[ISTP] ISTPs need relationships too!

[StephMC]

As a 23-year-old ISTP woman, relationships aren't something I seek out. I actually feel very strongly about my freedom, and steer clear of commitment. However, short flings aren't quite in my nature either. For the past few years, instead of having a constant string of flings, I focused my attention to 2 or 3 individuals, whom I consider friends first and foremost. I like having a connection to people I'm involved with, and thus why I steer clear of flings.

Two particular interesting relationships I've had with people are with an ESTJ and an ENFP.

The ESTJ was older than me, and very settled. He's still in my life, and although I avoid the "what are we" topic, I've been more committed to him than anyone else in the recent years. He's very easy to talk to, and I have to say it's refreshing to have a conversation with someone that thinks and sees the world like you do. I admire how he has his responsibilities in order and is willing to spend a lot of time and attention on me (even if I don't always want that attention). If I -were- wanting to commit, he's the kind of stability I'd want. However... Although he has his fun, outgoing moments, I'm worried that we'd fall into routine.

As for the ENFP, he's been one of the individuals I've kept in my life under a sort of mutual relationship. We care about each other, but as we're both young, we would prefer no commitment and rather focus on having a meaningful friendship with each other. We don't always get each other due to our huge differences, but the time we spend together is always fun and spontaneous. In fact, I find him mysterious at times, and I've always been on a mission to figure him out. I often find myself thinking that his actions don't always match up with his word, which is frustrating for me as an ISTP. However, I deeply admire how talented and inspirational he is. If we could understand each other a little better and agree on a few more things, that would be my ideal match up.

If I were to want to commit, I'd think my ideal was a combination of the two (ESTJ, ENFP). I know for sure I can't handle ENTJs (Too opinionated and critical for my taste), but maybe an ENFJ. ESFJ or ESFP may be some other options.

 

[BlackCat]

I wouldn't have any problem getting serious with an ISTP woman, the problem is finding one and the both of us being interested. I don't see what's bad, I get along very well with IXTX people in general.

 

[Pancreas]

Living with an ISTP for ten years teaches you how not to cry. You become tough and brittle and eventually your soul gets sucked doen to thier level. empty and hollow. You dont cry you dont back down, you just stay tough.

Empty and hollow? But I thought ISTPs didn't have souls at all.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Today the ISTP shows up to pick up the children and take them to school.

Me-ENFP: Hey can you watch the kids thursday night?
Him-ISTP: No, I have friends in town, I mean I dont want them here but they are in town.
ENFP: When did you tell me they were coming?
ISTP: I Told you last week (he didn't)
ENFP: Okayt what about Tuesday night?
ISTP: No, they are here then too, I dont have space for everyone to sleep over. (when the baby sleeps with him anyways.

ISTP: Why, what's so important that you HAVE to have me watch the kids?
ENFP: I wanted to go to enchanted rock and watch the stars

Asideenchanted rock is a granite dome about 400 feet tall that is in a state park outside of austin. It is far away from the city so I might be able to see nebulas and maybe even galaxies, as well as figure out what the bright shiny thing under the moon is.)

ISTP: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You want me to watch the kids so you can go stare at the stars? You travel all the time and you need me to watch the kids so you can go star gaze? When I have people coming over?

ENFP: I am going to work now.

I just wanted to cry.

What aspect of this made you want to cry? Was it him getting mad and yelling? His belittling your desire to watch the stars? Your needing his help with the kids to allow you to do something you enjoy?

 

[Domino]

Maybe it was his use of the f-word. A bar of soap'll cure that. (No bath loofahs, though... they tend to taste like fruity bath gels, and we don't want him enjoying a minute of it.)

 

[Poki]

Maybe it was his use of the f-word. A bar of soap'll cure that. (No bath loofahs, though... they tend to taste like fruity bath gels, and we don't want him enjoying a minute of it.)

If he is ISTP the smell will drive him nuts as well. mmmmm.... fruity smelling women, lets end it there

 

[Domino]

If he is ISTP the smell will drive him nuts as well. mmmmm.... fruity smelling women, lets end it there

ISTP: [thoughtfully, through a mouthful of loofah] Darling! You taste like a delightful fusion of mango, spearmint, ugli fruit and pomegranate, with subtle notes of lavender and peat moss! C'mere, you!!

lol

 

[Poki]

ISTP: [thoughtfully, through a mouthful of loofah] Darling! You taste like a delightful fusion of mango, spearmint, ugli fruit and pomegranate, with subtle notes of lavender and peat moss! C'mere, you!!

lol

Kinda off topic, but what is an ugli fruit? It is in one of my sons mickey mouse books and we both crack up laughing everytime we get to that section.

