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[MBTI General] Stuck? Befuddled? Betwixt? Confounded? Halla will Help You...

Goosebump

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Hi there! :) Got it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical doctor, but I will share what I know of common causes of fatigue. See an M.D. if you can't resolve your fatigue with some simple lifestyle adjustments and nutritional supplements.

A few questions to clarfy the situation...

(1) How long has your energy level been ridiculously low? (a) 3 months, (b) 6 months?, (c) 1 year?, (d) longer?

Hmm, I might have exaggerated "ridiculously low". It's not so low to the point that I can't do anything but I get sleepy a lot, which makes it hard for me to concentrate on the activities (trying to clean up my place, homework, hanging out with friends, etc.) It's been like this since the middle of highschool. I'm in college now.

These might seem basic, but:
(2) Are you getting 6-8 hours of sleep per night?

About 5-6 hours during school. But now during the summer, I usually sleep up to 10 hours a day if no one wakes me up.

(3) How is your diet? Do you eat a wide variety of healthy foods?

Hmm, it depends. I had period of restrictedly healthy food following by periods of chips, instant noodles, and fried eggs. But for the most part, I try to avoid unhealthy food but I think I'm not eating enough a wide range of healthy food.

(4) Are you a vegetarian? If so, do you take an iron supplement? (Anemia?)

I love meat way too much to become vegeterian :dont:. I don't know about having anemia but my doctor did say my iron level is low.

(5) Do you drink one or more colas or sweet tea each day? (Sugar crash/hypolgecima?)

I don't like sweet drinks. Milk and water for me, mostly.

(6) Do you exercise? If so, what kind? How often?

I hit the gym about once a week. If lucky. Hmm....I see where you're going at.

That must be frustrating. :( I'm sorry to hear that you are having such issues right now. Luckily, we live in a time where nutrition and medicine can work wonders if we take the time to get the right diagnostic work done, and seek appropriate treatments.

Indeed :yes:. I'm still trying to figure out mine. I looked up information on nutrition before but got overwhelmed by them. How did you get your diagnostic done?


I don't react well to energy drinks, personally. They give me indigestion, and they are basically sugar, a motherload of vitamins, caffeine, and aminor acids + a few random herbal ingredients in some cases. There is always a crash that is experienced after a jolt of energy is experienced, whether it is from a cup of coffee, an energy drink, or even amphetamines. What goes up, must come down.

I reacted that way as well to coffee. I would become really hyper and then dead tired after. :doh: And it sucks because even though I feel like crap, I cannot sleep because of the caffeine. So I suppose the energy drinks wouldn't be a good solution.

I like to have an EVEN amount of energy each day. I find that a good diet is essential for me, to keep my level of energy on an even keel. Also, I find I have more energy when I am working out regularly. If I have a layoff, then I feel sluggish for a week or so until I've been back at the gym again for another week or so.

I see. Working out seems to be an important aspect of your source of energy. I think I need to try to work out more often.


Finally, if there is a deficiency of thyroid (T3/T4) hormones in your blood, you are due to feel lethargic no matter what, and that can only be corrected with medication (Cytomel). A blood test can tell you what your thyroid levels are.

Holy cow, I sure hope I don't have it because I would hate to be dependent on medication at my age. :shocking:

Looking forward to your response, good luck!

:D

-Halla

You are really helpful and informative. Thank you so much Halla! :hug:

I will take what you said into consideration and do some research about them and see whether it might apply to me. I'll try first by working out more often. Nutrition, not so much for now, because I used to have school meal plans but not anymore, and I hate cooking :doh:. I'll let you know the results. And stay awesome. :cool:
 

Halla74

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Hmm, I might have exaggerated "ridiculously low". It's not so low to the point that I can't do anything but I get sleepy a lot, which makes it hard for me to concentrate on the activities (trying to clean up my place, homework, hanging out with friends, etc.) It's been like this since the middle of highschool. I'm in college now.

Sleepiness is a real pain in the butt.

