[ISTP] ISTP distance

[Poki]

Over on socionics it talks about greedy ISTPs vs ungreedy ISTPs. I am the ungreedy ISTP. This type of ISTP according to socionics tends to be less socialable. We have been surrounded with people who we have always been able to show our love for and have it returned. Not to confuse romantic love with familial love. Familial love is a very deep caring love. I have not really had to step outside much to have basics needs of this type of caring love met. I think this type has become very goot at Fe+Se. We are internally very healthy people, but we lack alot of the social skills needed because we didnt have to venture out as much. We also dont know the social boundaries and limits to showing how much we care because we didnt have to. Its the equivalent of showering someone with actions to show you care. If someone does this and you are not expecting it you first question there actions. This is what I sense. The questioning of my actions. The thing is that I enjoy doing things for other people and go way out of my way to do it. With family I dont have to worry about things being taken from a caring to a romantic love so its like a saftey in regards to not having to worry about understanding feelings.

Because of this I do pick up a sense of questioning of my motives behind my actions. I notice this with quite a bit of people. Its like my actions go overboard according to social expectations.

This causes me to be unable to understand social distances.

Hopefully this helps clear up some from the first draft.

 

[slant]

I don't really understand the question or problem here. It needs more defining.

 

[Domino]

There's a concern that you would hit on your cousins? I'm lost too!

 

[poppy]

So...you're cuddly and giving and your wife gets jealous when you act that way around other females?

Hum. I don't know. I never understood that kind of thing

 

[Poki]

So...you're cuddly and giving and your wife gets jealous when you act that way around other females?

Hum. I don't know. I never understood that kind of thing

ISTP have always used action, not cuddling or gifts. So its more along the lines of doing to much.

You see with what you put physical touch for me is a romantic love language, acts of service is one of a caring language. See where the confusion can lie.

How do you define the social distancing? Especially since everyones love language is different and do different things for different reasons?

 

[Auto/Virtuosi=L.A.P.]

Well, I've noticed for quite some time I would try to be the entertainer to keep people around. Maybe I was trying to let my actions speak more? It molded into feelings of cynicism (why try to impress them??). People wanted something I couldn't quite supply well. I still don't know what that is. But I'm sooooo unpopular and weird these days at college, but I like it. But I'd kill to make one special connection.

Does that make me the greedy type? I get hyper-independent at times and often lose sight of how I may affect people. Bluntly, sometimes I don't care, but it's a habit.

And I agree with Poki on physical touch. It's actually why I couldn't stand a long distance relationship. The only thing that kicks about being an ISTP is battling feelings all the time.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Over on socionics it talks about greedy ISTPs vs ungreedy ISTPs. I am the ungreedy ISTP. This type of ISTP according to socionics tends to be less socialable. We have been surrounded with people who we have always been able to show our love for and have it returned. Not to confuse romantic love with familial love. Familial love is a very deep caring love. I have not really had to step outside much to have basics needs of this type of caring love met. I think this type has become very goot at Fe+Se. We are internally very healthy people, but we lack alot of the social skills needed because we didnt have to venture out as much. We also dont know the social boundaries and limits to showing how much we care because we didnt have to. Its the equivalent of showering someone with actions to show you care. If someone does this and you are not expecting it you first question there actions. This is what I sense. The questioning of my actions. The thing is that I enjoy doing things for other people and go way out of my way to do it. With family I dont have to worry about things being taken from a caring to a romantic love so its like a saftey in regards to not having to worry about understanding feelings.

Because of this I do pick up a sense of questioning of my motives behind my actions. I notice this with quite a bit of people. Its like my actions go overboard according to social expectations.

This causes me to be unable to understand social distances.

Hopefully this helps clear up some from the first draft.

I understand what you're saying. But when does it become a problem? For instance, are you showing these caring actions to people who don't know you very well? This could cause some uncertainty on their part towards your motives. I know between women this kind of behavior is actually considered very thoughtful and sweet. But I could see if a man were to do certain things for a woman (even with non-romantic intent) she would be wary. I wonder if you could give a real world example?

