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[ISFP] Daughter's boyfriend - ISFP?

Hotherym

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Not to resurrect an old thread, but if this didn't get resolved, I might have some input...

Oooh, the food waste might be telling. When my boyfriend and I were trying to figure out what he was, one of the things we discussed was how he connected everything in his mind and he gave the example of how he will not waste food, and if he has to, he feels very guilty. He thinks about garbage he produces filling landfills, and tries to comfort himself with the thought that the food items will be eaten or broken down by other animals, but it still bothers him.

He's also not sports-oriented whatsoever. I don't know if he ever really has been. He's much more into looking at and making art (much more the former than the latter). He's been doing some very good art since he was 14 or so, and although he's amazing at things like lighting, angles, perspective and proportion, he has a difficult time with minute details.

As a child, he spent hours alone or with a couple friends fantasizing. Is that something your daughter's boyfriend did?

In almost all situations, my boyfriend is quiet and reserved and doesn't really 'put himself out there'. That could just be a difference it development and parents, though, since his are more-or-less unfit as guardians and very critical, judgmental people.

He's very 'dreamy' and self-critical. He's also high strung and very anxious. He says he has a difficult time connecting to people. He seems to loathe coldness and cold judgments, which is a problem when I transform into my INTJ lycanthrope self for the winter.

Although he and I have argued about it for a while, he swears up and down he's INFP, very strongly. He even went over the Ni/Ne Si/Se, etc., and found that he fit the Ne, which, he says, makes him seem more 'sensate'. I would have to agree he has a lot in common with INFPs and less with ISFPs.

Not sure if that helps. I know very few, if any, SPs (or SJs, for that matter) because I generally only get along with Ns of any sort, so I can't really pit him against Sensates in practice.
 

INTJMom

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So your boyfriend is an INFP?

The more I learn about this stuff, the more I discover I don't know!
 

surgery

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You could try engaging him in a theoretical or philosophical conversation, then try something like kicking and ball around or whatever, and see which one opens him up more. He may have the capacity for abstraction, but not really value it as much as action, therefore making him an S (or vice versa.)

Then again, he may is just a border line person. There are theories about people who are ambiverted (equally extraverted and introverted), so why not peopel who are equally sensing/intuitive, thinking/feeling or judging/percieving?
 
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INTJMom

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You could try engaging him in a theoretical or philosophical conversation, then try something like kicking and ball around or whatever, and see which one opens him up more. He may have the capacity for abstraction, but not really value it as much as action (or vice versa), therefore making him an S.

Then again, he may is just a border line person. There are theories about people who are ambiverted (equally extraverted and introverted), so why not peopel who are equally sensing/intuitive, thinking/feeling or judging/percieving?
Good idea. He says he comes down the middle on almost everything. (I think it's his perfectionist mother's fault,)
 

surgery

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Whatever the cause, I am jealous of the results. He's a good athelete who actually has a brain -- that's almost perfect!
 

anii

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He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

Hah! I don't know any INFPs who would even say that!

If he can talk himself out of any jam, are you sure he's not ESFP? They can be quite materialistic and into creature comforts as well.
 

Hotherym

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So your boyfriend is an INFP?

I really can't tell since INFPs and ISFPs seem to be confusing types. He says he relies far more on sensory information but isn't 'good at it,' and has been forced into it through conditioning since being an intuitive 'cloudhead' isn't exactly smiled upon.

If I compare this guy to my guy, I see quite a lot of differences, and honestly your daughter's boyfriend comes across very 'sensate' to me, and very similar to an online ISTP friend. That makes me much more inclined to believe what my boyfriend says about his being INFP. He's extremely fantasy-ridden and has grave difficulty seeing things 'as they are,' and much more through a screen of his own ideals to the point where he's pretty much blinded to reality.

Then again, he may is just a border line person. There are theories about people who are ambiverted (equally extraverted and introverted), so why not peopel who are equally sensing/intuitive, thinking/feeling or judging/percieving?

