• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ISTP] jeez...

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

but once I read this:

"One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that :cry:

can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?
 

soccerjunkie1996

New member
Joined
Jan 27, 2009
Messages
27
MBTI Type
IxTP
well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

but once I read this:

"One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that :cry:

can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?

Pretty much the only way my feelings for someone stay the same is if everything else in my life stays the same and everything about that person stays the same, and even then it's not necessarily a guarantee. Well, ok, that might be a little exaggerated, but I mean, aside from about 2 friends, my feelings about other people change pretty frequently, depending on the actions those individuals take and the mood I'm in. Unfortunately (or, in a couple of cases, maybe fortunately) this also means that the romantic feelings I have towards someone may literally be there one day gone the next (assuming they even last a day haha). Maybe it's because 'I haven't met the right person' or maybe it's the ISTP-ness* of my personality, either way, long term feelings/commitment towards someone just isn't me.

Hope this helps, if you have specific questions I'm better at answering those.



*Say that out loud, if you're as immature as me, you'll get a kick out of it.
 

Oom

Your time is gonna come.
Joined
Mar 29, 2009
Messages
510
MBTI Type
IsfP
Enneagram
5w4
I'm exactly the same way with my girlfriend. It worries me a lot and I feel so bad for her. She needs better.

Now you've got me thinking that I'm an ISTP dammit!:steam:
 

StephMC

Controlled Mischief
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
1,044
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
LOL... when I first read that...my first reaction was... an ISTP would never mistake themselves as an F. But then I realized... it may be completely different for the guy ISTP than a female ISTP in this aspect (i.e.... in a very stereotypical sense... women are supposed to be sensitive, nurturing, etc, etc, and I'm usually described as "unfeeling."). But then I realized... although most people wouldn't describe me as "friendly", they -do- see me as considerate and respectful of others' beliefs/feelings/ideas (mostly Ts and SFs view me as this). Maybe that might be mistaken as more "sensitive" for a guy while more "cold" as a woman, when it's really an in-between (possibly..?)?

..anyways... to stop myself from digressing too much...I assess peoples' personality types by relating them to others' personality types I feel confident I know. For instance, I can't see my ISFP cousin being able to relate to that very well. And an SJ... well... I'm not so sure it's easy for them to admit continuously changing their mind. Every SJ I know would rather just settle for one decision, and while -very- capable of seeing others' points, would change their mind only through a proved experimentation or a valid point and/or logical process. Or at the very least, they're not as able to admit changing their mind as easily as it would be for an SP.

So yeah... Long story short, I would agree you're an ISTP :) (Even though I know other personality types are capable of that description... out of the three you thought you were, ISTP is definitely the most likely)

Now... to answer your question... I've struggled with that too. I've been criticized about it, and I've felt guilty about it on my own accord as well. I've come to realize... it all boils down to how you respond to certain personality temperaments. I've often thought I've struggled to see eye-to-eye with NFs. SJs I get along surprisingly well with... A particular ESTJ kept my interest by giving me the space I -requested- (as in... they will reciprocate on what you ask for, as hard as it is for ISTPs to "ask for things" from others) while giving me enough attention at the same time. SPs are awesome, but I think that would be a hard relationship to maintain with two somewhat impulsive partners. And NTs... well... I get along with them great as friends, but it's hard to maintain a relationship when you have polar interests (i.e., they may focus on a -LOT- of theory while it can be really taxing for me). I dated an INTP for 3 years...We were a lot a like, but would always focus on completely different things of a subject. For instance... As a math major, I liked it because I liked to solve problems. As an engineer, he liked math because he wanted to know all the possible meanings, possibilities, theories, etc. At the end of the day... it was exhausting... and sometimes boring. Sometimes I think for me personally, I'm meant to be with a fellow S... and right now I'm more inclined to think on an ESTJ as a good match up (I forget which MBTI expert thought the ideal match up was keeping the middle two letters the same while switching the first and last letters, but I think they're definitely onto something). Then again, that's based on the limited people I know, eh? ENs are very intriguing to me as well, but I'm not inclined to think it will be an "easy" long-term commitment.

Anyways.. just some thoughts... I know it didn't answer your question to-the-point, but maybe it'll give you some ideas :) Basically... don't feel that you're lacking because you don't act the way you're "supposed" to... just know that there may be someone completely different than you're used to that can capture and hold your interest, without you even having to put a huge amount of effort or thought into it! I swear... they exist!
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
I can definitely relate to this. For awhile I've been going in circles over my type - I will have these moments where I don't think I'm an ISTP at all. These moments are when my feeling is very active. I'm either really in the zone and relating to and understanding how others feel (Fe) or really paying attention and getting a grasp for how I feel (Fi) about things.

This seems so unusual to the typical "unfeeling" ISTPs here, so I start to wonder if maybe I'm an ISFP. But I always circle back around in that if I were Fi dominant, my feelings would be consistent.


I'm never insensitive in the sense that I don't care about your feelings, it's always out of ignorance. If I simply knew I could do something differently to make you feel better, and what effect that would have, then I would do it. But when people around me are feeling bad, and they don't tell me that they need or want something, and I stay my normal self, people perceive this as insensitive. I don't appreciate this AT ALL because I know this is not me. If you were to ever approach me and tell me that something I did or said, or didn't do or say, made you feel negatively, I would feel horribly and apologize sincerely. But when people misunderstand me, and create expectations for me that I don't feel capable of meeting, it makes me resentful, and I will push that person away.

Essentially, I want to love people and make them know I do, but I'm just never certain what to do to acheive that. It's like I can't read your mind and know what you want from me based on what you're feeling, so I don't do anything.

