[MBTI General] From INFP to ISFP

[camille]

I came over here a couple of months ago but family work schedules got crazy and I haven't been around.

Recently someone who has known me for a few years now mentioned he was questioning my type and thought I might be ISFP not INFP. I was first tested in high school several years ago and on all of the online tests (with the exception of testing as INTP a couple of times) I've always tested as INFP. I didn't fair well on the INFP global board (although I haven't been there in many years and am unsure how it has changed).

I had never read the ISFP description before. It's often been mentioned on the boards that I am a unique INFP.

But after reading the ISFP description, it really seems to fit nicely with the exception of a few things.

Something in the description really stood out to me, and that was being quiet about feelings and emotions except for with a few close friends.

Although their inner loyalties and ideals govern their lives, ISFPs find these hard to talk about. Their deepest feelings are seldom expressed; their inner tenderness is masked by a quiet reserve.

I'm quite the opposite. I'm very open with people. It's a very upfront type of thing. I really don't feel any shame or regret about my past and have taken on the attitude that I'll just show and tell myself as I was and am and want to be. People can take it as they will, without me getting torn up about it. I started doing this a few years ago and have never looked back because it has worked well for me and built my confidence and I have found very intimate friendships that I never would have expected.

Blending in is something else I'm either not very good at or never really strove to be hidden. I shaved my first mohawk at thirteen. I dress however I want whenever I want, and it's pretty far from the norm. I'm always coming up with ways to challenge myself (such as no shampoo, buying only second hand clothing or making it myself, things of that nature).

I don't know enough about type to know if the people I have chosen to surround myself with are ISFPs, and wanted to talk to a few and ask some questions.

**

I was abused as a child and in early adulthood relationships (physically and emotionally). My mother pushed me to excel because I had a talent for music and learning which I exhibited at a young age. I went into the gifted program when I was 6 or 7 and spent four days a week with five kids, not a large classroom.

School was where I felt comfortable and found peace, not at home. I think I sought out abusive relationships for a long time as a way to punish myself or perhaps even felt the dramatic emotions were what I needed....just being happy was never enough, or being content, or being angry...I needed extremes.

Was anyone else abused as a child or pushed to be perfect and did that lead you to become more open or to withdraw?

The intensity that I need in my relationships, without the control or expectation to constantly be available, has given me some trouble. I used to have a very difficult time with projection and mirroring. I walked away from a lot of people and relationships because of this.

Do you find you need an intensity in your relationships that does feed your senses? I don't want drama at all. It's so difficult to describe.

Physical intimacy is a necessity for me in all of my relationships. Not sex, but intimacy, touching - holding hands - kissing.

And just as important is the emotional intimacy.

The difference for me, between the two, is that I can be emotional intimate with someone I just met, or maybe want to be, and the physical intimacy is reserved.

I've said before that I can be a friend with someone for a day. It's so easy for me.

 

[Arclight]

I came over here a couple of months ago but family work schedules got crazy and I haven't been around.

Recently someone who has known me for a few years now mentioned he was questioning my type and thought I might be ISFP not INFP. I was first tested in high school several years ago and on all of the online tests (with the exception of testing as INTP a couple of times) I've always tested as INFP. I didn't fair well on the INFP global board (although I haven't been there in many years and am unsure how it has changed).

I had never read the ISFP description before. It's often been mentioned on the boards that I am a unique INFP.

But after reading the ISFP description, it really seems to fit nicely with the exception of a few things.

Something in the description really stood out to me, and that was being quiet about feelings and emotions except for with a few close friends.



I'm quite the opposite. I'm very open with people. It's a very upfront type of thing. I really don't feel any shame or regret about my past and have taken on the attitude that I'll just show and tell myself as I was and am and want to be. People can take it as they will, without me getting torn up about it. I started doing this a few years ago and have never looked back because it has worked well for me and built my confidence and I have found very intimate friendships that I never would have expected.

Blending in is something else I'm either not very good at or never really strove to be hidden. I shaved my first mohawk at thirteen. I dress however I want whenever I want, and it's pretty far from the norm. I'm always coming up with ways to challenge myself (such as no shampoo, buying only second hand clothing or making it myself, things of that nature).

I don't know enough about type to know if the people I have chosen to surround myself with are ISFPs, and wanted to talk to a few and ask some questions.

**

I was abused as a child and in early adulthood relationships (physically and emotionally). My mother pushed me to excel because I had a talent for music and learning which I exhibited at a young age. I went into the gifted program when I was 6 or 7 and spent four days a week with five kids, not a large classroom.

School was where I felt comfortable and found peace, not at home. I think I sought out abusive relationships for a long time as a way to punish myself or perhaps even felt the dramatic emotions were what I needed....just being happy was never enough, or being content, or being angry...I needed extremes.