I really don't feel like there is such a thing is ambiversion with such simple brain functions; I say it comes down to the person really not knowing their self, rather than there being a true midline. Everyone can partake in any function at any given time, it's just the preferences -- or defaults -- that I look for.

I've seen one guy who seemed boldly extraverted. I found out later was actually introverted, but put on such a good act for such a long time (and enjoyed it) he probably would have been called an 'ambivert'. Still, there was a preference. I, too, am often mistaken in social situations for an extravert. In fact, I've been called a 'wild extravert' a couple of times, and that's far from the case. I even love to perform in front of lots of people -- or I used to. It can be very difficult to tell. Personalities are malleable.

I would hypothesize that sensory and intuition cannot be equal. I can barely make sense (hahah) of such ambiversion. A sensor can most definitely use intuition, just as an intuitor can get caught up in the senses, but to have equal parts seems unlikely to me. Just as I can extravert for extended periods of time, sometimes with little down time, I can also become very sensate for extended periods of time to do my stupidly detailed art. And if you don't believe me, this should prove it. :D

If you met me, you might think I was an extraverted sensor. I do, indeed, have an ESTP business suit of sorts. I can almost trick myself when I get into it. It's something to keep in mind when trying to figure anyone out.

God, I hope this makes sense (or intuition); I have a migraine coming on that could kill thousands.
 

INTJMom

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Hah! I don't know any INFPs who would even say that!

If he can talk himself out of any jam, are you sure he's not ESFP? They can be quite materialistic and into creature comforts as well.
Right now I'm thinking that he's an ISFP. One of the things I have realized recenly is that the types can differ somewhat just by the fact that they're male or female. I knew a female ISFP who was very different from this young man, so I still have a lot to learn.

But he says he falls just off the center on all the preferences. I just have to take his word for it, and it's probable that I had too narrow a view of what an ISFP is like.
 

INTJMom

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...
He's extremely fantasy-ridden and has grave difficulty seeing things 'as they are,' and much more through a screen of his own ideals to the point where he's pretty much blinded to reality.
...
You are describing my INFP sister.


PS: Sorry about the migraine. Hope you have some meds.
 

quietgirl

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I really can't tell since INFPs and ISFPs seem to be confusing types. He says he relies far more on sensory information but isn't 'good at it,' and has been forced into it through conditioning since being an intuitive 'cloudhead' isn't exactly smiled upon.

.

Do you think that male feeling types are more inclined to try to be sensate as an attempt to compensate for lack of a thinking preference? To fit in, I guess?

I have a similar problem with my boyfriend, who is seemingly an indecipherable INFJ/ISFJ sort of guy. His N/S is literally 50/50 and I can see characteristics of both types in him.
 

INTJMom

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Some people are definitely harder to type than others, and less extreme dichotomies can definitely cause a problem for discerning which one is used the most.

This is a case where knowledge of the cognitive functions would come in handy.
Or perhaps you have an understanding of the differences between the NF types and the SJ types? That would help, too.

Since you're an INFJ, this idea might work for you. Sometimes I look at the negative traits of the types and compare them because I am naturally such a critical person, it's easier for me to notice their bad points than their good ones - not a good thing, I know.
 

quietgirl

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Some people are definitely harder to type than others, and less extreme dichotomies can definitely cause a problem for discerning which one is used the most.

This is a case where knowledge of the cognitive functions would come in handy.
Or perhaps you have an understanding of the differences between the NF types and the SJ types? That would help, too.

Since you're an INFJ, this idea might work for you. Sometimes I look at the negative traits of the types and compare them because I am naturally such a critical person, it's easier for me to notice their bad points than their good ones - not a good thing, I know.

I do have a negative view of SJ's because of my relationship with my father. I'll fully admit that.

Cognitive functions? I see Fe. Lots of Fe. I'd say I see Ni because of his drive to set goals and perfectionism, but could that also be Si? I have a negative impression of Si because when I use it, I use it terribly. He's as bad with dates as I am, which is normally a Si sort of thing. However, I'm way more abstract & he does take the practical approach in the relationship.

