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  1. #31
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    Oh yeah... right on the head. It is more complicated than that though. It is this "cycle" that I get in when I have no immediate solution that I can see available to me. It isn't a permanent state by any means, or I really wouldn't put up with it. Usually I deal with this for a while on one issue and either something changes in the way I feel about it or I have an idea on how I can get out of the loop. Then I may come back to it again & again but it gets better every time until I don't see a problem anymore.

    I'm not saying you're view of it is wrong, because it is very potentially destructive and though it isn't the whole picture, it is scary as hell. It is involuntary & does not happen that often. It has happened more in this ISTP relationship than at any other time in my life but it has not been fruitless. I went through this loop over & over on several issues that aren't issues anymore. (Usually because of efforts we both made). Once I discover what I can do to make things better for myself I break out of it. If there ever came a time where I couldn't break out of it or my only option to be okay again was to leave him, I would.
    I guess my view can be read as pessimistic. I am the kind that brings a retractable umbrella with me all year round. I have to say, however that you are not in a relationship if you're the only one changing. I could even go as far as to argue that it is by the very definition of relationship that asymmetrical change is unacceptable. If there is a conflict of nature, both sides have to compensate each other, and not on a superficial level. Both sides need to understand exactly what the problem is, and come up with a plan that both sides could agree on. Though I suppose this is ultimately an unattractive proposal to an ENFJ.
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  2. #32
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Oct 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    What are some things I can do to make my ISTP happy? He's been giving a lot to me lately & going through a lot & I really, really want to brighten his life a little.

    I'm going longboarding with him on Sunday... And I know that'll pick him up, but I need some simple things to say or do that will make him feel better until we can risk our necks "bombing hills."
    Just be free, go with the flow. You don't have to make everything all better, you are not responsible for his well being, and picking him up emotionally, just try to have fun, and keep it simple and light, and not dwell on the past too much.

    If he want's to talk about it, tell him that, " I wan't to know what is going on, talk to me" be straight up honest with him, do not, do not, manipulate.

    be honest and straight forward with your feelings and what you think, and just be yourself. And try to have fun, if you don't like snowboarding, then tell him, it sucks!
    It's all about expressing true feelings, and being honest INTIMACY.
    I would say...
    But Im an ENFP, what do I know?

  3. #33
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008


    on the other hand,
    I kinda am starting to love ENFJ's.
    Even though you guys seem to overextend yourself emotionally, to an unhealthy extent. You guys, make stuff happen. You are the best mentors, teachers, social workers and advocates, and types to make stuff happen for people.
    I work with lots of ENFj's and I can only admire them, even though, they are so exhausted, probably trying to fix all human relationships, and organize everything, they actually do make an impact.
    I just wanted to say that your words I am sure are not lost, people understand you and do care in your life I am sure of it. You seem very articulate and lovely, and deserving and well intentioned. Sometimes the ISTP or the male in general is just a simple creature, grunt grunt.
    Sorry guys! Just being silly...

    But I think that you are a complex creature, emotionally.
    I don't know have you ever dated an INFP? or ENFP? Talk about the love...

    peace out!

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