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[SP] An SP in a house full of Ns.

rhinosaur

Just a statistic
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,464
MBTI Type
INTP
"Dude, I post on this internet forum dedicated to a moderately useless and totally esoteric topic in psychology. We were talking about you, and somebody said you were lame."
 

rhinosaur

Just a statistic
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,464
MBTI Type
INTP
It is...? I can't think of a type that is less controlling, as a whole. Except in some reversal of being controlled, because we are also the type that probably hates being controlled the most.

Yes, I can't really think of many instances where I've tried to control someone else. I can think of several examples where I've gotten annoyed, upset, or outright mad at someone for trying to force me (or a loved one) to do something that they didn't want to do.

Maybe this guy just needs a hug.

I want a hug too.
 

Hendo Barbarosa

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
197
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I'm pretty sure if it were as simple as a hug, Tiny would've already solved the problem by now instead of making the thread at all
 

ptgatsby

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,476
MBTI Type
ISTP
Yes, I can't really think of many instances where I've tried to control someone else. I can think of several examples where I've gotten annoyed, upset, or outright mad at someone for trying to force me (or a loved one) to do something that they didn't want to do.

Heh, that sounds very much in line with the personality. We are distant and removed, for the most part, not close and involved. Especially with people.

I still couldn't identify the main problem from the OP to here, to be honest, so I have no comment in general... but the controlling part seems way off from what I've read.


Maybe this guy just needs a hug.

I want a hug too.

It always makes him sound like he's broken.

But hugs do help, heh.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yes, I can't really think of many instances where I've tried to control someone else. I can think of several examples where I've gotten annoyed, upset, or outright mad at someone for trying to force me (or a loved one) to do something that they didn't want to do.

Maybe this guy just needs a hug.

I want a hug too.

Yes, even an ISTP can become controlling, judgemental, and hurt those we love. trust me.
 

Brouhaha

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
43
MBTI Type
ISTP
"Dude, I post on this internet forum dedicated to a moderately useless and totally esoteric topic in psychology. We were talking about you, and somebody said you were lame."

Yeah, that'll do.:laugh:
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
It is...? I can't think of a type that is less controlling, as a whole. Except in some reversal of being controlled, because we are also the type that probably hates being controlled the most.

Sorry, I didn't quote everything I replied to and worded my response poorly. I wasn't trying to say that the preference to control was in spec, but rather it's not unheard of that a male ISTP may have preferences on how his girl dresses/looks.

I agree that healthy ISTPs are some of the least controlling people out there.
 

ptgatsby

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,476
MBTI Type
ISTP
Sorry, I didn't quote everything I replied to and worded my response poorly. I wasn't trying to say that the preference to control was in spec, but rather it's not unheard of that a male ISTP may have preferences on how his girl dresses/looks.

Oh yes, that I can agree with... we certainly can have preferences, and we can verbalize them in a more direct way. We don't always communicate it well either, so I can see how other types might see this as controlling. The strange thing about it is that it is more 'blackmailing', as a result of being so independent - don't do what we like, and we tend to withdraw and stay away.

And of course, all types have their own coping mechanisms. As mentioned above, ISTPs can absolutely be controlling in very negative ways, just like all types can.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
So it's 3 of you roommates against the 2 others?

Jeez...who'd wanna live like that? Too much drama.

I say move, ask them to move, or learn how to ignore them.
 

Tiny Army

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
EN?P
Enneagram
7
See, I don't see disharmony as something to get away from but as a challenge. When faced with a disharmonious situation my way of coping is trying to understand why there is disharmony and making sure that I am at least doing my part to be as accommodating as I can where I need to be. I would feel uncomfortable abandoning a situation before I feel like I've done my best to improve it.
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
See, I don't see disharmony as something to get away from but as a challenge. When faced with a disharmonious situation my way of coping is trying to understand why there is disharmony and making sure that I am at least doing my part to be as accommodating as I can where I need to be. I would feel uncomfortable abandoning a situation before I feel like I've done my best to improve it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the above is a clear demonstration of the difference between NFs and SFPs. I will make an attempt to remedy "disharmony", but my "Screw you guys, I'm leaving" function kicks in MUCH faster. ;)
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
See, I don't see disharmony as something to get away from but as a challenge. When faced with a disharmonious situation my way of coping is trying to understand why there is disharmony and making sure that I am at least doing my part to be as accommodating as I can where I need to be. I would feel uncomfortable abandoning a situation before I feel like I've done my best to improve it.


