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[SP] Friends With Cuddling Benefits?

Poki

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done, done and done.


Poki: that's indeed what I understand when talking about cuddling as well.

And men make women out to be the ones who read into everything...sheesh. Men can be just as bad about reading into things, oh wait, for them its just wishful thinking:D
 

Amargith

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And men make women out to be the ones who read into everything...sheesh. Men can be just as bad about reading into things, oh wait, for them its just wishful thinking:D

Amen to that!

:hug: Poki :hug: :wubbie:
 

Poki

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^Really? Ok. In that case, I cuddle all the time. I mean, I ride on my really tall guy friend's backs still. Sometimes I'll sit on one of their knees. When I think of cuddling though..cuddle buddying...I'm thinking of spooning. I'm thinking of being under the covers with them, in a full embrace, with jammies on, stroking their hair. That's how I define cuddling.

To me thats more playful. I really dont see a problem with cuddling. Its a nice feeling on its own. Your example of cuddling buddy to me fits what I say, except not as full of an embrace. To me I see no difference other than more parts of the body touch.

I am a skin to skin person and would probably take a little longer to get used to skin to skin. But once you get past that initial awkwardness it all goes away. I honestly dont see why things always have to have some predefined end point.
 

wolfy

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OK, if we define cuddling as hugging then yeah, I'm OK with it. Depending on the variation, spooning is out. I can't spoon without thinking naughty thoughts.
 

Charmed Justice

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To me I see no difference other than more parts of the body touch.
:huh:
Isn't that the difference though? I mean, the difference between having sex and spooning is like, half an inch and one thrust, no?

So theoretically, I could come to your house and get in your bed and be stroking your hair, with your legs draped over mine, and it'd be all good with the wife?:happy2:
 

Moiety

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Maybe I am simplifying cuddling to much. I can cuddle with my 5 year old son. I simply put my arm around him as we lay on the couch. The difference is all in your head.

Picture that your laying in front of the couch and a friend of the opposite sex comes up and lays in front of you. You put your arm around her and watch TV together. That is cuddling, nothing more nothings less. So are you saying that anytime someone of the opposite sex lays next to you you think that something has to happen?

Well I personally wouldn't put my arm around her. I would to a son though.

And exactly, the difference IS all in your head. In my head a certain kind of physical intimacy is reserved to those whom I love. And I mean really love...not the friend kind of love.

I am not saying something has to happen when two people cuddle with each other. But I choose to take intimacy somewhat seriously. If you kissed every friend of the opposite sex on the mouth that didn't necessarily mean you'd ever have sex with them would it? But by reserving that honor to only one person (or a couple of people if you happen to kiss your kids on the lips like some people do) you are saying "you are special to me". It's about communication really.

Maybe it's my Ti but I see everything intertwined. There is a reason why some people think fucking can be just fucking, and some that say fucking => love and some that love <=> fucking ...etc For some, there doesn't have to be some grand meaning behind certain things and that is ok. I can respect that. But coherence is key, for me. If I'm not coherent I can't expect other people to know what I mean when I mean them.

Kinda like the cheating husband trying to explain to his wife "it didn't mean anything". Sure...it might not have meant anything. But if you are not coherent how can you expect other people to know the difference?

I'm using an exaggeration to convey my point. Don't shoot me lol




Oh and I was thinking spooning and the like were part of what people meant by cuddling yes.
 

Poki

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OK, if we define cuddling as hugging then yeah, I'm OK with it. Depending on the variation, spooning is out.

So is it the sensation you cant get past or what? What is it that makes it so hard?
 

Moiety

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And men make women out to be the ones who read into everything...sheesh. Men can be just as bad about reading into things, oh wait, for them its just wishful thinking:D

It's funny you use the expression "reading into things" because relationships are all about communication right? And love relationships even more so I'd say. It's about writing into things too.


This reminds me of the threads on flirting. You can be flirting or cuddling or whatever and not be thinking of anything special in your mind...but maybe the other person is. Imagine the other person never advances in any sort of direction though but thinks that means something it didn't on your end? Wouldn't that knowledge make things uncomfortable for you? Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of the intimate moment? The two people not getting what the other meant?

Communication.
 

Poki

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:huh:
Isn't that the difference though? I mean, the difference between having sex and spooning is like, half an inch and one thrust, no?

So theoretically, I could come to your house and get in your bed and be stroking your hair, with your legs draped over mine, and it'd be all good with the wife?:happy2:

It does make a difference with the wife thinks. I wasnt thinking from that state of mind. The wife has the final say of what makes her feel comfortable :blush:
 

Poki

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Things are getting way to complicated with so many points of view. Love, friendship, etc are all getting intermingled and everyone has different definitions of love towards a friend and different depths. As an ISTP everything is context dependent so how things progress and play out in real life cant be hashed out to a tee.

In my personal opinion these types of things are best left to be hashed out between 2 people as to whats comfortable and yes communication plays a huge part which is what I thought my original post had said. Get the intentions out first.

Now it has spanned into 50 million directions with so many different contexts that contexts start getting mixed together.
 

Moiety

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Things are getting way to complicated with so many points of view. Love, friendship, etc are all getting intermingled and everyone has different definitions of love towards a friend and different depths. As an ISTP everything is context dependent so how things progress and play out in real life cant be hashed out to a tee.