I've got ADHD, and if whatever it is I have to be doing does not meet or exceed my minimum threshold of mental stimulation, I have a really hard time concentrating on it. The thing is though part of ADHD is "hyperactivity" (as opposed to ADD), and even though I am hyperactive (you have no idea) if I am disinterested in something, I will fall asleep in the midst of it. I kid you not. Even if I have had 7-8 hours of sleep the night before, if I am bored in a meeting, I begin to nod off...hard. :zzz:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is another thing to ponder on:

FROM: Chronic fatigue syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Сhronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is the most common name[1] given to a variably debilitating disorder or disorders generally defined by persistent fatigue unrelated to exertion, not substantially relieved by rest and accompanied by the presence of other specific symptoms for a minimum of six months.[2]"

Depression???
Also, depression can deprive you of energy to do everything, even things you like to do (like hanging out with your friends). Is there a chance you are depressed about something?

Considering the length of time fatigue has been an issue for you, I would venture to say it is in your best interest to seek out its cause, and remedy it to the degree possible in order for you to have a full and productive life. You are very young still, and a lack of energy for the next 40 years will be detrimental to you in a number of ways. When you become a parent, you will use up alot of energy each day, believe it! :yes:

About 5-6 hours during school. But now during the summer, I usually sleep up to 10 hours a day if no one wakes me up.

Seriously try to get more sleep at night.
Shoot for 7-8 hours.
My MD told me last year that lack of sleep at night is a primary culprit of people feeling lethargic during the day.

Also, as a bodybuilder, I can tell you that lack of sleep also predisposes your body to store fat, even if you are eating well and exercising, as excessive cortisol is in your system when you are exhausted, and cortisol makes your body store fat.

Finally, if you can get 10 hours of sleep in the summer, or any other time, then do it! It will never hurt you to get more sleep! :laugh:

Hmm, it depends. I had period of restrictedly healthy food following by periods of chips, instant noodles, and fried eggs. But for the most part, I try to avoid unhealthy food but I think I'm not eating enough a wide range of healthy food.

Here is a great summary on fitness and nutrition that you might find useful. :happy:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/963101-post45.html

I love meat way too much to become vegeterian :dont:. I don't know about having anemia but my doctor did say my iron level is low.

You can get extra iron from spinach. I'm not big on iron supplementation. I'd rather eat a few spinach and cheese omelets per week and a fat filet mignon on the weekend to keep my iron levels in check. Pills. Meh. :dry:

I don't like sweet drinks. Milk and water for me, mostly.

Me either, that's exactly what I drink. When I wake up I have one cup of coffee, then at work all day long I drink bottled water, at home for dinner I have a glass or two of red wine with dinner, and at 1:00 AM each morning I have a huge glass of milk and whatever else I want. :popc1: I also drink alot of soymilk.

I hit the gym about once a week. If lucky. Hmm....I see where you're going at.

Ahh haaaa... You might want to try exercising four days per week. There is ALOT of fitness advice in this thread. I'll send you the links if you want. :newwink:

Although counter intuitive, exercising regularly increases your overall level of energy, because your body becomes more efficient at using what it has to work with.

Indeed :yes:. I'm still trying to figure out mine. I looked up information on nutrition before but got overwhelmed by them. How did you get your diagnostic done?

I asked my MD for a bloodwork profile as part of my annual physical. Most doctors want to do bloodwork every two years. You should have no issues getting a full profile that way, endocrine as well.

I reacted that way as well to coffee. I would become really hyper and then dead tired after. :doh: And it sucks because even though I feel like crap, I cannot sleep because of the caffeine. So I suppose the energy drinks wouldn't be a good solution.

Yep. Plus, energy drinks taste like rhinoceros piss. :sick:

I see. Working out seems to be an important aspect of your source of energy. I think I need to try to work out more often.

Try it, you'll like it! :pumpyouup:

Holy cow, I sure hope I don't have it because I would hate to be dependent on medication at my age. :shocking:

Thyroid deficiencies are more common than you might think. But, they are easily corrected with medication, and that is not a dangerous medication at all. Birth control is more dangerous than T3.

You are really helpful and informative. Thank you so much Halla! :hug:

Awww, thanks so much for your kind words! You are VERY welcome.

I will take what you said into consideration and do some research about them and see whether it might apply to me. I'll try first by working out more often.

