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[MBTI General] ISFP/INTP Relationship

Azseroffs

New member
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
417
MBTI Type
ENTj
Enneagram
5w4
In response to the ISTP/INFP thread

I find ISFP quite refreshing. They are very nice and I have a lot of fun around them typically. The only problem I seem to have is that I feel like they can't keep up mentally. They usually don't seem to understand what I'm talking about. They make an effort and try to understand but are often unable to contribute. In order to really communicate I find myself making a lot of sarcastic jokes, and they just seem to laugh and smile at almost everything I say. I often feel like I'm not really getting through to them, but they still seem to enjoy my presence.

Often times when they are talking about something I have little to say as well. Usually they'll talk about something they did in which cases i often find it funny. Almost like they purposefully put themselves into predicaments that could have easily been avoided. They seem to be aware of this though.

Overall I enjoy the company of ISFPs. I feel comfortable in their presence, but often feel like we speak different languages since we have little to say about what the other speaks of. Funny thing is that we always have something to say regardless of this enigma. Kinda like we are both talking at each other rather than to each other.
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
I have the same problem connecting to my NT friends. I still enjoy our discussions however one-sided they are most of the time.

I enjoy hearing them talk about things they think about, like when they share their thoughts about the universe. I can usually always get a basic understanding of the subject, and sometimes when they explain it well (because I ask questions) I can get a very deep understanding which brings my mind temporarily into their world. It's very stimulating but kind of scary at the same time, because my mind is focused on the end of the universe, when it's usually focused directly in front of my eyes. It takes me a second to get back to reality.

Then when I share stories of my adventures here on Earth, of real things I do, they aren't able to relate so they just listen. Though I'm not sure how they view me or what they get out of hearing my stories of the things I do, but I suppose there's a reason they keep me around.
 

riel

New member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
204
MBTI Type
ISFP
I think it's because of the NT-SF thing.
 

mortabunt

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
963
MBTI Type
type
Enneagram
5
INTP's have incredibly powerful minds. They can literally overcome our sense of time and space, turning us into golems for periods.
 

mortabunt

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
963
MBTI Type
type
Enneagram
5
Not to mention sometimes all my senses sometimes will shut off and I will enter a state of logical oblivion.
 

Popsicle

New member
Joined
Dec 19, 2008
Messages
176
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Try being an INTP female dating an ISFP guy (though he could be ISFJ).

I usually get this bemused look when I make some off-the-wall remark. I often think he is not quite sure what to make of me...
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Try being an INTP female dating an ISFP guy (though he could be ISFJ).

I usually get this bemused look when I make some off-the-wall remark. I often think he is not quite sure what to make of me...

Haha. My estj asked me what I was thinking once. I answered. She never asked again.
 

Julie1962

New member
Joined
Jun 1, 2009
Messages
138
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
5
I've had some INTP friends and yes being concrete myself I didn't know how to take half of what they said. Still I felt strangely comfortable in their presence.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I relate to all of this. I've been with my ISFP for several months now and we experience some of these same things that have been mentioned. I often tell her that we seem to "miss" each other when communicating - meaning that we fail to "connect" to what one another is saying or trying to communicate. It's really a strange thing. I'll say something and she'll run with it and laugh and have some sort of comeback joke that makes her laugh but I totally don't see the connection between her comeback/response and what I had originally said - yet, somehow, we're both still OK with it. I might look confused and say, "What? I don't get it." And she'll just laugh and say, "Nothing, nevermind." Then we move on to something else.

The S/N divide is probably the most difficult part of the relationship for us. As the N (and I'm highly-N), it's a hard thing to explain without sounding pompous, I think. Phoenity mentioned earlier in the thread about focusing on what is actually "done in the real world". That's the divide that I see with my girlfriend and I. She wants to discuss things like what her co-worker said to her on her lunch break, etc. With her strong Se, she's always wanting to talk about what she took in with her senses. What someone said, how great something tastes, she's very attuned to my facial expressions, etc. I think about a time recently where we were in a rush to meet someone and she's talking about stuff like what a co-worker did today and the color of the sweater she's wearing, etc. I'm not dismissing the importance of these things. I understand (more now than I did before) that this is her sharing life with me. Sometimes from the "N" side of the spectrum, however, we might be left thinking, "Is this REALLY what you want to talk about? Maybe we could talk about something that's going to make a difference in the grand scheme of life." I really do care whether or not she had a good day, so I'm looking for things like, "I had a great day, I got lots done, and I'm ready for my big meeting tomorrow." Or, "Today wasn't the greatest. I got reprimanded for being late and we lost an important client." Big picture type stuff. Let me know how you're doing in a general sense so that I know how I can be there for you, but don't rehash your whole day word by word. That's tough for an "N". One time when we were having a long, drawn out argument about something that seemed very petty to me, I finally wanted to stop the bleeding by asking if we could talk about something else for a change. She said, "Well, this is what's important to me right now. What could be more important than this right now?" And I said something like, "There are some REALLY important things going on in the world right now. There are kids who don't have food to eat, people who are wondering where they will sleep tonight, etc, etc. And here we are talking about...................THIS???!!! Let's get over it and move on to something of importance."

I don't say this to sound arrogant (I know that's how it comes off to some), but this is one of the best examples of the S/N divide, at least in my opinion. She thinks, at times, that I don't care about things that are important to her. It's not that. I certainly do care. Very much. I just want to focus on "the big picture", while she wants to focus on all the details that make up that big picture. The way I see it, if we're going to hash through all the details, let me run to the store and grab a soda cuz we'll probably be at it for the better part of the night. That stuff can take an awful lot of time and it gets very tedious. On the bright side, we compliment each other too. Things that I overlook, she picks up on and reminds me to take care of. When she fails to see big picture connections or consequences, I'm able to provide some advice/direction.

