[ESFP] Puzzled by my ESFP friend

[Coeur]

My ESFP friend has many wonderful qualities, but she doesn't like to think. At all. Allow me to explain.

When I tried to make her take one of the simplest meyer-briggs tests, she nearly burst into tears and says she HATES that kind of thing and that it's confusing and that she can't possibly understand it.

She has no input. I may come up with something deep, meaningful, or amusing, and all she can muster is: 'wow.' When I ask if she has anything to add, she says: "not really." [This gets old REALLY quickly.]

She hates abstract plots, so consequently she hates watching dramas/plays/etc. Anything to do with history, or anything 'dramatic' in general, bores her to tears.

I'm guessing she has a lot of builtup tension inside, because she refuses to watch anything too emotionally oriented. It makes her cry. Consequently, she has mood swings 'out of nowhere,' probably because she doesn't consider them at all most of the time.

She's very stubborn, opinionated, and baseless in her views. And I'm saying this as a value-oriented INFP. We are both conservative republicans, but she's the kind of person who won't talk to someone if they're a liberal. She refuses to listen to anything that has to do with them at all. She won't even watch president Obama speak on TV. Once, I was reading about liberals in my history book, and she said: "I'd skip over the section; I wouldn't be able to stand reading it."

I honestly don't understand. Is this normal for ESFPs?

 

[LadyJaye]

My best friend is an ESFP - the best I can offer you is that she sounds very immature. Is she young? I think the downside to Se is that present tense living can make a person intolerant to difficultly or discomfort, because it feels like it'll never get over with ( from being stuck in the present all the time ), and so there's the temptation to avoid it at all costs. Age and maturity help that problem a a lot. At some point, she's going to have to deal with her emotions, and go through the unpleasant process of sitting through them until they pass. Then she'll see that it's only a temporary state - difficulty isn't forever (hopefully).

 

[bcvcdc]

Then why the fuck is she your friend? My bet is that she isn't, at least not from her point of view!

 

[totallypsycho]

My ESFP friend has many wonderful qualities, but she doesn't like to think. At all. Allow me to explain.

When I tried to make her take one of the simplest meyer-briggs tests, she nearly burst into tears and says she HATES that kind of thing and that it's confusing and that she can't possibly understand it.

She has no input. I may come up with something deep, meaningful, or amusing, and all she can muster is: 'wow.' When I ask if she has anything to add, she says: "not really." [This gets old REALLY quickly.]

She hates abstract plots, so consequently she hates watching dramas/plays/etc. Anything to do with history, or anything 'dramatic' in general, bores her to tears.

I'm guessing she has a lot of builtup tension inside, because she refuses to watch anything too emotionally oriented. It makes her cry. Consequently, she has mood swings 'out of nowhere,' probably because she doesn't consider them at all most of the time.

She's very stubborn, opinionated, and baseless in her views. And I'm saying this as a value-oriented INFP. We are both conservative republicans, but she's the kind of person who won't talk to someone if they're a liberal. She refuses to listen to anything that has to do with them at all. She won't even watch president Obama speak on TV. Once, I was reading about liberals in my history book, and she said: "I'd skip over the section; I wouldn't be able to stand reading it."

I honestly don't understand. Is this normal for ESFPs?

hi i used to be really skeptical about this whole MBTI business too but eventually my(SP?) curiosity got the better of me im not sure why she would be so strongly averse....maybe she had a bad prior experience?? ask her about it. ESFPs can definitely totally tune something out cuz we tend to draw on our prior experiences and if that past experience was negative....heh

about the whole input thing...maybe she simply doesnt feel like she has anything to add. i kno i definitely stay out of theoretical discussions because i feel like they go way over my head and i wouldnt be able to contribute anything remotely interesting or relevant to the discussion. i doubt she is doing this on purpose and i think this is part of the inherent difference in thinking between N and S correct me if im wrong though.

hahhaa its weird that she would not enjoy stuff like dramas because dramas are like SP heaven. we tend to enjoy stuff relevant to the present so try watching something like house or big bang theory with her. lolol

and yea...the thing i hate the most about being ESFP is having those mood swings. and god do they feel like they last forever. and i always have to repress those mood swings cuz they arent "socially acceptable" to present in public or watever. but the thing is its not good for your emotional or physical to hold stuff like this in forever. so its kind of a catch 22. blehhh other types dont have this problem because they dont experience emotions as strongly as we do.

and i guess teh whole liberal thing might be because she has had bad experiences with liberals and they triggered strong negative emotional responses so she wants to distance herself completely from anything that might bring back such emotions. i kno this because i definitely avoid doing certain things or talking to certain ppl cuz they elicit icky emotional reactions that make me feel all ugly on the inside.

shoot me i aint no psychologist. but hope this helps

 

[Coeur]

Then why the fuck is she your friend? My bet is that she isn't, at least not from her point of view!