Divide and conquer. Identify the possible causes of your fatigue, and systematically eliminate one at a time. At some point you are bound to find a solution that works for you if you take such an approach. It might take you a little while, but it is a path that eventually leads to victory.

Nutrition, not so much for now, because I used to have school meal plans but not anymore, and I hate cooking :doh:

Cooking is soooo easy! I'm working on an "easy and nutritious cooking for lazy people" thread. I'll send you a link when it is done. :D

I'll let you know the results. And stay awesome. :cool:

Good luck, and thanks so much! :hug:
You keep flexing your awesomeness too! :rock:

:solidarity:

-Halla
 

Usehername

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As a quick note, dehydration is an oft-forgotten, quick-fix culprit. Sometimes when I'm feeling drowsy I realize I haven't been drinking water, and as soon as I'm hydrated I'm back in the game.
 

Amethyst

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How's the best way to open up to people, especially when you need friends in real life because you don't really have any anymore?
 

Halla74

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As a quick note, dehydration is an oft-forgotten, quick-fix culprit. Sometimes when I'm feeling drowsy I realize I haven't been drinking water, and as soon as I'm hydrated I'm back in the game.

That's a great tip! :yes:

Dehydration can really mess you up.
I drink water constantly.

How's the best way to open up to people, especially when you need friends in real life because you don't really have any anymore?

Hello Tawanda! :)

The best way to open up to people in my experience is to pay attention to the folks you are exposed to through your work and school related activities, and of course sports/hobbies/other fun stuff, and figure out which you like the personalities of. Then it's simply a matter of talking to them in the course of what is going on in the moment that you both are in the same proximity. I swear, it is that easy.

Being female, you don't want to risk exposing yourself to creeps, so please be safe and selective when it comes to talking to guys. Remember: MEN ARE PIGS. Nevertheless - there are some of us left who are willing to park our animistic urges for the sake of having a chance at getting to know women we are attracted to. Even men get tired of playing the field at some point, and would be more than happy to have someone in their life that they can relate to as a friend and a partner, and not just a lover. In my opinion, guys should be doing a better job of asking women out. Women should be comfortable with initiating contact with men, but the guy needs to do the chasing. Sorry, I'm old fashioned that way.

So, if you are having issues with meeting potential friends, what are the odds that you are not engaging in activities where you have a good chance of meeting the people you seek the company of? What does your social life consist of?

I wish you luck in finding a good friend or two. Friends are the treasure of life. If you have them life is alot more fun and easier, at least in my experience. Just get yourself out there and see what happens. Remember, you have to be on the playing field if you ever wish to catch the ball and make a touchdown? Got it? :cheese:

:hug:

-Halla
 

Amethyst

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Being female, you don't want to risk exposing yourself to creeps, so please be safe and selective when it comes to talking to guys. Remember: MEN ARE PIGS. Nevertheless - there are some of us left who are willing to park our animistic urges for the sake of having a chance at getting to know women we are attracted to. Even men get tired of playing the field at some point, and would be more than happy to have someone in their life that they can relate to as a friend and a partner, and not just a lover. In my opinion, guys should be doing a better job of asking women out. Women should be comfortable with initiating contact with men, but the guy needs to do the chasing. Sorry, I'm old fashioned that way.

So, if you are having issues with meeting potential friends, what are the odds that you are not engaging in activities where you have a good chance of meeting the people you seek the company of? What does your social life consist of?

I wish you luck in finding a good friend or two. Friends are the treasure of life. If you have them life is alot more fun and easier, at least in my experience. Just get yourself out there and see what happens. Remember, you have to be on the playing field if you ever wish to catch the ball and make a touchdown? Got it? :cheese:

:hug:

-Halla

Haha, it's okay. I learned my lesson with creeps. They're pretty easy to spot out lately, or else I was just oblivious before. I've joined clubs. I'm doing ultimate frisbee now, and I'm considering joining a sorority and helping out troubled youth as well, so I'd say that I'm getting involved. What's hard is that I'm a commuter...I didn't realize how socially hard it was to do that until recently, and the people I've met so far like me, they think I'm a cool chica and all, but I just have trouble getting close to people...I wouldn't even call it a social phobia, maybe I'm afraid to be jaded again but won't admit that to myself? I'm not really sure.
 

