[SP] What do you think, SPs?

[Coeur]

Yes, I am probably overthinking something that is completely straightforward, but I'm just curious. I also don't want to know that he "likes" me romantically or anything. I love him as a friend. I just want to know what this all means.

My ISTP friend and I have been friends for two years now. He lives about an hour away and we barely see each other, but we still text pretty frequently. Recently, he's become a lot more affectionate and has said I love you several times [and has emphasized that this is special and rare] among other compliments.

We saw each other today and it was pretty interesting.

He drove a good distance that took quite a bit of time [I'm not sure how much exactly, but it could have been 30 mintues to an hour one way] just to have a short lunch with me. When he saw me he immedietely reached out for a hug and said that it was good to see me. In the past, we have NEVER hugged and he seemed awkward if I tried [which was once].

We had lunch and all that which was nice. He bought me the lunch [shoving my hand down when I tried to pay] and bought me candy at 711. When he was buying the candy, he said something like "be glad that I love you so much" when the lady told him the price. I couldn't really hear exactly what he said because he was mumbling, but it was something like that and it didn't sound accusatory or anything.

When he arrived at my house to drop me off, instead of driving off the second I leave the car like he usually does, he got out and came over to me. He pulled me into a hug and kissed the side of my neck. We said goodbye and he said that he'd see me soon. Then, he actually waited for me to get to the door before driving off.

I'm just curious as to what this means, because this is a drastic change since the last time I saw him [which was two months ago]. He has a girlfriend he is very happy with, by the way. Also, he knew I was grieving the loss of this young girl in my summer program [read my blog]. Maybe that's why he came on such short notice?

 

[King sns]

I think that we have the same ISTP friend.

Don't even ask.
I don't get it either.

 

[stellar renegade]

Sounds like he wants to keep you on the back-burner. Be careful not to let yourself sink too far into that affection lest ye provoke the wrath of said girlfriend.

Hm, it's possible he may be planning on breaking up with her and wants to make sure he has someone else to latch onto once he does. I can't say for sure, and it's also possible he's willing to cheat on her, so watch for that. Just be very observant.

 

[Coeur]

Sounds like he wants to keep you on the back-burner. Be careful not to let yourself sink too far into that affection lest ye provoke the wrath of said girlfriend.

Hm, it's possible he may be planning on breaking up with her and wants to make sure he has someone else to latch onto once he does. I can't say for sure, and it's also possible he's willing to cheat on her, so watch for that. Just be very observant.

He is going to college very soon and won't be willing to do a long distance realtionship. He really is happy with her, though. You can tell just by the way he talks about her. It's very sweet. I'd be very puzzled if he had romantic feelings towards me.

 

[stellar renegade]

I think that we have the same ISTP friend.

Don't even ask.
I don't get it either.

True, let me give you some insight into the mind of a typical STP: girls are a weak-spot for us. If we like a girl we're likely to just let our impulses guide us, only problem is naturally this kind of pull is a little stronger. He might even have tricked himself into thinking he's just being friendly (if he wants to think he's a good boyfriend) while doing all this. Obviously this is more than just innocent friendly activity, though.

As an STP, if you see a girl you're affectionate for, the bigger sin is to refuse yourself the pleasure. You'll try to gain her affection just to win it, because you enjoy her presence, even if you don't plan to act on it, and he may be doing this just for the enjoyment of it.

 

[stellar renegade]

He is going to college very soon and won't be willing to do a long distance realtionship. He really is happy with her, though. You can tell just by the way he talks about her. It's very sweet. I'd be very puzzled if he had romantic feelings towards me.

Well, the more I think about it, the more I think it's possible he doesn't have intense romantic feelings for you, he's just being very affectionate and playful. The way you tell it, that makes sense. I could see myself doing the same thing with a girl I was close to platonically, honestly. But at the same time I would also recognize that I was probably tapping into some dangerous feelings and would try to draw a line. Just make sure he stays on his side of the line.

 

[Coeur]

True, let me give you some insight into the mind of a typical STP: girls are a weak-spot for us. If we like a girl we're likely to just let our impulses guide us, only problem is naturally this kind of pull is a little stronger. He might even have tricked himself into thinking he's just being friendly (if he wants to think he's a good boyfriend) while doing all this. Obviously this is more than just innocent friendly activity, though.

As an STP, if you see a girl you're affectionate for, the bigger sin is to refuse yourself the pleasure. You'll try to gain her affection just to win it, because you enjoy her presence, even if you don't plan to act on it, and he may be doing this just for the enjoyment of it.

Well, when he kissed my neck it was in a spot next to the side of my face. Maybe it was an attempted cheek kiss?

Are you sure he doesn't just care about me as a friend? I'd hope he'd care about me more than just trying to win me over.

 

[Coeur]

Well, the more I think about it, the more I think it's possible he doesn't have intense romantic feelings for you, he's just being very affectionate and playful. The way you tell it, that makes sense. I could see myself doing the same thing with a girl I was close to platonically, honestly. But at the same time I would also recognize that I was probably tapping into some dangerous feelings and would try to draw a line. Just make sure he stays on his side of the line.