You have already done your part. As they say, "It takes two to tango", or in your case, three. I don't think your roommate and her boyfriend are making the same effort, and you have your other two roommates, who also dislike the couple, which does not help matters. I'm not necessarily saying that you have to run away from it either, there's always ignoring, but it is pointless to live in distress. Life is short.
 

Tiny Army

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
EN?P
Enneagram
7
I have always envied ISFJs and how decisive you are about your emotions. I often find myself sticking with a bad situation just because it's really difficult for me to admit defeat. If I can envision the best possible outcome, having to admit that the situation is not going to turn out as I imagined is SO HARD! It usually turns into self loathing because I feel that the situation being bad is my fault because I didn't try hard enough to improve it.

I don't mean to derail this thread further but I'd love to hear more about how sensing types would deal with a disharmonious living situation. Does any of the above paragraph make sense or is it just me beating myself up with Fi?
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yes, it makes sense and yes you are beating yourself up unnecessarily. It's very sweet that you even want to create harmony between everyone. I appreciate that. The world needs people like you. The world would collapse without people like you. I think you should just be yourself around those two and be proud of who/what you are no matter how they are acting and don't expect too much from them and that way you won't be disappointed. If they get better, then let it be a pleasant surprise. :)
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I have always envied ISFJs and how decisive you are about your emotions. I often find myself sticking with a bad situation just because it's really difficult for me to admit defeat. If I can envision the best possible outcome, having to admit that the situation is not going to turn out as I imagined is SO HARD! It usually turns into self loathing because I feel that the situation being bad is my fault because I didn't try hard enough to improve it.

I don't mean to derail this thread further but I'd love to hear more about how sensing types would deal with a disharmonious living situation. Does any of the above paragraph make sense or is it just me beating myself up with Fi?

OK, here's a curveball. I am way guilty of two commoon ESTP traits in relationships: (1) Delivering Ultimatums, and (2) Making Decisions Immediately Once My Analysis on the Matter is Complete. There is a twist to #2 though. When you are single and have no children, you are more free to act immediately and move on if you feel the situation is not right for you.

Once you are married and/or have kids, the path you must travel before knowing in your heart that something will/will not work gets longer, if you are truly going to end it and have no regrets. This is especially true if no classic "zero tolerance" events (e.g. physical abuse, emotional abuse, extreme drug abuse/alcoholism, etc.) have occurred. Many relationships fail simply due to incompatibility, and some people have a more difficult time dealing with that than others. Just my .02.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
F***ing hugs!! Lead to hand-holding and babies! No hugging in here!
 

MissMurder

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2008
Messages
177
MBTI Type
eSTP
I suppose I would've surmised that the need or drive to create efficiency is evidence of a J, but I haven't done an amazing amount of thought on it.

ISTPs crave efficiency, and are more than willing to analyze current systems in place for ways to increase efficiency. An SJ will work for the sake of working (God bless them, I envy this a lot), but an SP needs to know that they're getting the maximum impact for the time spent.

Based on what you said about this ENTJ, seems likely she's got someone that she deserves.

Exactly. Good point. Since your roommate is a two-faced bitch, can you really blame her boyfriend for expecting her to at least shave every once in a while? The makeup isn't exactly unreasonable either. I seriously doubt he loves her sweet spirit (lol!), so their relationship is probably just about sex. The girl therefore should be something he's willing to tap, otherwise, what's the point?
 

MrME

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
383
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Funny, I'm an N living in a house full of SPs.

I confuse the hell out of them.
 
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