 

[Poki]

Well, I've noticed for quite some time I would try to be the entertainer to keep people around. Maybe I was trying to let my actions speak more? It molded into feelings of cynicism (why try to impress them??). People wanted something I couldn't quite supply well. I still don't know what that is. But I'm sooooo unpopular and weird these days at college, but I like it. But I'd kill to make one special connection.

Does that make me the greedy type? I get hyper-independent at times and often lose sight of how I may affect people. Bluntly, sometimes I don't care, but it's a habit.

And I agree with Poki on physical touch. It's actually why I couldn't stand a long distance relationship. The only thing that kicks about being an ISTP is battling feelings all the time.

I see the social entertainer problems and really dont attempt to entertain much. I am better as a helper socially, not an entertainer. I was always a mix between being nerdy and stupid. It was like trying to find a balance. My stupid side is my ability to want to attempt to figure out how to do stupid things. When people ask me why I do these things my only reason is because I can and my nerdy side is my thirst for knowledge.

I do sense my blunt side. It comes every once in awhile and become onry out of fun with no ill intentions meant. I tend to aim it more towards men. Its usually pretty easy to find one to dish it out to and I guess I just expect them to be able to handle it better.

The feeling thing does suck. The greedy type is more about being a giving person or being a type that hordes everything. I freely give away everything to anybody. If no one is around I pick and choose people at random. I couldnt tell you how many times I have stopped on the side of the road and helped people change flats, give people rides that are walking in the pouring rain, just because I have nothing better to do and they are in need and I can help them.

 

[Auto/Virtuosi=L.A.P.]

oh yeah, I'm a horder. haha but it's people like you that make me feel better about life.

 

[Poki]

I understand what you're saying. But when does it become a problem? For instance, are you showing these caring actions to people who don't know you very well? This could cause some uncertainty on their part towards your motives. I know between women this kind of behavior is actually considered very thoughtful and sweet. But I could see if a man were to do certain things for a woman (even with non-romantic intent) she would be wary. I wonder if you could give a real world example?

it might not be a problem, thats kinda what I am trying to figure out here. It may just be something that I am creating since I dont understand how people feel very much. People generally dont tell me how they feel about me and I have never really pushed to try to get them to open up to me about how they feel towards me. If they do they do if not then I just judge it by what I see and have to guess.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I can say that if you are doing things for people - it is very much appreciated. I know that sometimes doing things for people is a much easier and more comfortable way of showing emotion or understanding between me and that person. It's a tangible expression of care. Which means a hell of a whole lot more (I think) than words do any day. Plus no awkward pats on the back "It's gonna be okay" speeches. Win-Win!

My ESFP friend just had a break up and was feeling real down. I *felt* this very strongly but couldn't think of how to express my sympathy for her and her situation. I went out and bought her a 'care' package and brought it to her work. She thanked me but didn't say much more. Maybe a week later she mentioned one night that she used that gift as a big stepping stone on getting over her lost love. She said, "I know I have friends and they're there for me like you were for me. Giving me that present reminded me of that." So secretly I'm like super touched because I wasn't expecting a reaction at all. Needless to say, keep up the good work. It really does make a difference even if words are not exchanged.

 

[Grayscale]

Because of this I do pick up a sense of questioning of my motives behind my actions. I notice this with quite a bit of people. Its like my actions go overboard according to social expectations.

This causes me to be unable to understand social distances.

i know what you are talking about, in my experience the best thing to do is to outright ignore it... if anything, re-focus this attention on improving your own reasoning and maintaining your integrity to those reasons.

if other people are not going to acknowledge the limitation of their perception into our motivations, then dont allow such an oversight to taint your confidence in when doing, essentially, what you believe to be the right thing to do. it is important to ask yourself whether it is you or them who has the best attitude.


My mantra: "I am not and cannot be the master of another, only the master of myself"

 

[SillySapienne]

My ISTP perpetual ex/boyfriend finally read an ISTP profile and conceded that according to this "gobbledygook theory" he is an ISTP.

And, hell yeah they are distant!!!

They, (he), likes to be alone a lot, or alone with people in the background, their acting as some kind of muzak-scenery for him.

