[ESTP] ESTP women vs other women

[Sinmara]

I've never had luck with finding and keeping friends of my own sex. With the exception of two like-minded ladies I've been lucky enough to find, I've only ever had male friends. The only women I've ever gotten along with have always had a tomboyish streak in them. Women are largely an enigma to me.

I'm not a girly-girl. I only use a purse because I need to be able to carry medicine with me. My idea of a cute outfit is a button-down shit over a cami with jeans. I like baseball and military-style caps. I do have dresses and heels and makeup and all that, but those are more special occasion sort of things.

I don't understand the passive-aggressive, back-biting give-and-take I've observed from other girls I've known. I don't smack-talk other people in order to form a bond with my friends. That doesn't make me want to get closer to them, it just lets me know who not to trust. My directness and the fact that I don't reciprocate with the gossip tends to put off or confuse the women I've known.

And notice, I keep saying "the women I've known." Not labeling or anything, this is based on my own experience.

Do you other ESTP women tend to have a problem with this? I'm curious to see if this might be an issue associated with my personality type.

Or maybe I just suck at identifying with my people. ;D

 

[sLiPpY]

I hope the topic gets a reply, it would be interesting in that I've known a couple of females over time who...always had more guy friends.

 

[SerengetiBetty]

Same problem. 99% of my female friends fall into the "manly" category. My best friends are ESTP, INTJ and ENTJ so when we get together empires crumble

Lately I've been meeting more NFs and SFs. I think they sort of see me as their pet project, but i also see them as my pet projects too. i don't get some of their behavior - like being mad at a guy for not asking you out when you were going to say no anyway .

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I don't know if we have any other ESTP woman here. I may have seen one or two, but I cant remember :/

 

[Sinmara]

I hope the topic gets a reply, it would be interesting in that I've known a couple of females over time who...always had more guy friends.

I'm honestly not expecting a lot. I know that I'm almost alone in this place. Just put the thread up in case any of my fellow ESTP ladies peek in.

And you know, if any other people have this issue, I'd be interested to hear from them. I'm more interested in why it happens than hearing from the other ESTPs.

 

[Unique]

I'm not sure how type related this is, I've seen ESTP girls that have lots of girl friends but they sorta come across as the protective dominant one of the group

 

[Alwar]

I'm not sure how type related this is, I've seen ESTP girls that have lots of girl friends but they sorta come across as the protective dominant one of the group

The cockblockers?

 

[simulatedworld]

I think there's maybe 3 ESTP women total on the entire board.

I'm curious to hear responses from others too but I kinda doubt that you'll get any, unfortunately.

 

[GHC]

My best Friend though she is not an ESTP is a Self-acclaimed Tomboy. (I am not sure is she is an ISTP or ISFP)
She is very laid-back, emotionally content and can sometimes shock or even annoy people with her bluntness and directedness especially girls who sometimes describe her as being “Tactless”. She collects and plays with videogames, Anime, Action figures, Anime& Videogames magazines; she enjoys playing soccer, paintball guns, etc.
She even got into a fight with a boy who was trying to bully her and she end up punching the guy multiple times.

For me she is a very nice, respectful, loyal, open-minded and optimistic person. She does have her sensitive and feminine side especially when it comes to arts or painting.
I suppose some of her behaviours and attitudes( like her assertiveness and bluntness) aren’t girly-girly type so many girls could find her to be somewhat odd, though she gets along with girls much better now than before, she has told me that girls are way too dramatic and overreact too much and that boys are easier to get along with.

I suppose some of my friends behaviour could apply to you.

 

[Xenon]

True, you aren't likely to get responses from actual ESTPs. I found a thread from last year: Female ESTPs.

Even there, I don't think there were any actual female ESTPs posting, but there was some discussion about them and how others perceived them. So, check it out if you're curious. I assume you are.

That said though, I don't think it's unusual for T women in general to not quite fit in with other women, or to be criticized for not behaving as women are expected to. I think it would vary a lot between different T types though. I mean, I'm quiet and laid-back, so while I'm also put off by some kinds of typical "women talk" it's usually not apparent to others. Plus, I don't really relate to typical men any better. IN types can have a hard time fitting in in general, which likely has something to do with why there are so many of us on message boards like this one.

Anyways, below I've posted a link to an article on T women. It includes quotes from a variety of T women about their experiences: being tomboyish, being criticized for being blunt when a woman would be expected to be tactful, disinterest in "girl talk", etc.

What's it Like to be a Thinking Woman? What's it Like to be a Feeling Man?

Oh, it also talks about romantic relationships between T women and F men. Was it you who mentioned being married to an ISFJ guy?