Halla74

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Haha, it's okay. I learned my lesson with creeps. They're pretty easy to spot out lately, or else I was just oblivious before.

Good for you. Always have your creep radar up and running. Beware of "nice guy" creeps too. Basically, don't take any shit from men. That advice is actually generic enough to apply to women too. People who try to treat you like shit are not worth your time. Period.

Anyone who is sincerely trying to initiate or participate in a friendship, whether romantic or platonic, is going to be of kind demeanor. Why would anyone seek the company of people who are mean to them? I've never figured that out, but there are lots of folks who think they need that. Maybe it's based in early childhood experiences, or maybe early relationship patterns that were never shaken, but regardless of the cuase, thinking that way will lead to an unhealthy and unfulfilling existence. Surround yourself with GOOD people, because YOU ARE who you associate with. I hated that expression when I was younger, but have lived long enough to see the truth in it.

I've joined clubs. I'm doing ultimate frisbee now, and I'm considering joining a sorority and helping out troubled youth as well, so I'd say that I'm getting involved.

Hell yes, you are! Good for you! :nice:

What's hard is that I'm a commuter...I didn't realize how socially hard it was to do that until recently,

I understand that all too well. My first two years of college I was a commuter as well. It was difficult to establish a new social life. It's not like I wanted to live on campus in a dorm, that just never appealed to me. But I think in all honesty I really did not know what to expect, so I got taken by surprise much like you are now. I moved out of my parent's house at the end of my sophomore year and transferred to a University in Florida. I rented a shitty little duplex in a neighborhood very close to campus. That was the beginning of two great years of my life. I was able to come and go as I pleased with no stupid dorm policies or hall monitors to deal with. I could own pets. I could have guests over and not have hoards of other people all up in my business. I had a roomate, we split the bills, and we each had a cool pad to live in while we were in college. This is a great option to consider at some point...

and the people I've met so far like me, they think I'm a cool chica and all, but I just have trouble getting close to people...

Interesting. What do you mean "have trouble getting close to people?" Do you mean that you find it difficult to trust other people? Do you feel that you will be rejected if you open up and let other people know what your thoughts and feelings are about things? Do you initiate friendships and then withdraw some time after due to feelings of discomfort?

I wouldn't even call it a social phobia, maybe I'm afraid to be jaded again but won't admit that to myself? I'm not really sure.

Jaded? Could you please explain what you mean by jaded? Do you mean "tired of trying to initiate friendships?"

jad·ed/[jey-did]
–adjective

1. dulled or satiated by overindulgence: a jaded appetite.
2. worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse.
3. dissipated: a jaded reprobate.

FROM: Jaded | Define Jaded at Dictionary.com
 

Amethyst

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Interesting. What do you mean "have trouble getting close to people?" Do you mean that you find it difficult to trust other people? Do you feel that you will be rejected if you open up and let other people know what your thoughts and feelings are about things? Do you initiate friendships and then withdraw some time after due to feelings of discomfort?

Sort of all of the above. I've always found it difficult to trust people, I learned the hard way that people shouldn't be trusted when I was younger, and couldn't really break the habit of being distant from others. I feel like a lot of times I'll express my opinions about several things, but a lot of times I don't see a need to, although others do, which may express a fear of rejection, but I'm not really afraid, I just don't care, or maybe I don't know when it's important to. The third question happens sometimes...I really can't think of more than two situations in which I withdrew from friends.


Jaded? Could you please explain what you mean by jaded? Do you mean "tired of trying to initiate friendships?"

jad·ed/[jey-did]
–adjective

1. dulled or satiated by overindulgence: a jaded appetite.
2. worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse.
3. dissipated: a jaded reprobate.