I dunno, he's in his head a lot when he's both sedentary, and being active, or maybe not, I don't think he's thinking much when he's shooting skeet whereas he's certainly thinking, (I think), when he's climbing a mountain. :/

When I'm with him, however, he may be mentally distant, and certainly emotionally distant, at times, but generally speaking, he wants me by his side or in close proximity at all times.

And on a tangential note, I totally have to be all T-like when with him, he doesn't like to hear "gushy and half-assed" theoretical stuff/ideas about life and love.

Ironically, he kinda thinks I'm distant too, then again, I'm a weirdo.

 

[seamaid]

And, hell yeah they are distant!!!

They, (he), likes to be alone a lot, or alone with people in the background, their acting as some kind of muzak-scenery for him.

I dunno, he's in his head a lot when he's both sedentary, and being active, or maybe not, I don't think he's thinking much when he's shooting skeet whereas he's certainly thinking, (I think), when he's climbing a mountain. :/

When I'm with him, however, he may be mentally distant, and certainly emotionally distant, at times, but generally speaking, he wants me by his side or in close proximity at all times.

And on a tangential note, I totally have to be all T-like when with him, he doesn't like to hear "gushy and half-assed" theoretical stuff/ideas about life and love.

^I have an ISTP boyfriend and I completely relate to this. I have to act more T-like too around him to just keep the communication flowing, because it apparently doesn't strike him as necessary to be more F-like around me to do the same, unless I explicitly tell him to.

I've also heard that ISTPs can seem very close to you one minute and then be totally distant from you the next. Like they can just tune you out and act like you don't exist. This is true from my experience. I don't take it personally, but it is alienating sometimes.

Strangely, my ISTP bf acts the least aloof in the middle of the night, when he's half-awake. Then he's actually very touchy-feely, almost suffocating me with his cuddling, as well as impulsively smooching me everytime he wakes a little. Could this be because his guard is down? I mentioned this to him and he told me to think of it as someone else.

 

[Giggly]

I submit that we are all robots without emotion and any evidence of emotion should be destroyed.

 

[SillySapienne]

Strangely, my ISTP bf acts the least aloof in the middle of the night, when he's half-awake. Then he's actually very touchy-feely, almost suffocating me with his cuddling, as well as impulsively smooching me everytime he wakes a little. Could this be because his guard is down? I mentioned this to him and he told me to think of it as someone else.

OMG, I can relate to this 100%!!!

My ISTP is craaaaazy physically affectionate, especially at night, in bed, and in the morning, I sometimes have to be a bitch and tell him to stop poking, prodding, kissing and biting me so I can get some sleep!!!

Oh, also, when my ISTP is ever on opiates, he becomes so sweet it's ridiculous, I'm like, who the hell are you, and what have you done with my Max. (Hahahaha, he'd fucking kill me if he saw I wrote his name on this forum, he is compulsively neurotic about his anonymity).

Regardless, I've found, at least with my ISTP that they can be incredibly physically affectionate, in fact, my perpetual ex often complains I'm not affectionate enough?!?!

Sorry if I don't want to be constantly massaging his back while he's "working" on his computer. :rolli:

 

[The_Matrix]

OMG, I can relate to this 100%!!!

My ISTP is craaaaazy physically affectionate, especially at night, in bed, and in the morning, I sometimes have to be a bitch and tell him to stop poking, prodding, kissing and biting me so I can get some sleep!!!

Regardless, I've found, at least with my ISTP that they can be incredibly physically affectionate, in fact, my perpetual ex often complains I'm not affectionate enough?!?!

Your ISTP boyfriend's Auxiliary function is Extraverted Sensing. You've got a red-blooded male who craves to have his senses fired up. There is nothing more pleasurable to him than physically experiencing your body. He spends the day staring intently at anything amusing to get his sensory fix. Now at night, in the privacy of your bedroom, I'll bet that he...

