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[MBTI General] question to ESFPs/ESTPs

b4b

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
57
MBTI Type
xSFP
OK, so every time something goes wrong (little things) for my ESxP friend, he withdraws for a few hours (with a warning and apology at the end...)....


here are two examples:
we had an appointment, he was sure he had the day off work, but it turned out he didn't (last minute, happens all the time)....he wouldn't even want to talk to me...he would call for a second explaining what happened and then be like "I'll call you in a bit", but he would never call...minutes later he would text "sorry, I'm in a bad mood, don't feel like talking"

next:
he was getting ready to go to the gym, scheduled his day around it, gym was closed (due holiday), we were on the phone when that happened....he would get off the phone with the same sentence "I'll call you i a bit, ok?"....but he never did....minutes later I'm getting same text: "sorry, I can't talk, bad mood"...and then hours later he would be sorry and explain that he felt bad about skipping the gym and was not in mood to talk to me?????

Anyway, fine, no big deal, but what I don't understand is that he is very outgoing and talks nonstop to people, about anything. I would expect him to want to talk when things don't go so well? Also, if he really doesn't want to talk, why the warning "sorry I can't talk right now, bad mood", does he want attention or should I leave him alone (I do leave him alone though)...
What is motivating this behavior?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm no ESFP, but if he is one, could be that he's trying to not burden you with the emotions he's experiencing and needs some time to digest 'em as he otherwise would probably take them out on you and drag you down. I dunno about ESFPs, but I know ENFPs tend to withdraw for this reason and it would surprise me if ESFPs did the same.
 

Unique

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
1,702
Why you stick ESTP on the end lol... I no idea what you're talking about

You used the words "felt" and "feeling" one too many times ;)
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
I'm no ESFP, but if he is one, could be that he's trying to not burden you with the emotions he's experiencing and needs some time to digest 'em as he otherwise would probably take them out on you and drag you down. I dunno about ESFPs, but I know ENFPs tend to withdraw for this reason and it would surprise me if ESFPs did the same.


+1

Sometimes it's too chaotic in my head and I really don't want to rant out at a friend, not until I've processed my emotions a bit better.

Some friends don't let you withdraw though, and I am sure after listening to my chaotic ranting they probably wish they hadn't been so insistent on me "talking" to them about it.

My ESFP friend needs a minor amount of time to come to grips with upsets/disappointments that interfere with her plans in anyway.

Ie we were both planning to go out together a few weeks ago, but both our finances fell apart so we couldn't, so we were both moody for a few hours, neither of us offloaded on the other one, and in a couple of hours we had dealt with our upset well enough to talk to each other, laughing about the disaster and making fresh plans. P plans. :D
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
OK, so every time something goes wrong (little things) for my ESxP friend, he withdraws for a few hours (with a warning and apology at the end...)....


here are two examples:
we had an appointment, he was sure he had the day off work, but it turned out he didn't (last minute, happens all the time)....he wouldn't even want to talk to me...he would call for a second explaining what happened and then be like "I'll call you in a bit", but he would never call...minutes later he would text "sorry, I'm in a bad mood, don't feel like talking"

next:
he was getting ready to go to the gym, scheduled his day around it, gym was closed (due holiday), we were on the phone when that happened....he would get off the phone with the same sentence "I'll call you i a bit, ok?"....but he never did....minutes later I'm getting same text: "sorry, I can't talk, bad mood"...and then hours later he would be sorry and explain that he felt bad about skipping the gym and was not in mood to talk to me?????

Anyway, fine, no big deal, but what I don't understand is that he is very outgoing and talks nonstop to people, about anything. I would expect him to want to talk when things don't go so well? Also, if he really doesn't want to talk, why the warning "sorry I can't talk right now, bad mood", does he want attention or should I leave him alone (I do leave him alone though)...
What is motivating this behavior?

I do this too..

I just want to be alone when i'm in a bad mood. And sometimes bad moods just come out of the blue. Remember when we talked about living in the moment so much that sometimes a stressful moment can seem like the end of the world?

Its like that. And when I tell people I don't really want to talk, I mean it. I mean, it doesn't hurt to talk to me, I wouldn't bite your head off, but I wouldn't just say that to get attention. Sometimes I just need to be alone to get a grip. I don't want to look like a spazz for being in such a tizzy over something so stupid, and I also don't want to burden others.

Its like Luke said, doesn't sound like an estp at all.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Its like Luke said, doesn't sound like an estp at all.