FROM: Jaded | Define Jaded at Dictionary.com

Overused in the sense that a lot of friends took me for granted and then in the end treated me like shit and expected me to do a lot more than I should've in such a relationship. I told them off whenever they would confront me about stupid stuff, like why I didn't hang out with them one day, and I just said who the fuck cares, you can live without me for a whole freaking day, especially if you're the one whose busy. Don't expect me to be your pet. :dont:
 

Halla74

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Sort of all of the above. I've always found it difficult to trust people, I learned the hard way that people shouldn't be trusted when I was younger, and couldn't really break the habit of being distant from others. I feel like a lot of times I'll express my opinions about several things, but a lot of times I don't see a need to, although others do, which may express a fear of rejection, but I'm not really afraid, I just don't care, or maybe I don't know when it's important to. The third question happens sometimes...I really can't think of more than two situations in which I withdrew from friends.

Got it.

You might want to check this out:

FROM: Attachment in adults - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Dissmissive Avoidant Attachment:
"People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners)."

-------

Understanding your mode of attachment is very important if you wish to form healthy interpersonal relationships, and good people skills in general. :yes:

Overused in the sense that a lot of friends took me for granted and then in the end treated me like shit and expected me to do a lot more than I should've in such a relationship. I told them off whenever they would confront me about stupid stuff, like why I didn't hang out with them one day, and I just said who the fuck cares, you can live without me for a whole freaking day, especially if you're the one whose busy. Don't expect me to be your pet. :dont:

Well you and me are very much alike in that regard. If you ever run out of ways to tell people to fuck off then let me know and I'll send you my 4,835 page anthology titled "Dude, I'm serious, Fuck Off. NOW." :laugh:

Don't take shit from ANYONE.

Friendship is a two way street.

Anyone who expects more from you than they are willing to extend in goodwill and common courteousy is a vampire, and should not be considered your true friend, in my opinion. :coffee:

Any thoughts on the above? :newwink:
 

Amethyst

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Got it.

You might want to check this out:

FROM: Attachment in adults - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Dissmissive Avoidant Attachment:
"People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners)."

-------

Understanding your mode of attachment is very important if you wish to form healthy interpersonal relationships, and good people skills in general. :yes:
Hmm...I sort of see that having a large connection with 7 enneagrams...or maybe that's just me lol.

As of now I'm searching more in-depth about this sort of attachment...if you know any sites off the top of your head that provide how to deal with it, feel free to share. :D


Well you and me are very much alike in that regard. If you ever run out of ways to tell people to fuck off then let me know and I'll send you my 4,835 page anthology titled "Dude, I'm serious, Fuck Off. NOW." :laugh:

Don't take shit from ANYONE.

Friendship is a two way street.

Unfortunately, like everything else, I learned that the hard way, and the anthology sounds interesting lol. I've been known recently to be a bitch (at worst), or that I'm not messing around or I don't take shit from anyone from my peers, which I think is good...sort of.

Anyone who expects more from you than they are willing to extend in goodwill and common courteousy is a vampire, and should not be considered your true friend, in my opinion. :coffee:

Any thoughts on the above? :newwink:

I don't like pale-faced jerks with a large fanbase that sparkle... :thumbdown:
 

Halla74

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QUESTIONS ANYONE???
100_9856.jpg
 

SilkRoad

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Ok, got one for ya :yes:

This is kinda general, but is probably of interest to a few of us.

Rumour has it that "men like bitches". I believe there is a book rejoicing under this title (or "why men like bitches.") It kind of makes my heart sink, to be honest. ;) But I suspect that in some respects this saying is rubbish, and in some respects there is more than a grain of truth to it. What are your thoughts?
 

Halla74

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Ok, got one for ya :yes:

Yay! :happy:

This is kinda general, but is probably of interest to a few of us.

The perfect type of question...

Rumour has it that "men like bitches".

I see where this is going; I'm with you I think it's rubbish.

DEFINE PLEASE:
Men= ???
Bitches= ???
Guys= ???
Chicks= ???
Players= ???
Sluts= ???

There's alot of subjectivity in WHO is being asked this question, and WHO is answering it.
Know what I mean?

I think the root of your question comes down to "Men like women who play hard to get."
Obviously this couold be logically inverted to say "Women like men who play hard to get."