Brushes his lips lightly against your neck and quivers at how exquisite your skin feels.
Deeply inhales the scent of your hair.
When he bites your body it's very gentle and you can feel his tongue since he's actually just tasting your skin.
Can caress your body for hours, and not necessarily in a sexual manner, for example he just endlessly runs his hands all over your back if you lie face down.
Absolutely loves it when you make any sexual noises, or forget that, loves it if you even just whisper in his ear.
And the most obvious one: he stares at your face and body, so much so that it can be disconcerting.

 

[SillySapienne]

Your ISTP boyfriend's Auxiliary function is Extraverted Sensing. You've got a red-blooded male who craves to have his senses fired up. There is nothing more pleasurable to him than physically experiencing your body. He spends the day staring intently at anything amusing to get his sensory fix. Now at night, in the privacy of your bedroom, I'll bet that he...

Brushes his lips lightly against your neck and quivers at how exquisite your skin feels.
Deeply inhales the scent of your hair.
When he bites your body it's very gentle and you can feel his tongue since he's actually just tasting your skin.
Can caress your body for hours, and not necessarily in a sexual manner, for example he just endlessly runs his hands all over your back if you lie face down.
Absolutely loves it when you make any sexual noises, or forget that, loves it if you even just whisper in his ear.
And the most obvious one: he stares at your face and body, so much so that it can be disconcerting.

To say the very least, yes, my ISTP is incredibly tactile. Whenever we are sitting, standing, or lying in close proximity, he has his hands all over me, and usually, as you've mentioned, loves to sniff, no not sniff, inhale me!!! He also loves to taste me, i.e. he is constantly licking, biting, caressing, and even sucking on my skin.

Some odd things:

He bites his nails, but when I am around, he likes to put my hands, or fingers in his mouth, totally nonsexually, I dunno, he just likes doing this!

He loves to munch on me, or bite me all the time, he especially likes to bite my arms, my lips, my inner thighs, and my ass, even my feet which he describes as "New York Strip steaks"!!! He likes to bite or nibble on any part he describes as being, "meaty", or "juicy". Sometimes he bites too hard and it hurts, but he likes to push my physical limits!!!!

Whenever we kiss, he really likes to explore every crevice and contour of my mouth... And oh my! Is he ever obsessed with my lips!!!

I could give you a dissertation on how fond he is of my breasts and my, well, ahem, you know.

And you are absolutely right, he sure does love staring at me, or my "parts", hahahaaha, especially in motion!!!

He has well over 1000 pictures of me, which I know, (for one thing he is not, is a liar), he happens to look at frequently.

I do not know if this is an ISTP thing, or a him thing, but he is more or less a "body worshiper". Which ain't a bad thing.

I swear he is the perviest nerd I know.

 

[jixmixfix]

To say the very least, yes, my ISTP is incredibly tactile. Whenever we are sitting, standing, or lying in close proximity, he has his hands all over me, and usually, as you've mentioned, loves to sniff, no not sniff, inhale me!!! He also loves to taste me, i.e. he is constantly licking, biting, caressing, and even sucking on my skin.

Some odd things:

He bites his nails, but when I am around, he likes to put my hands, or fingers in his mouth, totally nonsexually, I dunno, he just likes doing this!

He loves to munch on me, or bite me all the time, he especially likes to bite my arms, my lips, my inner thighs, and my ass, even my feet which he describes as "New York Strip steaks"!!! He likes to bite or nibble on any part he describes as being, "meaty", or "juicy". Sometimes he bites too hard and it hurts, but he likes to push my physical limits!!!!

Whenever we kiss, he really likes to explore every crevice and contour of my mouth... And oh my! Is he ever obsessed with my lips!!!

I could give you a dissertation on how fond he is of my breasts and my, well, ahem, you know.

And you are absolutely right, he sure does love staring at me, or my "parts", hahahaaha, especially in motion!!!

He has well over 1000 pictures of me, which I know, (for one thing he is not, is a liar), he happens to look at frequently.

I do not know if this is an ISTP thing, or a him thing, but he is more or less a "body worshiper". Which ain't a bad thing.

I swear he is the perviest nerd I know.

lmao! sounds like you had a good time, the staring thing is defiantly true for me it's just ISTPs wanna be apart of a great experience.