He seems to possess the NF romanticism/idealism coupled with the SJ practicality. It's a mystery to me.
 

INTJMom

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Does he LOVE history and antiques?

That could reveal a greater tendency toward SJ.

I did historic research with an ISFJ. She was always getting these "hunches" that seemed to come out of nowhere, but she was almost always right. I learned that the hunches were based on information she had taken in even years before!
 

theshadow

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ok I was able to recently type my cousin as an isfp. I didn't know him very well at all.. clearly. I kept trying to type him as an N and T, but after spending some time with him I quickly noticed the prominence of F and what seemed to be Fi. and I was like whoa hold on infp? that really didnt seem to fit. my mother is an infp "albeit a very unhealthy one" so I was careful not to write that off as well.

I rode home with him on about a 4-5 hour car trip back from a family Christmas party and found out that he was somewhat familiar with type, He told me He was definitely and F. I explored this to confirm/pick Fi or Fe. It was very obvious that He was using Fi. also he told me he didnt usually ever do things like miss exits/ drive the wrong rode etc but still said he wasnt good at noticing things.
As I talked to him I kept hearing Ni as well. but it was at the cost of his external focus. in fact I doubted whether he could really be a sensor. he nearly missed a red light!!


So here is the question. What about Ni? When I see it, especially when its not in the dom/aux placement its very obvious. he tends to be somewhat paranoid about peoples intentions. which I can do but these Ni realizations are overvalued. he doesn't seem to have a way to invalidate them.

and for me Fi when I look for it is also very easy to spot. perhaps because its opposite my Fe prefs?

asked him about burning bridges. something I experienced with my ex.infp he said that he "decided" to value people as in would still talk to them even if he decided he didn't like them but. he easily saw in himself the tendency to do otherwise.
 

quietgirl

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Does he LOVE history and antiques?

That could reveal a greater tendency toward SJ.

I did historic research with an ISFJ. She was always getting these "hunches" that seemed to come out of nowhere, but she was almost always right. I learned that the hunches were based on information she had taken in even years before!

Nope, he doesn't have an interest in either. He's also really big on his past not affecting his future.

The other weird thing about him is that he reads emotion & facial expressions really well - like in an almost psychic sort of way. I can't hide anything, haha. But on the same note, his complaint about me is that I read between the lines too much.
 

quietgirl

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ok I was able to recently type my cousin as an isfp. I didn't know him very well at all.. clearly. I kept trying to type him as an N and T, but after spending some time with him I quickly noticed the prominence of F and what seemed to be Fi. and I was like whoa hold on infp? that really didnt seem to fit. my mother is an infp "albeit a very unhealthy one" so I was careful not to write that off as well.

Ha. I've typed Fi people as T before. I'm thinking it has to do with the INFJ impression of Fi.
 

miss fortune

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:)ninja: I severely resent this thread for bumping my blog! :sad:)
 

INTJMom

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Sorry, Luv. Quick! Go post something else!

Wait a minute... bumping your blog where? ON or Off the New Posts List?
 

INTJMom

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Nope, he doesn't have an interest in either. He's also really big on his past not affecting his future.

The other weird thing about him is that he reads emotion & facial expressions really well - like in an almost psychic sort of way. I can't hide anything, haha. But on the same note, his complaint about me is that I read between the lines too much.
Hmmm... could still be an ISFJ.
 

INTJMom

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Myers Briggs and articles about the MBTI

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ISFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ENTP. Example characteristics are:

* being very intolerant of others who do not act competently
* suggesting impractical ideas
* being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
* having a gloomy view of the future
* being argumentative

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTP. Example characteristics are:

* acting very impulsively, making decisions without thinking them through
* doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
* being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
* being preoccupied about unimportant details and doing things that have no meaning
* acting in a very materialistic and selfish way
* cutting corners, breaking the rules, and even contradicting the INFJ's own values
 
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