We're best friends, actually.

My best friend is an ESFP - the best I can offer you is that she sounds very immature. Is she young? I think the downside to Se is that present tense living can make a person intolerant to difficultly or discomfort, because it feels like it'll never get over with ( from being stuck in the present all the time ), and so there's the temptation to avoid it at all costs. Age and maturity help that problem a a lot. At some point, she's going to have to deal with her emotions, and go through the unpleasant process of sitting through them until they pass. Then she'll see that it's only a temporary state - difficulty isn't forever (hopefully).

She is young; we're only in highschool. Your comment about Se makes a lot of sense. I never thought about it that way.

hi i used to be really skeptical about this whole MBTI business too but eventually my(SP?) curiosity got the better of me im not sure why she would be so strongly averse....maybe she had a bad prior experience?? ask her about it. ESFPs can definitely totally tune something out cuz we tend to draw on our prior experiences and if that past experience was negative....heh

She's never had an experience with it though... she just 'hates that kind of thing.' There's no reason for it. =/ I found it strange.

hahhaa its weird that she would not enjoy stuff like dramas because dramas are like SP heaven. we tend to enjoy stuff relevant to the present so try watching something like house or big bang theory with her. lolol

She loves house, consequently. XD

and i guess teh whole liberal thing might be because she has had bad experiences with liberals and they triggered strong negative emotional responses so she wants to distance herself completely from anything that might bring back such emotions. i kno this because i definitely avoid doing certain things or talking to certain ppl cuz they elicit icky emotional reactions that make me feel all ugly on the inside.

Yeah, I guess it's because she disagrees with them so strongly.. she hasn't had any direct experiences with liberals, though; like I said, she refuses to talk to them.

 

[Koocoomoo]

I'm trying to be friends with an ESFP aswell, and I am sad to say I'm failing miserably.
I can't stand how shallow he is. He's transparent, 2 dimensional. Like a 3-piece puzzle that I figured out in Kindergarden.

 

[stellar renegade]

I'm close to being an ESFP so I'll try to explain what I can.

My ESFP friend has many wonderful qualities, but she doesn't like to think. At all. Allow me to explain.

When I tried to make her take one of the simplest meyer-briggs tests, she nearly burst into tears and says she HATES that kind of thing and that it's confusing and that she can't possibly understand it.

Hm, well this makes sense to me. All the MBTI tests I've taken are hopelessly vague. It's hard to really answer questions based on vague concepts about the inner workings of your mind. I can look back and observe my actions, but I have a hard as hell time trying to figure out what's actually going on inside me. Probably because there doesn't seem to be much happening there.

And it's not that I don't like to think, well I guess it kinda is :yim_rolling_on_the_ but it's like I don't have the ability to. Unless it's something truly interesting and able to be made clear and simple. I think it's mainly because it's not something that deeply interests me. That doesn't make me shallow, it just makes me focused and practical.

She has no input. I may come up with something deep, meaningful, or amusing, and all she can muster is: 'wow.' When I ask if she has anything to add, she says: "not really." [This gets old REALLY quickly.]

Oftentimes we may love something deep or meaningful that somebody's said and feel that it was beautiful on its own and needs nothing added to it because it already appears to be tied with a neat beautiful ribbon.

I do the same thing, generally.

She hates abstract plots, so consequently she hates watching dramas/plays/etc. Anything to do with history, or anything 'dramatic' in general, bores her to tears.

If it's not real life, I often lose interest. I can pay attention for a bit up to a certain point. Sometimes a plot can keep me going for awhile as long as it isn't bogged down with too much complexity. I actually somewhat have a hard time watching House because of some of the technical concepts and I'm the type of person who wants to know everything about what's going on so it's hard for me to just shrug off something I don't understand for the time being. I do like that show, though.

I'm guessing she has a lot of builtup tension inside, because she refuses to watch anything too emotionally oriented. It makes her cry. Consequently, she has mood swings 'out of nowhere,' probably because she doesn't consider them at all most of the time.

Okay, I can't associate with that at all, but maybe an ESFP will come by who's able to explain that.

She's very stubborn, opinionated, and baseless in her views. And I'm saying this as a value-oriented INFP. We are both conservative republicans, but she's the kind of person who won't talk to someone if they're a liberal. She refuses to listen to anything that has to do with them at all. She won't even watch president Obama speak on TV. Once, I was reading about liberals in my history book, and she said: "I'd skip over the section; I wouldn't be able to stand reading it."