In my personal opinion these types of things are best left to be hashed out between 2 people as to whats comfortable and yes communication plays a huge part which is what I thought my original post had said. Get the intentions out first.

Now it has spanned into 50 million directions with so many different contexts that contexts start getting mixed together.

It's not MY fault you are an S!




:D
 

Poki

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It's not MY fault you are an S!




:D

Someones got to bring this into reality:D We can go on forever with what if scenarios, but at some point it comes down to the people involved in a certain situation. All we seem to be doing at this point is finding the consesus within society. Thats what happens when contexts get intertwined.

I was simply pointing out that contexts are getting mixed to the point where to an S type reality was lost. Things went from a more one-on-one type discussion to a group discussion driven by Te, not Ne. Ne and Se is open minded. My Ti does not do well as I try to logically analyze each persons point instead of organizing and grouping everything that was said.
 

Moiety

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Someones got to bring this into reality:D We can go on forever with what if scenarios, but at some point it comes down to the people involved in a certain situation. All we seem to be doing at this point is finding the consesus within society. Thats what happens when contexts get intertwined.

I was simply pointing out that contexts are getting mixed to the point where to an S type reality was lost. Things went from a more one-on-one type discussion to a group discussion driven by Te, not Ne. Ne and Se is open minded. My Ti does not do well as I try to logically analyze each persons point instead of organizing and grouping everything that was said.

Well...in reality there are people who are ok with cuddling without it meaning anything emotional and there are people who aren't. A a slew of other people somewhere in between.

I was merely explaining why I think like I think. I don't do Te that well. I don't behave that differently depending on context. Too much introverted judging you see (both Fi and Ti) :tongue:
 

Unique

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It's a bit too intimate for me to be considered just casual

Honestly I think you could even have "colder" "more detached" (not literally) sex than you can with cuddling

It just feels like the kind of act 2 people do when they really love each other, often after sex or in the stage of the relationship where you just cuddle in front of the tv or something

Doesn't strike me as a "friend" thing to be doing, though thats just my opinion
 

Poki

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Well...in reality there are people who are ok with cuddling without it meaning anything emotional and there are people who aren't. A a slew of other people somewhere in between.

I was merely explaining why I think like I think. I don't do Te that well. I don't behave that differently depending on context. Too much introverted judging you see (both Fi and Ti) :tongue:

Te is a natural instinct for ENFP types and even though it is tertiary, you are actually good at it. Its a natural protector of Fi when Fi feels threatened.

I would agree that Fi will react similiar even with a different context. Te comes out when you must support that. There is a distinct difference between the 2 that is highly visible on the outside. Te is good at steering things to support how you feel. It could be coupled with Ne to create a context where your feelings are valid.

I may be off, but this is how I see Te as it is used by an ENFP.
 

Spamtar

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There are also some bona fide reasons for breaking "the rules"/social norms. For example I have noticed some coquettes/seducer types reframe their targets as "cuddle buddies" just to mess with their targets head and somehow "via the way of the coquette" create a deeper seduction.

This does not mean however that the target will not eventually feel resentment (and reasonably so). Worst case scenario for the coquette is the target who lets resentment turn to hatred. Those unskilled in coquetry who apply such acts however may wish to consider they are playing with fire.
 

Edgar

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If only I could meet a guy who made me feel safe enough that they really weren't just trying to get into my pants, all previous apparant cuddle buddies tried to up the stakes. Bastards, misleading me like that. :(

If only I could meet a girl who cooked me food and cleaned my house and wasn't just trying to get into a monagomous relationship with me, all previous apparant sandwich makers tried to up the stakes. Bitches, misleading me like that. :(
 

BerberElla

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If only I could meet a girl who cooked me food and cleaned my house and wasn't just trying to get into a monagomous relationship with me, all previous apparant sandwich makers tried to up the stakes. Bitches, misleading me like that. :(

I think the answer here is "minute maids" for you, and some new company that some smart enterprising person could open called "Cuddle buds" or something like that, for me. :cheese:
 

Moiety

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Te is a natural instinct for ENFP types and even though it is tertiary, you are actually good at it. Its a natural protector of Fi when Fi feels threatened.

I would agree that Fi will react similiar even with a different context. Te comes out when you must support that. There is a distinct difference between the 2 that is highly visible on the outside. Te is good at steering things to support how you feel. It could be coupled with Ne to create a context where your feelings are valid.

I may be off, but this is how I see Te as it is used by an ENFP.

Hmm...maybe. But I don't think that is how I would usually use it. I try and show my feelings are valid using coherence. I can deal with a lot, but hypocrisy or too much fluidity... I have trouble understanding. So Fi and Ti guide me. I merely expose my internal rationale and how I continuously ground myself. (basically, my Fi and Ti reasoning).

How would you say I used Te in this case in particular?

If only I could meet a girl who cooked me food and cleaned my house and wasn't just trying to get into a monagomous relationship with me, all previous apparant sandwich makers tried to up the stakes. Bitches, misleading me like that. :(

:laugh:
 

Spamtar

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If only I could meet a girl who cooked me food and cleaned my house and wasn't just trying to get into a monagomous relationship with me, all previous apparant sandwich makers tried to up the stakes. Bitches, misleading me like that. :(

:yim_rolling_on_the_

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