 

[Sinmara]

Anyways, below I've posted a link to an article on T women. It includes quotes from a variety of T women about their experiences: being tomboyish, being criticized for being blunt when a woman would be expected to be tactful, disinterest in "girl talk", etc.

What's it Like to be a Thinking Woman? What's it Like to be a Feeling Man?

Oh, it also talks about romantic relationships between T women and F men. Was it you who mentioned being married to an ISFJ guy?

Thank you for the link! So much of what was said in there is spot on, even when they talked about the F men. I'm not married, but yes, my guy is ISFJ.

 

[countrygirl]

I can relate to your post.

I have always been a tomboy. I perfer guy friends to female friends. I can't stand the cattiness or/and pettiness and don't even know what girly girls talk about. I was in the military and thought nothing about hard work. In fact, I enjoy working out in a gym. Unfortunately, most guys tell me that they can't just be my friend. My best friend is my husband (ISTP).

I relate to N women who have a tomboy streak, who can take my off beat humour and understand that even though I tell it as it is, my intension are good. (one of my sister-in-law understands this - ESFP and the other one doesn't - ESFP)

As for clothes, I don't dress like a lady. Love my jeans but I do like clothes that fit me and flatter my shape (and I know what does). However, I would say comfort over fashion especially in the winter. I don't wear make up, nor style my hair, it's usually in a ponytail.

 

[Unique]

The cockblockers?

Exactly, lol.

 

[une_autre]

I am an ESTP woman. I wouldn't hazard saying that it's a type thing.

However, I can relate to what you said.
I have 3 female friends that are my best friends and with whom I can share my feelings. And it's been the same three persons for years (and one of them is my sister).

Other than that, it's relatively hard to find females with whom I actually have what to talk. I get along much, much better with guys. In all my life situations which implied meeting new people, guys were the first I got to hand around with or to talk to.

It's not that I am tomboyish. I am not. At all, in fact. I go for the girly stuff at times, I dress in girly clothes and I don't need an occasion to look sexy.

I don't find talking to females difficult, but it is just much easier to me to talk to males. Aside from the aforementioned three friends, pretty much every girl I have met and tried to befriend was simply not on my wavelength and this, ultimately made things not to work out.

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

I've never had luck with finding and keeping friends of my own sex. With the exception of two like-minded ladies I've been lucky enough to find, I've only ever had male friends. The only women I've ever gotten along with have always had a tomboyish streak in them. Women are largely an enigma to me.

I'm not a girly-girl. I only use a purse because I need to be able to carry medicine with me. My idea of a cute outfit is a button-down shit over a cami with jeans. I like baseball and military-style caps. I do have dresses and heels and makeup and all that, but those are more special occasion sort of things.

I don't understand the passive-aggressive, back-biting give-and-take I've observed from other girls I've known. I don't smack-talk other people in order to form a bond with my friends. That doesn't make me want to get closer to them, it just lets me know who not to trust. My directness and the fact that I don't reciprocate with the gossip tends to put off or confuse the women I've known.

And notice, I keep saying "the women I've known." Not labeling or anything, this is based on my own experience.

Do you other ESTP women tend to have a problem with this? I'm curious to see if this might be an issue associated with my personality type.

Or maybe I just suck at identifying with my people. ;D

You sound like my clone and I'm an ENFJ.
I have a lot of SP rebelliousness going on and a lot of T "logic" though...not the standard for my type, but then again, who is?

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

Same problem. 99% of my female friends fall into the "manly" category. My best friends are ESTP, INTJ and ENTJ so when we get together empires crumble

Lately I've been meeting more NFs and SFs. I think they sort of see me as their pet project, but i also see them as my pet projects too. i don't get some of their behavior - like being mad at a guy for not asking you out when you were going to say no anyway .

Oh god, does this mean people think NFs are girly girls?
I'm a liberal tomboy punk rock gal. Who doesn't give a shit about the latest trend, hates popular snobs, especially the ones who see tomboys as "pet projects"
Maybe I've been mistyped ^^ Nah, I think I'm just not typical o:

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I'm not an ESTP, a tomboy by all definitions (I am by some), but I am drawn towards people who communicate directly. I was never able to be involved with groups of girls, especially when there were emotional games involved. I think I am not able to function in that dynamic. I avoid people who play games or who are passive-aggressive because it makes interactions too complicated. Occasionally guys do the gossip and games as well. I generally had more guy friends, but also some girls. It was mainly individuals who were out of step socially, somewhat lonely, or had some kinds of ideas they liked to talk about. I wasn't particularly chummy with people. It's not that I don't like people or purposely avoid friendships, but the gossip and games part is not something I'm able to know what to do about. It confuses me and throws me into over-analysis mode, and I'm never able to make sense out of it, and then I realize how much time was wasted and realize the only thing to do is avoid those scenarios.