To this I say have to say I have seen it happen, but that it has never been part of anything I have ever considered romance, or romantic, or a means to initiate any healthy type of potentially romantic interaction. Maybe I'm too old school. Everytime in my life that I have met pretty young girl who was also not committed I would walk over to her and literally start some type of conversation with "Hi!" If that conversation went well, then the next time I saw her I would usually have a red rose in hand, go speak with her again, whether she was by herself or with friends, I didn't care, I'm not bashful, and give her the flower and ask her out. And you know what? I got accepted more times than rejected. "Those were different times" some will say, to that I say: BULLSHIT. There is ROMANCE and there are HEADGAMES. Nice girls, women, and ladies are interested in ROMANCE. Bitches, sluts, and whores are interested in HEAD GAMES.

I believe there is a book rejoicing under this title (or "why men like bitches.") It kind of makes my heart sink, to be honest. ;) But I suspect that in some respects this saying is rubbish, and in some respects there is more than a grain of truth to it. What are your thoughts?

I have ALWAYS detested headgames, and have NEVER tolerated them in any relationships of my life, whether platonic OR romantic.
I'd burn that book for kindling to start a nice fire and have a glass of Cabernet next to it.

In my world, real men, and real women, have the maturity, self esteem, and courage to go out on a limb and find someone they just might fall in love with.
If it were up to me both sexes would approach this aspect of life with grace and dignity.
BUT - as a species we breed quickly, and unfortunately, there are quite a few bad parental role models out there, who do not instill in their children what the elements of a good and decent romantic relationship, courtship, and ultimately marriage are, and how they might be initiated when suitable candidates are encountered.

How's that for an answer?

:newwink:

-Alex
 

SRT

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I have one.

Ahem: my friend got out of a three year relationship (his first serious one, I think) about two months ago, and he's been having a rough time trying to get back into the singles game. He's really cynical about women in general, and he used to be a really big "player" before this last girl. Right now I think he's trying to revert back to that mentality, but he's expressed to me before some remorse he's had about how he has treated women in the past. So I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but I don't know how much I should encourage some of his older behavior. He's asked me for some advice/support, but the only advice I have is to tell him that I think he should spend some time alone and figure out what he wants, and he is really resistant to doing that.

So, what should I do? Also, what advice would you give/have given a friend like this? Any other advice?

Oh yeah, we're early twenties, in college. And thank you in advance.
 

Halla74

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I have one.

Let's rock it! :pumpyouup:

Ahem: my friend got out of a three year relationship (his first serious one, I think) about two months ago, and he's been having a rough time trying to get back into the singles game.

The best strategy is not to approach it as a game. There is nothing more serious in this world than matters of the heart, and anyone who attempts to feign sincerity for instant romantic gratification will pay the heavier price in the end when our lives are all said and done. Be straight up. Be sincere. Be man enough to rejection. Be man enough to handle things not going exactly as you thought they would. How you deal with things after each "bomb" goes off is the ultimate measure of what your level of devotion is. If you're out to get laid then find a F.O.B. But if you are loooking for life, you had better not be on anythnig else than your bery best at all times, or else the one chance you have to approach Mrs. Right will be blown on your own short sighted and juvenile attitude. Don't fuck up. Be yourself, and go out there and find thegirl of your dreams. Whether it's you or your friend. DO IT. NOW.

He's really cynical about women in general, and he used to be a really big "player" before this last girl. Right now I think he's trying to revert back to that mentality, but he's expressed to me before some remorse he's had about how he has treated women in the past.

There is one path before all of us and that is forward progress. Tell your friend if you re-visits old territiories, old behaviors, he is styming his future and ultimate development.

So I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but I don't know how much I should encourage some of his older behavior.

You are a good friend for not supportiong him on this. Hold your ground. Make him rise to the occasion and make himself a better man to move forward. And don't sacrifice your own well being for his temporary state of confusion/dysfunction.
He is old enough to know that he is entitled to make choices with free will, but he also better understand that he must accept the consequences (be accountable) of the choices he makes, once the dust settles that is. Capice? :newwink:

He's asked me for some advice/support, but the only advice I have is to tell him that I think he should spend some time alone and figure out what he wants, and he is really resistant to doing that.