She's hilarious though -makes me laugh, keeps things light, and keeps me grounded. What's cool about her is that, for the most part, as long as I make her laugh and give her a lot of :hug: , then I have a happy ISFP looking at me like this :wubbie:
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It's strange. I met an ISTP (maybe ISFP) and we hit it off immediately! (sparks flew - something we both commented on as being rare for each of us to move so quickly) It was almost like meeting my twin. We had so many similarities, yet we were different. I care much more about what people think than he did. After that initial meeting, it was like hitting my head against a wall. His behavior towards me ran very distant and I'd say almost...cold. It's strange to me because I would assume having a similar outlook would foster a sense of comradeship but not so.

Eh, win some, lose some.

I think it's possible it can work, depending upon the degrees of each INTP/ISFP but if it doesn't work it's because we are the same type of crazy and the same type of sane and it felt like trying to put two magnets with the same charge together.
 

sad-requiem

New member
Joined
Jun 16, 2009
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INTP
I totally relate to what INTPness says.
Me and my ISFJ (maybe ISFP) have been together for more than 4 years and she is wonderful.
Sometimes in our talks at night I feel like I needed a fast-forward button to her explanation of things she's done during the day.
Sometimes it's hard for me to understand how much she needs me and misses me.
She's great, and I love how much love she can show to me
 

violet_crown

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Jun 18, 2009
Messages
4,959
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
853
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I lovvveee SP guys. I mean how can you not enjoy someone who's so fun? You can play and go have adventures and it's just a great time. One of my closest guy friends is a ESTP and there aren't words for how much I love that kid. I feel like most guys are intimidated by my direct, mental approach to everything, but I like how the SPs are not only not intimidated but not impressed. Also, theyre are few people more fun to banter with than a STP (can sometimes feel like poking a tiger, but so worth it).

In all, the SP helps the NT remember how to live in their bodies, and the NT makes sure that whatever todays entertainment is doesn't end up killing/maiming/incarcerating the SP. Good times all around!:D
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
INTP (girl) and ISFP (ex-boyfriend).

Overall, the relationship was nice. I appreciated how up-front, yet not overly forthcoming he was with his feelings about me - he emailed me. He was affectionate, playful and an all-around loving boyfriend. He was laid-back and not clingy, so I could spend a day with him, then not have to contact him for days afterwards, except from the odd text message. But, the novelty soon wore off. I was fed up of his laid-back attitude, because we could never decide what to do; in every relationship I think there should be at least one decisive partner, but we were both the "I don't mind" sort. I tried taking that role for a while, but I soon became uncomfortable with it because I don't like organising situations or people.

I think the main problem was miscommunication. My Ne-powered humour only managed to provide wind power for the tumbleweeds blowing around whenever I made a comic remark, and his Se-powered talk just... failed to maintain my interest. He didn't seem stimulated by my topics of conversation, and I was bored to tears by his sensory pursuits (arcade games, video games...) Well, I enjoyed that day we took his dog for a walk. By all means, he was a decent guy. He told me after the relationship ended that he hated the coffee at the cafe we'd go to; he just enjoyed spending time with me and thought I liked it there. I just don't think he was what I was looking for... whatever that is. :S But yeah, I'd say ISFPs are great as friends, but maybe not for relationships? I don't know. Personally, I think there are many untype-related factors that come into play in these circumstances.
 

mwv6r

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I know of an ISFP female + INTP male relationship that I think is pretty unhealthy, largely because the INTP doesn't seem to respect and appreciate the ISFP. Of course, every couple is different.

On a somewhat related note, I know an ISFJ female + INTP male couple that is happily married. I will say that the ISFJ does way more than her share of household and childcare responsibilities, but she honestly doesn't seem to mind (she's a very giving person) and he is the breadwinner after all so I think it works for them. (It is funny though how on the rare occasions when she leaves him at home with the kids and comes to visit us, he calls her cell a zillion times to ask how to respond to very simple household/childcare tasks, lol! He clearly depends on her a lot for those day-to-day activities that sensors excel at.)

So, long story short, I think INTP + ISFx can work, maybe it works a little better with an ISFJ because the ISFJ's judgeriness is so beneficial to the INTP?
 

INTPatricia

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
65
MBTI Type
intj
In response to the ISTP/INFP thread

I find ISFP quite refreshing. They are very nice and I have a lot of fun around them typically. The only problem I seem to have is that I feel like they can't keep up mentally. They usually don't seem to understand what I'm talking about. They make an effort and try to understand but are often unable to contribute. In order to really communicate I find myself making a lot of sarcastic jokes, and they just seem to laugh and smile at almost everything I say. I often feel like I'm not really getting through to them, but they still seem to enjoy my presence.

Often times when they are talking about something I have little to say as well. Usually they'll talk about something they did in which cases i often find it funny. Almost like they purposefully put themselves into predicaments that could have easily been avoided. They seem to be aware of this though.

Overall I enjoy the company of ISFPs. I feel comfortable in their presence, but often feel like we speak different languages since we have little to say about what the other speaks of. Funny thing is that we always have something to say regardless of this enigma. Kinda like we are both talking at each other rather than to each other.

hmm...my experience with isfp's is that they later tell me all about a conversation with someone such as an entj...they don't seem to have missed much...including how much the entj thought of themselves and how little the entj thought of the intelligence of the others in the group, lolololo...guess he was more right on than I knew. isfp's take in the content and the dynamics and much more, it seems to me...and attempt not to offend.
 
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