 

[Domino]

Kinda off topic, but what is an ugli fruit? It is in one of my sons mickey mouse books and we both crack up laughing everytime we get to that section.

I believe it's a Jamaican hybrid fruit of a mandarin orange and pomelo. The very sight of them intimidates me. lol Even more than furry kiwis.

 

[Poki]

I believe it's a Jamaican hybrid fruit of a mandarin orange and pomelo. The very sight of them intimidates me. lol Even more than furry kiwis.

mmmm......kiwis

Your making me hungry

 

[Domino]

You'll have to surrender the loofah first, mister.

 

[Poki]

You'll have to surrender the loofah first, mister.

thought of smelly good women or food

i dont know I am so confused!!!!!!!

 

[Domino]

thought of smelly good women or food

i dont know I am so confused!!!!!!!

Tell your Fe to be quiet and go sit in a corner like a good boy.

Food is always the first choice. Then you can get nice and strong to chase the lady around. See?

My logic is smoking hot! (Or just burning up it's power cord... *sniff* insulation... )

 

[Grayscale]

thought of smelly good women or food

i dont know I am so confused!!!!!!!

poki, there is an amazing phenomena that i must share with you:

some women actually produce food and will give it to you. i havent figured out where it comes from or why they have made it a personal vendetta to fatten me up, but ive seen it many times while visiting relatives and i can assure you it's real.

 

[phoenity]

Today the ISTP shows up to pick up the children and take them to school.

Me-ENFP: Hey can you watch the kids thursday night?
Him-ISTP: No, I have friends in town, I mean I dont want them here but they are in town.
ENFP: When did you tell me they were coming?
ISTP: I Told you last week (he didn't)
ENFP: Okayt what about Tuesday night?
ISTP: No, they are here then too, I dont have space for everyone to sleep over. (when the baby sleeps with him anyways.

ISTP: Why, what's so important that you HAVE to have me watch the kids?
ENFP: I wanted to go to enchanted rock and watch the stars

Asideenchanted rock is a granite dome about 400 feet tall that is in a state park outside of austin. It is far away from the city so I might be able to see nebulas and maybe even galaxies, as well as figure out what the bright shiny thing under the moon is.)

ISTP: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You want me to watch the kids so you can go stare at the stars? You travel all the time and you need me to watch the kids so you can go star gaze? When I have people coming over?

ENFP: I am going to work now.

I just wanted to cry.

Around strangers, I can seem like an insensitive bastard, but most of the time I'm oblivious and don't mean to hurt anyone.

Then there the people I'm close enough to understand what makes them tick. When I was younger and way more of a selfish bastard than I am today, if I didn't get my way, I knew exactly where to stick the knife to make it hurt the worst. Unfortunately, my INFP mother was the usually the victim. I absolutely hate that I used to be that way, and I don't even understand why.

Your ex obviously knows you well enough to know how to hurt you in the same way. You've adapted by trying to turn off your feelings in order to shield yourself from his attacks.

Instead of "turning yourself off", realize that you are a wonderful person and simply do not allow his knife to penetrate. Be strong and tough, but only on the outside. Your revenge, regardless of what he says or does, is simply to keep being a happy puppy.


Oh and star gazing is awesome. This past summer I spent the night on top of a mountain and gazed. I never saw a shooting star until that night. The picture in my avatar is the sunrise the following morning.

 

[Mitzy]

In certain respects I did feel stifled by my ISTP ex, my feelings were always devalued, my ideas and beliefs, (or many of them, at least) were always irrational.

