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[ISFP] ISFP and Goals

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
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Jul 19, 2009
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ISFPs,

I'm sure you have goals- everybody does.

But how do others perceive you and your goals?
Have you ever been accused of being aimless or have no goals?
Has anyone ever expressed concerns about how you are going about trying to accomplish your goals?

I ask because my GF is an ISFP, and I'm considering marriage. As an ISTJ, words alone do not convince me with her, at least for this aspect. She has told me her goals, but I don't see or sense that she's doing anything about it. It's almost like she gave me something just to satisfy my question.

I did read that ISFPs often have their own way of going after their goals, which I interpreted to mean that they handle their business in their own way, which may differ from the pace and concern that their more bottom line conscious friends (Js) have.

Should I be concerned?
Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks!
 
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brainheart

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I did read that ISFPs often have their own way of going after their goals, which I interpreted to mean that they handle their business in their own way, which may differ from the pace and concern that their more bottom line conscious friends (Js) have.

Should I be concerned?
Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks!

This, I believe, isn't exclusive to ISFPs. I'm the same way. And yes, it can be hard for me because I feel like my goals are constantly shifting depending on what I feel like day to day.

Concerned? About what? Her goals in regard to marriage?
 

IZthe411

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This, I believe, isn't exclusive to ISFPs. I'm the same way. And yes, it can be hard for me because I feel like my goals are constantly shifting depending on what I feel like day to day.

Concerned? About what? Her goals in regard to marriage?

Afterwards....If she has goals, and aren't really pursuing them now, I don't feel that they will change after marriage.
 

nynesneg

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I shows you are taking an active role in improving your life and working towards reaching something higher than currently at specifically.
 
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brainheart

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Not necessarily. If you are someone who enjoys living moment to moment, taking things as they come, maybe the idea of goals just stresses you the hell out and makes you feel like you should be someone other than who you are.
 
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brainheart

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Or maybe her goals are not the tangible type that you consider to be goals... Maybe her goal is to be happy and to be with you. But like I know.
 

nynesneg

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What would your explanation be to a spouse who is frustrated because you seem content in a mediocre job, and get bored and quit school when they pressure you to go? She wishes you had goals you'd stick to and accomplish to help get a better job in the next 20 years.

(friend of mine)
 

IZthe411

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Goals are important because lack of them could indicate you are aimless and too go with the flow. I can understand moment to moment but everyone should have some long term idea of where they want to be and what they have to do to get there. It's called balance. No one is absolutely structured or absolutely go with the flow. I can understand not knowing what you want at certain points in your life but there comes a time when you have to make some tough decisions and take action.
 
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brainheart

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That she is forcing her values on her spouse. If he's content, then what's the problem? School isn't for everyone.

If her concern is money, then maybe there's some sort of vocation that he'd like.

(this is to nynesneq)
 

IZthe411

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Or maybe her goals are not the tangible type that you consider to be goals... Maybe her goal is to be happy and to be with you. But like I know.

And I'd counter that with "how do you define your happiness and what are you doing to get there?"
 
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brainheart

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Goals are important because lack of them could indicate you are aimless and too go with the flow. I can understand moment to moment but everyone should have some long term idea of where they want to be and what they have to do to get there. It's called balance. No one is absolutely structured or absolutely go with the flow. I can understand not knowing what you want at certain points in your life but there comes a time when you have to make some tough decisions and take action.

Yes, but my point is how you define goals. You have a particular idea of what a goal is that may be different than that of your girlfriend. I just feel like you are trying to turn your girlfriend into you a bit too much. How old is she? Some of us take a little longer to figure this stuff out. Is she happy with who she is and how her life is or is she wanting more?
 

IZthe411

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Yes, but my point is how you define goals. You have a particular idea of what a goal is that may be different than that of your girlfriend. I just feel like you are trying to turn your girlfriend into you a bit too much. How old is she? Some of us take a little longer to figure this stuff out. Is she happy with who she is and how her life is or is she wanting more?

She's 29, 30 in a month. I'm not trying to turn my girlfriend into anything; I want to know ultimately where she wants to go in life and make sure we're going to be on the same page, goal wise. If we don't want the same things, or if she says she wants X but I don't see her working towards X, then I should be concerned.
 

nynesneg

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So you don't see any reason to have a desire to achieve something higher, or become something more than you currently are? Even if it's anything from growing your character/personality, to learning a new hobby, to getting farther in your career. From point A to point B, whatever you percieve as a higher state of living.

Most people I know even teenagers have at lease vague desires even if they have no idea how they'll get there. To travel the world, to get rich, to discover something in science... etc. But obviously this isn't true of everybody.
 
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brainheart

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So you don't see any reason to have a desire to achieve something higher, or become something more than you currently are? Even if it's anything from growing your character/personality, to learning a new hobby, to getting farther in your career. From point A to point B, whatever you percieve as a higher state of living.

Most people I know even teenagers have at lease vague desires even if they have no idea how they'll get there. To travel the world, to get rich, to discover something in science... etc. But obviously this isn't true of everybody.

I think goals are tricky. Being an INFP, I think my goals in the past verged on the fantastical. As I have become older, I have also become more grounded and realistic. Part of what has made me happier is living more in the moment, enjoying what is versus desiring what is potentially unattainable. In other words, one of my goals now is to be. Yes, I do also have the goal to finish this book I am working on (contributing to this thread isn't exactly helping me accomplish that), but I am not going to compromise my current happiness in order to achieve that goal.

Another question for IZwiththe411... have you not had this conversation with your wife to be? If not, that surprises me. Isn't that something people talk about with those they are intimate with... goals, hopes, dreams? I don't believe this is territory exclusive to NFs...
 

IZthe411

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I think goals are tricky. Being an INFP, I think my goals in the past verged on the fantastical. As I have become older, I have also become more grounded and realistic. Part of what has made me happier is living more in the moment, enjoying what is versus desiring what is potentially unattainable. In other words, one of my goals now is to be. Yes, I do also have the goal to finish this book I am working on (contributing to this thread isn't exactly helping me accomplish that), but I am not going to compromise my current happiness in order to achieve that goal.

Another question for IZwiththe411... have you not had this conversation with your wife to be? If not, that surprises me. Isn't that something people talk about with those they are intimate with... goals, hopes, dreams? I don't believe this is territory exclusive to NFs...

When I ask her the question- I don't get much. We've had the discussion before, months ago, and I have seen little to no movement on it.

That's the basis of my question. She has stated a goal and it's nothing preventing her from starting it now, not once married. I've been interested to see how she accomplishes it. Since I don't see anything, my process is to ponder on it, then go discuss it with her. That's the Si in me.
 
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brainheart

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Okay, so she has a goal. Maybe she doesn't know where to start, that can be a big hurdle for us with inferior Te. Perhaps you could help her with that. Just don't tell her what to do, would be my guess, we IXFPs can get a little touchy when we think people are doing that.

I need to go work on my goal now. ;)
 

IZthe411

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Okay, so she has a goal. Maybe she doesn't know where to start, that can be a big hurdle for us with inferior Te. Perhaps you could help her with that. Just don't tell her what to do, would be my guess, we IXFPs can get a little touchy when we think people are doing that.

I need to go work on my goal now. ;)

That's the thing- I don't want to tell her what to do, I just want to see it done. Doing nothing gives me no confidence in what she says.
 
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