I don't associate with this at all either, really. I like hearing opposing viewpoints and hearing and participating in arguments of various kinds. Buuut if there's a viewpoint I don't agree with and there's no beneficial reason to listen to them I instantly lose interest. I can't pay attention for even a second and yes, I often get disgusted (if it's something I feel is vile). Of course I usually lose interest in any discussion I consider irrelevant in general, which covers most of those instances anyway.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I'm guessing she has a lot of builtup tension inside, because she refuses to watch anything too emotionally oriented. It makes her cry. Consequently, she has mood swings 'out of nowhere,' probably because she doesn't consider them at all most of the time.

I think Stellar you hit the nail on the head with your responses. One of my best friends (my partner in crime ) is an ESFP female so I think I can speak a little about your quoted part above.

ESFPs have a lot of energy. Especially emotional energy. They are givers. They want nothing more than to have a good time and have their energy be reciprocated and appreciated. I think they can get moody often when this energy has no place to land. Or when they feel unappreciated or something in their life is causing them stress.

I've also noticed that what stresses an ESFP out is something that you may be completely overlooking or think is not really a big deal. This is coming from an IxTP. I'm sure you're NFness is much more sensitive to this than I initially was.

Being around my friend so much I've come to listen to her a lot more closely. I noticed she talks about her feelings and worries a lot. I'll give you an example: Me and ESFP work together.

During our last meeting we learned that we are getting uniforms. They are so ugly. Truly shiteous! Now, my first thought was "How am I going to destroy these new uniforms? Nope. We should all boycott! Even better!" I look over to tell my plan to her and I'm face to face with a horrified ESFP. I mean, it really stressed her out! I couldn't even joke around with her about it. She brought it up for days! I had to cheer her up whenever the subject got brought up in front of her. Looking good is really important to her and this was unthinkable. It may seem shallow but it wasn't to her and even though her response was pretty funny for the peanut gallery...It was real to her.

Little things like that can ruin an ESFP's day. It puts a big gloomy cloud over it. I've noticed ESFP's can get lost in these moments. They lose the wood for the trees - emotionally speaking. I think that's what's happening with your ESFP with watching dramas. It would pull her out of her state of harmony and happiness to get engrossed in something like that and watching may put her in one of those gloomy moments. ESFP's don't like to stay there. Very uncomfortable.

Her mood swings probably aren't "out of nowhere" but a build-up of these small stresses. ESFP's hate conflict. It stresses them out more. So I think this ends up with them chasing their tails. Avoid conflict + not wanting to cause disharmony = a helpless feeling ESFP. I think this is where those BIG mood swings come out. My best advice is listen to WHAT she says not HOW she says it. Speak S not N. The depth IS on the outside with ESFP's. If that makes sense. They are transparent. But that's a good thing! If she's your best friend there's not a doubt that she's telling you who she is and every little thing that is upsetting her.

 

[stellar renegade]

I think Stellar you hit the nail on the head with your responses.

THANKS J00!!!

One of my best friends (my partner in crime ) is an ESFP female so I think I can speak a little about your quoted part above.

ESFPs have a lot of energy. Especially emotional energy. They are givers. They want nothing more than to have a good time and have their energy be reciprocated and appreciated. I think they can get moody often when this energy has no place to land. Or when they feel unappreciated or something in their life is causing them stress.

I've also noticed that what stresses an ESFP out is something that you may be completely overlooking or think is not really a big deal. This is coming from an IxTP. I'm sure you're NFness is much more sensitive to this than I initially was.

Being around my friend so much I've come to listen to her a lot more closely. I noticed she talks about her feelings and worries a lot. I'll give you an example: Me and ESFP work together.

During our last meeting we learned that we are getting uniforms. They are so ugly. Truly shiteous! Now, my first thought was "How am I going to destroy these new uniforms? Nope. We should all boycott! Even better!" I look over to tell my plan to her and I'm face to face with a horrified ESFP. I mean, it really stressed her out! I couldn't even joke around with her about it. She brought it up for days! I had to cheer her up whenever the subject got brought up in front of her. Looking good is really important to her and this was unthinkable. It may seem shallow but it wasn't to her and even though her response was pretty funny for the peanut gallery...It was real to her.

Little things like that can ruin an ESFP's day. It puts a big gloomy cloud over it. I've noticed ESFP's can get lost in these moments. They lose the wood for the trees - emotionally speaking. I think that's what's happening with your ESFP with watching dramas. It would pull her out of her state of harmony and happiness to get engrossed in something like that and watching may put her in one of those gloomy moments. ESFP's don't like to stay there. Very uncomfortable.