Was anyone else abused as a child or pushed to be perfect and did that lead you to become more open or to withdraw?

The intensity that I need in my relationships, without the control or expectation to constantly be available, has given me some trouble. I used to have a very difficult time with projection and mirroring. I walked away from a lot of people and relationships because of this.

Do you find you need an intensity in your relationships that does feed your senses? I don't want drama at all. It's so difficult to describe.

Physical intimacy is a necessity for me in all of my relationships. Not sex, but intimacy, touching - holding hands - kissing.

And just as important is the emotional intimacy.

The difference for me, between the two, is that I can be emotional intimate with someone I just met, or maybe want to be, and the physical intimacy is reserved.

I've said before that I can be a friend with someone for a day. It's so easy for me.

HI... I am borderline ISFP INFP.. it can be so confusing


I would say my childhood made me withdraw

"The intensity that I need in my relationships, without the control or expectation to constantly be available, has given me some trouble. I used to have a very difficult time with projection and mirroring. I walked away from a lot of people and relationships because of this."


This is the story of my life.. it seems^^^

Do you find you need an intensity in your relationships that does feed your senses? I don't want drama at all. It's so difficult to describe.

Physical intimacy is a necessity for me in all of my relationships. Not sex, but intimacy, touching - holding hands - kissing.


Yes.. and if you have this close physical connection it is easier to open up emotionally.. Most people work in reverse.. It's why you/we end up "walking away" a lot

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

One thing that falls outside MBTI has to do with how artists think and function. You are artistic and creative in many ways and a kind of complete personal honesty plays an important role in that.

I do read a lot of Fi in your posts in which you are deeply introspective and analytical about your experiences and feelings. Whatever type you are, it is a credit to that category.

 

[camille]

Ever since this had been brought up, I keep going back and rereading some of my old writing.

I think that is something that always confused me with INFPs and maybe why I didn't really feel settled there. The intensity, for me, is very physical. I think I get more from the silent physical touch than I do from verbally sharing emotions. I don't really need it. Looking back over this piece, at how sensual it is with the environment and filled with touch and sounds, it is probably the most accurate description of how I feel and sense the world. And because most of my emotions come out through my writing, I thought I'd put it up here.

All the smilies and wubs and all that stuff on the INFP board really bothered me because I never felt an honesty in it; whereas, physical touch and knowing how difficult it is to come into someone's space like that, always felt more genuine to me.

We ran across the gravel and into the graveyard, leaping over the rounded headstones in a wild dash to the corner by the woods. Lindsey, drunk and high, stumbled into the briars that shielded the trees from knife-bearing engravers like us.

After we settled into a circle, Adam unrolled the flimsy cigarette wrapper and took out the joint. Legs tucked under him, balanced on one hip, he dug the lighter out of his pocket. The smoke popped and snapped as he inhaled, a spark disappearing above him. I took a big hit and laid my head in the middle of the circle.

There she was, peeping out from behind the black clouds like a dancer's knees beneath her skirt. My eyelids fell. The cicadas were climbing out. I lay there, my body too alive to move, listening to their spiked legs rake against the bark at the base of the tree.

A hand palmed my belly. My ribs rose in staccato under the perspired warmth. "What do you think?" Jenny asked, her black hair shining white under the moon. "Mmm, about what?" I mumbled. "Driving to the club. Do you want to go or not?"

"I'm cool. Just pick me up later, okay?"

"Whatever you want, chicky. Come on boys. She's staying."

Feet shuffled. Mike Ness's croon faded away with the old chipped blue escort. Belly still warm from her touch, I thought about Jenny's room with the little pink flowered wallpaper, the vase of dead roses and moldy water sitting on her desk for at least the three years I'd known her. She was so naive, wanting to be what she wasn't. Rich and thick, hurt and injured. She had a good life, a good family, but wanted to come from destruction.

"Taste?" Adam asked, extending the bottle.

"I can't move," I grinned.

"Open up." He poured it into my mouth, a warm trickle ran down my neck. I tried not to gag from laughing, letting it slowly fill my mouth before swallowing the two shots.

"Why didn't you go with them?" I asked. He pushed me over onto my belly, laid down next to me.

"Why didn't you?" Blade of grass between his thumbs, whistling at the night creatures.

"Didn't need to." I plucked the spear of grass from his fingers and gave it a toss.

"Me neither."

That closeness with no expectations. There isn't a word to describe it. The occasional innocent brush of skin on skin that we fear, hide from as adults but crave as teenagers. Locking eyes and not turning away. Heart pounding in your head knowing you won't dare move and ruin the moment. It isn't sex. It isn't love. It's intimacy. It's coming as close as you can to another living being with no expectations.

 

[Arclight]

Ever since this had been brought up, I keep going back and rereading some of my old writing.

