• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ISFP] Daughter's boyfriend - ISFP?

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Apparently, he's tough to figure out. He said even a psychologist had a hard time figuring him out. For the third time, I went through the preference lists again. We came out with ISFP. But, in two areas, he "straddles the line" He says he's "in the middle on N/S but leans toward S. He's in the middle on T/F but leans toward F. He's definitely I and definitely P. He's just so hard to understand.

He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

When I asked him about his T/F preferences he kept on explaining how he responds to people's feelings, but usually logically figures out how to respond. He says he's always changing according to how the situation warrants it. He alters in order to accomplish his goal.

He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

The one reason I didn't think he was primarily an S is because after he had been to our house a couple of times, he said something about thinking we had an upstairs - we live in a ranch. One thinks an S would have noticed that on the way in.
But the way he's so good at sports...

It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.
 
Last edited:

Metamorphosis

New member
Joined
May 9, 2007
Messages
3,474
MBTI Type
INTJ
He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

Seems like an SP thing. The ISFP description at typelogic.com seems to match with the sports thing.

He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

"ISFPs may be quite charming and ingratiating on first acquaintance..." - typelogic

My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

Hardly relevant to anything type related, imo. His family could just have money. I would drive an expensive car too if I could afford it.

It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.

The fact that you are his girlfriend's parent could just make him nervous.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Apparently, he's tough to figure out. He said even a psychologist had a hard time figuring him out. For the third time, I went through the preference lists again. We came out with ISFP. But, in two areas, he "straddles the line" He says he's "in the middle on N/S but leans toward S. He's in the middle on T/F but leans toward F. He's definitely I and definitely P. He's just so hard to understand.

He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

When I asked him about his T/F preferences he kept on explaining how he responds to people's feelings, but usually logically figures out how to respond. He says he's always changing according to how the situation warrants it. He alters in order to accomplish his goal.

He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

The one reason I didn't think he was primarily an S is because after he had been to our house a couple of times, he said something about thinking we had an upstairs - we live in a ranch. One thinks an S would have noticed that on the way in.
But the way he's so good at sports...

It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.

I wouldn't think S based on sports alone, especially if you see things contradicting it. I know a fair number of definite Ns who rock at sports, and some Ss who are average or even really clumsy, so it's not always a direct correlation.

I also wouldn't say N based only on not noticing details...I am sometimes very bad at picking out random details. Either that's because my S is pretty weak (like it sounds like his is), or maybe detailed observations are more of an Si thing.

Nothing here really definitively points to either S over N or F over T, nor does it rule either out. Maybe it'd be easier to just show him a good-quality definition for both types (ISFP vs INFP, ISTP vs INTP) and ask him which one seems more like him?

And he might just genuinely be very close to the border, which will make typing him both more difficult and less useful, since he'll be less likely to fit the mold.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Seems like an SP thing. The ISFP description at typelogic.com seems to match with the sports thing.
Thanks. I'll read that.

"ISFPs may be quite charming and ingratiating on first acquaintance..." - typelogic
Ah. Good.

Hardly relevant to anything type related, imo. His family could just have money. I would drive an expensive car too if I could afford it.
Oh. I've seen some type tests that ask the kinds of questions that reveal whether you care about your "image" or your looks- which I have been told is an SP thing.

The fact that you are his girlfriend's parent could just make him nervous.
Yes, I'm sure. I was just lamenting the fact that it's hard for me to get to know him or figure out his type because of that.

Thanks for your input.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I wouldn't think S based on sports alone, especially if you see things contradicting it. I know a fair number of definite Ns who rock at sports, and some Ss who are average or even really clumsy, so it's not always a direct correlation.

I also wouldn't say N based only on not noticing details...I am sometimes very bad at picking out random details. Either that's because my S is pretty weak (like it sounds like his is), or maybe detailed observations are more of an Si thing.

Nothing here really definitively points to either S over N or F over T, nor does it rule either out. Maybe it'd be easier to just show him a good-quality definition for both types (ISFP vs INFP, ISTP vs INTP) and ask him which one seems more like him?

And he might just genuinely be very close to the border, which will make typing him both more difficult and less useful, since he'll be less likely to fit the mold.
I'm always thankful when you answer my questions
except that I'm almost always guaranteed to be more confused when I'm done reading your answer. :cry: :shock: :D

Seriously though, I do appreciate your perspective and I was looking forward to your response. Thanks for your input.
 

OctaviaCaesar

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
211
MBTI Type
INFJ
My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailed drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
 
Last edited:

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm always thankful when you answer my questions
except that I'm almost always guaranteed to be more confused when I'm done reading your answer. :cry: :shock: :D

Seriously though, I do appreciate your perspective and I was looking forward to your response. Thanks for your input.
Hehe, I don't try to be confusing. I just like pointing out all the possible explanations for things - I guess my Pness is just too big for my own good. :cry:

My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailded drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
I will spend hours on very detailed, realistic drawings, though only when I'm in the mood for it, which is fairly rare these days. So maybe that is an (I)SP trait. Or maybe it's just a random ability to be able to focus very intently on enjoyable things. Especially since I'm pretty close to the S/N border as well.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailed drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
I will have to find out if he likes to draw. I know he loves photography. Thanks for your help.

I will read about Fi.
 

arborvitae

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2007
Messages
40
MBTI Type
ISFP
ISFPs are often described as kind, gentle, and all-around "nice." Do you get that feeling from him?