Okay, good. =]
I wouldn't do anything to hurt their relationship. He's too happy with her.

 

[King sns]

yea. I noticed with this guy- (we dated for four years on and off and have been off for a few years now.)
and the less attention I give him the worse he gets.
We're just friends now but he continues with the little overly affectionate moments that make me sick. . I can see where he might be trying to win my affection just for the sake of it. So the fact that I don't respond probably makes it worse.

 

[Jeffster]

I also don't want to know that he "likes" me romantically or anything.

Okay, I won't tell you, then.

 

[King sns]

Well, when he kissed my neck it was in a spot next to the side of my face. Maybe it was an attempted cheek kiss?

Are you sure he doesn't just care about me as a friend? I'd hope he'd care about me more than just trying to win me over.

Maybe you should ask him. Just tell him that neck kissing and paying for things sends mixed messages. You're definitely not overreacting. Its obvious that these are not advances that a friend makes to a friend.

 

[Coeur]

Okay, I won't tell you, then.

XD No, I meant that this isn't a: "does he like me? I sure hope so!" post. It's more like a: "what in the world is that boy thinking?!! post"

 

[King sns]

I mean... if you want to have a normal friendship then this kind of stuff isn't fair..
Come to think of it, I had an estp "friend" do this as well.
What the heck.
All you stps are wacko.

 

[Coeur]

Maybe you should ask him. Just tell him that neck kissing and paying for things sends mixed messages. You're definitely not overreacting. Its obvious that these are not advances that a friend makes to a friend.

The hugs and everything were so brief, though. And the kiss was in that area between my neck and the side of my face. Like where the bone is. I don't /know/ if it was romantic or not.

I'm not going to ask him, because I like it when he's affectionate. I think it's a friend thing, because friends kiss each other on the cheek and stuff, but I don't know.

 

[King sns]

Well don't get drunk with him.

 

[Coeur]

Well don't get drunk with him.

Haha I don't drink, no worries. ^_^

Seriously, STPs are wacko! XD

 

[stellar renegade]

I mean... if you want to have a normal friendship then this kind of stuff isn't fair..
Come to think of it, I had an estp "friend" do this as well.
What the heck.
All you stps are wacko.

JK. If you think it's sending too many mixed messages, just tell us. We try to feel you out a little bit, but girls can send mixed messages sometimes, too. You act like you like it but you're reticent at the same time. We're not the only ones to blame.

 

[StephMC]

I don't think he'd initiate a romance without you pretty much asking for it. We don't like to assume things, so even if you gave him subtle hints that's what you wanted, he probably still wouldn't do it. Now if -he- wanted something from you, he probably would search for data from you. Ask you weird questions, try to spend more time with you, etc., etc.

Basically, I don't -think- he's trying to be more than just friends. Believe it or not, I'm very loving and affectionate with friends I value, especially if I know they're struggling. I freely use "I love you" with my guy friends (I try with my girl friends.. but it's weird.) Physical affection from us does not equal romantic. However, I will only use physical affection with my CLOSEST, most VALUED friends.

He obviously holds your friendship highly. He just wants you to feel loved by him. I know it can be confusing, but if you want to know, just come out and ask... just e-mail him or something. He won't bullshit around.

Then again.... maybe a guy ISTP has a totally different view on this.

 

[Coeur]

I don't think he'd initiate a romance without you pretty much asking for it. We don't like to assume things, so even if you gave him subtle hints that's what you wanted, he probably still wouldn't do it. Now if -he- wanted something from you, he probably would search for data from you. Ask you weird questions, try to spend more time with you, etc., etc.

Basically, I don't -think- he's trying to be more than just friends. Believe it or not, I'm very loving and affectionate with friends I value, especially if I know they're struggling. I freely use "I love you" with my guy friends (I try with my girl friends.. but it's weird.) Physical affection from us does not equal romantic. However, I will only use physical affection with my CLOSEST, most VALUED friends.

He obviously holds your friendship highly. He just wants you to feel loved by him. I know it can be confusing, but if you want to know, just come out and ask... just e-mail him or something. He won't bullshit around.

Then again.... maybe a guy ISTP has a totally different view on this.

Yay! That's exactly what I want it to be. Friendly and because he really cares. ^_^ That's what I -think- it is, but you never know.

 

[stellar renegade]

Makes sense, I think. Doesn't it seem like Se kinda generates affection? It's not just physical, even though Se is sensory-related, it's on a slight emotional level, too.

And, I think you're right. An STP would want the relationship to be clear, no bullshitting around. So if he did want to start a relationship with you, Coeur, say in another situation, he would probably make it clearer when it was time.

There are the player types out there, but if they're so slick they won't even clearly ask you, you can probably spot their type a good distance away anyway. Since this is a friend you're probly good, but if you want to be completely comfortable sending a heartfelt email about it would probably get a concernedly clear response on the matter.

It's hard for me to say for an ISTP, though, since my first function is sensing and I generally let impulses take over where an ISTP will think things out first and foremost. You're probably even safer with my introverted cousin, haha.