Her mood swings probably aren't "out of nowhere" but a build-up of these small stresses. ESFP's hate conflict. It stresses them out more. So I think this ends up with them chasing their tails. Avoid conflict + not wanting to cause disharmony = a helpless feeling ESFP. I think this is where those BIG mood swings come out. My best advice is listen to WHAT she says not HOW she says it. Speak S not N. The depth IS on the outside with ESFP's. If that makes sense. They are transparent. But that's a good thing! If she's your best friend there's not a doubt that she's telling you who she is and every little thing that is upsetting her.

haha, what's funny is that someone on the Keirsey board speculated that I was probably actually an ESFP, but after reading all this there is NO WAY that I am. hahaha. None of that stresses me out and I don't mind confrontation at all when it comes down to it.

I wonder what it must be like to be one of their number... it sounds kinda scary, actually. :horor:

Anywayz, your response was pretty awesome too.

 

[sunshinebrighter]

She's very stubborn, opinionated, and baseless in her views. And I'm saying this as a value-oriented INFP. We are both conservative republicans, but she's the kind of person who won't talk to someone if they're a liberal. She refuses to listen to anything that has to do with them at all. She won't even watch president Obama speak on TV. Once, I was reading about liberals in my history book, and she said: "I'd skip over the section; I wouldn't be able to stand reading it."

She doesn't want to open herself up to different points of view because it requires her to see things through other people's eyes just like watching drama shows. She doesn't want to question her own views and values. If she comes to a conclusion that she is wrong about certain things then the world that she has been living in crumbles apart.

She do not want to go through the stress of building a new world of values. Ignorance is bliss. She is happy right now. Why allow new ideas to enter in that is threatening to her happiness?

 

[Giggly]

My ESFP friend has many wonderful qualities, but she doesn't like to think. At all. Allow me to explain.

When I tried to make her take one of the simplest meyer-briggs tests, she nearly burst into tears and says she HATES that kind of thing and that it's confusing and that she can't possibly understand it.

She has no input. I may come up with something deep, meaningful, or amusing, and all she can muster is: 'wow.' When I ask if she has anything to add, she says: "not really." [This gets old REALLY quickly.]

She hates abstract plots, so consequently she hates watching dramas/plays/etc. Anything to do with history, or anything 'dramatic' in general, bores her to tears.

I'm guessing she has a lot of builtup tension inside, because she refuses to watch anything too emotionally oriented. It makes her cry. Consequently, she has mood swings 'out of nowhere,' probably because she doesn't consider them at all most of the time.

She's very stubborn, opinionated, and baseless in her views. And I'm saying this as a value-oriented INFP. We are both conservative republicans, but she's the kind of person who won't talk to someone if they're a liberal. She refuses to listen to anything that has to do with them at all. She won't even watch president Obama speak on TV. Once, I was reading about liberals in my history book, and she said: "I'd skip over the section; I wouldn't be able to stand reading it."

I honestly don't understand. Is this normal for ESFPs?

It sounds like you are experiencing the N/S divide.

I'm guilty of a lot of these things you've mentioned here myself but I'm borderline ISFP/ISFJ. In my experience, NO ONE who has strong political beliefs ever changes their minds no matter how much arguing/debating/convincing ensues. She probably doesn't see the point of discussing it, and would rather discuss more practical things.

 

[mattness]

i'm esfp & i think i listen to other people pretty well. the whole thing about not even watching Obama just sounds like she's just closed minded & doesnt want anything messing with her view of the world. i'm not like that myself. i was skeptical about some of this MBTI stuff but i didnt make a scene about it, that just sounds like a drama mama.

 

[Jeffster]

So, wait, what's the puzzling part?

 

[Coeur]

So, wait, what's the puzzling part?

That she could... be like this. It's totally foreign to me. But everyone's comments have helped me understand her a little better.

 

[stellar renegade]

i'm esfp & i think i listen to other people pretty well. the whole thing about not even watching Obama just sounds like she's just closed minded & doesnt want anything messing with her view of the world. i'm not like that myself. i was skeptical about some of this MBTI stuff but i didnt make a scene about it, that just sounds like a drama mama.

Dude, sup! How you be? Welcome to the forums, hope you have a great stay, man!