If he didn't get something, it often meant it didn't exist, if that makes sense, and he didn't get a lot of things about me and they way I perceived things.

i can relate to this as well. the guy im with always has his mind made up! he never even wants to hear me out or look at the different sides, explainations, or aspects of any situation. his mind is so stoned set. "its this and this and i dont care what you or anyoene else says because thats the way it is because i says it is it".hahaha
it doesnt really bother me because im too laid back to care and i know i'll talk myself in anyhow. i just think its funny how close minded he can be. its somewhat amusing sometimes, actually. however, it starts being a problem when he continues to do that because i hate close mindedness... that makes people look ignorant to me. its okay not to agree, but the whole point is that you see the reasoning in the opinions and thoughts which are different than yours. i dont understand his incapability to think and say 'yeah, that could be right too'.


besides that, everything is alright so far. he always goes the extra mile to "take care of me" and be the responsible, steady, realistic one which is fine by me because lord knows i lack all of that. he doesnt ask much of me but he does make me 'do stuff' that benefits me which is angering sometimes because i hate being told what to do but i know i need it so i let him. us entps are rather lazy so its good to have someone kick my butt into gear. we do argue but its fun and he eventually gives in anyway. he is kind of routine also but its fun to watch him squirm and challenge him to do or act otherwise.

 

[Giggly]

I love ISTPs! All these things that have been mentioned as possible flaws just make me

 

[kendoiwan]

I love ISTPs! All these things that have been mentioned as possible flaws just make me

Have we met?

 

[janey_girl]

Interesting stuff....

I think ISTPs do need relationships - but very much on their terms... I think if you want to be with them you need to appreciate their hobbies as being incredibly important. I know my ISTP loves his motorcycle - he's encouraging me to join him and I kinda know if I don't step into this important part of his world then long term there will be friction... I love the fact that he needs his own space, I need to recharge my head space and although there are times I NEED to see him when he doesn't want to I do know that we will see each other again, it's not forever - and the times either one of us has invaded that space there have been resentment issues....

We have the spark needed for a relationship and there is a connection there and we have bandied about the "L" word (him first). The other day he said he wasn't sure it was love though - he knows he cares deeply and thinks about me a lot and hasn't felt this way before but feels the whole "love" and being "together forever" isn't really him... The relationship is a little "strange" although our differences seem to work - we "need" each other and when we are together everything makes sense - but I think it is the intrigue of our very different types that works in our favour... Longer term I doubt we'll work as there is no true substance there - but there is an "etheral" type quality I don't want to lose - strange I know....

 

[phoenity]

Interesting stuff....

I think ISTPs do need relationships - but very much on their terms... I think if you want to be with them you need to appreciate their hobbies as being incredibly important.

Wow, that sounds incredibly selfish when you put it that way, but ultimately I can't deny that it's true. Doing the things I love will always come first...hmm...maybe that's why I've not really had a serious relationship yet?

I know my ISTP loves his motorcycle - he's encouraging me to join him and I kinda know if I don't step into this important part of his world then long term there will be friction...

I love my bicycle. I frequently fantasize about her beautiful curves and my next opportunity to get her between my hips and pump away.

Sometimes I think I would love for my partner to be into cycling, but then at the same time I don't. It's one of the things I do to get away from everything and everyone else in the world, and if I couldn't use it as an escape there could potentially be some issues.

Mostly, I think it's just him wanting to show you what he loves and for you to experience it the way he does. You don't have to love it, but he wants to show you his world. I'd say it's his way of opening up and letting you in.

And who knows...motorcycling may not be your thing. Ultimately, what I think is important, for me at least, is that there is some kind of activity that both my partner and I enjoy doing together.

I love the fact that he needs his own space, I need to recharge my head space and although there are times I NEED to see him when he doesn't want to I do know that we will see each other again, it's not forever - and the times either one of us has invaded that space there have been resentment issues....

Is he aware of your need to see him? I'm only used to being receptive to my own needs because I can identify them. However, were I in a relationship I would want to be as receptive as possible to my partners' needs, because isn't that the point? But I can't do that if I don't know what they are...

Then again maybe you guys aren't that serious yet.

We have the spark needed for a relationship and there is a connection there and we have bandied about the "L" word (him first). The other day he said he wasn't sure it was love though - he knows he cares deeply and thinks about me a lot and hasn't felt this way before but feels the whole "love" and being "together forever" isn't really him... The relationship is a little "strange" although our differences seem to work - we "need" each other and when we are together everything makes sense - but I think it is the intrigue of our very different types that works in our favour... Longer term I doubt we'll work as there is no true substance there - but there is an "etheral" type quality I don't want to lose - strange I know....

He's not thinking longer term because that's not what he does. He only vaguely knows how he feels right now, that he enjoys the feeling of being with you. But he doesn't yet know what that means, or what the future might make of it. If it's substance you need to find, it'll come along. So just keep enjoying each other for now