to call this certain number at this certain time or something and I'm not really good with forethought about that kinda stuff and I just didn't mess with it. We did email a little bit, later on... but four years passed and he didn't call me after a bit and I just figured he was busy, and things were happening on my end, I moved to WA and back and ended up stupidly playing the part of counselor for someone (not very well, of course; it was more that I just tried to prevent them from hurting themselves and couldn't really offer emotional support).

Well we talked a bit after that whole escapade and hung out whenever he visited (sometimes he just randomly showed up on my doorstep, LOL! he's hilarious like that) and he finally got out of the Navy like a year ago.

Well apparently he had this beef with me that I never called him and I was clueless. I was actually shocked to know he was upset about that because he had never told me and I don't operate like that myself so I wasn't expecting it.

I think maybe I don't do well with committing to being a best friend? I remember at one point when I was in WA telling him that I had so many friends it was hard to keep track of and I didn't know if I believed in the concept of a best friend for sure anymore. But later on I admitted I did see him as closer than others.

But still, there's obviously a huge difference between the way I approach a best friend relationship and the way most people do. I have a hard time with commitments, always have.

Anyway, there's my rant. Usually people end up feeling like we're closer than I feel like we are. I get to know people quickly but feelings take awhile to develop if they ever do at all, and usually I have to kinda deliberately rouse them anyway.

As for changes in scenery, that's a definite for me. I think I've actually found my home though here in Seattle and I feel like there's enough variety and potential for changing things up here that I could probably live here for the rest of my life. As long as I travel the world like I've always planned to, of course.

 

[StephMC]

^ Yep, I can relate. I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations. That relates to another motto I have:
"Show you're incompetence in something you don't like doing once, and people will never ask you to do it again." Seriously... you should try it.

Edit: Aw, crap. That might be considered a form of manipulation, isn't it. Well, in that sense, maybe I am a bit manipulative.

 

[Jeffster]

I'm happy if I have enough change for the laundromat.

 

[Walking Tourist]

That makes everyone else happy, if it means that you can change your clothes.

I'm happy if I have enough change for the laundromat.

 

[mcmartinez84]

I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations.

I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.

 

[Kingfisher]

i am also somewhat restless. i have worked a lot of different jobs, moved a lot of times. when i was in my late teens and early 20s i was especially restless, i didn't like to be tied down to anything or anywhere for very long at all. for a long time everything i had fit into a duffel bag.

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

^ Yep, I can relate. I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations. That relates to another motto I have:
"Show you're incompetence in something you don't like doing once, and people will never ask you to do it again." Seriously... you should try it.

Edit: Aw, crap. That might be considered a form of manipulation, isn't it. Well, in that sense, maybe I am a bit manipulative.

So true! and yes....it IS manipulation.

 

[SilkRoad]

I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.

I'm not trying to be mean, but regarding what you've said and what a few others like stellar renegade have said...to a lot of people, this attitude would come across as pure selfishness. Regardless of type, I don't think it's unnatural for people to expect a bit of commitment from their friends. The chances are good that they've made a certain commitment to you and are hurt that you don't seem to value their friendship or be committed to them in the slightest.

Would you call it selfishness or do you see it a different way? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I really want to understand this.

 

[sLiPpY]

hmm...sometimes it seems relationships others would call and/or consider friends, I see as an acquaintance.

ISTP's aren't superficial with their trust, where other types seem to establish bonds more freely?

Just ramblin'

 

[StephMC]

I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.

You know, I always manage to show the people that are important to me just how much they mean to me... just not in very orthodox ways. I'd -like- to say every single one of them know this about me. I'm there for them when they need me, without fail. But when it comes to things like calling, or making plans, etc... I do my best to communicate why I absolutely suck at that, and make sure they know that that isn't any reflection of how I feel about them. I think I'm lucky though... while I'm sure most of my friends would prefer me to commit to plans, etc., a little earlier than what I actually do, they appreciate the fact that to make up for this, I'm pretty much down for anything at the last minute. And let's be honest, most people aren't as willing to drop everything for something/someone like we are.... or at least we take it to a whole new level.

I'm not trying to be mean, but regarding what you've said and what a few others like stellar renegade have said...to a lot of people, this attitude would come across as pure selfishness. Regardless of type, I don't think it's unnatural for people to expect a bit of commitment from their friends. The chances are good that they've made a certain commitment to you and are hurt that you don't seem to value their friendship or be committed to them in the slightest.

Would you call it selfishness or do you see it a different way? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I really want to understand this.

Nah, I understand. But as I mentioned above, it is in no way a reflection of how I feel about my friendship with someone. I do make a commitment to them... in my own little way. The thing is, it takes me a long time to consider someone an important friend with my life. A good 80% of those people are people I've known for 4+ years. STPs are very "what you see is what you get." If I wasn't committed, I wouldn't still be in contact, no matter who initiated it. In my mind, if I pick up the phone, or make it out to see you (even if it might have taken a while to get plans down), that means I like and appreciate my relationship with you. Because even responding to some short Facebook post to an old friend I don't much care about is taxing. I'm not sure if that helped my case or not... but I would like to add that while we are sickeningly independent, we -know- this about ourselves and know people don't much care for it. The people that genuinely care about me know this as well, and give me my freedom. In return, I keep coming back, showing my affection in whatever ways an ISTP possibly can, and give them the same exact freedom.