I think that is something that always confused me with INFPs and maybe why I didn't really feel settled there. The intensity, for me, is very physical. I think I get more from the silent physical touch than I do from verbally sharing emotions. I don't really need it. Looking back over this piece, at how sensual it is with the environment and filled with touch and sounds, it is probably the most accurate description of how I feel and sense the world. And because most of my emotions come out through my writing, I thought I'd put it up here.

All the smilies and wubs and all that stuff on the INFP board really bothered me because I never felt an honesty in it; whereas, physical touch and knowing how difficult it is to come into someone's space like that, always felt more genuine to me.

Is it because.. and I am speaking for myself here.. You simply cannot make that final intimate connection emotionally, so that touch is reassuring that your partner is still there?? SO you feel connected in a very real way as opposed to just having faith you are..??

 

[JAVO]

I'm skeptical.

There's a little ISTP in me which I let out or explore, and my S side has become stronger and more prominent as I get older. I want to actually do and experience more in reality instead of just in my head.

I wonder if you might be experiencing something similar?

 

[camille]

Is it because.. and I am speaking for myself here.. You simply cannot make that final intimate connection emotionally, so that touch is reassuring that your partner is still there?? SO you feel connected in a very real way as opposed to just having faith you are..??

It could be a trust thing, but not so much to reassure myself. Touch is very concrete, and I need that. I'm not really a faith person. People often say things when they don't want to, or to avoid conflict, or will clam up when you try to speak openly. But if someone just reaches out to hold your hand, there's some honesty in that. Touch (and not meaning someone who hardly knows you reaching out to hold you when you cry - that's more a weird etiquette/expectation thing), and if it only happens once or in a moment, that moment was still there and there is no 'I changed my mind' or 'no longer feel that way' or 'never felt that way'.

I think it's inhibitions in a way. And that for a moment, someone let hers/his down. I find comfort in that because I think it's a reflection of what I have exposed to them, whether in words or attitude or vibe I put off.

 

[camille]

I'm skeptical.

There's a little ISTP in me which I let out or explore, and my S side has become stronger and more prominent as I get older. I want to actually do and experience more in reality instead of just in my head.

I wonder if you might be experiencing something similar?

Perhaps. But you know my past and how I've always been such a doer, and that was one of my big problems with INFPs and especially on that board.

It could be some sort of personal growth or breakthrough which is letting me expose more of my inner self - like it's always been there, but only now am I feeling comfortable with it instead of fearing it.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

See I can relate a bit here. I thought I was an ISFJ simply because I CAN do alot of the things ISFJ's do. They tend to like to have things in order, to make lists and you know, things like that. Well, after looking deeper into myself and reading other descriptions, I found that I'm actually an ISFP. Since my house is dominant SJ and NJ, I've been raised with those values and thoughts slammed into my head. But just because I CAN do those things, doesn't mean it comes naturally. For myself, at my core, I'd rather just go with the flow and see what happens. But I've been raised to know that if you plan a bit that you wont be so surprised and you can be a bit prepared. I also grew up with my parents telling me that if I do things now that I can recieve the benefit later. So the whole J thing has been drilled into my head. But I'm a P.
So, its whatever is really at your core. Whats your default? That sort of thing.

 

[camille]

Thinking about this earlier this afternoon.

My family was never affectionate. I don't ever remember craving it from them either. My mother rarely told me she loved me.

But around fourteen, when hormones started flying, and I first experienced what it was like to be touched, I think it became a sort of addiction.

Not necessarily because I related touch to love (although I think it was most definitely a problem during certain periods of my life), but like other things I did, namely drugs, I wanted as much as I could get as quickly as I could get it.

I think that's perhaps part of the reason I wasn't picky about where it came from....men or women....other than experience. I always dated much older men. And with the girls, we all knew how the female body worked.

I crashed and burned in my early twenties and it was then that I began to relate physical touch to emotional pain. There wasn't a balance, just one extreme or the other.

It's only been in the past few years that I have been able to work through enough other stuff to find a balance in what I need physically.

What I get from men and women is completely different and I love both men and women. Emotionally, I get so much more from women, a closeness I've never felt from men. Sexually and security wise and esteem wise, always has been men in the past. Derby has really improved my relationships all around so I can't honestly evaluate for the present just yet.

The idea of sexually being with a woman isn't a turn on like it is with a man. The idea of cuddling and holding another woman and sharing intimately (emotionally with her) is. I want to provide (poor word choice perhaps) an emotional support that I fully understand. There is a desire for physical affection from other women. It's not sexual at all.

Ex: My girl and I skated warm ups the other morning holding hands. Imagine 45 girls skating, and two of them were holding hands, not saying a word. But I know that it is a building of trust, love, so many things. How often do you see two female coworkers walk into the office holding hands?