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[ISFP] My ISFP mom should become more selfish.

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
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E.T.
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My mother is an ISFP and she is way too nice. She does things no one ever asked her for. She protects the people that others are gossiping about. The can't stand it when people are joking about others. She's always concerned about what others are thinking of her. She's very self sacrificing. I find that behaviour extremely annoying. Whenever my mother complains about the fact that she's unhappy (she does it all the time), I explain to her that maybe she should act more like me and be more selfish, but she doesn't listen. So my question is: how could I make my mom behave less annoying and make her become happier?
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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Jan 3, 2009
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6,072
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7w6
She likes that people use her. Don't worry about it, just the complaining is the problem and thats probably not going to change.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
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Mar 1, 2008
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She probably feels needed this way- nothing you can do about it- sorry.
Are you sure you're an ENFP, :D
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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You can't make people change, and they won't change until they're ready.

Your mom will not change until she gets more out of the change than she does out of what she's currently doing (which is presenting herself as an "incorrigibly nice person" in the eyes of other people, including herself).

Do not get me wrong, I think your mom is very sincere in wanting to help people... but that behavior is becoming distorted due to what she is unconsciously trying to get out of it... resulting in the annoyance you feel, because at some level it's definitely a distortion.

You can put your ideas out there, you can live yourself in a way you think is more productive, you can challenge her (kindly) when you think she's over the edge on something... but it's not your job to fix her nor can you long-term. That part is up to her.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
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25,183
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I agree that she might not be an ISFP. Sounds more like a J. It sounds like she has a serious case of Fe gone wrong.
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
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She might be a ISFx, but she seems more P to me that J.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
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Messages
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I say this because what your mom does that bugs you so much sounds like Fe.

Fe does nice things for people that nobody asked for. Fe can care too much about what other people think.

Also, ISFJs can stereotypically suffer from "doormat syndrome" where they just do for everyone and get walked all over.
 
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