+3

ESTPs are very direct, and "bad moods" are RARE for us. If we do have them they last for about 3 seconds and we're moving right along again. If we get angry, which again is really, really rare, we blow our top and then its over. I have NEVER in my life blown someone off with a corny text like "can't talk...bad mood...whatever".

This person is not an ESTP, from what I can tell.

Also, I have two very good ESFP friends and neither of them would do this either. I think the individual has been mis-typed, if general type-specific behaviors hold true, etc., ad nauseum.

Good luck! :D

-Alex
 

b4b

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
57
MBTI Type
xSFP
thanks for all your responses, it makes sense :) Good thing I was always leaving him alone when he said that, but I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do (in case he was just screaming for attention). When I'm in a bad mood/want to be alone, I just don't talk at all...I don't warn anyone, I just don't pick up my phone...

I'm not sure about his type, he seems ESTP to the outside, the way he talks, acts, and his job is very ESTP too (aggressive policeman about to join the SWAT team)...but then when you get to know him closer (like really close) he talks about how he feels or felt in this or that situation....so I don't know?
Do ESFPs act tough in everyday life, but get very emo privately? :)
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
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4dw
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I'd guess male one are more prone to this yes :D
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
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Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
thanks for all your responses, it makes sense :) Good thing I was always leaving him alone when he said that, but I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do (in case he was just screaming for attention). When I'm in a bad mood/want to be alone, I just don't talk at all...I don't warn anyone, I just don't pick up my phone...

I'm not sure about his type, he seems ESTP to the outside, the way he talks, acts, and his job is very ESTP too (aggressive policeman about to join the SWAT team)...but then when you get to know him closer (like really close) he talks about how he feels or felt in this or that situation....so I don't know?
Do ESFPs act tough in everyday life, but get very emo privately? :)

If he's a cop that changes everything...They have their own type. It's called "Signal 20".

TEN CODES
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
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7w8
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sx/so
If he's a cop that changes everything...They have their own type. It's called "Signal 20".

TEN CODES

This is the COOLEST piece of information I have come across in AGES...and a funny as all get out answer to this post as you have so cleverly wielded it. Kudos to you. ;)
 

Kingfisher

full of love
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,685
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
If he's a cop that changes everything...They have their own type. It's called "Signal 20".

TEN CODES

haha! very funny! :D
we used 10 codes in the fire deparment too, but the codes are entirely different from the police, so it is confusing... :huh:
 

ColonelGadaafi

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2008
Messages
773
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
Si
It is most likely the SE-TE-FI responding to the rapture of plan's. I experience something similar on bad days, however responding with negativity. When things do not run as planned.. i get frustrated and disspointed... especially when i need to rearrange my plan's. I lapse into a certain mood where i become votile, irritable and easily provoked.

When this happens i try to mentally run past it by distractions or rest.. and this requires a certain amount of isolation from interaction.. when unwitting people come bugging me about things that are at the present moment unimportant, my fuse goes off.. i will repeatedly tell them to back off, however once the limit is reached i blow up into their faces.. verbally scolding them , etc.
 
Last edited:

stellar renegade

PEST that STEPs on PETS
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,446
MBTI Type
ESTP
Monkey, my brother is an ESFP and that sounds just like him. He can get reclusive and irritable sometimes when things don't go his way.

Also, this:

+3

ESTPs are very direct, and "bad moods" are RARE for us. If we do have them they last for about 3 seconds and we're moving right along again. If we get angry, which again is really, really rare, we blow our top and then its over. I have NEVER in my life blown someone off with a corny text like "can't talk...bad mood...whatever".

This person is not an ESTP, from what I can tell.
 

me_plus_one

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
194
MBTI Type
ESTP
It's true. I never invoke my bad mood as an excuse to shrug off a person at the telephone.

It's more like me to tell them something along the lines of: Hey, I've told what I had to tell you, why are we still talking now?
 

b4b

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
57
MBTI Type
xSFP
ok, he must be ESFP then...way too emo for an ESTP
thanks for all your responses :)
 

stellar renegade

PEST that STEPs on PETS
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
1,446
MBTI Type
ESTP
Actually, I realized later after I made this post that sometimes I DO get in a bad mood if several situations aren't panning out that are relevant to the near future, or if I get in a really bad argument with someone that I don't see discontinuing anytime soon... I'll stop talking and people will just naturally ask what's wrong since I'm so quiet. I'll tell them I'm in a bad mood but I can usually be pretty polite about it. I'll tell them I don't feel like talking and then an hour or so later I'll be fine.
 
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