We don't get too many ESFPs 'round these parts, and when we do, they leave just like that! *snap*

What's funny is that the two ESTPs here have stuck around for good! (The other ESTPs tend to just change their type :yim_rolling_on_the_)

 

[Captain]

i'm esfp & i think i listen to other people pretty well. the whole thing about not even watching Obama just sounds like she's just closed minded & doesnt want anything messing with her view of the world. i'm not like that myself. i was skeptical about some of this MBTI stuff but i didnt make a scene about it, that just sounds like a drama mama.

I would tend to agree. Your description of your friend sounds nothing like me; in fact, the exact opposite in almost every example. It seems to me like your friend is just narrow-minded, and perhaps combined with her ESFP traits causes her toact as such but certainly is not the case for everyone.

 

[King sns]

She sounds like a total basket case

 

[Eowyn]

If it's not real life, I often lose interest. I can pay attention for a bit up to a certain point. Sometimes a plot can keep me going for awhile as long as it isn't bogged down with too much complexity. I actually somewhat have a hard time watching House because of some of the technical concepts and I'm the type of person who wants to know everything about what's going on so it's hard for me to just shrug off something I don't understand for the time being. I do like that show, though.


Okay, I can't associate with that at all, but maybe an ESFP will come by who's able to explain that.

:fairy noise:

Hello. I can explain that. Does it have a practical application? Because if it doesn't, and it's just theory, and it won't actually make a difference in everyday life, then I'm not going to waste my time and energy on it.

ESFPs have a lot of energy. Especially emotional energy. They are givers. They want nothing more than to have a good time and have their energy be reciprocated and appreciated. I think they can get moody often when this energy has no place to land. Or when they feel unappreciated or something in their life is causing them stress.

<snip>

Little things like that can ruin an ESFP's day. It puts a big gloomy cloud over it. I've noticed ESFP's can get lost in these moments. They lose the wood for the trees - emotionally speaking. I think that's what's happening with your ESFP with watching dramas. It would pull her out of her state of harmony and happiness to get engrossed in something like that and watching may put her in one of those gloomy moments. ESFP's don't like to stay there. Very uncomfortable.

Her mood swings probably aren't "out of nowhere" but a build-up of these small stresses. ESFP's hate conflict. It stresses them out more. So I think this ends up with them chasing their tails. Avoid conflict + not wanting to cause disharmony = a helpless feeling ESFP. I think this is where those BIG mood swings come out. My best advice is listen to WHAT she says not HOW she says it. Speak S not N. The depth IS on the outside with ESFP's. If that makes sense. They are transparent. But that's a good thing! If she's your best friend there's not a doubt that she's telling you who she is and every little thing that is upsetting her.

Yes we do. And if the person we're hanging out with doesn't understand how to reflect our emotional energy or brushes it off, it contributes to the moodiness. We ESFPs have, for lack of a better analogy, an emotional sonar. We express our feelings or moods, and the reactions of those around us help us orient ourselves and figure out how the feelings fit into the reality versus our perception of the reality. If the reflection isn't particularly helpful or is a reaction instead of or , we get all discombobulated, and our feelings tend to bounce around before getting oriented again.



Your ESFP friend sounds both very young, and very hurt. Her determination to avoid what appears to be serious things and personality stuff indicates to me that she has been very badly hurt in the past, she knows it, and she really wants to avoid dealing with it.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Yes we do. And if the person we're hanging out with doesn't understand how to reflect our emotional energy or brushes it off, it contributes to the moodiness. We ESFPs have, for lack of a better analogy, an emotional sonar. We express our feelings or moods, and the reactions of those around us help us orient ourselves and figure out how the feelings fit into the reality versus our perception of the reality. If the reflection isn't particularly helpful or is a reaction instead of or , we get all discombobulated, and our feelings tend to bounce around before getting oriented again.

Wow! What an awesome way of describing ESFP's. This is exactly what I have seen in them.

 

[stellar renegade]

:fairy noise:

Hello. I can explain that. Does it have a practical application? Because if it doesn't, and it's just theory, and it won't actually make a difference in everyday life, then I'm not going to waste my time and energy on it.

Oh no, what I was hoping one of you would explain is the moodiness part. Which you did, beautifully.

Yes we do. And if the person we're hanging out with doesn't understand how to reflect our emotional energy or brushes it off, it contributes to the moodiness. We ESFPs have, for lack of a better analogy, an emotional sonar. We express our feelings or moods, and the reactions of those around us help us orient ourselves and figure out how the feelings fit into the reality versus our perception of the reality. If the reflection isn't particularly helpful or is a reaction instead of or , we get all discombobulated, and our feelings tend to bounce around before getting oriented again.

Ohhh! So that's why my brother had the reaction he did when we tried to explain that his feelings of self-doubt weren't based in reality...