So this on this, I'm certain that I'm ISTP, because my Fe is quite inferior. What I know is even more inferior and weak than that is my Fi, in that only sometimes I can understand and communicate how I feel about something or someone, but during these times it's incredibly strong. But then when I'm out of this zone, which I realize is actually most of the time, I don't know how I feel about anything.

I've never been in a relationship before, but if I had a girlfriend, I'd be concerned about how easily my feelings change. It's not that the feeling itself changes, it's the intensity in which I experience that feeling. It's not that I quit loving someone, it's that I'm no longer experiencing an intense feeling of love that I was experiencing and communicating to you yesterday. It has to do with me living and experiencing things in the moment. If I feel intensely about something at that moment, I can realize it and communicate about it.


I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that

So what you said here is exactly how I explained it works for me. It's all about intensity of feeling - if it's intense we know what that feeling is and we can communicate and experience that feeling with others. When it's not, it's difficult to talk about it.

I'm not sure what you should do, but if anything, I think you should tell her you miss her, even if you aren't feeling that intensely at the moment.
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
I go through this -- I'll shock myself by not feeling loving feelings for my s.o. but that passes and then I know I'm in love with him again. I chock it up to moods.

well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

but once I read this:

"One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that :cry:

can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
I think it has to do with our personality of experiencing things best and to the fullest in the moment.

Which is why when we're in that moment with our loved ones, experiencing intense feelings and communicating those feelings by showing affection, they should be appreciative and understand there must be something special about this particular moment.

Then when in another moment and it's life as usual for me, and the feeling is no longer intense and I'm not in the mindset where I can whisper sweet nothings, instead of hating me for not loving you like I did yesterday, you can remember yesterday and know what the special times are like.
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
It's not that the feeling itself changes, it's the intensity in which I experience that feeling. It's not that I quit loving someone, it's that I'm no longer experiencing an intense feeling of love that I was experiencing and communicating to you yesterday. It has to do with me living and experiencing things in the moment. If I feel intensely about something at that moment, I can realize it and communicate about it.

this is what I'm concerned about. I don't want that at all!

like honestly, I just got back from a trip out of town and didn't see my girlfriend for a few days, and I was feeling really distant and when I called her it felt like I was talking to a stranger. and now I'm home, and I hear her voice and my feelings for her came back full blast and the distant feeling was gone. then a few minutes after she hung up, the feeling went to mediocre.

Which is why when we're in that moment with our loved ones, experiencing intense feelings and communicating those feelings by showing affection, they should be appreciative and understand there must be something special about this particular moment.

Then when in another moment and it's life as usual for me, and the feeling is no longer intense and I'm not in the mindset where I can whisper sweet nothings, instead of hating me for not loving you like I did yesterday, you can remember yesterday and know what the special times are like.

see, that just sounds really awful to me. what if those feelings lose their intensity long enough for me to not want to be with her anymore? I really want to be with her for a long time and I'm horrified that this mindset won't allow it :cry:
 

rooo

New member
Joined
Apr 12, 2009
Messages
30
MBTI Type
isfp
My boyfriend is an ISTP. Then again, he is 10 years older, so has had time to "settle down". It amazes me the depth of feeling he has continued to have all this time. And I find it is extremely genuine, something I think you would be more likely to find in Sensors than Intuitives because it is so simple and matter of fact. Perhaps you haven't met the right person.
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
My boyfriend is an ISTP. Then again, he is 10 years older, so has had time to "settle down". It amazes me the depth of feeling he has continued to have all this time. And I find it is extremely genuine. Perhaps you haven't met the right person.

trust me, I have. I think I just have some growing up to do. :) (apparently it goes away with age)

btw, my girlfriend is ENFP if that helps anyone answer my question.
 

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

I don't think it's a personality thing so much as she is just not the one for you, dude. I've experienced the same thing before. Break it off.
 

Bamboo

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
2,689
MBTI Type
XXFP
OK, I might not be the most emotionally attached guy, but are people really supposed to go around feeling some sort of strong emotional bond ALL the time? Where's your limit?

(Says the guy who doesn't bond with anyone, but still a valid question.)

And regarding the OP on how to "keep feelings."

[YOUTUBE="rsSUMNCkLek"]Hold on Loosely[/YOUTUBE]

Just hold on loosely, but don't let go
If you cling to tightly, you're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in

It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much

Don't let her slip away
Sentimental fool
Don't let your heart get in her way
yeah, yeah, yeah

You see it all around you
Good lovin gone bad
And usually it's too late when you realize what you had

So hold on loosely, but don't let go
If you cling to tightly, you're gonna lose control
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
Funny, you describe your feelings best through song. :)


I'd have to agree with you. When I was younger, not too long ago, I felt like I bonded with no one. Now I long for bonds, but I'm very picky about those bonds because they have to be deep.


I'm sticking with what I said before. For me, it's not about how you feel ALL the time, as I can't feel the same all the time, with regards to intensity of feeling. Feelings have to be intense for them to come to the surface to surpass and overwhelm the rational mind. It's about how you feel in the moment, when that moment is just right. If it's so intense you lose your way with words trying to describe it, and move on to touching loving affection, then it's just right :D
 

warm8

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Messages
98
MBTI Type
ESFP
for the record dudes everything is better now, I was just sort of taking her for granted :\
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Cool. Glad I could help.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
With us its the little things that are needed to keep the feeling going. Its things that make you think about what caused the feeling. This is how you string us along, but it has to actually tie to a positive feeling inside. This keeps the feeling going. I have experienced the not knowing how I feel and feeling lost. I have also had a feeling that just disappears and honestly dont know what happened to it. I use songs as a way to express myself, my wants, my desires, my dreams. Its a combination of the exprersion in the voice and words, the words dont have to be complicated because you can sense the feeling in the voice. I cant do youtube at work, but when you feel beat down about a relationship Gary Allen - Life aint always beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way


But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride
 
Top