I also wouldn't put too much emphasis on the athletic ability. I know I'm a complete klutz when it comes to most things physical, though my S seems to be fairly weak.

It might be hard to tell his real personality if he's an ISFP. I definitely freeze up around significant others' parents.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
ISFPs are often described as kind, gentle, and all-around "nice." Do you get that feeling from him?

I also wouldn't put too much emphasis on the athletic ability. I know I'm a complete klutz when it comes to most things physical, though my S seems to be fairly weak.

It might be hard to tell his real personality if he's an ISFP. I definitely freeze up around significant others' parents.
hmmm... it's possible.
I will try to pay more attention to that.
I know he blushes.

He talks kind of fast. He sounds logical when he talks. He has specialized information.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Try comparing him to your husband/son...if he has a bit in common with them in terms of attitude, he's maybe an ISFP. I find that I have absolutely nothing in common with INFPs and they seem completely alien to me. If he's a lot like them, maybe he's an ISTP or INTP.

I don't know any ISFPs, but theoretically I think they would be more carefree and fun-seeking, while an INFP would be more self-critical and stressed.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Try comparing him to your husband/son...if he has a bit in common with them in terms of attitude, he's maybe an ISFP. I find that I have absolutely nothing in common with INFPs and they seem completely alien to me. If he's a lot like them, maybe he's an ISTP or INTP.

I don't know any ISFPs, but theoretically I think they would be more carefree and fun-seeking, while an INFP would be more self-critical and stressed.
Thanks for that.
He's logical like my ISTPs but doesn't seem to have as much common sense. I think he's an S with a high N, and an F with a high T.

I think I'm going to have to learn the Ti Te Ni Ne stuff so I can figure him out that way - maybe.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
He sounds either ESTP or ESTJ. What makes you think he's a P?
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
He sounds either ESTP or ESTJ. What makes you think he's a P?
You're kidding about the E, right?

What makes you think he's a T?


He's said he's a P. He said he preferred not to plan things ahead and likes leaving his options open - all the things that make a P different from a J.
He's one of those types when you ask them what their preference is, they say, "It depends."
Those are the most frustrating to figure out.

He read a list of E and I traits and said he was an I. My daughter confirmed it.

He said he's right in the middle on S/N and F/T, but he's a few points to the side of S and a few points to the side of F.
 

hotmale

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2007
Messages
232
MBTI Type
ESTJ
You're kidding about the E, right?

What makes you think he's a T?

He just sounds a bit like me. Maybe it was projection. However, I think most sport-oriented players tend to be E in general. There are sports such as ice skating and that kind which tends to be suited for solitary activity, however, in sports- you have to receive energy from playing with others.

He's said he's a P. He said he preferred not to plan things ahead and likes leaving his options open - all the things that make a P different from a J.
He's one of those types when you ask them what their preference is, they say, "It depends."

Yes, but I'm willing to guess that he wants to have a specific list of activities to choose from which is really indicative of Te- segmentizing and ordering.

Those are the most frustrating to figure out.

Why is it important to figure him out? I think if people spend enough time together, it naturally happens.

He read a list of E and I traits and said he was an I. My daughter confirmed it.

He said he's right in the middle on S/N and F/T, but he's a few points to the side of S and a few points to the side of F.

Perhaps you should have him take a different version of the test. My sister is between ENTJ/ENTP- and on tests occassionally she comes out exactly 50 50, which ironically is the same for her left-right brain preferences. However, when observing her in action, one can easily see that around others- she becomes more directive in general situations, but relaxed around others whose J preference is higher.

So you like the guy? :)
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I like him in that they've been together for 6 months and I don't think they've had a fight. He's not jealous or immature like some of her other friends. He's going to college so he's intelligent. He doesn't smoke - thank God. He's hard to get to know though. He's given to depression - at least he was in the 2 years before they became a couple.


OH! I just remembered the most irritating thing about him is this: he picks at his food and doesn't clean his plate. He is SO WASTEFUL! When we have steak, he leaves all kind of meat on the fat. We pick it up and eat every morsel off the bone or gristle or fat or whatever. We are a very conservative family in that way. We don't waste. You should see how much of a lobster he wastes! I can't stand the idea of feeding this kid for the rest of our lives and having him waste expensive food.

Anyway - that's the only thing I don't like about him, and that could improve.
 

JivinJeffJones

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
MBTI Type
INFP
He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

When I asked him about his T/F preferences he kept on explaining how he responds to people's feelings, but usually logically figures out how to respond. He says he's always changing according to how the situation warrants it. He alters in order to accomplish his goal.

He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

Sounds like he's selling himself. Modest chap.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I can't eat a whole meal myself, never been able to, so I always take left overs and snack on it through out the week. I'm also the type to offer anyone a taste of whatever's on my plate. So maybe offer him to take some home, I don't know if that would work, but I'll except free food as long as I don't have to eat it at once.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I can't eat a whole meal myself, never been able to, so I always take left overs and snack on it through out the week. I'm also the type to offer anyone a taste of whatever's on my plate. So maybe offer him to take some home, I don't know if that would work, but I'll except free food as long as I don't have to eat it at once.
Oh, he heads straight to the garbage with it.

I guess he came from an upper middle class family for whom money was not really a problem. He had never eaten at a fast food restaurant until he dated my daughter. We brought him slumming to our local Goodwill which he had never been inside. Oh well. I hope he can keep up the lifestyle, or else my daughter can teach him to live more modestly.
 
Top