You've spoken your mind, and he has not heeded your advice, that is his folly.
He needs to see a counselor and get some things figured out before dating again, IMHO. :coffee:

So, what should I do?

IMHO,you've done very well. I can't say I would have done much differently, except chew him out sternly here and there. :happy:

Also, what advice would you give/have given a friend like this?

Treat the ladies' you are intersted in with the same honesty, decency, respect, and romantic protocol that you wish to be treated with.
Relationships are a two way street, and must remain in balance over the long run if they are to survive.

Also - The #1 Tool Used by All People in Happy LTR's: COMMUNNICATION - None of us will ever perfect it, but we can (and must!) practice it to get better at it. And, as such, when we practice communication, there will be times that we screw up, fuck it man, it's just like soccer, get up off the ground and recover the play! Keep trying! I

Another big determinant of people in happy LTR's is their ability to, when offended or taken abck, or just react negatively to what their partner said while TRYING to COMMUNNICATE, it is best to learn to make QUICK RECOVERIES, give them the look, tell them what part of whatever they said pissed you off, but then tell them you still wish to hear them out...otherwise you have just made it less likely that they will continue to try and COMMUNNICATE with you, because when they did MESS UP because they are HUMAN you chose to SCOLD them instead of ASSERT YOURSELF, and then RAISE THEM UP.

AND - Be Honest. From Day One. Be honest.

Any other advice?

When in doubt opt for the more formal means of expressing romantic interest in a woman.
Giving a woman a bouquet in front of her friends and saying a few entertaining words before you ask her to join you for lunch that day, or sometime soon, is ALOT more effective than texting a girl and asking her out. That type of shit grosses me out. Get off the fucking phones!!!!! :newwink:

Oh yeah, we're early twenties, in college. And thank you in advance.

My advice applies to you, and those ten years older, and ten years younger. Thank you for that clarification though.

:solidarity:

Good luck!

Keep me posted!

-Alex
 
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Ginkgo

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Halla, how do magnets work? If I don't find out, my earlobes will cry.
 

Halla74

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Halla, how do magnets work? If I don't find out, my earlobes will cry.

They are attracted to the iron in your blood.
Eat a few steaks and you will be fine. :newwink:
 

SRT

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Keep me posted!

-Alex

I absolutely will. Thanks. It'll probably be later this week, with classes gearing down and all.

By the way, I think your enthusiasm has worn off on me. I really feel better about dealing with these type of things now.
 

SilkRoad

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There is ROMANCE and there are HEADGAMES. Nice girls, women, and ladies are interested in ROMANCE. Bitches, sluts, and whores are interested in HEAD GAMES.



I have ALWAYS detested headgames, and have NEVER tolerated them in any relationships of my life, whether platonic OR romantic.
I'd burn that book for kindling to start a nice fire and have a glass of Cabernet next to it.

In my world, real men, and real women, have the maturity, self esteem, and courage to go out on a limb and find someone they just might fall in love with.
If it were up to me both sexes would approach this aspect of life with grace and dignity.

Hehe. Good answer. I think there are a lot of people who are amused by headgames or are just plain confused. However, I'm sure that there are also a few old fashioned, noble romantics out there. Yay for chivalry and straightforwardness. :D
 

Halla74

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I absolutely will. Thanks. It'll probably be later this week, with classes gearing down and all.

Good luck! I look forward to hearing frmo you! :cool:

By the way, I think your enthusiasm has worn off on me. I really feel better about dealing with these type of things now.

That makes me fell glad, thank you for that. It's stuff I can't tell you how many times I messed up in life myself, and then learned how to deal with things correctly, and if I can condense a myriad of those experiences into a few paragraphs to help you and your friend, then that is awesome news to me. Keep truckin' Bro! :thumbup:

Hehe. Good answer. I think there are a lot of people who are amused by headgames or are just plain confused.

If you learn what to look for, then they are easy to pick out, and save yourless much trouble. :laugh:

However, I'm sure that there are also a few old fashioned, noble romantics out there. [/quote

I hope so!

Yay for chivalry and straightforwardness. :D

Amen to that! :woot:

Always good to hear from you!

:hug:

-Halla
 
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